For parents and caregivers of tweens and teens, it’s especially important to understand the causes of the loneliness epidemic and how to address it. According to a 2018 global study, young people reported the highest levels of loneliness of any age group, and having supportive relationships is the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being. Why are loneliness rates going up? Here’s what we discovered and what it means for tweens, teens and families:

1. Social isolation is increasing.

Over the two decades between 2003 and 2020, time spent alone increased by about 24 hours per month for all age groups. For people between the ages of  15-24, time spent with friends decreased by nearly 70 percent, from 30 hours a month to just 10 hours. Today’s adolescents are spending a lot more time alone than their parents did, and feeling more lonely as a result.

2. Social networks are shrinking.

Compared to a generation or two ago, families are smaller, busier, move from place to place more often, and live further apart. That means less time spent with extended family, friends, neighbors, and people we interact with around the communities we live in. Studies also show that participation in civic, service, recreational, and religious organizations is in decline. That means less interaction with people who share common interests, values, and goals.

3. We have fewer close friends. Among people who don’t report feelings of loneliness, 90% have three or more confidants. Research shows that close friendships protect tweens and teens’ mental and physical health and increase resilience well into adulthood. But in 2021, 49% of Americans said they have three or fewer close friends, a number that’s nearly doubled since 1990.

4. Trust levels are lower. In 1975, 45% of Americans felt they could reliably trust each other. In 2016, that percentage had shrunk to 30%. Lower levels of trust correspond to near-historic rates of polarization. Polarization and mistrust may  affect tweens and teens even more than adults, because the adolescent brain is not yet adept at processing trauma and anxiety.

What can we do about loneliness? 

It can be helpful to remember that we’re all in this together: The issues leading to loneliness affect everyone in our society to some degree. Understanding that you’re not the only one dealing with loneliness can make it easier to reach out. And families can take steps to alleviate loneliness, like practicing emotional self-care, cultivating social connections, and building meaningful relationships. Here are three key places to start:

1. Learn emotional regulation skills.

Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions like loneliness. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero’s wellness app offers a gamified approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships, with content that’s co-created by licensed therapists and youth.

2. Cultivate community together.

Tweens and teens benefit from a diverse network of relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and community members. And guess what? So do you! Every supportive relationship makes your family’s sense of belonging more resilient. How can you and your teen grow supportive relationships as a family? Brainstorm easy, fun ways to connect with others, like starting a block party, volunteering, or joining an intramural sports team together.

3. Take it offline.

While it’s normal to seek connection online, social media is no substitute for IRL relationships. In fact, some studies show that increased social media use correlates with higher rates of loneliness. In-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support, so encourage your teen to put down their device and reach out for real-world connection, too.

1. Upgrade your own conversations.

Your teen will follow your lead, so set a good example of active listening, practicing empathy, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and asking thoughtful questions. It’s not just how you interact with them that matters– they’re also paying attention to how you talk to family, friends and complete strangers. Think about one or two small ways you could make conversations feel more meaningful to you. Is eye contact important? Authenticity? Finding common ground? Slowing down and really listening? Try a few small, intentional upgrades in your own interactions, and notice how your teen’s conversation skills grow, too.

2. Make daily check-ins a ritual.

Asking “How was your day?” is likely to get the same rote response: “Fine.” But with a little effort, daily check-ins can spark deeper connection between you and your tween or teen. Vashti is a mom of three who stumbled onto an easy afternoon ritual: after school, she makes tea for any of her teens who are home and they sit at the kitchen table and chat. She says, “The tea makes it feel special. It’s simple, but it makes us all slow down. The kids say they want a cup of tea, but I know it’s more about being together.” Rose, Bud, Thorn is another activity to encourage connection: each person shares a rose (something positive), a bud (something they’re looking forward to), and a thorn (something they need support for or feel stuck with). Or keep a deck of conversation cards in the glove box or on the dinner table to make it easy to ask more interesting questions each time you’re together.

