1. Help them get out of their comfort zone.

Adolescence is supposed to be a time of exploration, according to Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan. “Young people do not usually develop a specific purpose and then go become an expert in that thing,” Cook-Deegan says. “Rather, they are exposed to something new that helps them develop their own sense of purpose. In short, in most cases experiences lead to developing purpose, not the other way around.” That means the more new experiences your teen has, the better. Cook-Deegan suggests wilderness programs, travel abroad and service-learning experiences for teens, but even everyday adventures and challenges can spark a new perspective. Think about how you can make trying new things fun for the whole family and support your teen in going for big goals. Each exploration will teach them more about who they are and how they can contribute.

2. Support them in standing up for themselves.

Last year, eleven-year-old Riley realized that her female friends were getting written up for dress code violations way more often than boys, and that made her mad. She talked to her mom Laurel and a supportive teacher, and they came up with a plan for Riley and her friends to write their recommendations for a fairer dress code and present them to the principal. “They made the point that girls shouldn’t have to feel shame about their bodies and got some changes made to a long-outdated dress code,” Laurel says proudly. “Now Riley feels powerful; she knows her voice counts and if something doesn’t sit well with her, she can speak up to change it.” If something is bothering your teen, it’s likely impacting others, too. Instead of getting stuck in frustration, they can use their perspective to promote positive change for everyone involved.

3. Take action together.

We all want to protect kids from life’s harsh realities, but teens are well-aware of the challenges – from climate change to gun violence – affecting their generation. A more empowering approach is to talk openly with your teen about issues they feel anxious about and find a way to take action together. Ask your teen for their opinion on current events and follow up with thoughtful questions. Be careful not to impose your own views or minimize theirs. Conversations like these help teens realize that their perspectives matter: a big first step in feeling like they can make a difference. If they are interested in a particular issue, find ways to get involved together, like attending a march, writing letters or volunteering for a cause or campaign. Great questions to ask: What do you think would make a difference here? How can I support you in taking action? Could we do something about this together? 

4. Elevate empathy.

Some of the most heroic teens are those who quietly spread empathy wherever they go: inviting the new kid to eat lunch with them, carrying groceries for an elderly neighbor, or offering a listening ear when friends are having a hard time. In the current epidemic of loneliness and mental health challenges, being kind and compassionate is one of the most powerful ways to make a difference in the lives of others. Remind your teen that these small acts of kindness may literally be life-saving, and they’re helping to build a culture of compassion in their schools and communities. By the way, research shows this prosocial behavior produces exponential benefits for both givers and receivers. It reduces stress, increases feelings of gratitude and belonging, and boosts overall mental health: a win-win for everyone.

1. Problem-solving Skills

How do you read a subway map? Communicate in a language you’ve only practiced on Duolingo? Do laundry while backpacking? By exposing teens to unfamiliar situations, travel stretches their cognitive flexibility. The right kind of travel provides some support and supervision – like an itinerary and a local host – but also gives teens independence to explore and figure a few things out for themselves. Troubleshooting and navigating unfamiliar circumstances builds confidence and creativity. Lots of parents report that teens return from trips suddenly seeming more mature, responsible and capable: definitely a win-win.

2. Executive Functioning Skills

During the teen years, the brain undergoes explosive growth in the executive neural network. The skills governed by this area include planning, organization, time management, focus, and self-regulation of emotions and impulses. While teens vary in the pace of development, carefully tailored travel experiences can boost these critical skills. If your teen wants to travel, take advantage of their motivation and involve them in planning the trip. Decide on tasks they can be responsible for, like creating a packing list or day trip itinerary. Fundraising and saving money for a trip also develops their executive functioning skills.

3. Resilience & Self-Confidence

According to Merriam-Webster, resilience is an ability to recover from or adjust easily to change. Researchers at the University of Melbourne say that teen resilience comes from a combination of social skills, optimism, purpose, an attachment to family and learning, problem-solving and coping skills, and a positive self-image. Travel allows teens to uplevel each of these skill sets as they learn to adapt to change. To help your teen cultivate resilience, plan a trip that keeps them safe but takes them a little out of their comfort zone. Encourage them to stretch themselves and take on slightly scary experiences, even if it’s just a week without Wi-Fi. After a little discomfort, they’ll quickly discover just how much they are capable of.

