Why Emotional Regulation is so Important for Teens

Jillian — Tue, 24 Jan 2023 18:06:22 +0000

The teen years are known for intense emotions with good reason. First, the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain in charge of reasoning, logic and impulse control – is still developing in teens. Second, the hormones that spark puberty’s physical changes also amp up activity in the emotional and reward-seeking centers of the brain. Finally, teens are navigating more complex relationships with peers and are more highly attuned to what others think of them. All of these factors mean that teens’ feelings really are bigger and do fluctuate more frequently. That’s why emotional regulation skills are critical in any teen’s self-care toolkit.

Why Emotional Regulation is Key

Emotional regulation is the ability to effectively manage emotions. It includes:

Being able to self-reflect
Feel emotions without being overwhelmed by them
Dial down the intensity of negative feelings
Cultivate positive feelings, and
Feel in control of emotional experiences.

According to a brief from the Duke Center for Child and Family Policy, teens with good emotional regulation skills are better at:

dealing with stress and frustration,
persisting, problem-solving and delaying gratification to achieve goals,
demonstrating compassion and concern for others in their decisions, and
seeking help when they’re overwhelmed by stress or in a dangerous situation.

Research also suggests that emotional regulation protects teens’ long-term mental health. A 2019 study published in Brain Science found that emotional regulation skills mediate the effects of stressful life events and childhood adversity on teens’ risk for anxiety disorders and depression.

The bottom line? Emotional regulation helps teens build emotional resilience. But, because there are so many biological, neurological and social factors affecting teens’ emotions, it’s important to put a plan in place to help them gain tools. Here are three strategies to focus on:

Practice self-awareness.

The first step in regulating emotions is being able to “name and claim” them. Teens need to know it’s ok to feel their feelings – even the uncomfortable ones. Teach your teen that emotions are information. While emotions can help teens take care of themselves and make good decisions, they\’re not permanent or reflective of who they are as individuals. Self-awareness also means identifying what triggers negative emotions and nurtures positive ones, and taking responsibility for practicing emotional self-care.

Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk.

Emotions are closely linked to thoughts and self-talk; for example, a thought like “Everybody else thought that class was easy, but I didn’t understand anything. I’m so dumb,” can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety and fear. Reframing teaches teens to notice their negative, self-defeating thoughts and self-talk and switch to a more positive, self-compassionate and empowering perspective: “I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s struggling. I know I can get this. I’ll ask my teacher for help tomorrow.”

Future-focusing.

Future-focusing teaches teens to imagine future stressful scenarios, like bumping into an ex at school or taking a big test, and map out strategies to help themselves stay calm. They can walk through a challenging situation in their minds, decide what tools they will use and picture a successful outcome. Future-focusing can also mean planning a reward for completing a tough task, like taking 10 minutes of downtime for every hour of studying. Focusing on the future empowers teens to handle stressors proactively and positively.

And here’s a fun Spark tool from the Lucero app:

Spark has over 600 self-care ideas for 30 different emotions! One of our favorites: When your teen is dealing with a tough emotion, ask “What would you say to someone else who felt _____?” How would you help them feel better?” This simple Q&A helps teens build a toolkit of proactive solutions, and sometimes it’s easier to handle a difficult emotion when we imagine it from a different perspective.

How to Help Teens Manage Emotions

Jillian — Tue, 25 Oct 2022 17:16:51 +0000

A day in the life of a teenager can feel like an emotional rollercoaster– for them and for their parents. Teens sometimes shift rapidly from elation to frustration, excitement to anxiety, and joy to despair, and those feelings are often complex and confusing. Emotional intensity is normal during adolescence, says psychologist Erik Nook, and so is “more murkiness in what emotions one is feeling.” But with a few simple tools, teens can learn to self-regulate when their feelings run away with them. Here are our six top techniques to help teens navigate the emotional highs, lows, twists and turns.

1. Practice Bubble Breathing

Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, a network of nerves that helps the body relax after periods of stress. Taking deep, slow breaths immediately lowers the heart rate, releases muscle tension, and delivers oxygen to the brain, so teens feel calmer and think more clearly. Teach teens to try bubble breathing as soon as they notice they’re feeling dysregulated: Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds, imagining that you’re blowing a big bubble. Repeat as many times as you need to feel more relaxed and in control.

2. Label Your Emotions

Emotional differentiation – the ability to separate and identify different emotions – is associated with better mental health and more positive coping strategies. A recent study found that teens demonstrate less emotional differentiation than younger children or adults, probably because our emotions get more complex as we get older but it takes time for the brain to develop the skills of self-regulation. Differentiation starts with “naming and claiming” emotions. Help your teen master this skill by giving them a rich vocabulary to describe their feelings. The Periodic Table of Human Emotions poster is a fun way to help teens articulate exactly what they’re feeling.

3. Ask “What’s the Message?”

Emotions are messages, and all emotions – even the difficult ones – are valuable. Remind your teen of all the ways emotions guide us and provide information: They help us understand when a boundary has been crossed or a situation isn’t safe. They allow us to empathize and connect with others, and let us know when we need to have compassion for ourselves. Teach teens that once they know what they’re feeling, they can ask themselves, “What’s the message here?” When the message behind an emotion is clear, teens make decisions about how to act from a more empowered place.

4. Remember: You’re Not Your Feelings

Think about how we usually express emotions: “I’m so happy!” or “I’m angry right now.” When feelings run high, it’s easy to feel like we are whatever emotion we’re experiencing. Teens need to know that they are much more than their emotions. To remind them, teach them this mindfulness metaphor: Watch how your feelings come and go like the weather. Some days the sky is sunny and sometimes it’s stormy. But behind the weather, it’s always calm, still, and peaceful. You are like the sky, and your emotions are like the weather.

5. Vent the Right Way

Mad, stressed, or anxious teens often want to let it all out, but venting can make the situation worse if it’s not done in the right way. Psychologist Jill Suttie says “encouraging people to act out their anger makes them relive it in their bodies, strengthening the neural pathways for anger and making it easier to get angry the next time around… the same is true of grief or anxiety following trauma… If we simply relive our experience without finding some way to soothe ourselves or find meaning, it could extend our suffering.” Teens need to learn how to calm chaotic emotions, stay focused on solutions, avoid amplifying drama, and talk to someone they trust to help them work it out.

6. Affirm Your Strengths, Values and Purpose

When emotions are all over the place, teens need to know they have a solid foundation that doesn\’t shift. Grounding can be found in remembering their positive qualities and all the things that make their lives meaningful. Research shows that writing down affirmations about core values, sense of purpose, and personal strengths improves self-esteem and self-regulation. Encourage your teen to make a list that includes five things that give them purpose, their top five values, and five strengths they appreciate in themselves, then post it where they’ll see it often. When they feel overwhelmed by emotions, reading the list will help them find their footing.

Teen Emotions – Lucero Speaks

Why Emotional Regulation is so Important for Teens

How to Help Teens Manage Emotions