finding meaning – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com A wellness app for you and your crew Mon, 10 Mar 2025 21:25:01 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://lucerospeaks.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/cropped-favicon-32x32.png finding meaning – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com 32 32 218056427 5 Keys to Your Teen Finding Their Purpose https://lucerospeaks.com/5-keys-to-your-teen-finding-their-purpose/ Mon, 19 Dec 2022 09:45:47 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/5-keys-to-your-teen-finding-their-purpose/ Not so long ago, researchers thought a sense of purpose was only important for adults. Now they agree that purpose is critical for teens, too. Recent studies show that teens with a sense of purpose benefit from better mental and physical health, a more positive self-image, and an easier transition to adulthood.

“Purpose is not just the domain of older adults,” says Anthony L. Burrow of Cornell University. “Purpose is a developmental asset, and the earlier we start to cultivate it, the better off we are.” But while teens are developmentally wired to seek purpose, embracing a purpose-driven mindset takes tools and support. Here are our top five key concepts to help you instill a sense of purpose in your teen:

  • Purpose is an intention, not a goal. 

Burrow says purpose is better defined as a long-range intention rather than a goal that can be accomplished. “Wanting to be a father is a goal because it is achievable. But to be a great father is more of an intention than an achievement. On some days, one might come closer to the ideal than others, but it is never a completed task.” Teens who understand their purpose as a journey learn that lots of different paths can lead them there, and even mistakes and failures contribute valuable lessons. This outlook reminds teens that it’s not about what they accomplish; it’s about becoming the kind of person they want to be. Purpose is always a work in progress.

  • Purpose is part of their identity. 

The teenage years are the perfect time to set out in search of purpose, says Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan, because “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity. Thus embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” But too much pressure to discover their purpose can backfire by making teens feel like they’re falling short. Parents can help teens see their adolescence as an adventure, with each new experience contributing to their understanding of what makes life most meaningful and who they are becoming along the way.

  • Purpose is not just personal. 

Researchers agree that a sense of purpose is most motivating when it includes being of service to others. \”People don\’t worry about the right things,\” says Stanford psychologist William Damon. \”The biggest problem growing up today is not actually stress; it\’s meaninglessness.\” Teens can find meaning by getting involved in causes that matter to them, volunteering, joining clubs, sharing their creative gifts, and lending a hand at home or in the community. These acts serve as an antidote to stress and anxiety by teaching teens how to take action, solve problems, build empathy, and feel gratitude for their own abilities and circumstances. And teens who volunteer often discover lifelong passions that lead them to their purpose.

  • Mentors matter. 

Teens benefit by being surrounded by purpose-driven adults. Parents, teachers, community leaders, and others with a strong sense of purpose model what a meaningful life looks like and show teens that there are lots of different ways to achieve and thrive. Parents can help by talking about personal values, making time for their own passions, and starting conversations about what makes life fulfilling and joyful. Talk to your teen about your own path to purpose, including mistakes you made and lessons you learned. And, if your teen has a particular passion, introduce them to adults who share it and can provide mentorship.

  • Every moment is an opportunity. 

When teens talk about discovering purpose, some moments stand out. Patrick Cook-Deegan says purpose is often crystalized for young people when they’re traveling abroad, spending extended time in nature, getting involved in a social change project, or establishing a contemplative practice like mindfulness. Parents can ensure that their teens have diverse opportunities to explore and engage with the world, then help them reflect on what they’ve learned about themselves. As researcher Cortland Dahl says, living with purpose “is actually what happens in between these memorable moments. It happens in the countless small steps we take every day. As we see in the lives of the most inspiring figures of human history… every moment is an opportunity.”

]]> 3531 How to Help Teens Manage Emotions https://lucerospeaks.com/how-to-help-teens-manage-emotions/ Tue, 25 Oct 2022 17:16:51 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/how-to-help-teens-manage-emotions/
A day in the life of a teenager can feel like an emotional rollercoaster– for them and for their parents. Teens sometimes shift rapidly from elation to frustration, excitement to anxiety, and joy to despair, and those feelings are often complex and confusing. Emotional intensity is normal during adolescence, says psychologist Erik Nook, and so is “more murkiness in what emotions one is feeling.” But with a few simple tools, teens can learn to self-regulate when their feelings run away with them. Here are our six top techniques to help teens navigate the emotional highs, lows, twists and turns.
1. Practice Bubble Breathing
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, a network of nerves that helps the body relax after periods of stress. Taking deep, slow breaths immediately lowers the heart rate, releases muscle tension, and delivers oxygen to the brain, so teens feel calmer and think more clearly. Teach teens to try bubble breathing as soon as they notice they’re feeling dysregulated: Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds, imagining that you’re blowing a big bubble. Repeat as many times as you need to feel more relaxed and in control.
 
2. Label Your Emotions
Emotional differentiation – the ability to separate and identify different emotions – is associated with better mental health and more positive coping strategies. A recent study found that teens demonstrate less emotional differentiation than younger children or adults, probably because our emotions get more complex as we get older but it takes time for the brain to develop the skills of self-regulation. Differentiation starts with “naming and claiming” emotions. Help your teen master this skill by giving them a rich vocabulary to describe their feelings. The Periodic Table of Human Emotions poster is a fun way to help teens articulate exactly what they’re feeling.
 
3. Ask “What’s the Message?”
Emotions are messages, and all emotions – even the difficult ones – are valuable. Remind your teen of all the ways emotions guide us and provide information: They help us understand when a boundary has been crossed or a situation isn’t safe. They allow us to empathize and connect with others, and let us know when we need to have compassion for ourselves. Teach teens that once they know what they’re feeling, they can ask themselves, “What’s the message here?” When the message behind an emotion is clear, teens make decisions about how to act from a more empowered place.
 
4. Remember: You’re Not Your Feelings
Think about how we usually express emotions: “I’m so happy!” or “I’m angry right now.” When feelings run high, it’s easy to feel like we are whatever emotion we’re experiencing. Teens need to know that they are much more than their emotions. To remind them, teach them this mindfulness metaphor: Watch how your feelings come and go like the weather. Some days the sky is sunny and sometimes it’s stormy. But behind the weather, it’s always calm, still, and peaceful. You are like the sky, and your emotions are like the weather.
 
5. Vent the Right Way
Mad, stressed, or anxious teens often want to let it all out, but venting can make the situation worse if it’s not done in the right way. Psychologist Jill Suttie says “encouraging people to act out their anger makes them relive it in their bodies, strengthening the neural pathways for anger and making it easier to get angry the next time around… the same is true of grief or anxiety following trauma… If we simply relive our experience without finding some way to soothe ourselves or find meaning, it could extend our suffering.” Teens need to learn how to calm chaotic emotions, stay focused on solutions, avoid amplifying drama, and talk to someone they trust to help them work it out.
 
6. Affirm Your Strengths, Values and Purpose
When emotions are all over the place, teens need to know they have a solid foundation that doesn\’t shift. Grounding can be found in remembering their positive qualities and all the things that make their lives meaningful. Research shows that writing down affirmations about core values, sense of purpose, and personal strengths improves self-esteem and self-regulation. Encourage your teen to make a list that includes five things that give them purpose, their top five values, and five strengths they appreciate in themselves, then post it where they’ll see it often. When they feel overwhelmed by emotions, reading the list will help them find their footing. 
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