1. Change your definition of success.

Lots of teens excel academically and shine in extracurricular activities but feel stressed all the time. According to the nonprofit organization Challenge Success, 56% of teens say their stress about school has increased since the pandemic. The five major stressors they cited are grades, tests and other assessments, overall workload, lack of sleep, and time management. These teens are on track to experience burnout, characterized by irritability, sleep-deprivation, exhaustion, near-constant anxiety, and loss of motivation. In other words, without self-care teens eventually won’t be able to maintain their level of success. To protect your teen from burnout, uplevel your own understanding of success to include well-being that’s sustainable over the long-term. Then make sure your teen knows that’s what matters most to you.

2. Teach them a variety of techniques.

Each teen’s nervous system, stress-triggers, schedule and circumstances are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Support your teen by teaching them a variety of techniques that can be used whenever and wherever they are needed. To start, try equipping your teen with these meditation and mindfulness apps, stress strategies and time management tools. Help them stick to healthy routines for mealtimes and bedtimes and get plenty of exercise. Challenge Success emphasizes the importance of playtime, downtime and family time for kids of all ages. The more tools teens have, the more likely they’ll be to remember and reach for the right one.

3. Schedule self-care.

To learn how to manage stress, teens need to be proactive in their self-care. That means not waiting until they’re super-stressed to do something nourishing for themselves. Teens are just as busy as their parents, and as we all know, it’s easy to leave self-care as the last thing on the to-do list. The best way to ensure a regular self-care practice is to schedule it. A good goal is to schedule at least one self-care commitment each day. It can change based on how your teen is feeling, and may include everything from going for a run, calling a friend, watching funny videos, taking a karate class or reading a book for fun. The important thing is that it alleviates stress and makes your teen feel good.

4. Say “no” and set boundaries.

Sometimes self-care is not about doing more – it’s about doing less. When they feel stressed, teach your teen to ask themselves if there’s something they could do less of, let go of, or say “no” to. Setting boundaries takes practice, so help your teen think through their priorities and the pros and cons of each situation. Remind them that boundaries aren’t so much about keeping people or experiences out; they’re more about protecting and prioritizing their own well-being so they can keep showing up as their best self. Boundaries are an important part of self-care because they teach teens how to care for and respect  themselves and others, meet expectations, and create physical and emotional safety. And there’s no better formula for success.

Social Anxiety

Symptoms of social anxiety include:

• Worry about being judged negatively or humiliated
• Intense fear of interacting with strangers
• Avoidance of social events, talking to people, or doing things out of fear of embarrassment
• Self-criticism after social situations

First of all, know that shyness, introversion and preferring a smaller circle of friends are not signs of social anxiety. Some nervousness in social situations is completely normal, and a little anxiety can even help teens steer clear of unsafe situations. But if anxiety is preventing your teen from enjoying their social life or doing things they want to do, it’s time to tackle it. If they avoid every anxiety-provoking situation, they\’ll miss opportunities to learn social skills and build confidence, fulfilling their fears of embarrassment.

To overcome social anxiety, help your teen gradually expand their comfort zone to include more interaction with others. Encourage them to order for themselves at restaurants and ask for assistance when shopping. If they’re open to help, work together to pick a social goal – like joining a club or making a new friend – and plan baby-steps they can take towards meeting it. Help them create a simple ritual for when their anxiety is triggered– like taking three deep breaths and silently saying “I’ve got this” before going into a new or potentially anxiety-provoking situation. Let them know that a little discomfort is a sign of growth and it’s good to lean into it– and that it’s ok to take their time. Praise them each time they challenge themselves and whenever you see them acting with more confidence.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism and anxiety are closely linked in teens, especially in high achievers. Some of the signs to watch for include:

• Fear of taking risks and trying new things
• Procrastination and being anxiously indecisive
• Constant self-criticism and frustration about mistakes
• Being overly concerned about the opinions of others

Again, a little anxiety can motivate teens to work hard and do their best. But if your teen’s sense of self-worth is based on what they do and not who they are, they need help to calm their fears of failure.

Lots of anxious teens say they feel pressure from parents to be perfect, so even if you think it’s obvious, remind your teen that their worth and your love for them have nothing to do with their achievements. Help them get more comfortable taking risks and trying things they’re not already good at. Perfectionist teens often have trouble setting boundaries and taking time for self-care. Help them get organized and assess which activities are the most important and rewarding so they can put those things first. Teach them how to recognize the emotional and physical signs of stress – like getting frustrated or struggling with sleep – and know those signs mean it’s time to take a break. Perfectionist teens also get big benefits from anxiety-reducing exercise, creative hobbies, and time in nature or with friends.

