Because tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to the effects of loneliness and isolation, parents and caregivers need to know what’s causing the epidemic, how to recognize signs and symptoms, and what to do to help adolescents thrive through meaningful connection to others.

Why does loneliness matter for tweens and teens?

The Surgeon General’s advisory presents evidence that a lack of social connection is literally life-threatening. Loneliness and isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. They increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and are associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and increased risk of depression, anxiety and suicide. Tweens and teens suffering from loneliness are of special concern because belonging and connection are foundational to their identity, self-esteem, and lifelong achievement. Furthermore, having supportive relationships is frequently cited as the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being.

What’s causing loneliness to increase?

The causes of the loneliness epidemic are complex. The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many contributing factors, but research shows that these patterns have been in place for years and even decades. The Surgeon General’s report notes that among 15-24 year olds, “time spent in-person with friends has reduced by nearly 70% over almost two decades, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020.” Other trends include historically low levels of trust and community involvement, increasing levels of social isolation, and increased use of digital devices and social media over in-person connection.

What are the signs and symptoms of loneliness?

Loneliness isn’t always easy to identify. Like adults, adolescents often attribute their negative feelings to other problems, and sometimes suffer from loneliness even when they have a busy schedule and social life. Symptoms can include:

• Feeling anxious, sad or depressed
• Appearing withdrawn or moody
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Low self-esteem and self-doubt
• Increased social media use
• Increased aggression, anger or risky behavior
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness; suicidal thoughts

How to help:

The statistics are scary, but these steps can help tweens and teens stay connected to others and break patterns that lead to loneliness:

• Learn emotional regulation skills. Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero, for instance, offers a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships.
• Cultivate IRL community. A framily is any combination of youth and adults who radically support each other. Tweens and teens benefit from a network of relationships of all kinds, including family, friends, mentors, teachers, and community members. Peers and elders provide different kinds of supportive relationships, and in-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support.
• Reach out to others. It’s normal to look for connection online, so tweens and teens may need encouragement to take the risk and step outside their comfort zone. School and community clubs, team sports, volunteering, and after-school or summer jobs are all ways adolescents can overcome isolation, find meaningful relationships and be proactive about growing their support system.

• Trauma Stress

Teens are more vulnerable to stress because of brain changes that take place during adolescence. A study published in the journal Neuroscience found that exposure to stress in the teen years is linked to increased likelihood of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, and the effects can last well into adulthood. Researchers think that’s because stress changes how the limbic and cortical regions of teens’ brains develop. Intense stress in adolescence may have a more lasting effect on mental health than stress experienced in adulthood, and teens may need more support getting back to their baseline.

• Broken Connections

A sense of belonging and connection is crucial during the teen years, so school closures, isolation and everyday disruptions to their social lives have had a lasting impact on teens’ mental health. \”They\’ve been cut off from their peers, which is critical for youth to develop that sense of identity, which this stage is really all about,\” says Sandra DeJong, MD, MSc, a child-and-adolescent psychiatrist. The impact of broken connections is felt in different ways: Teens may worry about their safety or the safety of family members, fear future threats to their friendships, or experience increased loneliness or social anxiety. 

• Limits on Their Identity

The teen years are when young people start to craft their identity by figuring out their values, interests and the qualities that make them who they are. Almost everything teens do becomes part of that exploration, from school and friendships to hobbies and after-school jobs. Milestones are also important for identity-formation because they validate teens as they take steps toward adulthood. The pandemic made it harder for teens to explore who they are by turning everyday life upside down and taking away events like graduations, team sports and other extracurricular activities. When teens grieve these losses, they feel they’ve missed out on a piece of who they were meant to become.

