Why Being More Present is Key

Presence is another word for mindfulness: “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” Being more present is a practice made up of small daily habits, like focusing on your breath, taking pauses throughout the day, and reflecting on your thoughts and feelings. Each of these habits helps train the brain to stay focused on what’s happening now, instead of getting lost in past or future worries. Among adults, mindfulness is proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress-related medical conditions like high blood pressure.

Teens need the stress-busting, health-boosting benefits of presence, too. Adolescent stress levels now rival those of adults, and nearly one in three teens will experience an anxiety disorder. Teens also report more difficulty with focus and emotional regulation than other age groups. While the reasons for these struggles are complex and individual, researchers agree they’re due to a unique combination of external stresses – like academic and social pressures – and internal changes that take place as teens’ brains mature. One major factor is that the prefrontal cortex– the part of the brain that’s responsible for reasoning, attention and impulse control– isn’t fully developed until about age 25. \”It\’s not the fault of teenagers that they can\’t concentrate and are easily distracted. It\’s to do with the structure of their brains,” says Dr. Iroise Dumontheil of University College London\’s Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience.

All teens benefit from tools to build daily habits that help them stay calm, focused and grounded. Here are three simple ways you and your teen can practice being more present each day:

1. Focus on your breath.

Mindful breathing is proven to reduce anxiety, improve focus and regulate intense emotions. When your teen is worried, distracted or struggling with difficult emotions, teach them to take a few slow, deep breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations of breathing. This activates the calming effects of the parasympathetic nervous system and connects the mind and body in the present moment.

2. Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk.

Emotions are closely linked to thoughts and self-talk. A thought like “I’m so stupid; I didn’t understand anything in that class,” leads to feelings of shame, anxiety and fear. Reframing teaches teens to notice their negative thoughts and self-talk and switch to a more positive, self-compassionate and empowering perspective: “I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s struggling. I know I can get this. I’ll ask my teacher for help tomorrow.”

3. Use Spark!

Spark is one of our favorite features of the Lucero wellness app. It makes it easy and fun for teens to check in with themselves and learn simple strategies for being more present. They just tap the emotion they’re feeling, spin the wheel and get personalized ideas for self-awareness and self-care. Best of all, teens can use Spark alone or with their Crew (any friends and family who radically support each other) to make practicing presence a part of their daily routine.

Self-care can be physical, like getting enough sleep and moving your body, mental, like practicing gratitude and self-reflection, or emotional, like learning to self-regulate big feelings and strengthening relationships. Psychologists and behavior scientists say the best way to make self-care a habit is to start small: set a goal, find an action that supports it, and practice that action for just a few minutes each day until it becomes a part of your routine. The more practice teens have, the more easily they’ll be able to navigate transitions. Here’s how those healthy habits help:

1. Healthy habits keep teens on track. 

For millennia, explorers searched the skies for the guiding light of Polaris, the North Star, which identified true north. When they spotted the star, they knew if they were drifting off course. Teens in transition need a North Star, too – habits that remind them who they are when they’re at their best. A recent study from the University of Georgia found that teens with healthy habits like regular mealtimes, consistent bedtimes and after-school schedules reported greater self-control and emotional well-being, among other benefits. The study’s authors say that all teens experience dramatic neurological, biological and social changes during adolescence, and healthy habits provide a foundation of stability that makes it easier for them to deal with change.

2. Healthy habits reduce teens’ stress.

Stress is a major risk factor for mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, and teen stress levels are at an all-time high. According to psychologist Matt Bellace, transitions are especially tough for teens because “the teenage brain is generally more anxious than the adult brain… due to the rapid development of the amygdala, a brain structure involved in emotional expression, compared to the slower development of brain areas involved in decision making and reasoning.” Healthy habits like regular exercise, connection with others, and practices to develop emotional resilience are proven to build a buffer against stress. In the University of Georgia study, for example, researchers found that teens with consistent healthy routines had lower levels of the stress hormone epinephrine.

3. Healthy habits help teens reach their goals. 

Transitions are smoother when teens have a goal to work towards. When a challenge or change comes up, teens can ask, “Where do I want to go from here?” and set micro-goals to get closer to their big goal one step at a time. Healthy habits help teens identify the support they need and give it to themselves. A transition like making new friends can seem scary until teens break it down into simple steps like sitting in a new place at lunch, talking to one new person at school, or joining a club or activity that interests them. As those actions become habitual, teens take baby steps toward their goal until they attain it. Even better, they learn how to use the same process to achieve anything they set their minds to.

