1. Change your definition of success.

Lots of teens excel academically and shine in extracurricular activities but feel stressed all the time. According to the nonprofit organization Challenge Success, 56% of teens say their stress about school has increased since the pandemic. The five major stressors they cited are grades, tests and other assessments, overall workload, lack of sleep, and time management. These teens are on track to experience burnout, characterized by irritability, sleep-deprivation, exhaustion, near-constant anxiety, and loss of motivation. In other words, without self-care teens eventually won’t be able to maintain their level of success. To protect your teen from burnout, uplevel your own understanding of success to include well-being that’s sustainable over the long-term. Then make sure your teen knows that’s what matters most to you.

2. Teach them a variety of techniques.

Each teen’s nervous system, stress-triggers, schedule and circumstances are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Support your teen by teaching them a variety of techniques that can be used whenever and wherever they are needed. To start, try equipping your teen with these meditation and mindfulness apps, stress strategies and time management tools. Help them stick to healthy routines for mealtimes and bedtimes and get plenty of exercise. Challenge Success emphasizes the importance of playtime, downtime and family time for kids of all ages. The more tools teens have, the more likely they’ll be to remember and reach for the right one.

3. Schedule self-care.

To learn how to manage stress, teens need to be proactive in their self-care. That means not waiting until they’re super-stressed to do something nourishing for themselves. Teens are just as busy as their parents, and as we all know, it’s easy to leave self-care as the last thing on the to-do list. The best way to ensure a regular self-care practice is to schedule it. A good goal is to schedule at least one self-care commitment each day. It can change based on how your teen is feeling, and may include everything from going for a run, calling a friend, watching funny videos, taking a karate class or reading a book for fun. The important thing is that it alleviates stress and makes your teen feel good.

4. Say “no” and set boundaries.

Sometimes self-care is not about doing more – it’s about doing less. When they feel stressed, teach your teen to ask themselves if there’s something they could do less of, let go of, or say “no” to. Setting boundaries takes practice, so help your teen think through their priorities and the pros and cons of each situation. Remind them that boundaries aren’t so much about keeping people or experiences out; they’re more about protecting and prioritizing their own well-being so they can keep showing up as their best self. Boundaries are an important part of self-care because they teach teens how to care for and respect  themselves and others, meet expectations, and create physical and emotional safety. And there’s no better formula for success.

Burnout affects teens physically, mentally, and emotionally and causes changes in behavior. Physical symptoms include fatigue, lowered immunity, more frequent illness, changes in appetite and sleep, and chronic headaches or upset stomachs. Stressed teens may struggle with focus and concentration, engage in risky behavior, or act irritable, moody, or cynical.

They describe feelings of anxiety, dread, self-doubt, and hopelessness. They often withdraw from friends, family, and activities they once enjoyed. And while any teen is susceptible to burnout, high-achieving and perfectionistic teens experience it at higher rates. If the causes of a teen’s stress don’t change, burnout’s symptoms can go into a downward spiral, worsening over time.

It’s a scary scenario for parents, but researchers remind us that burnout always has an identifiable cause, and therefore can be resolved. “Oftentimes, burnout and depression can mirror each other,” says psychologist Adam Borland. “However, depression is a diagnosable mental health condition, whereas burnout is not.” Depression is generalized and often has no specific cause, but burnout happens in response to one or multiple stressors.

This means that parents and teens can work together to identify the sources of stress and alleviate it. Better yet, parents can use these six strategies to help their teens manage stress and avoid burnout altogether:

Set a positive example. 

Burnout is contagious. If you’re working 12-hour days, feeling overwhelmed all the time, and experiencing the ill effects of chronic stress, your teen is likely feeling it, too. Parents who don’t address their own burnout teach teens that unhealthy stress levels are normal or even a badge of honor. To help your teen, help yourself first. Make sure your teen sees you prioritizing your own well-being and making time for rest, relaxation, exercise, and fun.

Integrate stress management into family time. 

Managing stress often comes down to maintaining healthy habits, and teens learn those habits at home. Routines are stabilizing, so encourage your teen to wake up, go to bed, and eat meals around the same time each day. Other stress-busting habits include regular exercise, boundaries on screen time, and in person social connections with friends and family. Try cooking dinner together one  night a week, planning a regular hike or bike ride, or scheduling shared downtime one weekend a month.

Talk about feelings. 

Burnout’s most harmful consequences show up when teens feel unsupported and alone. Keeping the lines of communication open with your teen helps them process stress and talk through problems before they become critical. Let your teen know their feelings matter and help them develop a robust vocabulary for talking about emotions and stress. Remind them that their well-being is more important to you than their achievements. Above all, be willing to listen, empathize, and ask how you can help.

Be ready to offer support strategies. 

Burned-out teens often say they feel like life is out of control and there’s no way to stop the stress. Teens are learning how to manage new levels of responsibility and independence, and some of their overwhelm is due to the unfamiliarity of juggling it all. Parents can help by providing support strategies like time management tools and mindfulness and meditation apps, or practices like journaling, yoga, or affirmations. What helps you manage your stress? The same techniques may be useful to your teen.

Teach them how to say “no”. 

To avoid burnout, teens must learn how to make choices about their time and energy, and that means saying “no” sometimes. But, just like adults, teens worry that saying “no” will cost them friendships and opportunities, and they may feel guilty for prioritizing themselves. Help your teen practice evaluating requests before they respond and saying “no” in a way that feels authentic and honest. Make sure they’re well-equipped to set boundaries on their time and energy, so they can prioritize what matters most.

Help them learn to take breaks. 

It sounds simple, but today’s teens rarely get a real break. Digital devices and social media make it so that what passes for downtime often actually raises teens’ stress levels. You can remind them to recharge their batteries with rest and self-care whenever they start to feel drained. For ideas, see our posts on how to help your teen unplug and our favorite mini-meditations. These techniques help your teen manage day-to-day stresses, stay centered, and keep burnout at bay.