How to Help

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with long-term effects of the pandemic, these four steps offer strategic support for teens’ mental health:

1. Acknowledge when your teen is struggling. Let them know it’s not their fault and they are not alone. Teens went through a major global crisis when their brains were developmentally vulnerable, and they don’t have adult-level perspectives or coping skills yet. It’s totally normal for them to feel lasting effects and to need help addressing them.
2. Normalize talking about mental health and seeking support. Make sure neither you nor your teen feel like you have to fix things alone. Whether they’re dealing with anxiety, depression, grief or other pandemic-related stresses, a teen-focused licensed therapist can give your teen tools to understand their emotions and work towards realistic goals for well-being.
3. Make self-care a priority. According to the Mt. Sinai Adolescent Health Center, “Self-care refers to intentionally engaging in practices and activities that reduce stress.” It looks different for everybody, but here’s a hint: hours spent scrolling on social media or playing video games are not self-care. Instead, think about mindful breathing, moving your body, being creative, having in-person fun with friends and family, and anything else that helps your teen stay grounded.
4. Help them see their resilience. While we acknowledge the impact of the pandemic, let’s also celebrate teens for being resilient. Surviving hard things teaches us how to be tough, capable and compassionate. By overcoming challenges, we learn how to solve problems and realize what really matters. Remind your teen that even if they’re still struggling, they are also strong. Point out how much they’ve learned and all the positive ways their experiences have shaped who they’re becoming. Resilience helps teens cultivate hope and look forward to a brighter future.

Caregivers of tweens and teens need to know that connection can be cultivated. How? Start with these five simple strategies to strengthen relationships:

1. Remember, your teen wants to connect.

American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day, according to a recent survey. Why so little? Busy schedules make it a real challenge to carve out quality time. But while parents often perceive that their teens have lost interest in spending time together, teens say parents are the ones who are too busy. Remember, even as teens seek greater independence and spend more time with friends, quality time with parents continues to be critical for their overall well-being. Teens want to connect with you even when they don’t say so, so go ahead and make the first move.

2. Be more present in the time you already spend together.

When it comes to connection, quality matters more than quantity. Quality time means being present: you’re not letting distractions, worries, or feelings of overwhelm intrude. You’re really there for each other, listening, sharing, having fun, or just being. Ask yourself how you might be more present during the time you and your teen already spend together. Do you drive them to school most mornings or eat dinner together a few nights a week? Consider declaring a phone-free zone, playing a conversation card game, or creating a family ritual to check in with each other. And be sure to ask your teen what would make it most meaningful for them.

3. Don’t leave connection up to chance.

When families see each other often, it’s easy to make time together a low priority or leave it entirely up to chance. But that means you’re hanging out when you’re stressed, tired and distracted. To foster deeper connection, make family time sacred and spend time together when everyone can be energized and engaged. Block off regular time in all your calendars and make a plan together. Create a few simple rituals, like cooking dinner one night a week or going for a hike once a month. Keep it simple with easy, everyday moments of connection, then mix it up by trying new things or planning an adventure once in a while. Teens benefit from regular routines and opportunities to get out of their comfort zone, so aim for a balance of both.

4. Support teens’ friendships with peers.

Connection with parents or caregivers is key, but it doesn’t replace the need for close, supportive peer friendships. Studies show that connection with peers decreases stress, increases teens’ sense of self-worth and protects their mental health well into early adulthood. Caregivers can help teens nurture these critical friendships with a little background support and structure. Teaching your teen to prioritize authenticity, getting to know their friends, and encouraging extracurricular activities are all ways you can help teens build a network of supportive connections. Read our post on nurturing teen friendships for more ideas.

5. Help them create their Crew.

Connection supports adolescent mental health, and healthy habits like connection are easier to build when tweens and teens have a support system. That’s why we designed Lucero to be a place where friends and families can radically support each other. Teens can invite up to seven “framily” members to join their Crew. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and always apologize if their actions or words hurt someone’s feelings. With the support of their Crew, teens discover themselves, strengthen their relationships, and deepen their capacity to connect.