To help your teen navigate transitions and turn adolescence into an adventure, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

Can something so simple really make a difference to teens? A recent study of nearly 400 11th-graders says yes. The more students practiced mindful breathing techniques, the more they reported feeling capable of managing stress. Lead researcher Deborah Schussler says that’s because mindful breathing buys teens time to take charge of their emotions. “It gives you a pause so that automatic response, which is frequently not the best response, is hijacked.” Another big plus, Schussler says, is that mindful breathing is “a portable practice that students can easily integrate anytime, anywhere.” To introduce the benefits of mindful breathing to your teen, try these four research-backed practices:

• Box Breathing 

Best for: emotional self-regulation, managing stress and anxiety

Picture a box with four equal sides. Inhale to a count of four as you mentally trace one of the sides of the box. Then hold your breath for a count of four, tracing another side. Then exhale to a count of four, and hold for a count of four. Repeat. Box breathing is used by soldiers, first responders and others to stay calm and in control in high-stress situations. It works by taming the sympathetic nervous system response, which ramps up stress hormones like cortisol as the body prepares to fight or flee. Box breathing can be used in any situation that triggers stress. It’s especially useful for teens with anxiety of any kind (like social, performance, or test anxiety) or teens who struggle to stay in control of intense emotions.

• Body Scan

Best for: relaxation, self-care, teens who have trouble winding down

A body scan meditation is usually guided by a recording, like this practice on Insight Timer. It’s a step-by-step way to relax the body by breathing deeply and focusing on one part at a time: “Bring your attention to your feet. Feel the sensations of your feet resting against the floor, the texture of your socks. Maybe wiggle your toes. Now imagine that you can send your breath down into your feet, relaxing them completely as you exhale.” When teens are tense, they tend to hold their breath. Shallow breathing stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s responsible for processing stressful stimuli, and makes it even harder for teens to calm down. Listening to a body scan helps teens relax and can even help them fall asleep. Try doing this practice as a family to give everyone a little much-needed down-time.

• Counting Breaths

Best for: focus and concentration, neurodiverse teens

The simple technique of counting breaths can help teens train their brains to boost focus and concentration. One study asked participants to track their breaths on each exhale, counting one through nine and then starting over after the ninth breath. Not surprisingly, experienced meditators found it easier to pay attention. That means the more teens practice, the more they enhance their ability to focus. All participants reported “more self-awareness, less mind wandering, better mood and less distraction.” The results suggest that counting breaths may be especially beneficial for teens with ADHD or on the autism spectrum, as well as any teen who needs help directing attention. To track concentration with your teen, try counting up to ten breaths at a time.

• Energizing Breath

Best for: energy and alertness

Does your teen struggle to stay awake in boring classes or get tired when they’re studying? This breath practice can help them regulate the flow of oxygen in their blood, which energizes the body and makes the brain more alert. Diaphragmatic breathing or “belly breathing” engages the diaphragm by relaxing the muscles of the stomach and allowing deep, full breaths. It’s the way we should be breathing all the time, but factors like stress, hunching over phones or computers, and even sucking in our stomachs to look thinner cause us to breathe shallowly. Teach teens to inhale deeply to a count of two, then exhale to a count of two. Then inhale to a count of two, and exhale to a count of three. Continue breathing in to a count of two and extending the exhale each time until they’re exhaling to a count of five. In only about one minute, teens get an almost-instant energy uplift.

Quiet time feels so good because it resets the nervous system, providing big benefits for both parents and teens. Researchers say that spending just a few minutes in silence reduces stress, improves memory and cognition, and increases focus and creativity. But in modern life, quiet is hard to come by. Here, we’ve gathered our favorite strategies for cultivating quiet and helping teens tap into its power.

1. Meditate, but start small. Mindfulness helps teens quiet their minds and breathe some space in between busy thoughts. Even short sessions have proven benefits, and all teens need to get started is their breath. Zen Habits founder Leo Babauta suggests starting with two minutes a day: “Just sit and put your attention on your breath, returning when your thoughts distract you.” Our guide to 3 Mini-Meditations for Teens has more ideas for keeping meditation short and sweet. After they get used to a shorter practice, teens can work their way up to longer sessions or try out different techniques until they discover what works best for them.

2. Clear noise clutter. Noise is everywhere… so much so that you probably don’t even notice it. But just like physical clutter, constant sounds keep the brain active, alert, and distracted, making it hard for teens to focus and de-stress. You can help your teen identify their most common noise distractions and try turning down the volume. A few ideas: If they usually listen to music while studying, try silence instead. If the TV is always on even when no one is watching, get in the habit of turning it off. Silence everyone’s phone notifications when the family is hanging out, or take a break from podcasts and music when you’re in the car together.

