Volunteering increases teens’ self-esteem.

Teens who spend time helping strangers get a big boost in self-esteem and self-confidence, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Teens who agreed with statements like \”I help people I don\’t know, even if it\’s not easy for me,\” and \”I voluntarily help my neighbors,\” also scored higher on questions related to self-esteem. Researchers say when teens go outside their comfort zone to help someone they don’t know, it boosts both altruism and self-assuredness. The study’s author Laura Padilla-Walker says, “Helping a stranger is more challenging than assisting a friend, and when teens take this risk, they feel more competent.”

Volunteering strengthens college applications.

Does volunteering really make a difference on college applications? In a recent survey, 58% of college admissions personnel said Yes. They agreed that “a student’s community service experience has a positive impact on his or her acceptance to our higher education institution.” Fifty-three percent said community service is a deciding factor between equally qualified students. But admissions officers aren’t just interested in what teens have done– they also want to know what teens have learned and how volunteering has impacted their worldview. The most valued volunteer experiences are those that showcase a teen’s initiative, leadership skills, capacity for teamwork, and personal growth.

Volunteering helps teens discover their purpose.

Having a sense of purpose, and even searching for purpose, protects teens’ mental health by helping them feel more hopeful, positive and satisfied with their lives. Researcher Kendall Cotton Bronk says teens most often start to develop a sense of purpose when at least one of three ingredients is present: an important life event, serving others in a meaningful way, or changes in life circumstances. Volunteering can open up all these opportunities and more. It encourages exploration, introduces teens to unfamiliar places, people, and viewpoints, and empowers them to take action. Teens who are making a difference are also developing their personal values and beliefs and figuring out what motivates them: all factors that help them discover their purpose.

Volunteering teaches teens real-world skills.

Leadership. Time management. Critical thinking. Problem solving. Volunteering teaches teens transferable skills that prepare them for college, jobs and other adult-level responsibilities. Teens can try out different careers, volunteer with organizations and individuals in a variety of fields, and get to know their own interests, likes and dislikes. Volunteering is also a great way for teens to meet potential mentors, start building their networks and make connections in the community. And as teens learn practical skills and acquire experience, they grow in both competence and confidence.

Volunteering increases empathy.

Ever heard of Selfie Syndrome? According to Michele Borba, researcher and author of Unselfie, teens today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Too much virtual reality can lead teens to become more isolated and self-focused. Borba says empathy is the antidote, and it can be taught and nurtured through volunteering. Teens who volunteer learn critical prosocial skills like helping, sharing, and resolving conflict. Immersed in realities that may be very different from their own, they learn to look at the world through the eyes of others. And Dr. Borba says that increasing empathy isn’t just beneficial to society: “A healthy sense of empathy is a key predictor of which kids will thrive and succeed in the future.”

 1. Turning towards friends is normal and healthy.

Every adolescent eventually begins to pull away from their parents and place more importance on peers. Clinical psychologist Daniel Siegel says teens are wired to turn to friends as a survival instinct, “because that’s who you’re going to depend on when you leave home… Connecting with a peer group can feel like a matter of survival.” While this phase can be tough for parents, remember that the social skills they’re building now support lifelong mental and physical health. “When you develop social skills during adolescence, your adulthood is going to be so much better,” Siegel says.

2. Friendships fortify teens’ mental health.

Besides setting teens up for future happiness, friendships also help them deal with present-day problems. One study showed that during the isolation and school closures of the COVID-19 pandemic, supportive friendships helped teens avoid internalizing stress. Another proved that friendships make teens less likely to be bullied or bully others. A third study found that close friendships help teens adapt to stress, have higher self esteem, be more assertive, and even perform better academically. Teens with good friends are armed with powerful protection against multiple factors that might harm their mental health.

3. Teens need parents as their friendships get more complex.

Friendship gets more complicated in the teen years, and keeping the lines of communication open makes it easier for them to come to you for support. To build trust with your teen, talk to them frequently about friendship. Model what it means to show up for each other, communicate clearly, and resolve conflict. Instead of automatically offering advice to your teen, try asking questions and listening more than you talk. Make sure they know your curiosity comes from care and not from a desire to control or make choices for them. This kind of communication may even bring you closer.

4. Getting to know your teen’s friends pays off.

Encourage openness by asking genuine questions of your teen’s friends, getting to know their families, supporting your teen and their friends in extracurricular activities, and making your home a welcoming, safe, fun space to hang out. When your teen knows their friends and friendships matter to you, they’re more likely to be open with you and ask for help when they need it. That said, it’s not always easy to know who your teen is spending time with. Experts say parents should be clear with teens about what you expect to keep trust intact. Ask your teen to work with you to create sensible ground rules for online and real-world connections that you can both agree to. And make sure to steer them towards putting real-world friendships first, since those are the best for developing social skills.

