1. Get more comfortable being alone.

Paradoxically, the answer to loneliness isn’t always found in the company of others. Tweens and teens with high self esteem know how to find fulfillment alone, and everyone needs some solo-time for rest and self-care. How much time alone is healthy? There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. It depends on the individual and what feels right to them. Tweens and teens can practice doing activities they enjoy by themselves, like making art, journaling or cooking. Reframe time alone as a chance to deepen your relationship with yourself and practice being your own best friend.

2. Look around for others who are lonely, too.

According to the Surgeon General, the U.S. is currently experiencing an epidemic of loneliness that affects all ages, genders, and other demographics. That means a lot of people are craving connection, so encourage tweens and teens to take the initiative and reach out to others. Is there someone at school who seems interesting but shy? A neighbor who lives alone and could use a hand with errands? Teach tweens and teens the power of giving what you want to receive. Each time they help someone else feel less lonely, they’ll build confidence and connection.

3. Tackle loneliness as a family.

Loneliness is not just an individual issue. Families these days tend to be smaller and live further apart from each other than in previous generations, which can leave everyone feeling isolated. Talk to your tween or teen about how you can build a stronger network of support that benefits the whole family. That might mean starting a neighborhood block party, inviting your crew for regular dinners or game nights, or volunteering together for a cause you care about. Make it a family goal to expand your circle of relationships so everyone can experience more meaningful connections.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others.

It’s normal for teens and tweens to compare their social lives to others’, but remember that we don’t see the whole truth from the outside. It may seem like everyone else is living their best life while you’re home alone, bored and scrolling through TikTok. But social media allows people to share only what they want to about themselves, so a lot of what we see is an illusion. If social media is increasing feelings of loneliness, take a break. Make in-person plans with a friend or family member, or do something that makes you feel good in the moment, like going for a walk in nature.

5. Pick a social goal and stick with it.

Because the adolescent brain is still developing, it’s harder for tweens and teens to put things into perspective. It really does feel like they’ll never make friends, or that they’ll always feel alone and awkward. To combat the tendency to catastrophize, pick one connection-related goal– like making a new friend, joining a club, or finding a volunteer opportunity– and stick with it. Break it down into micro-goals, figure out where they need your support, and celebrate every step. Each time tweens and teens take action to care for themselves, reach out to others, and strengthen relationships, they create a personalized blueprint for dealing with loneliness. Instead of fearing being alone, they learn how to proactively cultivate connection to themselves and others.

• Watch your own comparisons. 

It may not seem like it, but your opinion of your teen truly is the one that matters most. Parents who compare their teens to others are usually trying to motivate them by giving a relatable example, like a successful older sibling or classmate. But anything that sounds even remotely like “Why can’t you be more like…?” is likely to backfire. It sends the message that you’re disappointed not just in their behavior, but in who they are as individuals. That leads to resentment, envy, anxiety, and a lack of trust. When you need to redirect their behavior, do so with concrete examples of your expectations and steer clear of comparisons.

• Put parameters on social media.

Teens were comparing themselves to others long before social media became a thing, but the steady stream of envy-inducing photos and videos make it harder than ever to avoid. A recent study found that more social media use leads to greater envy, which leads to a higher risk of depression. Talk with your teen about the impact of social media on self-image and overall mental health. Help them stay self-aware and know when they need to unplug. Work together to come up with boundaries they can agree to, like turning phones off after a certain time and planning occasional phone-free fun with family and friends.

• Identify comparison triggers.

Teens tend to negatively compare themselves to others when they’re already feeling down, like when they get a low grade or their crush is flirting with someone else. Help them identify the emotions that trigger self-criticism, like loneliness and boredom. Certain people and situations may also be triggering, like a “frenemy” who always makes them feel less-than. Make sure your teen is equipped with self-care practices to deal with triggers proactively. Exercise, mindful breathing, being in nature, hanging out with positive friends, or doing something they’re passionate about are all great places to start.

• Turn your attention inward.

Remind your teen that when they compare themselves to others, they aren’t seeing the other person’s complete picture. Even when comparing themselves to friends, they don’t know all the things that person is dealing with on the inside. Everybody gets zits, gets dumped, has a bad day sometimes, and deals with low self-esteem once in a while. When they’re caught in a cycle of self-doubt, encourage your teen to redirect their focus inside and take stock of their own values, strengths and gifts. Help them remember to appreciate themselves as unique and perfectly imperfect, just like everybody else.

• Practice kindness.

The emotions we experience when comparing ourselves to others– like bitterness, envy and resentment– feel awful. It may seem counterintuitive, but switching our mindset from envy to appreciation can help. Instead of resenting others, teens can learn to celebrate their accomplishments, talent or hard work. Appreciation lets us feel generous and open-hearted. Nurture the attitude that there is more than enough joy, success and abundance for everyone. Help your teen stay alert for feelings of envy and ask if they can imagine feeling inspired and motivated instead.

• Compare yourself to yourself.

The most helpful form of comparison is when we compare ourselves now to how we used to be. When your teen compares themselves to others, teach them to refocus on themselves a few months or years ago. Can they see how much they have grown? Can they appreciate themselves for the efforts they have made? Can they be inspired by how much progress they’ll make in the future? This keeps the focus on their own vision and goals: the only ones that really matter.