1. Build a strong relationship with themselves.

Teens with high self-esteem have more positive relationships, and positive relationships lead to better self-esteem. Self-esteem often takes a hit during adolescence when physical, neurological, psychological and social changes combine with increased stress and responsibility. Healthy habits that boost teens’ connection with themselves include self-reflection, self-care, journaling, positive self-talk, and getting clear about personal values and goals. Encourage your teen to think about what it means to be their own best friend– how do you talk to someone you love and care about? What would you do if that person were having a hard time? Teens who love themselves have a built-in model of a supportive relationship, so they know they deserve a high level of care and respect from others.

2. Ramp up resilience.

Healthy habits help teens build a tool-kit of coping skills to deal with stress and regulate their emotions. Each tool increases their resilience, or the ability to bounce back from and overcome adversity. According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, the five most common factors of resilient people include:

• They are resourceful and have skills to solve problems.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They believe that they can do something to manage their feelings and cope.
• They have social support.
• They are connected with others.

3. Define their \”Framily.\”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a framily includes “friends or blood relatives to whom we would actually choose to be related, because the relationship is mutually respectful, close, supporting and affectionate.” Defining their framily helps teens reframe their support systems to include all the important relationships that don’t necessarily fit into traditional roles, like their mom’s best friend who’s more like an aunt, or a youth group leader or neighbor who always looks out for them. Take some time with your teen to map out your own framily members and highlight any relationships you want to strengthen. Let those people know that they’re a part of your teen’s tribe, then plan ways that you and your teen can deepen the most important connections.

4. Get serious about radical support.

At Lucero, we define framily as any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other. Who are the people your teen can rely on for radical support? Those are the relationships that belong in your teen’s inner circle. Radical support means different things to different people, but some key questions your teen can ask themselves include:

• Can I be my most authentic self around this person? Do they like and love me even when I’m feeling sad, silly, vulnerable, etc.?
• Can I trust this person? Do I know they will respect my boundaries and keep what I say confidential? Are they honest with me?
• Would I feel comfortable asking this person for help or support?
• How does this person handle conflict when it comes up? Can we get along even when we disagree?
• Is our relationship equally important to both of us?

To help your teen learn connection-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

To protect your teen from the harmful effects of loneliness, try these four evidence-based tips:

1. Understand their neurology.

Teens are more susceptible to feeling lonely because their prefrontal cortexes – the part of the brain that helps regulate emotion and impulse control – are still developing, and their limbic brains – the part that responds to stress – are more active. The teenage brain is wired to seek social and emotional rewards and to feel everything more intensely. That’s why a seemingly small slight from peers can feel literally life-or-death to teens. Remind teens that their brains are works-in-progress and that everyone, no matter their age or level of popularity, struggles with uncomfortable emotions like loneliness at times. To help them develop emotional resilience, teach teens healthy habits for self-regulation like mindful breathing and positive self-talk.

2. Limit their alone-time.

Too much solitude can be scary for teens and leave them vulnerable. Before adolescence, children are rarely alone. Increased independence is something many teens crave but aren’t completely comfortable with. They likely haven’t developed coping strategies for loneliness, and they tend to seek connection and distraction from difficult emotions through social media and digital devices. Study after study shows that teens need real-world connection with friends and family. If you’re concerned about your teen’s level of loneliness, start tracking how much time they’re spending on their own and find ways to increase opportunities for meaningful interaction with others, like family dinners and game nights, in-person hangouts with friends, or volunteering for a cause they care about.

3. Ensure they get enough sleep.

A 2018 study published in the journal Nature Communications found that sleep loss causes social withdrawal and loneliness. That’s probably because lack of sleep leads to mood changes, decreased energy and a lack of interest in social engagement. And \”almost all teenagers, as they reach puberty, become walking zombies because they are getting far too little sleep,\” says sleep expert and Cornell University psychologist James B. Maas. Teens need more sleep than adults to support brain development: about 8-10 hours per night. Teens’ unique circadian rhythms make it natural for them to stay up and sleep later than most school schedules allow. To make sure your teen gets enough sleep, stick to a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up, and get the whole family on board to shut down all devices together before bedtime.

4. Tackle FOMO.

Social media’s endless parade of filtered photos and fantasies makes it easy to feel like everyone else is out there living their best life while you sit home alone. Everybody experiences Fear Of Missing Out sometimes, but because teens are more socially- and emotionally-driven than other age groups, they’re especially vulnerable. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that college students who limited social media use to 10 minutes per platform, per day experienced significant reductions in depression, loneliness, anxiety and FOMO. If your teen is struggling with loneliness, have an honest conversation about how their social media habits make them feel. You might experiment with cutting back on social media use together, or curate a feed that boosts confidence, connection and self-love instead of leading to loneliness.

1. Befriend your brain.

To turn an action into a habit, the brain needs repetition and reward. Repetition means doing an action enough times that it’s easily done without thinking, like brushing your teeth. But to really make a new habit take hold, we need to feel a sense of satisfaction, too. When we expect something good to happen, the brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical that makes us want more. That’s why rewarding ourselves – even with something as simple as a fist bump or five-minute break – helps us lock in healthy new habits. Make it easy to repeat your new habit and be sure to reward yourself each time. Your brain will associate the new behavior with feelings of satisfaction, motivating you to keep up the good work.

2. Start small.

“Creating tiny positive habits is the path to developing much bigger ones,” says Stanford behavior scientist B.J. Fogg. “…If you want to create long-term change, start small.” We often don’t stick to healthy habits simply because we take on too much. Fogg suggests starting with actions so small they might seem insignificant at first, like 30 seconds of a new activity. That helps you quickly wire the new habit into your brain. “The more stressed you are and the less time you have, the more appropriate this method is for you,” Fogg says. Make your new habit bite-sized and let it grow from there.

3. Stay motivated by loving yourself. 

If feeling good motivates us to stay with a healthy habit, it makes sense that feeling bad has the opposite effect. Writer Carina Wolff says, “As part of cultivating a healthy mind and body, we need to start… participating in habits that encourage self-love.” What do self-love habits look like? You can find lots of ideas in Lucero, a gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their Crew (that means you!) It’s like a daily vitamin for self-care habits like mindfulness, positive self-talk and connecting with yourself and others. Loving yourself makes you happier and inspires you to go for your goals.

4. Design systems for success.

In the book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says we can set ourselves up for success by designing systems that support our goals. “Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results,” says Clear. If your goal is to exercise daily, how can you make it easier and more fun to get your workout in? Keep your gym bag in the car. Download an upbeat playlist. Invite friends and family members to join you for hikes or pickleball. Think about how you will deal with setbacks, too: What are your backup plans and motivators for down days? How will you handle competing commitments? Simplify success by planning in advance.

5. Know your ABCs. B.J. Fogg provides a simple recipe for successful habits: Anchor–Behavior–Celebration. An anchor is an existing routine that serves as a reminder for the behavior (your new habit):

• After I sit down at my desk, I will take three slow, deep breaths.
• After I brush my teeth, I will do two push ups.

Celebration is any action that gives you a sense of completion and satisfaction, like giving yourself a pat on the back or saying, “I’m awesome!” Fogg’s formula is all about making new habits sustainable, so our brains get better at adapting to change. And science says that’s the best way to build healthy habits: one tiny step at a time.