Why Being More Present is Key

Presence is another word for mindfulness: “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” Being more present is a practice made up of small daily habits, like focusing on your breath, taking pauses throughout the day, and reflecting on your thoughts and feelings. Each of these habits helps train the brain to stay focused on what’s happening now, instead of getting lost in past or future worries. Among adults, mindfulness is proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress-related medical conditions like high blood pressure.

Teens need the stress-busting, health-boosting benefits of presence, too. Adolescent stress levels now rival those of adults, and nearly one in three teens will experience an anxiety disorder. Teens also report more difficulty with focus and emotional regulation than other age groups. While the reasons for these struggles are complex and individual, researchers agree they’re due to a unique combination of external stresses – like academic and social pressures – and internal changes that take place as teens’ brains mature. One major factor is that the prefrontal cortex– the part of the brain that’s responsible for reasoning, attention and impulse control– isn’t fully developed until about age 25. \”It\’s not the fault of teenagers that they can\’t concentrate and are easily distracted. It\’s to do with the structure of their brains,” says Dr. Iroise Dumontheil of University College London\’s Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience.

All teens benefit from tools to build daily habits that help them stay calm, focused and grounded. Here are three simple ways you and your teen can practice being more present each day:

1. Focus on your breath.

Mindful breathing is proven to reduce anxiety, improve focus and regulate intense emotions. When your teen is worried, distracted or struggling with difficult emotions, teach them to take a few slow, deep breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations of breathing. This activates the calming effects of the parasympathetic nervous system and connects the mind and body in the present moment.

2. Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk.

Emotions are closely linked to thoughts and self-talk. A thought like “I’m so stupid; I didn’t understand anything in that class,” leads to feelings of shame, anxiety and fear. Reframing teaches teens to notice their negative thoughts and self-talk and switch to a more positive, self-compassionate and empowering perspective: “I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s struggling. I know I can get this. I’ll ask my teacher for help tomorrow.”

3. Use Spark!

Spark is one of our favorite features of the Lucero wellness app. It makes it easy and fun for teens to check in with themselves and learn simple strategies for being more present. They just tap the emotion they’re feeling, spin the wheel and get personalized ideas for self-awareness and self-care. Best of all, teens can use Spark alone or with their Crew (any friends and family who radically support each other) to make practicing presence a part of their daily routine.

Can something so simple really make a difference to teens? A recent study of nearly 400 11th-graders says yes. The more students practiced mindful breathing techniques, the more they reported feeling capable of managing stress. Lead researcher Deborah Schussler says that’s because mindful breathing buys teens time to take charge of their emotions. “It gives you a pause so that automatic response, which is frequently not the best response, is hijacked.” Another big plus, Schussler says, is that mindful breathing is “a portable practice that students can easily integrate anytime, anywhere.” To introduce the benefits of mindful breathing to your teen, try these four research-backed practices:

• Box Breathing 

Best for: emotional self-regulation, managing stress and anxiety

Picture a box with four equal sides. Inhale to a count of four as you mentally trace one of the sides of the box. Then hold your breath for a count of four, tracing another side. Then exhale to a count of four, and hold for a count of four. Repeat. Box breathing is used by soldiers, first responders and others to stay calm and in control in high-stress situations. It works by taming the sympathetic nervous system response, which ramps up stress hormones like cortisol as the body prepares to fight or flee. Box breathing can be used in any situation that triggers stress. It’s especially useful for teens with anxiety of any kind (like social, performance, or test anxiety) or teens who struggle to stay in control of intense emotions.

• Body Scan

Best for: relaxation, self-care, teens who have trouble winding down

A body scan meditation is usually guided by a recording, like this practice on Insight Timer. It’s a step-by-step way to relax the body by breathing deeply and focusing on one part at a time: “Bring your attention to your feet. Feel the sensations of your feet resting against the floor, the texture of your socks. Maybe wiggle your toes. Now imagine that you can send your breath down into your feet, relaxing them completely as you exhale.” When teens are tense, they tend to hold their breath. Shallow breathing stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s responsible for processing stressful stimuli, and makes it even harder for teens to calm down. Listening to a body scan helps teens relax and can even help them fall asleep. Try doing this practice as a family to give everyone a little much-needed down-time.

• Counting Breaths

Best for: focus and concentration, neurodiverse teens

The simple technique of counting breaths can help teens train their brains to boost focus and concentration. One study asked participants to track their breaths on each exhale, counting one through nine and then starting over after the ninth breath. Not surprisingly, experienced meditators found it easier to pay attention. That means the more teens practice, the more they enhance their ability to focus. All participants reported “more self-awareness, less mind wandering, better mood and less distraction.” The results suggest that counting breaths may be especially beneficial for teens with ADHD or on the autism spectrum, as well as any teen who needs help directing attention. To track concentration with your teen, try counting up to ten breaths at a time.