3. Create daily quiet times. Set a timer for one minute of quiet before a meal, or pick a time for the whole family to take a daily 15-minute brain break. Quiet time is especially good for cultivating calm during otherwise-chaotic transitions. You and your teen can design quiet time to work for you. Try it when everybody gets home from school and work, or just before bed. Whether you spend it alone or together, agree to turn off technology and treat it like downtime. Meditate, read a book, journal, or work on a creative project. When everybody is on board, quiet time helps the whole family recharge their batteries and unwind.

4. Spend time in nature. Parents can help teens develop an appreciation of the natural world, and nothing brings the benefits of quiet like time in nature. If your teen is active and energetic, plan a hike or a kayaking trip. For more introspective teens, take up a quiet hobby together like painting, bird watching, or stargazing. Explore a new park, or have breakfast in the backyard. And whenever you go outside together, listen to the sound of silence. For even more ideas, check out our post on Re-centering With Nature.

5. Encourage quiet time after studying. Researchers from NYU found that resting after studying enhances learning. When study participants rested after their associative memory was tested, their hippocampus and cortical regions showed a boost in activity and their brain correlations were stronger. \”Taking a… break after class can actually help you retain that information you just learned,\” says NYU Assistant Professor Lila Davachi. \”Your brain wants you to tune out other tasks so you can tune in to what you just learned.\”

6. Nurture introverts with extra quiet time. Teens who identify as introverts need quiet even more than most. If your child is an introvert, Susan Cain’s book Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts can help you understand their unique needs. According to Cain, “Introverts have nervous systems that help them react more to stimulation…They want to come home at the end of the day and recharge their batteries. That might mean being alone or quiet at the end of the day. They may tell you that they don’t like a given activity after school and it might be that really what they’re reacting to is the simple problem of not having enough downtime. The key is to always be looking out. How can I give them that time?”

Remember, just a few minutes of quiet time is all it takes to reset your teen’s nervous system, and yours, too. These simple strategies help teens rebound from stress, find focus, and learn better, and the whole family may be surprised to discover the unexpected power of quiet. 

We recommend starting small with strategies that target the source of their stress. Over time, implementing one or two of these mini-meditations can help your teen learn how to be positive and proactive when it comes to managing stress.

If your teen struggles with anxiety, try box breathing.

Picture a square box. Inhale to a count of four as you trace one of the sides of the box in your mind’s eye. Follow the line of the box as you exhale to a count of four. Inhale… and exhale… each time, matching the rhythm of your breath to four counts. Set a timer and practice box breathing for at least one minute, or longer if it helps.

Paying attention to your breathing is Mindfulness 101. Adding the four-count rhythm and focusing on the box helps your teen create a “safe container” for their attention, so they can regain control of their runaway thoughts. And their slow, controlled breathing deactivates the sympathetic nervous system’s “fight or flight” response, which signals the body to breathe shallowly and increase heart rate. Box breathing basically hacks the nervous system, with a reassuring “Relax, I’ve got this.”

We recommend box breathing for any form of anxiety. It’s super-supportive for teens to get calm and focused before a test, performance, game, or other high-intensity events.

If your teen struggles with self-esteem, try self-compassion.

Is there an area of your life where you could be kinder to yourself? Think about the feelings that come up when you judge yourself and follow the steps below. Allow 3-5 minutes. (Based on the work of Karen Bluth, Ph.D. as part of the Mindful Self-Compassion for Teens course from the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion):

1. Feel your feelings, including your emotions and physical sensations. Just notice what it’s like right now – let go of judging yourself. Say, “Right now, I’m struggling,” or “Right now, this is hard,” or, “This sucks,” or whatever feels right to acknowledge your feelings.

2. Now remember that you’re a human being, and all human beings struggle and suffer sometimes. It’s tough to go through something hard, but it also means that you’re connected to others who have been there, too. Acknowledge that: “This is normal,” or “I’m not alone in this,” or “Other people feel this way, too.”

3. Now think about what you would say to a good friend who was going through the same thing. Be that friend for yourself. Place one or both hands on your heart. Say, “May I be kind to myself,” or “I accept and love myself just as I am,” or whatever you need to hear to feel supported.

4. Sit for a moment with the feeling of being connected to others and to yourself, and having compassion for whatever it is you’re going through. Breathe the feeling of compassion through your body and mind, and notice what changes in your emotions and physical body when you do.

According to the Berkeley-based Greater Good Science Center, “As their cognitive capabilities grow… teens become more self-aware and, ultimately, more self-conscious. This can breed harsh self-criticism, so the need for self-compassion among teens is crucial.” Self-compassion is great for any source of stress, but it’s especially helpful for teens who have a tendency to be hard on themselves, or who have been bullied or picked on by peers. Teens who practice self-compassion report less depression and more feelings of resilience and gratitude – a huge boost in well-being from this one simple strategy.

