While being alone together affects all ages, the risks are especially high for tweens and teens. That’s because adolescents are developmentally wired to learn social skills through real-life relationships. The resulting sense of belonging and connection to others is frequently recognized as the most significant predictor of teen mental health. Teenagers who have healthy relationships with family and friends are better able to manage stress and maintain mental and emotional well-being.

The Role of Technology

According to a report by the U.S. Surgeon General, technology can both enhance and detract from social connection. Potential harms include “technology that displaces in-person engagement, monopolizes our attention, reduces the quality of our interactions, and even diminishes our self-esteem.” The report notes that frequent phone use during face-to-face interactions is known to “increase distraction, reduce conversation quality, and lower self-reported enjoyment of time spent together in-person.” One study showed that those who use social media for more than two hours a day were about twice as likely to report feelings of social isolation as those who use social media for less than 30 minutes per day.

But technology also provides social benefits, which include “providing opportunities to stay in touch with friends and family, offering other routes for social participation for those with disabilities, and creating opportunities to find community.” According to a recent survey conducted by the Pew Research Center, 80% of teens said social media helps them stay more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives, 67% percent said it makes them feel like they have people who can support them through tough times, and 58% said it makes them feel more accepted. Experts agree that the challenge is figuring out how to balance the use of technology so we can reap the benefits without succumbing to the harmful effects.

How to Create Real Connection

Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens learn to use technology in healthier ways and manage their social lives so they aren’t spending too much time alone together. Here are our top five tips for creating real connection:

1. Prioritize IRL relationships.

While online connections can provide some social support, they’re not as beneficial as real-life friendships. Tweens and teens need in-person relationships to develop critical social skills like active listening, reading social cues and resolving conflict. Keep in mind that researchers say having having just one or two close friendships can be just as good as or better than having a large group of friends. Emphasize quality over quantity.

2. Use technology that supports emotional regulation and connection.

Not all social media and devices are created equal. Resources like Lucero help teens learn emotional regulation skills, strengthen relationships and maintain mental health and overall well-being. Help your tween or teen pay attention to how their technology use makes them feel. Do they feel affirmed and supported, or are they experiencing loneliness, FOMO, or conflict? Encourage technologies that make them feel more present, capable of regulating their emotions, and connected to others who support them.

3. Create alternatives to screen time.

Part of the lure of digital devices is that they’re so accessible. When we’re feeling lonely, it’s easier to pick up our phones and scroll through TikTok than it is to call a friend and invite them to go for a walk. Be intentional about offering tweens and teens opportunities to cultivate genuine connections, like planning a fun outing or game night and inviting their friends.

4. Eat meals together.

The simple act of sitting down to a meal with family or friends – device free – may be one of the most powerful ways to counter the negative effects of being “alone together.” A recent study found that social eating – meals enjoyed with chosen company, including family and/or friends – were strongly associated with reduced stress, anxiety and depression in adolescents. Researchers also say that eating meals together enhances peer acceptance, problem-solving skills and overall well-being. Instead of feeling lonely in the midst of friends and family, they have a consistent source of social support and true belonging.

1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.

You could say that to be confident is to trust yourself. Confidence gives teens faith in their own abilities and a secure sense of self-reliance. It’s the cornerstone quality that helps them navigate the changes of adolescence, make good choices and thrive in a rapidly-changing world.

Why Confidence is Key

Teens who lack confidence miss out on critical growth opportunities because they are less likely to take risks, join in activities and speak up for themselves. They may expect to fail or become overly perfectionistic. They’re also more susceptible to depression, anxiety, substance-use, self-harm and being negatively influenced by peers.

High levels of confidence, in contrast, are proven to protect teens’ mental health. Confident teens are more emotionally resilient, optimistic, persistent and self-compassionate. They have more social support and lower levels of common mental health problems like depression and anxiety. And confident teens are more likely to get the most out of opportunities for growth and self-discovery, like challenging classes and team sports. In short, teens who lack confidence struggle, and teens who have confidence thrive.

The Perfect Storm

Adolescence challenges kids’ confidence in multiple, intersecting ways. In the span of a few years, teens undergo seismic shifts in their bodies, brain chemistry, and emotional and social landscapes. In the midst of all that change, they are tasked with crafting their identities and taking on new levels of independence and responsibility. And because they\’re neurologically wired to seek belonging with peers, the opinions of others suddenly matter much more.

These rapid-fire changes test even the most well-adjusted teens. In a study of 1,300 tween and teen girls, authors Claire Shipman, Katty Kay, and JillEllyn Riley discovered that, between the ages of 8 and 14, confidence levels dropped by 30%. “The change can be baffling to many parents,” they write in The Atlantic. “Their young girls are masters of the universe, full of gutsy fire. But as puberty sets in, their confidence nose-dives, and those same daughters can transform into unrecognizably timid, cautious, risk-averse versions of their former self.”

Why You Need a Proactive Plan

Because of the multiple factors that can damage teens’ confidence, it\’s not enough to leave it up to chance. Teens need a proactive plan to gain tools, strategies and habits that build their confidence and keep it high. Here are three things parents can do to put a solid plan in place:

1. Keep communicating.

Confident teens know their parents and caregivers are on their team, and they feel comfortable communicating about what matters most to them and any challenges they’re going through. It’s natural, though, for teens to become more guarded and private during adolescence. To keep the lines of communication open, stay curious about your teen’s interests. That’s where they feel most confident and, when they know you care about what’s important to them, they’ll see you as an ally in other areas, too.

1. Support them in getting out of their comfort zone.

Taking on a challenge can be scary at any age, but it’s one of the best ways to build confidence. Author Alex Malley says, “Take a risk and take action despite your fear of failure, messing up or embarrassment. If things work out, then you now know you can do more than you think. If things don’t work out, you now know that you can handle more than you think. Either way, you’re better off.” Help your teen explore the world around them and get comfortable taking positive risks. When you know they really want to try something new, be their cheerleader.

1. Build healthy habits.

Teens need daily practice to keep their confidence high. Healthy habits like positive self-talk, mindfulness and self-care are essential tools to protect teens’ confidence and boost their self-awareness. Our gamified wellness app, Lucero, was designed with teen confidence in mind; in fact, it’s a key topic in World 1. It’s a fun, no-pressure way for teens to get daily inspiration and encouragement and build healthy habits.