sense of identity – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com A wellness app for you and your crew Mon, 10 Mar 2025 21:24:59 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://lucerospeaks.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/cropped-favicon-32x32.png sense of identity – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com 32 32 218056427 The Science of Belonging and Connection https://lucerospeaks.com/the-science-of-belonging-and-connection/ Tue, 28 Mar 2023 00:10:52 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/the-science-of-belonging-and-connection/ “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all people,” says researcher and author Brené Brown. “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.” Belonging is important at every age, but it’s especially important for tweens and teens. Research shows that close, trusting relationships with family, friends, school and community protect youth mental health. Experiences of belonging also “raise our sense of well-being and self-worth, improve our performance, lessen our defensiveness and hostility… and make us more compassionate,”says Stanford psychology professor Geoffrey L. Cohen. Here’s how the science of belonging and connection can benefit your teen:

1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.

]]> 3848 6 Steps to Creating Family Rituals https://lucerospeaks.com/6-steps-to-creating-family-rituals/ Thu, 03 Nov 2022 15:38:12 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/6-steps-to-creating-family-rituals/ Family rituals can include everything from holiday traditions passed down through generations to Taco Tuesday and the silly way you always say goodnight. As teens become more independent, these rituals matter more, not less. Rituals strengthen bonds between family members by creating shared memories and reinforcing shared values. They’re a way of saying, “this is who we are as a family,” giving teens a crucial sense of belonging and identity. Rituals also help teens feel secure in the midst of transitions and protect them against the negative effects of stress and anxiety. To create meaningful family rituals with your teen, follow these six steps:

  1. Appreciate the rituals you already have. 

Almost anything you do together as a family on a regular basis can become a ritual. Do you and your teen have any secret code words or inside jokes? Do you always make waffles on Sunday morning or order pizza when you watch a movie together? How do you celebrate birthdays, holidays and other special occasions? Take a moment to jot down whatever comes to mind– you’ll probably discover that your family already has more than a few rituals. You may also discover some “almost-rituals” that can be upgraded with a little effort.

2. Think about how you can infuse more meaning into each day. 

Rituals pause the hustle of daily life so we can remember what matters most. A ritual doesn’t have to be complex or time-consuming to be meaningful; it just needs to create a moment of heart-connection. To start a new ritual, think about how you can make daily routines a little more sacred or special. Always saying “I love you” at bedtime or sharing a blessing before dinner are powerful rituals because they create connection every day. So how can you and your teen share more meaningful moments throughout the day?

3. Ask your teen what matters most to them. 

As teens get older, many may not care as much about family rituals, and sometimes they flat-out refuse to participate. Rebelling against family customs is one way teens test out their independence. But even if your teen responds with groans and eye rolls, rituals are still important. Instead of insisting “this is how we always do it” or giving up a treasured tradition, talk with your teen. Ask about their favorite ways to spend time together and what they think makes your family unique. Talk about positive memories you both have. Explore how you might create new rituals or make old ones more meaningful now that your teen is growing up.

4. Know when to let go. 

Sometimes a ritual just doesn’t work for everyone anymore. Schedules shift, roles change, and teens acquire busy social lives, extracurricular activities and jobs. Remember that the goal of family rituals is bonding and there are many ways to do that. If you’re the only one who wants to keep a ritual alive, it might be better to change it up or even let it go for a while. Emphasize the rituals that do work and find new ways to nurture family connections. Lots of teens go through a few years of rebellion only to return to cherished traditions later on.

5. Explore your family history. 

Find inspiration for new rituals by investigating your heritage with your teen. Interview older relatives, make a family tree online, or research the cultural traditions represented in your family’s backgrounds. What holidays and festivals did your ancestors celebrate? What food, dances, clothing and other customs were a part of their lives? What were their struggles, and how are those reflected in rituals? Do you have stories, recipes, photos or keepsakes you can share with your teen? Learning rituals rooted in the past helps teens form a stronger sense of who they want to become in the future.

6. Base rituals on values. 

Whatever shape they take, family rituals are one of the ways values are passed down to future generations. Make a list of the values you want to convey to your teen and ask whether they are reflected in your family’s current rituals. If not, simply stating, “We do this because it reminds us how much we value _____,” can help rituals rise above the same old routine. A ritual based on gratitude could be sharing one thing you feel thankful for every day, keeping an ongoing gratitude list on a chalkboard wall, or serving Thanksgiving dinner at a shelter each year.

Although they may be small and simple acts, rituals like these can help you and your teen stay grounded in the things that matter most, together.

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