3. Focus on the positive.

We feel safe talking to close family and friends, so that’s when we’re more likely to vent, complain or gossip. While that can feel good in the short-term, negative talk easily becomes a habit that’s hard to break. Teens need to know that it’s ok to talk about hard things and painful emotions, but it’s not helpful to get stuck in negativity. A truly meaningful conversation will help teens become more self-aware and capable of self-regulation and solving problems. Notice if conversations with your teen tend to get gloomy and practice steering them back towards silver linings, lessons learned, challenges overcome and opportunities to take meaningful action or be grateful. Listen and offer support, then empower them to find a positive perspective.

4. Build confidence with diverse connections.

Relationships shape their sense of self, so teens with more diverse connections will naturally become more self-assured communicators. If they’re only interacting with close family members and peers, they’ll be less confident when talking to anyone outside their comfort zone. Help your teen form relationships with people who come from different generations, backgrounds and perspectives. Look for extracurricular activities, service opportunities, internships or after-school jobs that encourage interaction with others and provide safety and structure. Even introverts benefit from making more varied connections; just keep the focus on relationship quality over quantity.

5. Spend quality time with them.

As teens get older, busier and more independent, shared experiences are the glue that keeps your connection close. Scheduling quality time with your teen may be a challenge, but even a little time together helps fuel your relationship. Think of your time together as an opportunity to continue (or start) traditions and make lifelong memories. Try setting aside one evening a week or one weekend day a month just for you and your teen to connect. Aim to mix activities that you both already enjoy with new ones that are a little out-of-the-box. Volunteer for a cause your teen cares about, take turns designing a “perfect” day, or do something you’ve never tried before, like going to a rage room or an improv class. Bonding over new experiences builds connection and trust and gives you and your teen tons to talk about, now and in the years to come.

1. Practice positive thinking.

Confident people are almost always optimists, and optimism starts with positive thinking. Optimism is “a state of hopefulness and confidence about the future,” says Positivity Project founder Mike Erwin. “It\’s also a state we can train ourselves to adopt. We can resist pessimism, assert control, and learn to appreciate setbacks as what they really are–opportunities.” To help your teen think positively, make it a goal for the whole family to look at the bright side. That doesn’t mean ignoring problems; instead, it’s about keeping the focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t and proactively seeking solutions. Empower your teen to think creatively, solve problems and find opportunities, and their confidence will increase exponentially.

2. Get out of your comfort zone.

Confidence doesn’t mean you never feel fear, but it does mean you’re less likely to let fear hold you back. “Those who invite discomfort are able to achieve more, take more significant risks and break through barriers, and are open to facing new challenges,” says Angeli Gianchandani, founder of Mobility Girl, a platform designed to empower young people through mentorship. “Discomfort is a form of self-growth, pushing yourself mentally to overcome fear.” To help your teen lean into growth opportunities, encourage them to take risks to pursue their goals and find the lessons in mistakes and set-backs. Each time they get out of their comfort zone, they’re expanding their capacity for confidence.

3. Embrace self-care. 

Truly confident people practice self-compassion and self-care to stay strong. “Recent research has shown self-compassion was associated with self-worth,” says Michele Patterson Ford, Ph.D., a psychologist and senior lecturer in psychology at Dickinson College. “Knowing your value is an important component of feeling confident in oneself.” Self-care habits start with self-awareness, so teach your teen to check in with themselves mentally, physically and emotionally. When they know what they need, they can take steps to provide it for themselves or ask others for help. Self-care includes everything from exercising to getting enough sleep to making time to do the things you love to do. Whatever it means for your teen, make sure they know they’re worth it and support them when they take time to nurture themselves.

4. Connect with others.

Positive psychology pioneer and University of Michigan professor Christopher Peterson was famous for saying, \”I can sum up positive psychology in just three words: Other people matter.\” Numerous studies show a powerful reciprocal relationship between feeling connected to others and feeling good about ourselves. To help your teen gain confidence through connection, make sure they prioritize IRL time with friends and family. Encourage them to express gratitude and give them tools to resolve conflict. You can also make connections together by volunteering in the community. “One of the most practical ways to be more hopeful about the future is to realize that you can and do make a difference in people\’s lives,” says writer Bill Murphy, Jr. “By focusing on helping others, we gain the added benefit of increasing our own levels of happiness and optimism.”