Test Anxiety

Teens with test anxiety experience some or all of the following when preparing for or taking a test:

• Sweating, shaking, racing heartbeat, feeling faint
• Mind going blank
• Negative thoughts about past poor performances or future failure
• Self-judgment and criticism, feeling inadequate

A little nervousness before an exam is normal and can motivate teens to study and be well-prepared. But too much test anxiety causes smart, capable teens to suffer and even struggle academically.

To help your teen, talk through their sources of stress. Is the material challenging? Is it their lack of preparation or disorganization? Or is the pressure of test-taking too intense? A lot of teen test anxiety can be reduced with good study skills and prioritized  preparation. Help teens schedule study time well in advance and break it down into smaller, spaced-out chunks– no cramming the night before the test! Work with them to figure out which study methods work best for their learning style. Encourage them to open up to their teacher or school counselor, too. Just saying “I’m studying hard but I’m dealing with test anxiety– do you have any suggestions?” can release the pressure teens feel and prompt teachers to offer support. A calming fidget or worry stone in their pocket helps ease anxiety. And stress-reducing mindfulness techniques– like box breathing and progressive muscle relaxation– empower teens to relax their bodies and minds, feel more in control, and face their fears.

Can something so simple really make a difference to teens? A recent study of nearly 400 11th-graders says yes. The more students practiced mindful breathing techniques, the more they reported feeling capable of managing stress. Lead researcher Deborah Schussler says that’s because mindful breathing buys teens time to take charge of their emotions. “It gives you a pause so that automatic response, which is frequently not the best response, is hijacked.” Another big plus, Schussler says, is that mindful breathing is “a portable practice that students can easily integrate anytime, anywhere.” To introduce the benefits of mindful breathing to your teen, try these four research-backed practices:

• Box Breathing 

Best for: emotional self-regulation, managing stress and anxiety

Picture a box with four equal sides. Inhale to a count of four as you mentally trace one of the sides of the box. Then hold your breath for a count of four, tracing another side. Then exhale to a count of four, and hold for a count of four. Repeat. Box breathing is used by soldiers, first responders and others to stay calm and in control in high-stress situations. It works by taming the sympathetic nervous system response, which ramps up stress hormones like cortisol as the body prepares to fight or flee. Box breathing can be used in any situation that triggers stress. It’s especially useful for teens with anxiety of any kind (like social, performance, or test anxiety) or teens who struggle to stay in control of intense emotions.

• Body Scan

Best for: relaxation, self-care, teens who have trouble winding down

A body scan meditation is usually guided by a recording, like this practice on Insight Timer. It’s a step-by-step way to relax the body by breathing deeply and focusing on one part at a time: “Bring your attention to your feet. Feel the sensations of your feet resting against the floor, the texture of your socks. Maybe wiggle your toes. Now imagine that you can send your breath down into your feet, relaxing them completely as you exhale.” When teens are tense, they tend to hold their breath. Shallow breathing stimulates the amygdala, the part of the brain that’s responsible for processing stressful stimuli, and makes it even harder for teens to calm down. Listening to a body scan helps teens relax and can even help them fall asleep. Try doing this practice as a family to give everyone a little much-needed down-time.

• Counting Breaths

Best for: focus and concentration, neurodiverse teens

The simple technique of counting breaths can help teens train their brains to boost focus and concentration. One study asked participants to track their breaths on each exhale, counting one through nine and then starting over after the ninth breath. Not surprisingly, experienced meditators found it easier to pay attention. That means the more teens practice, the more they enhance their ability to focus. All participants reported “more self-awareness, less mind wandering, better mood and less distraction.” The results suggest that counting breaths may be especially beneficial for teens with ADHD or on the autism spectrum, as well as any teen who needs help directing attention. To track concentration with your teen, try counting up to ten breaths at a time.

• Energizing Breath

Best for: energy and alertness

Does your teen struggle to stay awake in boring classes or get tired when they’re studying? This breath practice can help them regulate the flow of oxygen in their blood, which energizes the body and makes the brain more alert. Diaphragmatic breathing or “belly breathing” engages the diaphragm by relaxing the muscles of the stomach and allowing deep, full breaths. It’s the way we should be breathing all the time, but factors like stress, hunching over phones or computers, and even sucking in our stomachs to look thinner cause us to breathe shallowly. Teach teens to inhale deeply to a count of two, then exhale to a count of two. Then inhale to a count of two, and exhale to a count of three. Continue breathing in to a count of two and extending the exhale each time until they’re exhaling to a count of five. In only about one minute, teens get an almost-instant energy uplift.