Why is routine so important for teens? Adolescence brings with it intense physical, emotional, and social change. When so much of a teen’s life is in flux, the predictability of everyday routines is grounding. As the study’s lead author Allen Barton says, “We often lose sight of the mundane aspects of life, but if we can get control of the… everyday parts of life, then I think we can have a major impact on some bigger things.” The benefits of routine include:

• Enhanced closeness and bonding: Consistent routines send the message that you’re there for your teen and they can trust and count on you.
• Physical well-being: Regular bedtimes help set your teen’s body clock so they know when it’s time to go to sleep and wake up. Similarly, regular mealtimes help teens stay on track with healthier habits.
• Increased responsibility: When teens’ chores are scheduled and expectations are clear and consistent, they learn to keep commitments and care for others.
• Executive skills: Predictable routines help teens learn valuable lifelong skills like time management, organization, self-monitoring and self-control.

You may be asking, How can we get started with more stable routines… especially if my teen is already used to less structure? Parenting experts agree you should start small and involve teens in planning. Create one new routine at a time and begin with something that feels fun and rewarding, like a monthly game night or weekly dinner at home with the whole family. Ask your teen to help you brainstorm how to make your existing everyday routines more enjoyable and efficient, or create new rituals and traditions. This approach helps teens buy into routines as beneficial rather than seeing them as limiting.

Know that some teens like and need routine more than others. To give your teen a sense of ownership, talk with them about the habits they want to cultivate and the goals they are working towards, then work together to establish one small supportive change at a time. Approach new routines as an experiment instead of a rigid rule: try something out and if it doesn’t work, be prepared to modify it. When schedules or circumstances change– like at the start of the school year or when your teen adds an activity– it’s a good time to reevaluate routines. Above all, stay flexible and keep communicating.

More tips for setting successful routines:

• Think about your teen’s (and family’s) pressure-points: Is it always a battle to get out of bed in the morning? Do you tend to get super-stressed around homework or meal times? These areas are the perfect place to start creating more structure.
• Make it simple to accomplish tasks without investing a ton of time and energy. Remember that reducing stress often involves having to make fewer choices, so consider routines like a rotating weekly menu or prepping outfits the night before.
• Teens are chronically sleep deprived, so sleep is one of the most powerful places to establish routines. Emphasize consistent bedtimes and wake-up times, especially on school days.
• Don’t forget to factor in downtime, exercise and time with friends. These activities are all critical supports for teen mental health, and should be a priority even for busy teens.
• Make a shared family calendar and include reminders for the most important routines. From phone notifications to the old-fashioned chore chart, visual and auditory cues help your teen get used to new structure.
• Incentivize progress. When your teen– or your whole family– sticks to a new routine, make sure you celebrate success.
• Don’t be rigid: If a routine gets disrupted, just stay positive and start over tomorrow. And take time to periodically reevaluate routines to make sure they’re still in everyone’s best interests.

 1. Turning towards friends is normal and healthy.

Every adolescent eventually begins to pull away from their parents and place more importance on peers. Clinical psychologist Daniel Siegel says teens are wired to turn to friends as a survival instinct, “because that’s who you’re going to depend on when you leave home… Connecting with a peer group can feel like a matter of survival.” While this phase can be tough for parents, remember that the social skills they’re building now support lifelong mental and physical health. “When you develop social skills during adolescence, your adulthood is going to be so much better,” Siegel says.

2. Friendships fortify teens’ mental health.

Besides setting teens up for future happiness, friendships also help them deal with present-day problems. One study showed that during the isolation and school closures of the COVID-19 pandemic, supportive friendships helped teens avoid internalizing stress. Another proved that friendships make teens less likely to be bullied or bully others. A third study found that close friendships help teens adapt to stress, have higher self esteem, be more assertive, and even perform better academically. Teens with good friends are armed with powerful protection against multiple factors that might harm their mental health.

