First, let’s look at the downside. Researchers say social media plays a major role in teen mental health, bullying, and body image. Several studies link increased time spent on social media with higher rates of depression and suicide among teens. During the COVID-19 pandemic, rates of cyberbullying increased as teens spent more time online, with 21% of adolescents between the ages of 10-18 reporting some form of cyberbullying. And 40% of teens say their body image is negatively impacted by Instagram and other social media apps. Another worry is that teens can’t seem to stop social media: in one study, 67% of parents said they have been concerned that their teen is addicted. Privacy is also paramount, as parents wonder how their teens\’ data is collected and how it will be used.

Despite these troubling statistics, experts agree that not all of the responsibility lies with social media. Psychologist Jeffrey Pickens says, “We cannot blame technology for our social problems. These tools, like any other, can be used for good or mischief.” As with any other tool, Pickens says parents must educate themselves, set appropriate boundaries, and talk to their teens about potential pitfalls. “It is important for parents to talk with teens about the pros and cons of online interactions, how to defend themselves from negative people and messages, and how to enjoy activities that unplug us from the online metaverse.” Pickens and others say that parents taking an active role in their teens’ digital lives helps them avoid straying too far into the scary side of social media.

And while the upside of social media gets less attention, the benefits to teens are real. It allows teens to build meaningful relationships, express themselves creatively, learn about the world, develop empathy, and experiment with crafting their identities. Online communities provide (sometimes life-saving) support for teens, especially those who identify as LBGTQIA+, have disabilities or illnesses, or are socially excluded. Many teens use social media to make an outsized impact as activists, artists, and entrepreneurs. In a 2018 Pew Research survey, 81% of teens said social media helps them feel more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives, 71% said it allows them to show their creativity, and 68% said it gives them the feeling that they have people who can support them through tough times.

To help teens make the best of social media and stay safe, experts recommend that parents implement the following strategies:

• Wait to get them their first phone. Most kids in the U.S. get their first phone at age 10. While every family should base the decision on their individual needs, waiting even a little longer can benefit kids by giving them more time to mature. “The younger that they are, the more likely they are to have more online harassment happen, because they\’ve been on it longer, they have more followers, they have more chances for mean things happening online, (and) more online drama,” says Linda Charmaraman, PhD, founder and director of the Youth, Media & Wellbeing Research Lab at Wellesley.

• Monitor their accounts. When kids do get their first phone, let them know that you’ll be checking their social media accounts regularly. Once a week is a good goal. Since it’s harder to set a new rule once teens are used to phone freedom, it’s best to start early and stay consistent.

• Give them examples and explain what’s ok and not ok. Adolescents need to know exactly what counts as gossiping, bullying, or spreading rumors, as well as explanations for why it\’s hurtful and what harm it causes. They also need to know what’s safe and appropriate to share and what isn’t. Set rules, but talk about them together so teens know you’re concerned for their safety, not trying to control them or invade their privacy.

• Prioritize face-to-face friendships. The COVID-19 pandemic upended teens’ social lives and made online connections an even bigger part of their reality. But social media is no substitute for real-world connections, and teens need a balance of both. Encourage your teen’s offline friendships by getting to know their friends, planning fun activities, and providing transportation and a safe space to hang out.

• Keep talking and hold each other accountable. Parents can be a powerful example of social media self-awareness. Pay attention to your own social media habits and screen time. Talk to your teen about digital devices and different platforms. Ask genuinely curious questions. Decide together what your family’s best practices look like, from setting up a charging station for phones outside bedrooms to planning device-free fun time.

Above all, remember that you’re still the most important influence in your teen’s life. When you stay as involved in their online life as you are offline, teens can explore social media and experience its benefits while staying safe. 

Know the Basics

Make sure you and your teen are familiar with cyberbullying behaviors and the online spaces where they occur. Stopbullying.gov defines cyberbullying as “bullying that takes place over digital devices like cell phones, computers, and tablets… through SMS, Text, and apps, or online in social media, forums, or gaming where people can view, participate in, or share content. Cyberbullying includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else. It can include sharing personal or private information about someone else causing embarrassment or humiliation.” A defining feature of bullying is that it is intentionally hurtful and repetitive.

Start Early

Because cyberbullying starts early, parents should be prepared as soon as kids start using digital devices. Let your child know that the privilege of a cell phone or social media comes with responsibilities, and you’ll be supervising to ensure their safety. Set ground rules about when and how devices can be used, which apps and games are ok, how you’ll keep track of login information and passwords, and what they can expect in terms of you checking their devices.

Get Familiar with Their Media and Tech

Commonsensemedia.org is an independent nonprofit providing media- and tech-related support to families and schools. Their website is a great resource for digital safety, with detailed information in their Parents’ Ultimate Guides to everything from Minecraft and TikTok to PlayStation. Read up on parental controls and learn how different platforms protect privacy and prevent cyberbullying. The more you know, the more you’ll be equipped to partner with your teen in making sure they stay safe.

Speaking of Privacy…

One of the most common forms of cyberbullying is the unauthorized sharing of personal texts, photos, videos, or other private information. Talk to your teen about ways others might infringe on their privacy. It’s an unfortunate truth that anything shared online is no longer private, and once something is out there, it’s impossible to control. Help teens think through the consequences so they can make informed choices about who to trust and what’s safe to share.

Put a Plan in Place

Talk to your teen about what you’ll do if they encounter cyberbullying and create a plan together. Consider how they might respond to different bullying behaviors, when a direct response is appropriate, and when it\’s time to block the bully or ask for help. Talk about ways you can support them and provide resources, and when it’s time to get schools or law enforcement involved. Most kids don’t tell their parents when they’re being bullied. Having a plan you’re both on board with is the best way to be prepared.

Empower Teens to be “Upstanders”

Bullies, online or IRL, try to isolate their targets. That’s possible when others see the bullying but don’t take action; they make a choice to be bystanders. Upstanders are people who choose to act, either by addressing the bully, sticking up for the target, or getting help. Talk to your teen about how to safely stand up to bullies so they feel empowered to take action. Knowing how to be an Upstander will help them protect themselves and contribute to an anti-bullying online culture.

Technology is here to stay, but it doesn’t have to be a scary space. Proactive parents stay informed, set realistic rules, and communicate compassionately… the best approach to keeping teens safe as they explore online.