1. Change your definition of success.

Lots of teens excel academically and shine in extracurricular activities but feel stressed all the time. According to the nonprofit organization Challenge Success, 56% of teens say their stress about school has increased since the pandemic. The five major stressors they cited are grades, tests and other assessments, overall workload, lack of sleep, and time management. These teens are on track to experience burnout, characterized by irritability, sleep-deprivation, exhaustion, near-constant anxiety, and loss of motivation. In other words, without self-care teens eventually won’t be able to maintain their level of success. To protect your teen from burnout, uplevel your own understanding of success to include well-being that’s sustainable over the long-term. Then make sure your teen knows that’s what matters most to you.

2. Teach them a variety of techniques.

Each teen’s nervous system, stress-triggers, schedule and circumstances are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Support your teen by teaching them a variety of techniques that can be used whenever and wherever they are needed. To start, try equipping your teen with these meditation and mindfulness apps, stress strategies and time management tools. Help them stick to healthy routines for mealtimes and bedtimes and get plenty of exercise. Challenge Success emphasizes the importance of playtime, downtime and family time for kids of all ages. The more tools teens have, the more likely they’ll be to remember and reach for the right one.

3. Schedule self-care.

To learn how to manage stress, teens need to be proactive in their self-care. That means not waiting until they’re super-stressed to do something nourishing for themselves. Teens are just as busy as their parents, and as we all know, it’s easy to leave self-care as the last thing on the to-do list. The best way to ensure a regular self-care practice is to schedule it. A good goal is to schedule at least one self-care commitment each day. It can change based on how your teen is feeling, and may include everything from going for a run, calling a friend, watching funny videos, taking a karate class or reading a book for fun. The important thing is that it alleviates stress and makes your teen feel good.

4. Say “no” and set boundaries.

Sometimes self-care is not about doing more – it’s about doing less. When they feel stressed, teach your teen to ask themselves if there’s something they could do less of, let go of, or say “no” to. Setting boundaries takes practice, so help your teen think through their priorities and the pros and cons of each situation. Remind them that boundaries aren’t so much about keeping people or experiences out; they’re more about protecting and prioritizing their own well-being so they can keep showing up as their best self. Boundaries are an important part of self-care because they teach teens how to care for and respect  themselves and others, meet expectations, and create physical and emotional safety. And there’s no better formula for success.

1. Help them get out of their comfort zone.

Adolescence is supposed to be a time of exploration, according to Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan. “Young people do not usually develop a specific purpose and then go become an expert in that thing,” Cook-Deegan says. “Rather, they are exposed to something new that helps them develop their own sense of purpose. In short, in most cases experiences lead to developing purpose, not the other way around.” That means the more new experiences your teen has, the better. Cook-Deegan suggests wilderness programs, travel abroad and service-learning experiences for teens, but even everyday adventures and challenges can spark a new perspective. Think about how you can make trying new things fun for the whole family and support your teen in going for big goals. Each exploration will teach them more about who they are and how they can contribute.

2. Support them in standing up for themselves.

Last year, eleven-year-old Riley realized that her female friends were getting written up for dress code violations way more often than boys, and that made her mad. She talked to her mom Laurel and a supportive teacher, and they came up with a plan for Riley and her friends to write their recommendations for a fairer dress code and present them to the principal. “They made the point that girls shouldn’t have to feel shame about their bodies and got some changes made to a long-outdated dress code,” Laurel says proudly. “Now Riley feels powerful; she knows her voice counts and if something doesn’t sit well with her, she can speak up to change it.” If something is bothering your teen, it’s likely impacting others, too. Instead of getting stuck in frustration, they can use their perspective to promote positive change for everyone involved.

3. Take action together.

We all want to protect kids from life’s harsh realities, but teens are well-aware of the challenges – from climate change to gun violence – affecting their generation. A more empowering approach is to talk openly with your teen about issues they feel anxious about and find a way to take action together. Ask your teen for their opinion on current events and follow up with thoughtful questions. Be careful not to impose your own views or minimize theirs. Conversations like these help teens realize that their perspectives matter: a big first step in feeling like they can make a difference. If they are interested in a particular issue, find ways to get involved together, like attending a march, writing letters or volunteering for a cause or campaign. Great questions to ask: What do you think would make a difference here? How can I support you in taking action? Could we do something about this together? 

4. Elevate empathy.

Some of the most heroic teens are those who quietly spread empathy wherever they go: inviting the new kid to eat lunch with them, carrying groceries for an elderly neighbor, or offering a listening ear when friends are having a hard time. In the current epidemic of loneliness and mental health challenges, being kind and compassionate is one of the most powerful ways to make a difference in the lives of others. Remind your teen that these small acts of kindness may literally be life-saving, and they’re helping to build a culture of compassion in their schools and communities. By the way, research shows this prosocial behavior produces exponential benefits for both givers and receivers. It reduces stress, increases feelings of gratitude and belonging, and boosts overall mental health: a win-win for everyone.