4. Empathy & Cultural Awareness

Travel opens up the world, exposing teens to worldviews and ways of life that are different from the ones they grew up in. When traveling, teens from privileged backgrounds may feel more gratitude for their blessings, and teens with a background of struggle can reach beyond their everyday reality. Meaningful interactions with people who experience the world differently build empathy and give teens first-hand appreciation for diversity. Look for trips that emphasize relationship-building and volunteering, like service-learning projects or cultural exchange programs, and make sure your teen has time to spend time with locals in addition to seeing the sights.

5. Purpose

According to Anthony L. Burrow of Cornell University, “purpose is a forward-looking directionality, an intention to do something in the world.” It’s a major predictor of long-term health and happiness for teens. “We are confronted with the ups and downs of life, but purpose is an active ingredient that helps us stay stable,” says Burrow. Travel helps teens develop a sense of purpose by sparking their curiosity and passion and showing them how they can make a difference. Transformative travel experiences often provide direction and shape teens’ lives in profound ways. To help your teen find a sense of purpose in travel, make sure their trip allows them to explore something meaningful, like their heritage, a career they’re interested in, or a cause they’re passionate about. And when they get back home, support them in taking what they’ve learned to the next level.

1. Start by just listening.

When your teen comes to you with a problem, Damour says it’s best to “start by assuming that they aren’t inviting suggestions, or at least are not inviting them yet.” Teens, like adults, often want someone to just listen while they talk through whatever is on their minds. Talking about a problem helps them organize their thoughts and process their emotions. If you jump in with advice too soon, teens may feel like you’re not listening and respond by getting angry or shutting down. Practice being your teen’s sounding board. Try listening a little longer than usual, and ask questions like, “Is there anything else you need to get off your chest?” You can also ask your teen to clarify what they need from you: “Is this a time when you need me to just listen, or do you want my help?”

2. Next, express empathy.

Parents feel a lot of pressure to have all the answers, but – spoiler alert – teens already know their parents aren’t perfect. When they come to you with a problem, they’re often seeking empathy instead of a solution. Empathizing lets teens know their feelings matter to you. Skipping the empathy and going straight to advice can leave them feeling alone, misunderstood, and likely to close down the conversation. Remember that developmentally, teens are experiencing lots of unfamiliar, intense emotions, and expressions of empathy can help them make sense of the uncertainty. Simple statements like, “That sounds really hard,” or “I completely understand why that upset you,” validate your teen’s feelings and let them know they have your unconditional support.

3. Ask what you can do to help.

If it feels like your teen’s brain is on autopilot to reject your advice, that’s because, well, it is. The process of individuation means teens are constantly, often subconsciously, testing the boundaries between themselves and their parents. Even your most well-intentioned and reasonable advice may sound – to them – like you’re telling them what to do, and they may reject it just to prove a point. A simple workaround is to respond with questions instead of statements – especially, “What can I do to help?” “Sometimes the best you can do is ask, ‘What can I do?’” says parenting blogger Edie Meade. “Your child may not know any more than you. They may not think they need your help. But in asking the question, a parent is extending their hand… In lieu of certainty, you offer support, sensitivity, and love.”

4. Finally, provide ideas and options.

The way you deliver advice has a big impact on your teen’s willingness to receive it. Think about how you can provide them with the tools to solve their own problems or be a partner in problem-solving, rather than trying to solve problems for them. Saying “You should ask your teacher if you can retake the test,” will cause teens to tune out faster than asking, “What do you think your teacher would say if you asked to retake the test?” You can also ask if they’d like your help brainstorming solutions, coming up with a list of pros and cons, or talking through potential outcomes. Or try the phrase, “I have an idea about that if you’d like to hear it.” Each of these responses demonstrates that you trust your teen, value their feelings and independence, and are there for support. When teens know you’re confident that they can solve their own problems, they’ll be more willing to listen to what you have to say. With the right approach, you can become your teen’s trusted confidant and guide them towards making wise choices for themselves.

1. Upgrade your own conversations.

Your teen will follow your lead, so set a good example of active listening, practicing empathy, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and asking thoughtful questions. It’s not just how you interact with them that matters– they’re also paying attention to how you talk to family, friends and complete strangers. Think about one or two small ways you could make conversations feel more meaningful to you. Is eye contact important? Authenticity? Finding common ground? Slowing down and really listening? Try a few small, intentional upgrades in your own interactions, and notice how your teen’s conversation skills grow, too.

