What it is:

Oxford Languages defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness. We all know what it means to be grateful, but brain changes are triggered by powerful emotions, not just words. Imagine your heart overflowing with gratitude for all of life’s blessings. The cascade of good feelings unleashes gratitude’s benefits.

How it works:

Numerous studies link gratitude to increased activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic, learning, and decision making. Gratitude also increases serotonin and activates the production of dopamine, two neurotransmitters associated with happiness and well-being. Additional research correlates gratitude with feelings of positivity towards oneself and others and relief from stress.

Because the prefrontal cortex is developing until about age 25, teens process experiences with their more emotional limbic brains, especially the amygdala. That makes teens more susceptible to stress than adults: they don’t yet have the complete neurological framework to put things in perspective. A regular gratitude practice helps teens learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and emotions and shift their focus away from stressors. One study of adolescent victims of bullying even showed that gratitude lowered suicide risk among these vulnerable teens.

How to put it into practice:

Researchers say most teens (and adults!) need help making gratitude a habit. Consistency is key to shift the focus toward positive thoughts and feelings and away from negative ones. These four strategies are a great place to start:

• Share gratitude at mealtimes. 

Lots of families share something they’re grateful for when they sit down to dinner together. You can make this practice even more meaningful by helping to strengthen the emotional connection. For example, after each person has shared, take a moment to close your eyes, hold hands, and give thanks silently or out loud. Or specifically share things you’re grateful for in each other: “Sebastian, it warmed my heart when you helped your granddad get out of the car yesterday. I see how much you care about others and how thoughtful you are. Thank you.”

• Keep a gratitude journal together.

In one study, participants who wrote about their grateful feelings felt significantly happier about themselves and more optimistic about their lives. Writing is powerful because it gives teens time to reflect on and really feel the positive emotions which, in turn, helps support those healthy changes in the brain. To make the habit sustainable for tech-savvy teens, download the free Three Good Things gratitude app (developed by a 17-year-old) and make it a family goal to record and share your daily lists.

• Write gratitude letters.

Paper letters and thank you notes are quickly becoming a thing of the past, but there’s still something special about handwritten appreciation. Research has found that just by writing three letters of gratitude over time increased participants’ overall happiness and life satisfaction. Set an example by dropping a surprise note of gratitude in your teen’s backpack or writing all the things you love about them in their birthday card. Then keep a stack of thank you notes, envelopes and stamps on hand and encourage them to write notes to teachers, coaches, family members, friends, or mentors they feel grateful for. 

• Empower teens to spread gratitude to others. 

Gratitude is contagious in the best way: when we tell someone we’re grateful for them, they feel good, and they’re more likely to share those positive vibes with others. When your teen is in on the secret, they’re perfectly poised to spread gratitude and empathy among their friends and peers. Teach them that gratitude is a great way to support someone who’s feeling down or needs a confidence boost. Simply letting someone know, “I see you and I’m grateful for you” is one way teens can share the love with others– and make themselves feel great, too!

 1. Turning towards friends is normal and healthy.

Every adolescent eventually begins to pull away from their parents and place more importance on peers. Clinical psychologist Daniel Siegel says teens are wired to turn to friends as a survival instinct, “because that’s who you’re going to depend on when you leave home… Connecting with a peer group can feel like a matter of survival.” While this phase can be tough for parents, remember that the social skills they’re building now support lifelong mental and physical health. “When you develop social skills during adolescence, your adulthood is going to be so much better,” Siegel says.

2. Friendships fortify teens’ mental health.

Besides setting teens up for future happiness, friendships also help them deal with present-day problems. One study showed that during the isolation and school closures of the COVID-19 pandemic, supportive friendships helped teens avoid internalizing stress. Another proved that friendships make teens less likely to be bullied or bully others. A third study found that close friendships help teens adapt to stress, have higher self esteem, be more assertive, and even perform better academically. Teens with good friends are armed with powerful protection against multiple factors that might harm their mental health.

3. Teens need parents as their friendships get more complex.

Friendship gets more complicated in the teen years, and keeping the lines of communication open makes it easier for them to come to you for support. To build trust with your teen, talk to them frequently about friendship. Model what it means to show up for each other, communicate clearly, and resolve conflict. Instead of automatically offering advice to your teen, try asking questions and listening more than you talk. Make sure they know your curiosity comes from care and not from a desire to control or make choices for them. This kind of communication may even bring you closer.

4. Getting to know your teen’s friends pays off.

Encourage openness by asking genuine questions of your teen’s friends, getting to know their families, supporting your teen and their friends in extracurricular activities, and making your home a welcoming, safe, fun space to hang out. When your teen knows their friends and friendships matter to you, they’re more likely to be open with you and ask for help when they need it. That said, it’s not always easy to know who your teen is spending time with. Experts say parents should be clear with teens about what you expect to keep trust intact. Ask your teen to work with you to create sensible ground rules for online and real-world connections that you can both agree to. And make sure to steer them towards putting real-world friendships first, since those are the best for developing social skills.

5. If it\’s hard for them to make friends, you can help.

Teens can struggle to make friends for many reasons, including changing schools, being introverted, or having a disability or health challenge. If your child is struggling, know that researchers say having just one or two close friendships can be just as good or better than having a large group of friends. Parents can help teens form connections, but be cautious not to make your teen feel like their social life is a problem to be fixed. Keep the focus on how much they have to give, not what they lack. Help them explore their passions through local clubs or online groups. Find resources like social media influencers, adult mentors, or teen support groups to help them see their differences as superpowers. Ask their teachers or school counselors to quietly observe what’s going on at school and make suggestions or provide resources.

Make sure your teen knows that making friends isn’t about changing to convince others to accept them; it’s about finding the people who love them just as they are. Those are the kind of friendships researchers say build the foundation for lifelong well-being.