• Energizing Breath

Best for: energy and alertness

Does your teen struggle to stay awake in boring classes or get tired when they’re studying? This breath practice can help them regulate the flow of oxygen in their blood, which energizes the body and makes the brain more alert. Diaphragmatic breathing or “belly breathing” engages the diaphragm by relaxing the muscles of the stomach and allowing deep, full breaths. It’s the way we should be breathing all the time, but factors like stress, hunching over phones or computers, and even sucking in our stomachs to look thinner cause us to breathe shallowly. Teach teens to inhale deeply to a count of two, then exhale to a count of two. Then inhale to a count of two, and exhale to a count of three. Continue breathing in to a count of two and extending the exhale each time until they’re exhaling to a count of five. In only about one minute, teens get an almost-instant energy uplift.

Burnout affects teens physically, mentally, and emotionally and causes changes in behavior. Physical symptoms include fatigue, lowered immunity, more frequent illness, changes in appetite and sleep, and chronic headaches or upset stomachs. Stressed teens may struggle with focus and concentration, engage in risky behavior, or act irritable, moody, or cynical.

They describe feelings of anxiety, dread, self-doubt, and hopelessness. They often withdraw from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed. And while any teen is susceptible to burnout, high-achieving and perfectionistic teens experience it at higher rates. If the causes of a teen’s stress don’t change, burnout’s symptoms can go into a downward spiral, worsening over time.

It’s a scary scenario for parents, but researchers remind us that burnout always has an identifiable cause, and therefore can be resolved. “Oftentimes, burnout and depression can mirror each other,” says psychologist Adam Borland. “However, depression is a diagnosable mental health condition, whereas burnout is not.” Depression is generalized and often has no specific cause, but burnout happens in response to one or multiple stressors.

This means that parents and teens can work together to identify the sources of stress and alleviate it. Better yet, parents can use these six strategies to help their teens manage stress and avoid burnout altogether:

Set a positive example. 

Burnout is contagious. If you’re working 12-hour days, feeling overwhelmed all the time, and experiencing the ill effects of chronic stress, your teen is likely feeling it, too. Parents who don’t address their own burnout teach teens that unhealthy stress levels are normal or even a badge of honor. To help your teen, help yourself first. Make sure your teen sees you prioritizing your own well-being and making time for rest, relaxation, exercise, and fun.

Integrate stress management into family time. 

Managing stress often comes down to maintaining healthy habits, and teens learn those habits at home. Routines are stabilizing, so encourage your teen to wake up, go to bed, and eat meals around the same time each day. Other stress-busting habits include regular exercise, boundaries on screen time, and in person social connections with friends and family. Try cooking dinner together one  night a week, planning a regular hike or bike ride, or scheduling shared downtime one weekend a month.

Talk about feelings. 

Burnout’s most harmful consequences show up when teens feel unsupported and alone. Keeping the lines of communication open with your teen helps them process stress and talk through problems before they become critical. Let your teen know their feelings matter and help them develop a robust vocabulary for talking about emotions and stress. Remind them that their well-being is more important to you than their achievements. Above all, be willing to listen, empathize, and ask how you can help.

Be ready to offer support strategies. 

Burned-out teens often say they feel like life is out of control and there’s no way to stop the stress. Teens are learning how to manage new levels of responsibility and independence, and some of their overwhelm is due to the unfamiliarity of juggling it all. Parents can help by providing support strategies like time management tools and mindfulness and meditation apps, or practices like journaling, yoga, or affirmations. What helps you manage your stress? The same techniques may be useful to your teen.

Teach them how to say “no”. 

To avoid burnout, teens must learn how to make choices about their time and energy, and that means saying “no” sometimes. But, just like adults, teens worry that saying “no” will cost them friendships and opportunities, and they may feel guilty for prioritizing themselves. Help your teen practice evaluating requests before they respond and saying “no” in a way that feels authentic and honest. Make sure they’re well-equipped to set boundaries on their time and energy, so they can prioritize what matters most.

Help them learn to take breaks. 

It sounds simple, but today’s teens rarely get a real break. Digital devices and social media make it so that what passes for downtime often actually raises teens’ stress levels. You can remind them to recharge their batteries with rest and self-care whenever they start to feel drained. For ideas, see our posts on how to help your teen unplug and our favorite mini-meditations. These techniques help your teen manage day-to-day stresses, stay centered, and keep burnout at bay.