2. Make daily check-ins a ritual.

Asking “How was your day?” is likely to get the same rote response: “Fine.” But with a little effort, daily check-ins can spark deeper connection between you and your tween or teen. Vashti is a mom of three who stumbled onto an easy afternoon ritual: after school, she makes tea for any of her teens who are home and they sit at the kitchen table and chat. She says, “The tea makes it feel special. It’s simple, but it makes us all slow down. The kids say they want a cup of tea, but I know it’s more about being together.” Rose, Bud, Thorn is another activity to encourage connection: each person shares a rose (something positive), a bud (something they’re looking forward to), and a thorn (something they need support for or feel stuck with). Or keep a deck of conversation cards in the glove box or on the dinner table to make it easy to ask more interesting questions each time you’re together.

3. Focus on the positive.

We feel safe talking to close family and friends, so that’s when we’re more likely to vent, complain or gossip. While that can feel good in the short-term, negative talk easily becomes a habit that’s hard to break. Teens need to know that it’s ok to talk about hard things and painful emotions, but it’s not helpful to get stuck in negativity. A truly meaningful conversation will help teens become more self-aware and capable of self-regulation and solving problems. Notice if conversations with your teen tend to get gloomy and practice steering them back towards silver linings, lessons learned, challenges overcome and opportunities to take meaningful action or be grateful. Listen and offer support, then empower them to find a positive perspective.

4. Build confidence with diverse connections.

Relationships shape their sense of self, so teens with more diverse connections will naturally become more self-assured communicators. If they’re only interacting with close family members and peers, they’ll be less confident when talking to anyone outside their comfort zone. Help your teen form relationships with people who come from different generations, backgrounds and perspectives. Look for extracurricular activities, service opportunities, internships or after-school jobs that encourage interaction with others and provide safety and structure. Even introverts benefit from making more varied connections; just keep the focus on relationship quality over quantity.

5. Spend quality time with them.

As teens get older, busier and more independent, shared experiences are the glue that keeps your connection close. Scheduling quality time with your teen may be a challenge, but even a little time together helps fuel your relationship. Think of your time together as an opportunity to continue (or start) traditions and make lifelong memories. Try setting aside one evening a week or one weekend day a month just for you and your teen to connect. Aim to mix activities that you both already enjoy with new ones that are a little out-of-the-box. Volunteer for a cause your teen cares about, take turns designing a “perfect” day, or do something you’ve never tried before, like going to a rage room or an improv class. Bonding over new experiences builds connection and trust and gives you and your teen tons to talk about, now and in the years to come.

1. Lead with empathy.

Sometimes teenage disappointments seem small from the perspective of a parent, and sometimes we see their mistakes coming from a mile away. But if parents dismiss or minimize teens’ feelings, they’re likely to internalize emotions instead of talking to you when things are hard. No matter what your teen is going through or how you feel about it, lead with empathy. If it’s hard not to say, “I told you so,” remind yourself that your teen doesn\’t have as much life experience as you do. Ask yourself how you would feel if you were their age and in their shoes, acknowledge their feelings, and express love and concern.

2. Hold space for their feelings. 

Disappointments often bring an incredibly complex mix of emotions. Let’s say your teen tries out for a team but doesn’t make the cut. Their disappointment may include shame about their performance, grief from losing hope for a goal they cared about, and fear about how not being on the team will affect their friendships with those who did make it. Your teen may not want or be able to articulate all those aspects, but you can still hold space for them to work through whatever they are feeling and let them know you understand that their disappointment has lots of layers.

3. Ask them what kind of support they need. 

Some teens need space to process their emotions while others want to talk it out. Some want downtime and others prefer to stay busy. Sometimes a parent’s perspective is welcome, and other times a warm hug without words might be best. Empower your teen by asking how you can best provide support. A simple, “What can I do that would make you feel most supported right now?” helps teens think about and speak up for their own needs: a powerful first step in healing their hurt feelings.

4. Affirm their worth and abilities.

Disappointments almost always involve some kind of perceived failure. They can cause teens’ self-esteem to take a hit and scramble their sense of identity: If that didn’t work out, what does it mean about who I am? It may seem obvious to you, but teens sometimes need reminders that their worth is not based on their achievements, popularity, or any external factor. Disappointments also provide an opportunity to tell them all the things you and others appreciate about them, strengthening your teen’s evolving identity. Your unconditional love provides a template for teens knowing how to love themselves even when things fall short of their expectations.