3. Teens need parents as their friendships get more complex.

Friendship gets more complicated in the teen years, and keeping the lines of communication open makes it easier for them to come to you for support. To build trust with your teen, talk to them frequently about friendship. Model what it means to show up for each other, communicate clearly, and resolve conflict. Instead of automatically offering advice to your teen, try asking questions and listening more than you talk. Make sure they know your curiosity comes from care and not from a desire to control or make choices for them. This kind of communication may even bring you closer.

4. Getting to know your teen’s friends pays off.

Encourage openness by asking genuine questions of your teen’s friends, getting to know their families, supporting your teen and their friends in extracurricular activities, and making your home a welcoming, safe, fun space to hang out. When your teen knows their friends and friendships matter to you, they’re more likely to be open with you and ask for help when they need it. That said, it’s not always easy to know who your teen is spending time with. Experts say parents should be clear with teens about what you expect to keep trust intact. Ask your teen to work with you to create sensible ground rules for online and real-world connections that you can both agree to. And make sure to steer them towards putting real-world friendships first, since those are the best for developing social skills.

5. If it\’s hard for them to make friends, you can help.

Teens can struggle to make friends for many reasons, including changing schools, being introverted, or having a disability or health challenge. If your child is struggling, know that researchers say having just one or two close friendships can be just as good or better than having a large group of friends. Parents can help teens form connections, but be cautious not to make your teen feel like their social life is a problem to be fixed. Keep the focus on how much they have to give, not what they lack. Help them explore their passions through local clubs or online groups. Find resources like social media influencers, adult mentors, or teen support groups to help them see their differences as superpowers. Ask their teachers or school counselors to quietly observe what’s going on at school and make suggestions or provide resources.

Make sure your teen knows that making friends isn’t about changing to convince others to accept them; it’s about finding the people who love them just as they are. Those are the kind of friendships researchers say build the foundation for lifelong well-being.

This week an insightful New York Times article by Matt Richtel cited some of those struggles in the article, It’s Life or Death: The Mental Health Crisis Among U.S. Teens . The article details the rise of depression, self-harm, and suicide among teens.

One key insight in the article that is heartening is the lessening of stigma surrounding mental health issues. The article notes, “Health experts note that, for all its weight, the adolescent crisis at least is unfolding in a more accepting environment. Mental health issues have shed much of the stigma they carried three decades ago, and parents and adolescents alike are more at ease when discussing the subject among themselves and seeking help.”

For adolescents and teens, the consensus is growing that mental health stability is dependent upon providing interventions early and often. This includes having the capabilities to interact with teens via texting, talking, and daily support. Offering different methods for teens to share their feelings, report a crisis moment, and feel supported will help reduce and alleviate the teen’s struggle overall. Working as a team with the primary care physician, psychologist, parents and social workers can help ensure the teen has different options for dealing with mental illness as well as an integrated care team long-term.

With the advent of mobile apps focused on adults like Calm.com and others, the need for apps built and created for teens as well continues to expand. These apps will in the next decade provide an important tool for communication and reassurance to teens and adolescents. it’s more important than ever to offer interventions early and often. Teens are also benefiting from mobile apps.

According to the national research survey, Digital Health Practices, Social Media Use, and Mental Well-Being Among Teens and Young Adults in the U.S. led by Victoria Rideout , 38 percent of young adults aged 14 to 22 who suffer from moderate to severe anxiety and depression use stress and anxiety-relieving applications to help them feel better. Apps that offer mindfulness, guided meditation and breathing, journaling, parent/teen communication and depression interventions, are a growing avenue for teens, parents and clinical staff to help reduce anxiety and stress.

We’re working in the most optimal environment for helping adolescents and teens not only survive depression but thrive with actionable interventions that provide long-term support. We will continue to follow the news and help you learn as we go along together in this journey toward better mental and physical health.

*For more resources go here – https://www.nytimes.com/explain/2022/04/23/health/teen-mental-health-faq?action=click&module=RelatedLinksOne&pgtype=Article