Nothing is harder for parents than seeing their child struggle and not knowing how to help. It’s important to remember that while there’s no single solution to stress, parents can do a lot to help teens recognize, reduce, and manage stress so it doesn’t get overwhelming. Here are four research-backed, time-tested stress strategies for teens.

1. Teach teens the difference between stress and anxiety.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, stress is “the physical or mental response to an external cause, such as having a lot of homework or having an illness.” Anxiety is the body’s internal reaction to stress, and it can happen even when there’s no current threat. In other words, stress goes away when the problem is resolved, but anxiety recurs, usually as a “persistent feeling of apprehension or dread that doesn’t go away.” When teens understand the difference between stress and anxiety, they can break down a big feeling of overwhelm into more manageable chunks. Since stress is external it often has an external solution, like getting help from a teacher, adjusting their schedule, or talking to a counselor. Taking concrete steps can help relieve internal anxiety by reducing the external causes of stress.

2. Teach teens to recognize how stress affects them.

Stress impacts teens physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially. Some common physical symptoms include headaches, stomachaches, and more frequent colds or other minor illnesses. Stressed teens may have trouble sleeping, feel more irritable or moody, struggle with learning and concentration, or isolate themselves socially. Negative self-talk and worry are also signs of stress. Parents can help teens understand the link between stress and symptoms like these and address the stress before it gets worse. If you notice a change in your teen’s health or behavior, simply asking, “Do you think this might have something to do with stress?” is a great way to start a conversation about the root cause.

3. Help teens build a strong network of relationships.

Social support equals better mental health for teens. Parents can’t do it all alone, and each trusted relationship in a teen’s life is a potential source of support when they’re dealing with stress. According to Search Institute, the most powerful relationships for teens to cultivate are developmental relationships with adults who express care, challenge teens to grow, provide support, share power and respect, and expand their possibilities. Teens might form developmental relationships with parents, teachers, mentors, coaches, or extended family members. And solid friendships with peers are important, too. One study found that adolescents who spent time with peers after a stressful event were less likely to feel sadness or worry than those who spent time alone.

4. Help teens build a toolkit of coping skills.

The teenage years expose kids to a whole new set of potential stressors, from academic pressures to more complex relationships. When parents help teens develop coping skills for everyday problems, they have a ready-made toolkit to deploy for life’s bigger stresses. You can make managing stress a family project and help your teen figure out what works best for them. A few ideas: see our picks for the best mindfulness and meditation apps for teens, or try these techniques for re-centering with nature. And don’t forget simple practices like keeping a gratitude journal; studies show that experiencing gratitude builds resilience and buffers against depression.

Stress is a part of life, but remember that it’s not always negative. Healthy stress, for example, can motivate teens to study hard for a test or practice until they master a new skill. Stress becomes dangerous when it becomes too much for teens to manage and affects their mental and physical health. These techniques empower teens to recognize, reduce, and manage their stress: a skill that will serve them well for the rest of their lives. 

1. A predictable routine

One of the best ways parents can help teens manage their time is to be a little boring. Researchers at the University of Georgia found that teens with consistent schedules at home reported higher levels of self-control and emotional well-being and were less likely to use alcohol and more likely to enroll in college. Teens with routines also tested for lower levels of the stress hormone epinephrine. “The big takeaway is to help your child navigate the teen years, make their lives predictable,” says the study’s lead author Allen Barton. To minimize pushback and make it work for everyone, parents and teens can create routines together. Try establishing bedtimes, mealtimes, after-school schedules, and limits on screen time, and balance it out with lots of unscheduled time on the weekends.

2. Micro-goals

Two-thirds of teens say they are “constantly worried” about school and their workload is a major source of stress, according to the nonprofit Challenge Success. Academic pressure leads many teens to procrastinate and feel anxious and overwhelmed by their goals, instead of excited and optimistic. Parents can help teens break down big, potentially scary processes–think college applications–into manageable steps using micro-goals. Start by reducing the “barrier to entry,” or making the first step so simple there’s no fear of failure. Then sort the entire process into easily-achievable goals, put each task on a timeline, and schedule daily or weekly time for your teen to work towards their goals. Finally, make sure to celebrate their successes. Each micro-goal they complete is a milestone.

