1. Change your definition of success.

Lots of teens excel academically and shine in extracurricular activities but feel stressed all the time. According to the nonprofit organization Challenge Success, 56% of teens say their stress about school has increased since the pandemic. The five major stressors they cited are grades, tests and other assessments, overall workload, lack of sleep, and time management. These teens are on track to experience burnout, characterized by irritability, sleep-deprivation, exhaustion, near-constant anxiety, and loss of motivation. In other words, without self-care teens eventually won’t be able to maintain their level of success. To protect your teen from burnout, uplevel your own understanding of success to include well-being that’s sustainable over the long-term. Then make sure your teen knows that’s what matters most to you.

2. Teach them a variety of techniques.

Each teen’s nervous system, stress-triggers, schedule and circumstances are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Support your teen by teaching them a variety of techniques that can be used whenever and wherever they are needed. To start, try equipping your teen with these meditation and mindfulness apps, stress strategies and time management tools. Help them stick to healthy routines for mealtimes and bedtimes and get plenty of exercise. Challenge Success emphasizes the importance of playtime, downtime and family time for kids of all ages. The more tools teens have, the more likely they’ll be to remember and reach for the right one.

3. Schedule self-care.

To learn how to manage stress, teens need to be proactive in their self-care. That means not waiting until they’re super-stressed to do something nourishing for themselves. Teens are just as busy as their parents, and as we all know, it’s easy to leave self-care as the last thing on the to-do list. The best way to ensure a regular self-care practice is to schedule it. A good goal is to schedule at least one self-care commitment each day. It can change based on how your teen is feeling, and may include everything from going for a run, calling a friend, watching funny videos, taking a karate class or reading a book for fun. The important thing is that it alleviates stress and makes your teen feel good.

4. Say “no” and set boundaries.

Sometimes self-care is not about doing more – it’s about doing less. When they feel stressed, teach your teen to ask themselves if there’s something they could do less of, let go of, or say “no” to. Setting boundaries takes practice, so help your teen think through their priorities and the pros and cons of each situation. Remind them that boundaries aren’t so much about keeping people or experiences out; they’re more about protecting and prioritizing their own well-being so they can keep showing up as their best self. Boundaries are an important part of self-care because they teach teens how to care for and respect  themselves and others, meet expectations, and create physical and emotional safety. And there’s no better formula for success.

Can something so simple really make a difference to teens? A recent study of nearly 400 11th-graders says yes. The more students practiced mindful breathing techniques, the more they reported feeling capable of managing stress. Lead researcher Deborah Schussler says that’s because mindful breathing buys teens time to take charge of their emotions. “It gives you a pause so that automatic response, which is frequently not the best response, is hijacked.” Another big plus, Schussler says, is that mindful breathing is “a portable practice that students can easily integrate anytime, anywhere.” To introduce the benefits of mindful breathing to your teen, try these four research-backed practices:

• Box Breathing 

Best for: emotional self-regulation, managing stress and anxiety

Picture a box with four equal sides. Inhale to a count of four as you mentally trace one of the sides of the box. Then hold your breath for a count of four, tracing another side. Then exhale to a count of four, and hold for a count of four. Repeat. Box breathing is used by soldiers, first responders and others to stay calm and in control in high-stress situations. It works by taming the sympathetic nervous system response, which ramps up stress hormones like cortisol as the body prepares to fight or flee. Box breathing can be used in any situation that triggers stress. It’s especially useful for teens with anxiety of any kind (like social, performance, or test anxiety) or teens who struggle to stay in control of intense emotions.

• Body Scan

Best for: relaxation, self-care, teens who have trouble winding down

A body scan meditation is usually guided by a recording, like this practice on Insight Timer. It’s a step-by-step way to relax the body by breathing deeply and focusing on one part at a time: “Bring your attention to your feet. Feel the sensations of your feet resting against the floor, the texture of your socks. Maybe wiggle your toes. Now imagine that you can send your breath down into your feet, relaxing them completely as you exhale.” When teens are tense, they tend to hold their breath. Shallow breathing stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s responsible for processing stressful stimuli, and makes it even harder for teens to calm down. Listening to a body scan helps teens relax and can even help them fall asleep. Try doing this practice as a family to give everyone a little much-needed down-time.

• Counting Breaths

Best for: focus and concentration, neurodiverse teens

The simple technique of counting breaths can help teens train their brains to boost focus and concentration. One study asked participants to track their breaths on each exhale, counting one through nine and then starting over after the ninth breath. Not surprisingly, experienced meditators found it easier to pay attention. That means the more teens practice, the more they enhance their ability to focus. All participants reported “more self-awareness, less mind wandering, better mood and less distraction.” The results suggest that counting breaths may be especially beneficial for teens with ADHD or on the autism spectrum, as well as any teen who needs help directing attention. To track concentration with your teen, try counting up to ten breaths at a time.