1. 1. Let them make mistakes. Knowing when to step back and (gulp!) let your teen fail is one of parenting’s hardest lessons. Sounds radical, but confident kids aren’t afraid to make mistakes. Teens need to practice solving their own problems and figuring out what to do when things don’t go their way. Getting comfortable with failure is a key component of a growth mindset and boosts self-confidence.
   2. Stay on call. Confident teens take responsibility for themselves, but they also know when to call for backup. The teenage brain is a work in progress, and a parent’s perspective helps them make sense of the struggles they encounter. Knowing there’s a safety net of unconditional love and support makes all the difference when teens step outside their comfort zones
   3. Strengthen their sense of belonging. Support from parents matters most, but teens need extended family, friends, mentors, and community, too. The more people who care about and are invested in your teen, the better. Different kinds of supportive relationships give teens multiple experiences of mattering to others, and that sense of belonging helps them feel confident.
   4. Help them learn new things. Gaining skills and knowledge boosts kids’ confidence, too. The teenage brain is wired for explosive growth, seeking novelty, challenges, and new experiences. Parents can help by providing diverse opportunities for learning and growth. Everything from educational apps to volunteering together to subject-specific summer camps can spark your teen’s curiosity and develop their confidence.
   5. Ask for their advice. Let your teen know that you respect them and value their opinion. When you’re facing a tough decision or solving a problem, talk to them about it and ask what they would do in your place. Teens are used to being on the receiving end of a lot of advice. Asking for their perspective validates their maturity and helps them feel confident stepping into a more grown-up role.
   6. Practice scary scenarios. Whether they’re facing a difficult conversation with a friend, a big speech at school, or some other event that tests their confidence, practice empowers teens to show up as the best version of themselves. You can offer to role-play the situation or talk through different possible responses or outcomes. Nothing builds confidence like having been there before.
   7. Take on challenges together. Confidence comes from achieving goals and learning how to handle setbacks and failure. Taking on challenges together as a family can empower teens to tackle their own individual aims. Run a 5K, build a treehouse, or download a self-care app together– any challenge works as long as everybody is equally invested in success.
   8. Watch for their sensitive spots. Teens are painfully aware that everything from their appearance to their abilities and achievements is under constant scrutiny from peers. Most teens are confident in some areas but not so much in others. Parents can help teens make sure these sensitive spots don’t override their overall confidence. Help them practice self-compassion, embrace their uniqueness, play up their skills and positive qualities, and surround themselves with people who love them just as they are.
   9. Protect against perfectionism. Perfectionism in teens is a big confidence-killer. High-achieving teens can get discouraged when their efforts fall short of their ideals, like the athlete driven by body dysmorphia or the honor roll student overwhelmed by anxiety because they’re not ranked top of their class. Help your teen value growth, learning, fun, and friendship over perfect scores, and remind them that their worth can’t be measured by numbers. Confident teens take pride in their achievements but don’t let those achievements define them.
   10. Model and praise courage. It’s been said that confidence is a feeling, while courage is a choice. We can’t always feel confident, but we can still choose to act with courage. When you let your teen see you being brave, you’re showing them how to face their fears, too. And when you praise their courageous acts, it validates them for taking the risk to grow. Confidence may not be necessary to act courageously, but courage always builds confidence.

Researchers attribute rising teen stress levels to the same factors that drive adult stress, including unrealistic expectations and unrelenting pressure to succeed. Between homework, extracurricular activities, jobs, friends, and family, teens’ schedules are often just as packed as those of their parents.

One stress strategy that’s often overlooked for teens is simply… simplifying. With these six ideas, parents can help teens stress less, find fulfillment, and embrace the idea that sometimes, less is more.

1. Know what matters most. Simplifying our lives is about making more room for the things that are important to us and letting go of the things that aren\’t. To do that, we have to know what we value and what gives our lives meaning. Talking with your teen about what is important to them – and to the whole family – is a foundational step in helping them figure out what to keep and what to let go. These talks don’t have to be super-serious. Questions like, “If you could only choose one ____ or ____, what would you pick?” are light-hearted openers that invite deeper conversations. Teens are more likely to embrace simplification if you keep the emphasis on fun and fulfillment.

2. Create morning and evening routines. Stress thrives on chaos. One of the first places to simplify is the times that tend to get chaotic for busy families: the start and end of each day. Planning an advance-prep evening routine makes mornings go more smoothly. Teens can get in the habit of choosing clothes or putting lunch together so they don’t have to think about it when they’re rushing to get ready. Other ideas for routines include creating a bathroom schedule and weekly menu, setting up a family charging station, synchronizing transportation, and leaving gym bags, instrument cases, and backpacks packed and by the door.

