Social Anxiety

Symptoms of social anxiety include:

• Worry about being judged negatively or humiliated
• Intense fear of interacting with strangers
• Avoidance of social events, talking to people, or doing things out of fear of embarrassment
• Self-criticism after social situations

First of all, know that shyness, introversion and preferring a smaller circle of friends are not signs of social anxiety. Some nervousness in social situations is completely normal, and a little anxiety can even help teens steer clear of unsafe situations. But if anxiety is preventing your teen from enjoying their social life or doing things they want to do, it’s time to tackle it. If they avoid every anxiety-provoking situation, they\’ll miss opportunities to learn social skills and build confidence, fulfilling their fears of embarrassment.

To overcome social anxiety, help your teen gradually expand their comfort zone to include more interaction with others. Encourage them to order for themselves at restaurants and ask for assistance when shopping. If they’re open to help, work together to pick a social goal – like joining a club or making a new friend – and plan baby-steps they can take towards meeting it. Help them create a simple ritual for when their anxiety is triggered– like taking three deep breaths and silently saying “I’ve got this” before going into a new or potentially anxiety-provoking situation. Let them know that a little discomfort is a sign of growth and it’s good to lean into it– and that it’s ok to take their time. Praise them each time they challenge themselves and whenever you see them acting with more confidence.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked in teens, especially in high achievers. Some of the signs to watch for include:

• Fear of taking risks and trying new things
• Procrastination and being anxiously indecisive
• Constant self-criticism and frustration about mistakes
• Being overly concerned about the opinions of others

Again, a little anxiety can motivate teens to work hard and do their best. But if your teen’s sense of self-worth is based on what they do and not who they are, they need help to calm their fears of failure.

Lots of anxious teens say they feel pressure from parents to be perfect, so even if you think it’s obvious, remind your teen that their worth and your love for them have nothing to do with their achievements. Help them get more comfortable taking risks and trying things they’re not already good at. Perfectionist teens often have trouble setting boundaries and taking time for self-care. Help them get organized and assess which activities are the most important and rewarding so they can put those things first. Teach them how to recognize the emotional and physical signs of stress – like getting frustrated or struggling with sleep – and know those signs mean it’s time to take a break. Perfectionist teens also get big benefits from anxiety-reducing exercise, creative hobbies, and time in nature or with friends.

Test Anxiety

Teens with test anxiety experience some or all of the following when preparing for or taking a test:

• Sweating, shaking, racing heartbeat, feeling faint
• Mind going blank
• Negative thoughts about past poor performances or future failure
• Self-judgment and criticism, feeling inadequate

A little nervousness before an exam is normal and can motivate teens to study and be well-prepared. But too much test anxiety causes smart, capable teens to suffer and even struggle academically.

To help your teen, talk through their sources of stress. Is the material challenging? Is it their lack of preparation or disorganization? Or is the pressure of test-taking too intense? A lot of teen test anxiety can be reduced with good study skills and prioritized  preparation. Help teens schedule study time well in advance and break it down into smaller, spaced-out chunks– no cramming the night before the test! Work with them to figure out which study methods work best for their learning style. Encourage them to open up to their teacher or school counselor, too. Just saying “I’m studying hard but I’m dealing with test anxiety– do you have any suggestions?” can release the pressure teens feel and prompt teachers to offer support. A calming fidget or worry stone in their pocket helps ease anxiety. And stress-reducing mindfulness techniques– like box breathing and progressive muscle relaxation– empower teens to relax their bodies and minds, feel more in control, and face their fears.

One of the most important keys to supporting good mental health is openly and positively talking about it with your family. Mental health is health, but families are often afraid to talk about mental health. Yet, talking about mental health is one of the ways we can avoid mental health crises.

Create space for hard conversations and be willing to talk about feelings of depression, anxiety, stress, and isolation. Let your teen know that all feelings are okay. Talking and listening to one another can ease feelings of isolation and create opportunities to address challenges positively and proactively before crisis happens.

Here are some engaging resources to support your family’s mental health conversations—this month and all year long.

1. Well Beings/PBS Community Outreach Tour– a series of outstanding virtual panels on a variety of youth mental health topics. Watch with your teen and start a conversation!

2. Child Mind Institute’s Dare to Share Campaign – hear from kids and adults talking about what they do to help their mental health.

As a family, you can also commit to keeping physically active, being in nature, getting enough sleep, and practicing mindfulness to support your mental health wellness. Additionally, keeping a journal can be an effective tool for calming your teen\’s mind and gives them time to slow down and process feelings.

While we know social media can be valuable for connecting and engaging, it’s important to track social media usage and its impact. Does it increase your anxiety or your teen\’s anxiety or does usage decrease it? Researchers are finding a link between frequent social media use and young mental health issues.

Sometimes social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat can put more pressure on teenagers in regard to body image, status symbols, as well as online bullying that can occur on these platforms. Not all social media is negative, though! Here’s a great list of Instagram accounts to boost your mood that you can share with your family.

When you’re open to raising awareness and creating opportunities for proactive and positive conversations about mental health in your family, your teen knows that it’s okay to not be okay and that your home is a safe space to be vulnerable.

Here are some valuable mental health resources for both parents and teens to explore and share with others.

• Crisis Text Line: Text “START” to 741741 in USA
• National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-NAMI
• National Eating Disorder Association: 1-800-931-2237
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• Trevor Project (or LGBTQ Youth): Call 866-488-7386 or Text START to 678-678
• List of International Suicide Hotlines
• Helpful vs. harmful ways to manage emotions