• Energizing Breath

Best for: energy and alertness

Does your teen struggle to stay awake in boring classes or get tired when they’re studying? This breath practice can help them regulate the flow of oxygen in their blood, which energizes the body and makes the brain more alert. Diaphragmatic breathing or “belly breathing” engages the diaphragm by relaxing the muscles of the stomach and allowing deep, full breaths. It’s the way we should be breathing all the time, but factors like stress, hunching over phones or computers, and even sucking in our stomachs to look thinner cause us to breathe shallowly. Teach teens to inhale deeply to a count of two, then exhale to a count of two. Then inhale to a count of two, and exhale to a count of three. Continue breathing in to a count of two and extending the exhale each time until they’re exhaling to a count of five. In only about one minute, teens get an almost-instant energy uplift.

Why is routine so important for teens? Adolescence brings with it intense physical, emotional, and social change. When so much of a teen’s life is in flux, the predictability of everyday routines is grounding. As the study’s lead author Allen Barton says, “We often lose sight of the mundane aspects of life, but if we can get control of the… everyday parts of life, then I think we can have a major impact on some bigger things.” The benefits of routine include:

• Enhanced closeness and bonding: Consistent routines send the message that you’re there for your teen and they can trust and count on you.
• Physical well-being: Regular bedtimes help set your teen’s body clock so they know when it’s time to go to sleep and wake up. Similarly, regular mealtimes help teens stay on track with healthier habits.
• Increased responsibility: When teens’ chores are scheduled and expectations are clear and consistent, they learn to keep commitments and care for others.
• Executive skills: Predictable routines help teens learn valuable lifelong skills like time management, organization, self-monitoring and self-control.

You may be asking, How can we get started with more stable routines… especially if my teen is already used to less structure? Parenting experts agree you should start small and involve teens in planning. Create one new routine at a time and begin with something that feels fun and rewarding, like a monthly game night or weekly dinner at home with the whole family. Ask your teen to help you brainstorm how to make your existing everyday routines more enjoyable and efficient, or create new rituals and traditions. This approach helps teens buy into routines as beneficial rather than seeing them as limiting.

Know that some teens like and need routine more than others. To give your teen a sense of ownership, talk with them about the habits they want to cultivate and the goals they are working towards, then work together to establish one small supportive change at a time. Approach new routines as an experiment instead of a rigid rule: try something out and if it doesn’t work, be prepared to modify it. When schedules or circumstances change– like at the start of the school year or when your teen adds an activity– it’s a good time to reevaluate routines. Above all, stay flexible and keep communicating.

More tips for setting successful routines:

• Think about your teen’s (and family’s) pressure-points: Is it always a battle to get out of bed in the morning? Do you tend to get super-stressed around homework or meal times? These areas are the perfect place to start creating more structure.
• Make it simple to accomplish tasks without investing a ton of time and energy. Remember that reducing stress often involves having to make fewer choices, so consider routines like a rotating weekly menu or prepping outfits the night before.
• Teens are chronically sleep deprived, so sleep is one of the most powerful places to establish routines. Emphasize consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, especially on school days.
• Don’t forget to factor in downtime, exercise and time with friends. These activities are all critical supports for teen mental health, and should be a priority even for busy teens.
• Make a shared family calendar and include reminders for the most important routines. From phone notifications to the old-fashioned chore chart, visual and auditory cues help your teen get used to new structure.
• Incentivize progress. When your teen– or your whole family– sticks to a new routine, make sure you celebrate success.
• Don’t be rigid: If a routine gets disrupted, just stay positive and start over tomorrow. And take time to periodically reevaluate routines to make sure they’re still in everyone’s best interests.

Teens who dream big have an optimistic outlook, and optimism in teens correlates with lower rates of depression and mood disorders and higher levels of goal setting, coping skills, and self-confidence. Optimism is a mindset that can be cultivated and helping your teen dream big is a great place to start. Here are some ways you can support your teen in reaching for the stars!

Expand their worldview.

Nothing helps teens dream big like being exposed to new experiences, places, people, and ideas. The teenage brain is wired to absorb information from diverse sources and weave it together in exciting ways. When introduced to something that inspires them, teens often experience states of awe and wonder that spark their creativity and shape their sense of what’s possible. Travel is a major motivator for many teens: a trip to a national park might get them curious about conservation, or a summer abroad might inspire them to become fluent in a foreign language. Volunteering and summer or after-school jobs also rank high for “a-ha” moments, as does exposure to art, music, history, nature, or new technology. It’s best to let your teen take the lead and tell you what they’re interested in learning, but don’t underestimate the power of the unexpected. One teen we talked to was surprised to fall in love with horticulture during a summer job on the farm of a family friend. The more new and diverse experiences you can share with them, the better.

Help them meet mentors.

Even teens who have one or more caring, engaged parents on their team can experience great benefits from mentorship. Mentors provide support and guidance and can help teens discover and nurture their passions. According to MENTOR, teens with a mentor are 55% less likely than their peers to skip a day of school, 78% more likely to volunteer, and a whopping 130% more likely to hold leadership positions. Lots of mentor relationships get started in informal ways, with relatives, neighbors, or family friends. If your teen is interested in a particular field, maybe you know someone with expertise in that area. Could your teen meet up to chat or spend a day shadowing them? Teens can also meet mentors through volunteer opportunities, jobs, and internships. Since teens may lack confidence in approaching adults, parents can help them identify organizations and people they would be excited to learn from, plan how they’ll reach out, and set goals to get the most out of the experience.