3. Time Travel

Teach teens to put themselves in the shoes of their future selves. The “time travel” strategy, developed by psychologist and researcher Fuschia Sirois, uses visualization to imagine how great it will feel to complete a task successfully or attain an aim. Teens can travel through time to envision the outcome of any goal, and visualization can also help them imagine solutions to problems and setbacks they encounter along the way. By engaging teens emotionally, visualization motivates them to stay aligned with their dreams for the future.

4. An award-winning planner

Digital calendars, tracking tools, and reminders all help teens stay organized, but for developing executive function skills, a paper planner may still be best. Writing things down helps teens organize their thoughts, visualize a plan, and feel in control. Academic and parenting coach Leslie Joesel created the Order Out Of Chaos academic planner specifically to help teens focus, prioritize, and manage their time and tasks effectively. The planner\’s practical design includes school assignments placed alongside extracurricular and weekend activities, a Next Week/Notes section to help teens track complex projects, and visual aids that make it a cinch to use.

5. Analog clocks

Besides paper planners, Joesel offers another old-school time management hack for parents: analog clocks. In this YouTube video, Joesel says analog clocks help kids visualize the movement of time, which better prepares them to manage it. “The problem with digital is that digital only gives you one time: the present, so you can’t see what came before it, how much time you have left, or (see)… time move.” Joesel encourages parents to put an analog clock in every room their teen spends time in, including the bedroom, bathroom, and wherever they do their homework. Time management strategists say analog watches are great for teens, too.

6. Reward Substitution

Digital devices and social media distraction are a huge hurdle for teens who are learning time management. Since limiting screen time is not always an option, parents also need to help teens develop internal controls to dial down the temptation. One simple but effective strategy is Reward Substitution, created by behavioral economics professor Dan Ariely. To practice, teens create a habit that links a long-term goal with something immediately fun or relaxing, like rewarding themselves with 15 minutes of game time for each hour of study completed. Experiencing immediate rewards while working towards a long-term goal helps teens stay motivated and get in the habit of managing their time wisely. 

Quiet time feels so good because it resets the nervous system, providing big benefits for both parents and teens. Researchers say that spending just a few minutes in silence reduces stress, improves memory and cognition, and increases focus and creativity. But in modern life, quiet is hard to come by. Here, we’ve gathered our favorite strategies for cultivating quiet and helping teens tap into its power.

1. Meditate, but start small. Mindfulness helps teens quiet their minds and breathe some space in between busy thoughts. Even short sessions have proven benefits, and all teens need to get started is their breath. Zen Habits founder Leo Babauta suggests starting with two minutes a day: “Just sit and put your attention on your breath, returning when your thoughts distract you.” Our guide to 3 Mini-Meditations for Teens has more ideas for keeping meditation short and sweet. After they get used to a shorter practice, teens can work their way up to longer sessions or try out different techniques until they discover what works best for them.

2. Clear noise clutter. Noise is everywhere… so much so that you probably don’t even notice it. But just like physical clutter, constant sounds keep the brain active, alert, and distracted, making it hard for teens to focus and de-stress. You can help your teen identify their most common noise distractions and try turning down the volume. A few ideas: If they usually listen to music while studying, try silence instead. If the TV is always on even when no one is watching, get in the habit of turning it off. Silence everyone’s phone notifications when the family is hanging out, or take a break from podcasts and music when you’re in the car together.

3. Create daily quiet times. Set a timer for one minute of quiet before a meal, or pick a time for the whole family to take a daily 15-minute brain break. Quiet time is especially good for cultivating calm during otherwise-chaotic transitions. You and your teen can design quiet time to work for you. Try it when everybody gets home from school and work, or just before bed. Whether you spend it alone or together, agree to turn off technology and treat it like downtime. Meditate, read a book, journal, or work on a creative project. When everybody is on board, quiet time helps the whole family recharge their batteries and unwind.

4. Spend time in nature. Parents can help teens develop an appreciation of the natural world, and nothing brings the benefits of quiet like time in nature. If your teen is active and energetic, plan a hike or a kayaking trip. For more introspective teens, take up a quiet hobby together like painting, bird watching, or stargazing. Explore a new park, or have breakfast in the backyard. And whenever you go outside together, listen to the sound of silence. For even more ideas, check out our post on Re-centering With Nature.

