Social Anxiety

Symptoms of social anxiety include:

• Worry about being judged negatively or humiliated
• Intense fear of interacting with strangers
• Avoidance of social events, talking to people, or doing things out of fear of embarrassment
• Self-criticism after social situations

First of all, know that shyness, introversion and preferring a smaller circle of friends are not signs of social anxiety. Some nervousness in social situations is completely normal, and a little anxiety can even help teens steer clear of unsafe situations. But if anxiety is preventing your teen from enjoying their social life or doing things they want to do, it’s time to tackle it. If they avoid every anxiety-provoking situation, they\’ll miss opportunities to learn social skills and build confidence, fulfilling their fears of embarrassment.

To overcome social anxiety, help your teen gradually expand their comfort zone to include more interaction with others. Encourage them to order for themselves at restaurants and ask for assistance when shopping. If they’re open to help, work together to pick a social goal – like joining a club or making a new friend – and plan baby-steps they can take towards meeting it. Help them create a simple ritual for when their anxiety is triggered– like taking three deep breaths and silently saying “I’ve got this” before going into a new or potentially anxiety-provoking situation. Let them know that a little discomfort is a sign of growth and it’s good to lean into it– and that it’s ok to take their time. Praise them each time they challenge themselves and whenever you see them acting with more confidence.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked in teens, especially in high achievers. Some of the signs to watch for include:

• Fear of taking risks and trying new things
• Procrastination and being anxiously indecisive
• Constant self-criticism and frustration about mistakes
• Being overly concerned about the opinions of others

Again, a little anxiety can motivate teens to work hard and do their best. But if your teen’s sense of self-worth is based on what they do and not who they are, they need help to calm their fears of failure.

Lots of anxious teens say they feel pressure from parents to be perfect, so even if you think it’s obvious, remind your teen that their worth and your love for them have nothing to do with their achievements. Help them get more comfortable taking risks and trying things they’re not already good at. Perfectionist teens often have trouble setting boundaries and taking time for self-care. Help them get organized and assess which activities are the most important and rewarding so they can put those things first. Teach them how to recognize the emotional and physical signs of stress – like getting frustrated or struggling with sleep – and know those signs mean it’s time to take a break. Perfectionist teens also get big benefits from anxiety-reducing exercise, creative hobbies, and time in nature or with friends.

Test Anxiety

Teens with test anxiety experience some or all of the following when preparing for or taking a test:

• Sweating, shaking, racing heartbeat, feeling faint
• Mind going blank
• Negative thoughts about past poor performances or future failure
• Self-judgment and criticism, feeling inadequate

A little nervousness before an exam is normal and can motivate teens to study and be well-prepared. But too much test anxiety causes smart, capable teens to suffer and even struggle academically.

To help your teen, talk through their sources of stress. Is the material challenging? Is it their lack of preparation or disorganization? Or is the pressure of test-taking too intense? A lot of teen test anxiety can be reduced with good study skills and prioritized  preparation. Help teens schedule study time well in advance and break it down into smaller, spaced-out chunks– no cramming the night before the test! Work with them to figure out which study methods work best for their learning style. Encourage them to open up to their teacher or school counselor, too. Just saying “I’m studying hard but I’m dealing with test anxiety– do you have any suggestions?” can release the pressure teens feel and prompt teachers to offer support. A calming fidget or worry stone in their pocket helps ease anxiety. And stress-reducing mindfulness techniques– like box breathing and progressive muscle relaxation– empower teens to relax their bodies and minds, feel more in control, and face their fears.

Why is routine so important for teens? Adolescence brings with it intense physical, emotional, and social change. When so much of a teen’s life is in flux, the predictability of everyday routines is grounding. As the study’s lead author Allen Barton says, “We often lose sight of the mundane aspects of life, but if we can get control of the… everyday parts of life, then I think we can have a major impact on some bigger things.” The benefits of routine include:

• Enhanced closeness and bonding: Consistent routines send the message that you’re there for your teen and they can trust and count on you.
• Physical well-being: Regular bedtimes help set your teen’s body clock so they know when it’s time to go to sleep and wake up. Similarly, regular mealtimes help teens stay on track with healthier habits.
• Increased responsibility: When teens’ chores are scheduled and expectations are clear and consistent, they learn to keep commitments and care for others.
• Executive skills: Predictable routines help teens learn valuable lifelong skills like time management, organization, self-monitoring and self-control.

You may be asking, How can we get started with more stable routines… especially if my teen is already used to less structure? Parenting experts agree you should start small and involve teens in planning. Create one new routine at a time and begin with something that feels fun and rewarding, like a monthly game night or weekly dinner at home with the whole family. Ask your teen to help you brainstorm how to make your existing everyday routines more enjoyable and efficient, or create new rituals and traditions. This approach helps teens buy into routines as beneficial rather than seeing them as limiting.

Know that some teens like and need routine more than others. To give your teen a sense of ownership, talk with them about the habits they want to cultivate and the goals they are working towards, then work together to establish one small supportive change at a time. Approach new routines as an experiment instead of a rigid rule: try something out and if it doesn’t work, be prepared to modify it. When schedules or circumstances change– like at the start of the school year or when your teen adds an activity– it’s a good time to reevaluate routines. Above all, stay flexible and keep communicating.

More tips for setting successful routines:

• Think about your teen’s (and family’s) pressure-points: Is it always a battle to get out of bed in the morning? Do you tend to get super-stressed around homework or meal times? These areas are the perfect place to start creating more structure.
• Make it simple to accomplish tasks without investing a ton of time and energy. Remember that reducing stress often involves having to make fewer choices, so consider routines like a rotating weekly menu or prepping outfits the night before.
• Teens are chronically sleep deprived, so sleep is one of the most powerful places to establish routines. Emphasize consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, especially on school days.
• Don’t forget to factor in downtime, exercise and time with friends. These activities are all critical supports for teen mental health, and should be a priority even for busy teens.
• Make a shared family calendar and include reminders for the most important routines. From phone notifications to the old-fashioned chore chart, visual and auditory cues help your teen get used to new structure.
• Incentivize progress. When your teen– or your whole family– sticks to a new routine, make sure you celebrate success.
• Don’t be rigid: If a routine gets disrupted, just stay positive and start over tomorrow. And take time to periodically reevaluate routines to make sure they’re still in everyone’s best interests.