Visualization is creating a visual image in one’s mind or mentally rehearsing to learn skills or enhance performance. It allows us to experience and feel a situation that hasn\’t happened yet as if it were real. Imagining ourselves performing an action activates the same neurons in the brain as when we actually do that action. With practice, visualization builds new neural pathways that make a goal feel achievable. Visualization can also help us stay motivated and focused by stimulating the release of the feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine. Boosting brain power with visualization has big benefits for teens:

1. It reduces stress and anxiety. Visualization makes a new situation feel familiar, so it’s not so intimidating. In one study, teens who used visualization showed lower levels of anxiety and better overall mental health.
2. It builds confidence and coping skills. Visualization allows teens to imagine problems and possible solutions, giving them the confidence to cope with challenges.
3. It activates the subconscious mind. While the conscious mind is visualizing, the subconscious generates creative ideas and seeks novel connections to support teens in achieving their goals.
4. It builds motivation. As the saying goes, “Seeing is believing.” When teens are able to see themselves as successful, they are more likely to stretch themselves.

Our Top Visualization Tips for Teens:

Relax the Body and the Brain. If teens are stressed or unfocused, visualization won’t work. To get the most out of visualization, teens should pick a time when they’re alert but relaxed, like after they wake up, after a few minutes of mindfulness, or just before they go to bed. If it’s before a performance or a test, teach them to take a few slow, deep breaths, feel their feet on the floor, and relax their chest, arms, hands, and face before they begin. Activating the nervous system’s relaxation response makes the brain more receptive to input from visualization.

Imagine Emotions. Visualization is more effective when it includes the feelings that inspire teens to reach for their goals. In other words, don’t just picture success: feel it. Help teens get specific in describing the way they want to feel, like powerful, proud, triumphant, fearless, or overjoyed. Then help them imagine feeling those emotions in the present moment. Positive emotions are motivating, and they help edge out any feelings of fear or self-doubt.

Make a Mind Movie. One popular visualization technique asks teens to imagine sitting down to watch a movie of themselves achieving their goal. They envision their progress down to the tiniest detail: their clothes, facial expressions, movements, environment, and any other people. They watch themselves performing perfectly. To go one step further, teens can imagine actually stepping into the screen and experiencing it all over again with their five senses, hearing the sounds, smelling the smells, and feeling the sensations in their bodies. The more sensory details are included, the more real the visualization will feel.

Create a Vision Board. A vision board is a next-level tool for manifesting multiple goals. To make one, teens need poster board, scissors, a glue stick, and a stack of magazines. They’ll flip through the magazines and cut out any images or words that represent their goals and dreams, then make a collage of the images. Digitally inclined teens can make a vision board online with free templates from Canva. Whatever the format, experts say the key is to keep engaging with the vision board. Encourage teens to put it in a place where they’ll see it frequently, update it with new images, and focus on the happy vibes they feel. Even better: when you make vision boards together as a family, you can support each other in making your dreams come true.

Fans of visualization say it’s an almost magical method for manifesting what we wish for. It can help teens get inspired, feel confident, stay motivated, and achieve the goals that matter most to them… what could be more magical than that? 

Encourage emotional awareness.

“The gateway to empathy is emotional literacy,” says Michele Borba, educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. Talking about feelings is how kids learn that emotions matter – their own and others’. Teens first need to know how to identify their feelings. Are they sad, mad, frustrated, hurt? Parents can help teens name and claim emotions by reflecting and asking questions: “It sounds like you’re upset. Are you angry?” The more aware teens are of their own emotions, the more they’ll pay attention to the emotions of others. Parents can ask teens how others might feel, too: “What do you think Jackson was feeling when he said that?” And make sure your teen knows that you have emotions, too. Teens value authenticity. When parents can be vulnerable, it builds trust and a closer connection.

Nurture multigenerational relationships.

Relationships across generations are beneficial for all ages, but they’re especially powerful for teaching teens about compassion. A few generations back, it was common for teens to help take care of younger siblings or senior relatives. These connections teach teens what it means to be responsible for others and often show them just how capable they really are. They also help teens develop compassion for those whose abilities differ from their own. When helping your teen build multigenerational relationships, start close to home. Is there a family member, friend, or neighbor who needs help? Can your teen earn extra money babysitting or running errands for seniors? Many cities have nonprofits that focus on multigenerational relationships. Teens can volunteer to teach technology or deliver meals to seniors, serve as a camp counselor, or tutor a younger student.

Explore different perspectives together.

Think about how you can help your teen develop awareness of cultural, ethnic, and religious plurality as well as differences in age, gender, ability, and economic background. \”Attitudes are caught not taught,\” says LuAnn Hoover, instructor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University. \”Nonverbal actions are picked up on. Kids don\’t attend to what adults say but to what they do. It\’s the saying, \’Actions speak louder than words.\’\” In other words, to embrace different perspectives, teens need to see you walking the talk. Make a project of exploring diverse perspectives and experiences together. Visit museums, watch movies, read books, try different cuisines, and attend local festivals. Emphasize the differences and connections in your own family and community, and help your teen see that they are a part of a big, diverse, interdependent world.