5. Encourage quiet time after studying. Researchers from NYU found that resting after studying enhances learning. When study participants rested after their associative memory was tested, their hippocampus and cortical regions showed a boost in activity and their brain correlations were stronger. \”Taking a… break after class can actually help you retain that information you just learned,\” says NYU Assistant Professor Lila Davachi. \”Your brain wants you to tune out other tasks so you can tune in to what you just learned.\”

6. Nurture introverts with extra quiet time. Teens who identify as introverts need quiet even more than most. If your child is an introvert, Susan Cain’s book Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts can help you understand their unique needs. According to Cain, “Introverts have nervous systems that help them react more to stimulation…They want to come home at the end of the day and recharge their batteries. That might mean being alone or quiet at the end of the day. They may tell you that they don’t like a given activity after school and it might be that really what they’re reacting to is the simple problem of not having enough downtime. The key is to always be looking out. How can I give them that time?”

Remember, just a few minutes of quiet time is all it takes to reset your teen’s nervous system, and yours, too. These simple strategies help teens rebound from stress, find focus, and learn better, and the whole family may be surprised to discover the unexpected power of quiet. 

Researchers attribute rising teen stress levels to the same factors that drive adult stress, including unrealistic expectations and unrelenting pressure to succeed. Between homework, extracurricular activities, jobs, friends, and family, teens’ schedules are often just as packed as those of their parents.

One stress strategy that’s often overlooked for teens is simply… simplifying. With these six ideas, parents can help teens stress less, find fulfillment, and embrace the idea that sometimes, less is more.

1. Know what matters most. Simplifying our lives is about making more room for the things that are important to us and letting go of the things that aren\’t. To do that, we have to know what we value and what gives our lives meaning. Talking with your teen about what is important to them – and to the whole family – is a foundational step in helping them figure out what to keep and what to let go. These talks don’t have to be super-serious. Questions like, “If you could only choose one ____ or ____, what would you pick?” are light-hearted openers that invite deeper conversations. Teens are more likely to embrace simplification if you keep the emphasis on fun and fulfillment.

2. Create morning and evening routines. Stress thrives on chaos. One of the first places to simplify is the times that tend to get chaotic for busy families: the start and end of each day. Planning an advance-prep evening routine makes mornings go more smoothly. Teens can get in the habit of choosing clothes or putting lunch together so they don’t have to think about it when they’re rushing to get ready. Other ideas for routines include creating a bathroom schedule and weekly menu, setting up a family charging station, synchronizing transportation, and leaving gym bags, instrument cases, and backpacks packed and by the door.

3. Clear the clutter. When teens can’t find their homework or favorite hoodie because their room is always a disaster, it’s time for a clutter clean-out. Clutter makes it hard for teens to think clearly, focus, and accomplish tasks. Instead of targeting only your teen’s space, make it a whole-house project. Take turns picking music to make it fun. Label bags or bins for items to keep, toss, or donate, and let your teen choose a favorite charity to receive donated items. Once the clutter is cleared, consider an organization upgrade. Tons of colorful, fun organization options are available for teens, from rolling carts to desktop organizers to technology docking stations.

4. Reduce choices. We all feel overwhelmed when we have too many options to choose from (as any shopper staring at a wall of toothpaste or toilet paper will tell you). But it\’s developmentally important for teens to have choices, along with the increased autonomy and responsibility of making them. Parents can strike a balance by filtering their teen’s options. For example, “We have the bandwidth for you to do two extracurriculars this year; which two are you really excited about?” or “We can have eggs or smoothies for breakfast; your choice.” Teens can always speak up if they want something that’s not offered, but often they’re happy to have some of the pressure to decide taken off their plate.

5. Teach your teen to say ‘no.’ It sounds simple, but saying ‘no’ can be tough for teens. Reasons include fear of conflict, confrontation, disappointing others, or classic FOMO. But teens need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for themselves, and that means getting comfortable saying ‘no’ sometimes. Teach teens to stop and check in with themselves before automatically agreeing to a new invitation or activity. Does it feel fun, interesting, or important? Does it conflict with a previous commitment? Is there something they would rather be doing? Are they feeling any pressure from themselves or others? Helping them access their internal compass makes it easier for them to say no when they need to.

6. Create a family downtime ritual. As always, parents must model the behavior they want kids to embrace. One way to make simplicity more meaningful is to schedule consistent family time – maybe every Thursday night or Sunday afternoon – and intentionally dial down the intensity. Play board games, watch a movie, or make dinner together, but keep it relaxed and low-key. You might agree to silence your cell phones or turn off notifications and just focus on enjoying each other’s company. This lets your teen know that no matter how busy life gets, some things are sacred, and choosing to do and have a little less gives us a lot more of what matters most.

Simplifying can feel like a radical way to parent because we live in a culture in which “busyness” is a badge of success. But, the rising numbers of teens navigating stress and mental health challenges affirm that opportunities to help your teen simplify and focus are far more likely to assure their success.