If your teen struggles with attention and focus, try moving meditation.

The magic of mindfulness means you can practice any time, doing anything! Meditation doesn’t have to mean sitting still. High-energy teens can still reap the benefits of moving mediation.

Pick an activity you like to do – it could be running, biking, yoga, dance, or something that’s part of a sport you play, like dribbling a basketball or kicking a soccer ball. The best activities are rhythmic, so you can match your movement to your breath. Try doing that activity while paying attention to your breathing. If you notice your mind starting to wander, just bring it back to your breath. While you’re breathing, check in with how your body feels. See if you can make the rhythm of your body match the rhythm of your breath. Do this for 3-5 minutes – longer if it feels good.

Like box breathing, moving meditation gives teens a point of focus and clears away distracting thoughts. Mindful movement keeps the body and brain engaged together, and teaches kids to direct their focus and channel their energy. This is a super-strategy for high-energy, focus-challenged kids, empowering them with self-awareness and self-control.

Whatever the practice, even small doses of mindfulness are proven to help teens reduce their stress and anxiety and increase attention, concentration, self-esteem, and empathy. Once you and your teen are clear about the source of their stress, you can team up to target it. Mindfulness is not one-size-fits-all, so there are a million ways to practice. That means there’s a mediation out there that’s perfect for your one-of-a-kind kid. 

But with busy schedules, screens, and winter weather, it’s not always easy to find the time – or convince your kids – to go play outside. We get it. It’s ok to start small. Even a tiny daily dose of nature makes a big difference. Here are our top five recommendations to help our kids rebalance and reboot with nature – and help ourselves, too!

1: HANG A BIRD FEEDER

One mom we know says the purchase of a simple backyard bird feeder was a COVID game-changer for her family. “They didn’t even notice it until our (indoor) cats started watching the birds from the window. The cats were hilarious, and the kids all came out of their rooms to see what the cats were up to. Then they started to watch the birds and ask questions. Now we watch the feeder together. They all have the Song Sleuth app on their phones so they can identify birds, and they will go out and fill up the feeder when it’s empty without being asked. I never thought something so simple would make such a big difference.”

2. TRY SHINRIN-YOKU

The name of this Japanese practice translates to “forest bathing” or “absorbing the atmosphere of the forest,” and it’s basically a mindful walk in the woods. If you and your kids are already familiar with mindfulness, try taking it outside. Pick a local park, trail, or any place with abundant nature. When you get there, turn off your phones and agree to be quiet for a few minutes. Take deep breaths and become mindful of your five senses. Feel the wind on your skin and listen to it blowing through the trees. Walk slowly. Let your senses take in the peace and beauty of nature. Afterward, talk about what you saw and felt. Forest bathing is associated with lowered blood pressure and stress hormones in adults, and it’s a big stress-reducer for kids, too.

3. PLANT SOMETHING

Talk to your kids about what you could plant around your home – anything from a few houseplants to a fruit tree or a garden in the yard. See what sparks their curiosity. An 11-year-old told us all about her pet cactus (complete with googly eyes), and another family grows herbs for pizza in pots on their patio. Taking care of plants, much like pets, teaches kids empathy and responsibility and can help them de-stress through connection to the natural world.

4. GO GEOCACHING

We all love to solve mysteries. Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunt using a smartphone app to track “caches,” or objects hidden in containers in unlikely places. Geocaching.com provides all the basics for getting started plus instructions for downloading the app. The app only gets seekers within 30 feet of a cache; after that, kids will need to turn on their detective skills and creativity to find what they are looking for. Geocaching is a totally absorbing activity for the whole family – fun, challenging, and sure to get your kids excited about nature time.

5. HANG UP SOME HAMMOCKS

A few years ago, we noticed a group of young teens hanging out with their friends in a local park – literally hanging. They had all brought hammocks and found a cozy spot between several trees to set them up together to chill on a Saturday afternoon. Hammocking or “mocking” is all about low-tech, relaxed social time. Kids can read, play games, chat, or just swing in the breeze. You can do it almost anywhere, from backyards to the park. Just make sure the park allows hammocks and go with a lightweight camping hammock like this one from Eno, so the straps don’t damage trees.

Teens need time in nature for their physical and mental well-being. It increases attention spans, creativity, problem-solving, and body awareness, and decreases stress and depression. Encouraging a connection to nature is an investment worth making. Above all, it gives them the gift of knowing that they are connected to something much larger than themselves and encourages them to be future stewards of our precious natural world.