Seek out stories of inspiring teens.

A quick Google search is all it takes to discover almost endless examples of teens who are dreaming big and changing the world. Check out scientist and Time’s first Kid of the Year Gitanjali Rao, Klothes 4 Kids founder Nijel Murray, and punk band The Linda Lindas. Teens are inspiring others as entrepreneurs, activists, content creators, artists, gamers, and inventors. While they are making their mark in different ways, most say they started with a passion or curiosity and just decided to go for it. Peer role models inspire other teens to ask, “If they can do it, why not me?” Many share advice for other teens on how to take action via podcasts, YouTube videos, and TED Talks. Try watching or listening with your teen to spark a conversation about where their own passion and curiosity might lead. Note that lots of successful teens credit their parents for supporting them and helping them set their projects in motion.

Finally, and most importantly, help your teen discover and nurture their passion. Give them space to explore, try new things, and learn from any mistakes they make along the way. Let them know you’ll always be there to help and that nothing could make you prouder than cheering them on. And be an example of someone who’s not afraid to take risks to make your own dreams come true. Your teen probably has some ideas to inspire you, too! 

Researchers attribute rising teen stress levels to the same factors that drive adult stress, including unrealistic expectations and unrelenting pressure to succeed. Between homework, extracurricular activities, jobs, friends, and family, teens’ schedules are often just as packed as those of their parents.

One stress strategy that’s often overlooked for teens is simply… simplifying. With these six ideas, parents can help teens stress less, find fulfillment, and embrace the idea that sometimes, less is more.

1. Know what matters most. Simplifying our lives is about making more room for the things that are important to us and letting go of the things that aren\’t. To do that, we have to know what we value and what gives our lives meaning. Talking with your teen about what is important to them – and to the whole family – is a foundational step in helping them figure out what to keep and what to let go. These talks don’t have to be super-serious. Questions like, “If you could only choose one ____ or ____, what would you pick?” are light-hearted openers that invite deeper conversations. Teens are more likely to embrace simplification if you keep the emphasis on fun and fulfillment.

2. Create morning and evening routines. Stress thrives on chaos. One of the first places to simplify is the times that tend to get chaotic for busy families: the start and end of each day. Planning an advance-prep evening routine makes mornings go more smoothly. Teens can get in the habit of choosing clothes or putting lunch together so they don’t have to think about it when they’re rushing to get ready. Other ideas for routines include creating a bathroom schedule and weekly menu, setting up a family charging station, synchronizing transportation, and leaving gym bags, instrument cases, and backpacks packed and by the door.

3. Clear the clutter. When teens can’t find their homework or favorite hoodie because their room is always a disaster, it’s time for a clutter clean-out. Clutter makes it hard for teens to think clearly, focus, and accomplish tasks. Instead of targeting only your teen’s space, make it a whole-house project. Take turns picking music to make it fun. Label bags or bins for items to keep, toss, or donate, and let your teen choose a favorite charity to receive donated items. Once the clutter is cleared, consider an organization upgrade. Tons of colorful, fun organization options are available for teens, from rolling carts to desktop organizers to technology docking stations.

4. Reduce choices. We all feel overwhelmed when we have too many options to choose from (as any shopper staring at a wall of toothpaste or toilet paper will tell you). But it\’s developmentally important for teens to have choices, along with the increased autonomy and responsibility of making them. Parents can strike a balance by filtering their teen’s options. For example, “We have the bandwidth for you to do two extracurriculars this year; which two are you really excited about?” or “We can have eggs or smoothies for breakfast; your choice.” Teens can always speak up if they want something that’s not offered, but often they’re happy to have some of the pressure to decide taken off their plate.

5. Teach your teen to say ‘no.’ It sounds simple, but saying ‘no’ can be tough for teens. Reasons include fear of conflict, confrontation, disappointing others, or classic FOMO. But teens need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for themselves, and that means getting comfortable saying ‘no’ sometimes. Teach teens to stop and check in with themselves before automatically agreeing to a new invitation or activity. Does it feel fun, interesting, or important? Does it conflict with a previous commitment? Is there something they would rather be doing? Are they feeling any pressure from themselves or others? Helping them access their internal compass makes it easier for them to say no when they need to.

6. Create a family downtime ritual. As always, parents must model the behavior they want kids to embrace. One way to make simplicity more meaningful is to schedule consistent family time – maybe every Thursday night or Sunday afternoon – and intentionally dial down the intensity. Play board games, watch a movie, or make dinner together, but keep it relaxed and low-key. You might agree to silence your cell phones or turn off notifications and just focus on enjoying each other’s company. This lets your teen know that no matter how busy life gets, some things are sacred, and choosing to do and have a little less gives us a lot more of what matters most.

Simplifying can feel like a radical way to parent because we live in a culture in which “busyness” is a badge of success. But, the rising numbers of teens navigating stress and mental health challenges affirm that opportunities to help your teen simplify and focus are far more likely to assure their success.