To help your teen learn confidence-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for tweens and teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and teens themselves.

“Purpose is not just the domain of older adults,” says Anthony L. Burrow of Cornell University. “Purpose is a developmental asset, and the earlier we start to cultivate it, the better off we are.” But while teens are developmentally wired to seek purpose, embracing a purpose-driven mindset takes tools and support. Here are our top five key concepts to help you instill a sense of purpose in your teen:

• Purpose is an intention, not a goal. 

Burrow says purpose is better defined as a long-range intention rather than a goal that can be accomplished. “Wanting to be a father is a goal because it is achievable. But to be a great father is more of an intention than an achievement. On some days, one might come closer to the ideal than others, but it is never a completed task.” Teens who understand their purpose as a journey learn that lots of different paths can lead them there, and even mistakes and failures contribute valuable lessons. This outlook reminds teens that it’s not about what they accomplish; it’s about becoming the kind of person they want to be. Purpose is always a work in progress.

• Purpose is part of their identity. 

The teenage years are the perfect time to set out in search of purpose, says Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan, because “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity. Thus embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” But too much pressure to discover their purpose can backfire by making teens feel like they’re falling short. Parents can help teens see their adolescence as an adventure, with each new experience contributing to their understanding of what makes life most meaningful and who they are becoming along the way.

• Purpose is not just personal. 

Researchers agree that a sense of purpose is most motivating when it includes being of service to others. \”People don\’t worry about the right things,\” says Stanford psychologist William Damon. \”The biggest problem growing up today is not actually stress; it\’s meaninglessness.\” Teens can find meaning by getting involved in causes that matter to them, volunteering, joining clubs, sharing their creative gifts, and lending a hand at home or in the community. These acts serve as an antidote to stress and anxiety by teaching teens how to take action, solve problems, build empathy, and feel gratitude for their own abilities and circumstances. And teens who volunteer often discover lifelong passions that lead them to their purpose.

• Mentors matter. 

Teens benefit by being surrounded by purpose-driven adults. Parents, teachers, community leaders, and others with a strong sense of purpose model what a meaningful life looks like and show teens that there are lots of different ways to achieve and thrive. Parents can help by talking about personal values, making time for their own passions, and starting conversations about what makes life fulfilling and joyful. Talk to your teen about your own path to purpose, including mistakes you made and lessons you learned. And, if your teen has a particular passion, introduce them to adults who share it and can provide mentorship.

• Every moment is an opportunity. 

When teens talk about discovering purpose, some moments stand out. Patrick Cook-Deegan says purpose is often crystalized for young people when they’re traveling abroad, spending extended time in nature, getting involved in a social change project, or establishing a contemplative practice like mindfulness. Parents can ensure that their teens have diverse opportunities to explore and engage with the world, then help them reflect on what they’ve learned about themselves. As researcher Cortland Dahl says, living with purpose “is actually what happens in between these memorable moments. It happens in the countless small steps we take every day. As we see in the lives of the most inspiring figures of human history… every moment is an opportunity.”

Volunteering increases teens’ self-esteem.

Teens who spend time helping strangers get a big boost in self-esteem and self-confidence, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Teens who agreed with statements like \”I help people I don\’t know, even if it\’s not easy for me,\” and \”I voluntarily help my neighbors,\” also scored higher on questions related to self-esteem. Researchers say when teens go outside their comfort zone to help someone they don’t know, it boosts both altruism and self-assuredness. The study’s author Laura Padilla-Walker says, “Helping a stranger is more challenging than assisting a friend, and when teens take this risk, they feel more competent.”

Volunteering strengthens college applications.

Does volunteering really make a difference on college applications? In a recent survey, 58% of college admissions personnel said Yes. They agreed that “a student’s community service experience has a positive impact on his or her acceptance to our higher education institution.” Fifty-three percent said community service is a deciding factor between equally qualified students. But admissions officers aren’t just interested in what teens have done– they also want to know what teens have learned and how volunteering has impacted their worldview. The most valued volunteer experiences are those that showcase a teen’s initiative, leadership skills, capacity for teamwork, and personal growth.