5. If it\’s hard for them to make friends, you can help.

Teens can struggle to make friends for many reasons, including changing schools, being introverted, or having a disability or health challenge. If your child is struggling, know that researchers say having just one or two close friendships can be just as good or better than having a large group of friends. Parents can help teens form connections, but be cautious not to make your teen feel like their social life is a problem to be fixed. Keep the focus on how much they have to give, not what they lack. Help them explore their passions through local clubs or online groups. Find resources like social media influencers, adult mentors, or teen support groups to help them see their differences as superpowers. Ask their teachers or school counselors to quietly observe what’s going on at school and make suggestions or provide resources.

Make sure your teen knows that making friends isn’t about changing to convince others to accept them; it’s about finding the people who love them just as they are. Those are the kind of friendships researchers say build the foundation for lifelong well-being.

First, let’s look at the downside. Researchers say social media plays a major role in teen mental health, bullying, and body image. Several studies link increased time spent on social media with higher rates of depression and suicide among teens. During the COVID-19 pandemic, rates of cyberbullying increased as teens spent more time online, with 21% of adolescents between the ages of 10-18 reporting some form of cyberbullying. And 40% of teens say their body image is negatively impacted by Instagram and other social media apps. Another worry is that teens can’t seem to stop social media: in one study, 67% of parents said they have been concerned that their teen is addicted. Privacy is also paramount, as parents wonder how their teens\’ data is collected and how it will be used.

Despite these troubling statistics, experts agree that not all of the responsibility lies with social media. Psychologist Jeffrey Pickens says, “We cannot blame technology for our social problems. These tools, like any other, can be used for good or mischief.” As with any other tool, Pickens says parents must educate themselves, set appropriate boundaries, and talk to their teens about potential pitfalls. “It is important for parents to talk with teens about the pros and cons of online interactions, how to defend themselves from negative people and messages, and how to enjoy activities that unplug us from the online metaverse.” Pickens and others say that parents taking an active role in their teens’ digital lives helps them avoid straying too far into the scary side of social media.

And while the upside of social media gets less attention, the benefits to teens are real. It allows teens to build meaningful relationships, express themselves creatively, learn about the world, develop empathy, and experiment with crafting their identities. Online communities provide (sometimes life-saving) support for teens, especially those who identify as LBGTQIA+, have disabilities or illnesses, or are socially excluded. Many teens use social media to make an outsized impact as activists, artists, and entrepreneurs. In a 2018 Pew Research survey, 81% of teens said social media helps them feel more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives, 71% said it allows them to show their creativity, and 68% said it gives them the feeling that they have people who can support them through tough times.

To help teens make the best of social media and stay safe, experts recommend that parents implement the following strategies:

• Wait to get them their first phone. Most kids in the U.S. get their first phone at age 10. While every family should base the decision on their individual needs, waiting even a little longer can benefit kids by giving them more time to mature. “The younger that they are, the more likely they are to have more online harassment happen, because they\’ve been on it longer, they have more followers, they have more chances for mean things happening online, (and) more online drama,” says Linda Charmaraman, PhD, founder and director of the Youth, Media & Wellbeing Research Lab at Wellesley.

• Monitor their accounts. When kids do get their first phone, let them know that you’ll be checking their social media accounts regularly. Once a week is a good goal. Since it’s harder to set a new rule once teens are used to phone freedom, it’s best to start early and stay consistent.

• Give them examples and explain what’s ok and not ok. Adolescents need to know exactly what counts as gossiping, bullying, or spreading rumors, as well as explanations for why it\’s hurtful and what harm it causes. They also need to know what’s safe and appropriate to share and what isn’t. Set rules, but talk about them together so teens know you’re concerned for their safety, not trying to control them or invade their privacy.

• Prioritize face-to-face friendships. The COVID-19 pandemic upended teens’ social lives and made online connections an even bigger part of their reality. But social media is no substitute for real-world connections, and teens need a balance of both. Encourage your teen’s offline friendships by getting to know their friends, planning fun activities, and providing transportation and a safe space to hang out.

• Keep talking and hold each other accountable. Parents can be a powerful example of social media self-awareness. Pay attention to your own social media habits and screen time. Talk to your teen about digital devices and different platforms. Ask genuinely curious questions. Decide together what your family’s best practices look like, from setting up a charging station for phones outside bedrooms to planning device-free fun time.

Above all, remember that you’re still the most important influence in your teen’s life. When you stay as involved in their online life as you are offline, teens can explore social media and experience its benefits while staying safe.