5. Give them a comprehensive coping toolkit. 

Disappointed teens can get drawn into spirals of negative thinking, and negative thoughts feed negative emotions. When they can’t break that cycle, they may be more vulnerable to depression, anxiety and self-criticism. Prepare your teen with tools like affirmations, self-compassion, and these stress strategies. Whenever they’re stuck in negativity, your teen can try techniques from mindful breathing to positive self-talk to practicing self-acceptance. This builds self-efficacy and lets teens know they are capable of self-care.

6. Help them use setbacks to fuel growth. 

It’s never fun to encounter disappointment, but hard things help us grow more than times when everything goes our way. Give your teen the gift of a growth mindset by sharing stories of your own setbacks and mistakes, what you learned, and how you moved forward. Praise them for persistence, effort, bravery and resilience. As Winston Churchill famously said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Disappointments give teens an opportunity to get clear about their values and identity, refocus their energy, and aim for goals that make their lives meaningful.

1. Understand intuition and talk about it with your teen. 

Research shows that intuitive thinking is automatic and subconscious, drawing from past experiences, emotions, and bodily sensations. Analytical or logical thinking is slower and more conscious. Both ways of thinking are important, but we tend to overestimate logic and downplay intuition. Talking to your teen about intuition helps them develop awareness of their deeper emotions, sensations, and instincts. Ask them how they feel, not just what they think. Share your own intuitive hunches. Teach them to pause and check in with their feelings and sensations before making a decision. If they feel tense, queasy, or uncertain, it’s a sign to wait or make a different choice. If they feel calm, happy, and secure, these are better signs they are on the right track.

2. Give them the gift of your trust. 

As teens become more independent, they learn a lot about trust: what people and situations are safe or unsafe, how much to share, and above all, how to trust themselves to make the right choices. You can help by demonstrating trust in their internal navigation system. If, for example, your teen is reserved or standoffish around a certain person, ask them what’s going on instead of automatically pressuring them to be polite. Be aware of any tendencies to “override” their inner guidance, and talk through their decisions with them so you both understand how they feel and why. You honoring their intuition is a big part of teens learning to trust themselves.

3. Help them put fear in its proper place. 

Security expert and author Gavin de Becker says our intuitive minds pick up subtle signs of danger, so some forms of fear help us to stay safe. Teens need to know that there’s a difference between fears that hold them back and fears that protect them from harm. Unhelpful fear tells them to avoid risk even when it\’s likely to lead to growth and there’s no real threat to their safety. It may show up as feelings of worry about what others will think, repetitive anxious thoughts, or “catastrophizing.” Helpful fear is a gut-level instinct that clearly says “something isn’t right,” even if they’re not sure what that is. Parents can teach teens to discern between the two types of fear and let them know that it’s always the right decision to trust their instincts if a situation doesn’t feel safe.

4. Help them find ways to calm their minds and find flow. 

Researchers agree that a busy mind impedes intuition. Timeouts from technology, homework, and packed schedules give teens time to be creative, play, and daydream – all activities that encourage intuition. Simple mindfulness practices like a body scan or box breathing teach teens how to disengage from their thoughts and access their felt senses. Rhythmic movement – everything from running to dance to knitting to playing an instrument – can help bring their minds and bodies together in a state of intuition-inducing flow. Even downtime spent playing with pets, taking a walk, or stargazing can calm anxious thoughts and help teens connect with their intuition.

5. Teach them how to ask their intuition for guidance. 

When teens are struggling with a problem or a decision, let them know that they can ask their intuition to guide them. It’s as simple as holding the question in their minds while they sit quietly or go for a walk, just noticing what insights come up. If they don’t get an answer, let them know that sometimes intuition speaks up when we least expect it, after a good night’s sleep or when we’ve forgotten all about a problem and are focused on something else entirely. Journaling can also help teens explore their inner experience. Two intuition-building journal prompts are, “What do I need to know right now?” and “What is this feeling here to teach me?” With practice, teens can learn how to find validation inside themselves instead of looking for it externally from others.

Teens who know how to tune into their intuition have a powerful internal ally that helps them be confident, stay safe, and make positive, empowered choices. Best of all, parents can relax when they know their kids are navigating with intuitive intelligence towards their own highest good.