Family Ritual – Lucero Speaks

How Gratitude Impacts Teen Mental Health

Jillian — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 08:00:23 +0000

What if you could give your teen a secret inner strength to raise their confidence, protect their mental health, and ensure lifelong access to optimism? Positive psychology researchers say you can, and that secret strength is gratitude. Studies show that practicing gratitude causes lasting changes in the brain that are particularly impactful for teens. And because the teenage brain is still developing, making gratitude a regular practice can help teens lock in healthy habits they’ll carry with them for the rest of their lives. Here, we explain the science behind gratitude and share four ways you can start a gratitude practice with your family.

What it is:

Oxford Languages defines gratitude as the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and return kindness. We all know what it means to be grateful, but brain changes are triggered by powerful emotions, not just words. Imagine your heart overflowing with gratitude for all of life’s blessings. The cascade of good feelings unleashes gratitude’s benefits.

How it works:

Numerous studies link gratitude to increased activity in the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic, learning, and decision making. Gratitude also increases serotonin and activates the production of dopamine, two neurotransmitters associated with happiness and well-being. Additional research correlates gratitude with feelings of positivity towards oneself and others and relief from stress.

Because the prefrontal cortex is developing until about age 25, teens process experiences with their more emotional limbic brains, especially the amygdala. That makes teens more susceptible to stress than adults: they don’t yet have the complete neurological framework to put things in perspective. A regular gratitude practice helps teens learn how to cultivate positive thoughts and emotions and shift their focus away from stressors. One study of adolescent victims of bullying even showed that gratitude lowered suicide risk among these vulnerable teens.

How to put it into practice:

Researchers say most teens (and adults!) need help making gratitude a habit. Consistency is key to shift the focus toward positive thoughts and feelings and away from negative ones. These four strategies are a great place to start:

Share gratitude at mealtimes.

Lots of families share something they’re grateful for when they sit down to dinner together. You can make this practice even more meaningful by helping to strengthen the emotional connection. For example, after each person has shared, take a moment to close your eyes, hold hands, and give thanks silently or out loud. Or specifically share things you’re grateful for in each other: “Sebastian, it warmed my heart when you helped your granddad get out of the car yesterday. I see how much you care about others and how thoughtful you are. Thank you.”

Keep a gratitude journal together.

In one study, participants who wrote about their grateful feelings felt significantly happier about themselves and more optimistic about their lives. Writing is powerful because it gives teens time to reflect on and really feel the positive emotions which, in turn, helps support those healthy changes in the brain. To make the habit sustainable for tech-savvy teens, download the free Three Good Things gratitude app (developed by a 17-year-old) and make it a family goal to record and share your daily lists.

Write gratitude letters.

Paper letters and thank you notes are quickly becoming a thing of the past, but there’s still something special about handwritten appreciation. Research has found that just by writing three letters of gratitude over time increased participants’ overall happiness and life satisfaction. Set an example by dropping a surprise note of gratitude in your teen’s backpack or writing all the things you love about them in their birthday card. Then keep a stack of thank you notes, envelopes and stamps on hand and encourage them to write notes to teachers, coaches, family members, friends, or mentors they feel grateful for.

Empower teens to spread gratitude to others.

Gratitude is contagious in the best way: when we tell someone we’re grateful for them, they feel good, and they’re more likely to share those positive vibes with others. When your teen is in on the secret, they’re perfectly poised to spread gratitude and empathy among their friends and peers. Teach them that gratitude is a great way to support someone who’s feeling down or needs a confidence boost. Simply letting someone know, “I see you and I’m grateful for you” is one way teens can share the love with others– and make themselves feel great, too!

6 Steps to Creating Family Rituals

Jillian — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 15:38:12 +0000

Family rituals can include everything from holiday traditions passed down through generations to Taco Tuesday and the silly way you always say goodnight. As teens become more independent, these rituals matter more, not less. Rituals strengthen bonds between family members by creating shared memories and reinforcing shared values. They’re a way of saying, “this is who we are as a family,” giving teens a crucial sense of belonging and identity. Rituals also help teens feel secure in the midst of transitions and protect them against the negative effects of stress and anxiety. To create meaningful family rituals with your teen, follow these six steps:

Appreciate the rituals you already have.

Almost anything you do together as a family on a regular basis can become a ritual. Do you and your teen have any secret code words or inside jokes? Do you always make waffles on Sunday morning or order pizza when you watch a movie together? How do you celebrate birthdays, holidays and other special occasions? Take a moment to jot down whatever comes to mind– you’ll probably discover that your family already has more than a few rituals. You may also discover some “almost-rituals” that can be upgraded with a little effort.

2. Think about how you can infuse more meaning into each day.

Rituals pause the hustle of daily life so we can remember what matters most. A ritual doesn’t have to be complex or time-consuming to be meaningful; it just needs to create a moment of heart-connection. To start a new ritual, think about how you can make daily routines a little more sacred or special. Always saying “I love you” at bedtime or sharing a blessing before dinner are powerful rituals because they create connection every day. So how can you and your teen share more meaningful moments throughout the day?

3. Ask your teen what matters most to them.

As teens get older, many may not care as much about family rituals, and sometimes they flat-out refuse to participate. Rebelling against family customs is one way teens test out their independence. But even if your teen responds with groans and eye rolls, rituals are still important. Instead of insisting “this is how we always do it” or giving up a treasured tradition, talk with your teen. Ask about their favorite ways to spend time together and what they think makes your family unique. Talk about positive memories you both have. Explore how you might create new rituals or make old ones more meaningful now that your teen is growing up.

4. Know when to let go.

Sometimes a ritual just doesn’t work for everyone anymore. Schedules shift, roles change, and teens acquire busy social lives, extracurricular activities and jobs. Remember that the goal of family rituals is bonding and there are many ways to do that. If you’re the only one who wants to keep a ritual alive, it might be better to change it up or even let it go for a while. Emphasize the rituals that do work and find new ways to nurture family connections. Lots of teens go through a few years of rebellion only to return to cherished traditions later on.

5. Explore your family history.

Find inspiration for new rituals by investigating your heritage with your teen. Interview older relatives, make a family tree online, or research the cultural traditions represented in your family’s backgrounds. What holidays and festivals did your ancestors celebrate? What food, dances, clothing and other customs were a part of their lives? What were their struggles, and how are those reflected in rituals? Do you have stories, recipes, photos or keepsakes you can share with your teen? Learning rituals rooted in the past helps teens form a stronger sense of who they want to become in the future.

6. Base rituals on values.

Whatever shape they take, family rituals are one of the ways values are passed down to future generations. Make a list of the values you want to convey to your teen and ask whether they are reflected in your family’s current rituals. If not, simply stating, “We do this because it reminds us how much we value _____,” can help rituals rise above the same old routine. A ritual based on gratitude could be sharing one thing you feel thankful for every day, keeping an ongoing gratitude list on a chalkboard wall, or serving Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter each year.

Although they may be small and simple acts, rituals like these can help you and your teen stay grounded in the things that matter most, together.