Rethink the chore chart.

Research shows that kids who do chores report better family relationships, but many parents say they’d rather do the chores themselves than have to nag their teens or fight over the definition of a clean room. One problem may be that, in many families, chores aren’t directly connected to caring for each other. Instead of randomly assigning tasks, try sitting down with your teen to rework the chore chart with a focus on how you can support each other. For example, if you work late on Wednesdays, would your teen be willing to get dinner on the table? If your teen has to wake up extra early for practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, could those days be chore-free? When your teen pitches in, make sure you let them know how they’ve helped you: “Thanks for getting your brother ready for school. It gave me extra time to prepare for a big meeting and made my whole day go so much smoother. I really appreciate you.”

There’s nothing as rewarding as seeing your teen express empathy or lend a helping hand to someone in need. These four strategies help teens build rewarding relationships, develop responsibility, and, most importantly, find fulfillment in caring for others. 

Some parents tell us they’ve noticed their passionate children seem to lose some of that spark as teenagers. Others are concerned that their teens seem lost and unmotivated, or struggle with peer pressure. And even kids who find passion at an early age need help to stay balanced. These 4 tips look at passion from a teen’s point of view, so we can help them grow into thriving, happy adults.

SEEK CRYSTALLIZING EXPERIENCES

A crystallizing experience as a moment that leads us to say, “This is the real me, this is what I would like to do, to devote my life to,” according to psychologist Howard Gardner. Childhood and the teen years are often when lifelong passions are discovered. For example, musicians Yo-Yo Ma, Dolly Parton, and Thom Yorke have all described having crystallizing experiences during childhood. These moments are defined by awe and fascination: kids can’t tear themselves away from whatever it is that has captured their attention. Their passion becomes unstoppable. If your child has a crystallizing experience, you won’t have to pry them out of bed for music lessons or dance practice – they’ll never want to quit!

You can ensure that your kids have more opportunities to discover their passion. Give them lots of opportunities to explore the world. Notice what your child is inexplicably drawn to. (Maybe they’re the one always coming up with business ideas or convincing their siblings to learn every TikTok dance.) Take their passion seriously. Offer support, but let your child lead the exploration. Make sure you don’t pressure them to take on your passions; kids are often painfully aware of their parents’ preferences. And if your child does have a crystallizing experience, let them know how magical it is – then help them create positive boundaries around their passion so they don’t neglect other important things, like homework and staying healthy.

HELP THEM FIND THEIR “WHY”

In the viral 2009 TED Talk “Start with Why,” Simon Sinek says that passionate (and successful) people have one thing in common: they know their reason for doing what they do. Teens are neurologically wired to seek purpose, so this is the perfect time to talk to them about what motivates their choices – in other words, help them find their “why.”

Teens who seem unmotivated may be struggling to find this sense of purpose. Parents can help kids recognize if their motivation comes from inside (they find something satisfying; they’re doing it for themselves) or outside (they’re seeking external rewards or avoiding negative consequences). Everyone is motivated by a mix of intrinsic and extrinsic factors, and developing this self-awareness at an earlier age can help kids recognize if they’re feeling pressured, pressuring themselves, or choosing something because it feels right. The more they notice when their choices light them up inside, the more likely they are to find what they’re passionate about and stick with it.

ENCOURAGE EXPLORATION

Teens are doing the hard job of crafting their own unique identities. It’s a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Teens experiment by “trying on” identities, activities, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow. They may suddenly drop an activity they’ve been happily pursuing for years, or insist that they must have a ukulele that you find two weeks later under a pile of laundry. We’ve all been there – but it’s still a rollercoaster for parents.

If your child is in the exploration phase, take heart and take things one day at a time. Remember that new experiences are how kids gather information about themselves and the world. By trying out different things, they’re more likely to develop genuine, lasting passions. And when parents acknowledge exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, kids will feel safe expressing themselves however they are, and whoever they are, knowing that they’re not locking themselves in.

PURSUE YOUR OWN PASSIONS

You want passion for your kids, but are you walking the talk? Perhaps the single most important thing parents can do to encourage passion in their teens is to make their own passions a priority, too. When parents make time for what they love, they send a message to their kids that living with joy and meaning is valued. Think about your own teen years – did you see adults doing what they loved, just for the sake of it? Or was it all work, work, work? We get it – you’re juggling a lot. There’s no time. Maybe all your energy goes to supporting your kids’ extracurricular activities and just managing life. But know that giving yourself even a little more room for curiosity, play, and delight will exponentially benefit your teens by giving them permission to seek passion, too. The happiest families are those in which passion is a shared experience.