Volunteering helps teens discover their purpose.

Having a sense of purpose, and even searching for purpose, protects teens’ mental health by helping them feel more hopeful, positive and satisfied with their lives. Researcher Kendall Cotton Bronk says teens most often start to develop a sense of purpose when at least one of three ingredients is present: an important life event, serving others in a meaningful way, or changes in life circumstances. Volunteering can open up all these opportunities and more. It encourages exploration, introduces teens to unfamiliar places, people, and viewpoints, and empowers them to take action. Teens who are making a difference are also developing their personal values and beliefs and figuring out what motivates them: all factors that help them discover their purpose.

Volunteering teaches teens real-world skills.

Leadership. Time management. Critical thinking. Problem solving. Volunteering teaches teens transferable skills that prepare them for college, jobs and other adult-level responsibilities. Teens can try out different careers, volunteer with organizations and individuals in a variety of fields, and get to know their own interests, likes and dislikes. Volunteering is also a great way for teens to meet potential mentors, start building their networks and make connections in the community. And as teens learn practical skills and acquire experience, they grow in both competence and confidence.

Volunteering increases empathy.

Ever heard of Selfie Syndrome? According to Michele Borba, researcher and author of Unselfie, teens today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Too much virtual reality can lead teens to become more isolated and self-focused. Borba says empathy is the antidote, and it can be taught and nurtured through volunteering. Teens who volunteer learn critical prosocial skills like helping, sharing, and resolving conflict. Immersed in realities that may be very different from their own, they learn to look at the world through the eyes of others. And Dr. Borba says that increasing empathy isn’t just beneficial to society: “A healthy sense of empathy is a key predictor of which kids will thrive and succeed in the future.”

Encourage emotional awareness.

“The gateway to empathy is emotional literacy,” says Michele Borba, educational psychologist and author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. Talking about feelings is how kids learn that emotions matter – their own and others’. Teens first need to know how to identify their feelings. Are they sad, mad, frustrated, hurt? Parents can help teens name and claim emotions by reflecting and asking questions: “It sounds like you’re upset. Are you angry?” The more aware teens are of their own emotions, the more they’ll pay attention to the emotions of others. Parents can ask teens how others might feel, too: “What do you think Jackson was feeling when he said that?” And make sure your teen knows that you have emotions, too. Teens value authenticity. When parents can be vulnerable, it builds trust and a closer connection.

Nurture multigenerational relationships.

Relationships across generations are beneficial for all ages, but they’re especially powerful for teaching teens about compassion. A few generations back, it was common for teens to help take care of younger siblings or senior relatives. These connections teach teens what it means to be responsible for others and often show them just how capable they really are. They also help teens develop compassion for those whose abilities differ from their own. When helping your teen build multigenerational relationships, start close to home. Is there a family member, friend, or neighbor who needs help? Can your teen earn extra money babysitting or running errands for seniors? Many cities have nonprofits that focus on multigenerational relationships. Teens can volunteer to teach technology or deliver meals to seniors, serve as a camp counselor, or tutor a younger student.

Explore different perspectives together.

Think about how you can help your teen develop awareness of cultural, ethnic, and religious plurality as well as differences in age, gender, ability, and economic background. \”Attitudes are caught not taught,\” says LuAnn Hoover, instructor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University. \”Nonverbal actions are picked up on. Kids don\’t attend to what adults say but to what they do. It\’s the saying, \’Actions speak louder than words.\’\” In other words, to embrace different perspectives, teens need to see you walking the talk. Make a project of exploring diverse perspectives and experiences together. Visit museums, watch movies, read books, try different cuisines, and attend local festivals. Emphasize the differences and connections in your own family and community, and help your teen see that they are a part of a big, diverse, interdependent world.

Rethink the chore chart.