3. Clear the clutter. When teens can’t find their homework or favorite hoodie because their room is always a disaster, it’s time for a clutter clean-out. Clutter makes it hard for teens to think clearly, focus, and accomplish tasks. Instead of targeting only your teen’s space, make it a whole-house project. Take turns picking music to make it fun. Label bags or bins for items to keep, toss, or donate, and let your teen choose a favorite charity to receive donated items. Once the clutter is cleared, consider an organization upgrade. Tons of colorful, fun organization options are available for teens, from rolling carts to desktop organizers to technology docking stations.

4. Reduce choices. We all feel overwhelmed when we have too many options to choose from (as any shopper staring at a wall of toothpaste or toilet paper will tell you). But it\’s developmentally important for teens to have choices, along with the increased autonomy and responsibility of making them. Parents can strike a balance by filtering their teen’s options. For example, “We have the bandwidth for you to do two extracurriculars this year; which two are you really excited about?” or “We can have eggs or smoothies for breakfast; your choice.” Teens can always speak up if they want something that’s not offered, but often they’re happy to have some of the pressure to decide taken off their plate.

5. Teach your teen to say ‘no.’ It sounds simple, but saying ‘no’ can be tough for teens. Reasons include fear of conflict, confrontation, disappointing others, or classic FOMO. But teens need to learn how to set healthy boundaries for themselves, and that means getting comfortable saying ‘no’ sometimes. Teach teens to stop and check in with themselves before automatically agreeing to a new invitation or activity. Does it feel fun, interesting, or important? Does it conflict with a previous commitment? Is there something they would rather be doing? Are they feeling any pressure from themselves or others? Helping them access their internal compass makes it easier for them to say no when they need to.

6. Create a family downtime ritual. As always, parents must model the behavior they want kids to embrace. One way to make simplicity more meaningful is to schedule consistent family time – maybe every Thursday night or Sunday afternoon – and intentionally dial down the intensity. Play board games, watch a movie, or make dinner together, but keep it relaxed and low-key. You might agree to silence your cell phones or turn off notifications and just focus on enjoying each other’s company. This lets your teen know that no matter how busy life gets, some things are sacred, and choosing to do and have a little less gives us a lot more of what matters most.

Simplifying can feel like a radical way to parent because we live in a culture in which “busyness” is a badge of success. But, the rising numbers of teens navigating stress and mental health challenges affirm that opportunities to help your teen simplify and focus are far more likely to assure their success. 

This is the first proposal for using screening tools to detect children and adolescents who may have anxiety or depression. If implemented, the screening would be done along with regular physical checkups and trends toward anxiety would also be recorded as the child ages.

One of the tools researchers note that work well in reducing anxiety is more open communication between parents and children. There are simple ways to help your adolescent or teen reduce anxiety that simply involve listening, acknowledging feelings, and talking with your child.

By putting these tips in place on a regular basis your child will feel more inclined to share their feelings and their day-to-day anxieties.

1. Take time each day to encourage your teen or adolescent to tell you about their day. Use questions that can be answered beyond a yes or no. For instance, “What was something good that happened today?” or “What was your favorite part of the day today?”

You can also ask them if they had a difficult day or a sad time at school? Make sure you’re listening with empathy, and they understand they have time to talk freely. These conversations can happen each day without a rigorous schedule, in fact, if you integrate them easily into the day your child will feel more at ease with the conversation. Some parents find that asking these questions on the ride home from school are valuable, or while the child is doing daily chores or dishes or helping with dinnertime. During these conversations focus on hearing what the child is saying and not how you might fix it. Let them share freely, listen, and make sure they know you are there to support them.

2. Help underscore their coping skills and what they are doing to help themselves.

If your child is experiencing or expressing anxiety help them remember to use coping techniques, like deep breathing, or taking a walk to help lessen anxiousness (even on the playground). Talk to them about counting their breaths from 1 to 10, for a small break from the anxiety. Reassure your child or teen that anxiety is common and a normal part of life and using small interventions can help lessen the anxiety. Reflect back to your child the coping skills they are already using and underscore how powerful and kind those are to continue using.

3. Art, Sleep and Exercise

Encouraging your adolescent to explore their anxiety through art is also an optimal way to reduce their anxiety. Doing art with your child at home is also helpful as it can provide another time for ease in communicating about feelings. Music, dance, and exercise are all good methods for relieving anxiety. According to the American Art Therapy Association, artistic expression may decrease anxiety, feelings of anger and depression. This creative process can also enhance cognitive abilities, foster greater self-awareness, and help students regulate their emotions.

More Resources:

https://commons.emich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1162&context=mcnair – Art Therapy as an as an Intervention and Its Effects on Anxiety and Depression

https://www.psychreg.org/attentive-listening-teens/ – Active Listening Helps Reduce Anxiety in Teens