1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.

1. 1. Let them make mistakes. Knowing when to step back and (gulp!) let your teen fail is one of parenting’s hardest lessons. Sounds radical, but confident kids aren’t afraid to make mistakes. Teens need to practice solving their own problems and figuring out what to do when things don’t go their way. Getting comfortable with failure is a key component of a growth mindset and boosts self-confidence.
   2. Stay on call. Confident teens take responsibility for themselves, but they also know when to call for backup. The teenage brain is a work in progress, and a parent’s perspective helps them make sense of the struggles they encounter. Knowing there’s a safety net of unconditional love and support makes all the difference when teens step outside their comfort zones
   3. Strengthen their sense of belonging. Support from parents matters most, but teens need extended family, friends, mentors, and community, too. The more people who care about and are invested in your teen, the better. Different kinds of supportive relationships give teens multiple experiences of mattering to others, and that sense of belonging helps them feel confident.
   4. Help them learn new things. Gaining skills and knowledge boosts kids’ confidence, too. The teenage brain is wired for explosive growth, seeking novelty, challenges, and new experiences. Parents can help by providing diverse opportunities for learning and growth. Everything from educational apps to volunteering together to subject-specific summer camps can spark your teen’s curiosity and develop their confidence.
   5. Ask for their advice. Let your teen know that you respect them and value their opinion. When you’re facing a tough decision or solving a problem, talk to them about it and ask what they would do in your place. Teens are used to being on the receiving end of a lot of advice. Asking for their perspective validates their maturity and helps them feel confident stepping into a more grown-up role.
   6. Practice scary scenarios. Whether they’re facing a difficult conversation with a friend, a big speech at school, or some other event that tests their confidence, practice empowers teens to show up as the best version of themselves. You can offer to role-play the situation or talk through different possible responses or outcomes. Nothing builds confidence like having been there before.
   7. Take on challenges together. Confidence comes from achieving goals and learning how to handle setbacks and failure. Taking on challenges together as a family can empower teens to tackle their own individual aims. Run a 5K, build a treehouse, or download a self-care app together– any challenge works as long as everybody is equally invested in success.
   8. Watch for their sensitive spots. Teens are painfully aware that everything from their appearance to their abilities and achievements is under constant scrutiny from peers. Most teens are confident in some areas but not so much in others. Parents can help teens make sure these sensitive spots don’t override their overall confidence. Help them practice self-compassion, embrace their uniqueness, play up their skills and positive qualities, and surround themselves with people who love them just as they are.
   9. Protect against perfectionism. Perfectionism in teens is a big confidence-killer. High-achieving teens can get discouraged when their efforts fall short of their ideals, like the athlete driven by body dysmorphia or the honor roll student overwhelmed by anxiety because they’re not ranked top of their class. Help your teen value growth, learning, fun, and friendship over perfect scores, and remind them that their worth can’t be measured by numbers. Confident teens take pride in their achievements but don’t let those achievements define them.
   10. Model and praise courage. It’s been said that confidence is a feeling, while courage is a choice. We can’t always feel confident, but we can still choose to act with courage. When you let your teen see you being brave, you’re showing them how to face their fears, too. And when you praise their courageous acts, it validates them for taking the risk to grow. Confidence may not be necessary to act courageously, but courage always builds confidence.

The upshot? Brain science has evolved fast in the past few decades. Researchers now know a lot about what’s going on inside the brains of teenagers, but you don’t have to be a neuroscientist to understand the basics. Here are five facts about the teenage brain that all parents should keep in mind:

The teenage brain is still developing. One of the last regions of the brain to mature is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. The brain isn’t fully developed until about age 25, so when teenagers demonstrate risky behavior or poor judgment, it’s not a failure on their parents’ part. Teens really are less capable of thinking through the consequences of their actions and planning for outcomes. Each time teens learn from a mistake; they strengthen their reasoning skills. And when parents help teens map out a plan, consider possible results, and make a decision, it lays the neural foundation for a lifetime of good judgment.

The teenage brain is more emotional. What causes teen drama and mood swings? Because their frontal brains are still developing, teens rely more on the limbic brain to make decisions. The limbic brain, especially the amygdala, is associated with emotions, impulses, and the fight-or-flight stress response. Psychologist Marwa Azab says, “During the teen years, it helps to think of the amygdala as the ‘gossiper.’ It loves to spread bad news and rumors… So, a teen might end up misperceiving a benign ‘hello’ as ‘I am watching you’ or ‘I noticed that pimple.’\” Until the prefrontal cortex develops to help them keep fears and impulses in check, teens are more likely to experience intense emotions–especially in response to stress.

The teenage brain is packed with potential. Around puberty, teens experience a big boost in neuroplasticity. Their brains are rapidly changing in response to their environment, and all that plasticity means potential. Research shows that brain processing and memory-forming power peak at age 18. Challenging, stimulating experiences make a lasting impression on the teenage brain, so it\’s the perfect time to learn or perfect language, music, academic, and athletic skills. Teens are also primed to benefit from experiences that expand the way they see the world and their place in it, like travel, volunteering, after-school jobs, and summer internships. But Psychologist Laurence Steinberg says it’s important to remember that “puberty makes the brain more sensitive to all sorts of environmental influences, both good and bad,” so parents still have a major role to play in protecting their teens from negative influences.

The teenage brain is more vulnerable to stress. Adolescence is one of life’s biggest transitions, bringing neurological, physical, social, and emotional changes. This makes teens more vulnerable to stress and mental health problems. Many mental health disorders—including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, and self-harm—are more likely to emerge during the teenage years. And according to the CDC, the COVID-19 pandemic caused the mental health of teens to take a dramatic downturn. Parents can help by sharing strategies for stress reduction, like mindfulness, deep breathing, and talking openly about hard things. Long-term healthy habits, like managing social media time and getting enough sleep and exercise, also help teens keep stress in check.

The teenage brain is incredibly resilient. You–and your teen–may need a reminder from time to time, but they are strong, capable, and adaptable. As their brains are developing, teens are learning skills to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. Every experience is creating new neural connections that build their brain’s capacity to handle life’s challenges. Strategies for self-regulation, social and emotional well-being, and growth mindset can have a profoundly positive impact on teens by helping them develop positive outlooks and habits. And while mistakes are inevitable, teens are perfectly poised to learn from their errors and bounce back.

Frances Jensen tells her readers that, despite the bad hair dye and countless other mishaps, she and her son made it through his teen years just fine. “Yes, you can survive your teenagers’ adolescence,” she says. “And so can they. And you will have a lot of stories to tell after it’s all over.”

Lucero is developing a gamified app to help teens begin their adventure to self-discovery. Sign up here to get early access to this innovative youth-driven, spirit-infused technology.