Research shows that kids who do chores report better family relationships, but many parents say they’d rather do the chores themselves than have to nag their teens or fight over the definition of a clean room. One problem may be that, in many families, chores aren’t directly connected to caring for each other. Instead of randomly assigning tasks, try sitting down with your teen to rework the chore chart with a focus on how you can support each other. For example, if you work late on Wednesdays, would your teen be willing to get dinner on the table? If your teen has to wake up extra early for practice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, could those days be chore-free? When your teen pitches in, make sure you let them know how they’ve helped you: “Thanks for getting your brother ready for school. It gave me extra time to prepare for a big meeting and made my whole day go so much smoother. I really appreciate you.”

There’s nothing as rewarding as seeing your teen express empathy or lend a helping hand to someone in need. These four strategies help teens build rewarding relationships, develop responsibility, and, most importantly, find fulfillment in caring for others. 

The teen years are all about self-discovery, and sometimes teens struggle to figure out who they are and what they’re good at. Parents can support teens by helping them identify the qualities, skills, and passions that make them unique. Here are four ways you can encourage your teen to discover their own personal superpowers:

1. Help them see the qualities they might not notice in themselves.

Superpowers can be overlooked because they’re often things we do well without having to try. Even if your child is a math mastermind or a musical prodigy, they may downplay what comes naturally to them. Teens may not think of things like being a good friend or making people laugh as valuable skills. And some abilities – like the gift of gab or a wild imagination – may even get them in trouble from time to time. You know your teen better than anyone, so you can help them see their unique qualities as the superpowers they are. Take note of what comes naturally to them and let them know how special it makes them in your eyes. Give them opportunities to showcase their talents and celebrate their successes. And be sure to point out the superhero traits they may not see in themselves, like compassion, kindness, and creativity. That lets them know they’re super for who they are, not just what they do.

2. Give them opportunities to step out of their comfort zone.

Picture three concentric circles. The middle circle is the Comfort Zone, the place where you can always wear your favorite fuzzy slippers and feel zero anxiety. Just outside of the Comfort Zone is the Learning Zone. Here you’ll encounter some risk and discomfort, but it’s also where you develop new skills and abilities and learn to solve problems. Beyond the Learning Zone is the Growth Zone, where you find your purpose and live your dreams. Help your teen find their superpowers by encouraging them to be brave and step out of their comfort zone. Make courage a family value. Let your teen see you challenge yourself, take risks, and make mistakes. Support each other in learning new things and setting goals. Praise your teen when you see them challenging themselves, whether or not it leads to awards and achievement. Each time they step into the Learning Zone, they’re expanding their superpowers.

3. Be of service together.

Superheroes discover their powers by helping others, and so can your teen. Volunteering gives teens opportunities to develop skills, explore interests, overcome real-world challenges, and make a difference in the lives of others. Many teens find lifelong passions while volunteering, and teens who volunteer have higher self-esteem, empathy, and academic achievement. According to the United Way, young people with at least one parent who volunteers are almost twice as likely to volunteer themselves. How can you start volunteering with your teen? Let them take the lead. Ask them if there’s a cause they’re curious about or an organization they want to support. A few of our favorites: Gamer’s Outreach volunteers play video games with hospitalized kids, and Pet Partners trains teens to provide pet therapy with their family pet. There’s a volunteer opportunity for just about every interest.

4. Encourage them to develop a growth mindset.

From Avengers to X-Men, everybody loves superhero stories. Ever wonder why these modern myths are so enduring? Almost all superheroes start with loss or struggle. Heroes must ask themselves, “Can I really do this?” and endure self-doubt before rising to the challenge. Through struggle, heroes become who they are meant to be. Seeing life as a hero’s journey can help your teen develop a growth mindset: the belief that they can improve their abilities with dedication and hard work. Recent research shows that teens with a growth mindset have less fear of failure, higher self-efficacy and motivation, and better overall well-being. Talk to your teen about how setbacks can lead to new opportunities and struggles can build strength. Let them know that they might not always be able to choose their circumstances, but they can always decide how to respond. Teach them to look for the lesson when they make mistakes, and that, as Winston Churchill famously said, “Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts.”

The teen years are full of opportunities for exploring, expanding and experiencing one’s superpowers. Parents can support these discoveries by encouraging and supporting teens as they embrace their identity and use their superpowers to make the world a better place.