Because tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to the effects of loneliness and isolation, parents and caregivers need to know what’s causing the epidemic, how to recognize signs and symptoms, and what to do to help adolescents thrive through meaningful connection to others.

Why does loneliness matter for tweens and teens?

The Surgeon General’s advisory presents evidence that a lack of social connection is literally life-threatening. Loneliness and isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. They increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and are associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and increased risk of depression, anxiety and suicide. Tweens and teens suffering from loneliness are of special concern because belonging and connection are foundational to their identity, self-esteem, and lifelong achievement. Furthermore, having supportive relationships is frequently cited as the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being.

What’s causing loneliness to increase?

The causes of the loneliness epidemic are complex. The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many contributing factors, but research shows that these patterns have been in place for years and even decades. The Surgeon General’s report notes that among 15-24 year olds, “time spent in-person with friends has reduced by nearly 70% over almost two decades, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020.” Other trends include historically low levels of trust and community involvement, increasing levels of social isolation, and increased use of digital devices and social media over in-person connection.

What are the signs and symptoms of loneliness?

Loneliness isn’t always easy to identify. Like adults, adolescents often attribute their negative feelings to other problems, and sometimes suffer from loneliness even when they have a busy schedule and social life. Symptoms can include:

• Feeling anxious, sad or depressed
• Appearing withdrawn or moody
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Low self-esteem and self-doubt
• Increased social media use
• Increased aggression, anger or risky behavior
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness; suicidal thoughts

How to help:

The statistics are scary, but these steps can help tweens and teens stay connected to others and break patterns that lead to loneliness:

• Learn emotional regulation skills. Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero, for instance, offers a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships.
• Cultivate IRL community. A framily is any combination of youth and adults who radically support each other. Tweens and teens benefit from a network of relationships of all kinds, including family, friends, mentors, teachers, and community members. Peers and elders provide different kinds of supportive relationships, and in-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support.
• Reach out to others. It’s normal to look for connection online, so tweens and teens may need encouragement to take the risk and step outside their comfort zone. School and community clubs, team sports, volunteering, and after-school or summer jobs are all ways adolescents can overcome isolation, find meaningful relationships and be proactive about growing their support system.

To protect your teen from the harmful effects of loneliness, try these four evidence-based tips:

1. Understand their neurology.

Teens are more susceptible to feeling lonely because their prefrontal cortexes – the part of the brain that helps regulate emotion and impulse control – are still developing, and their limbic brains – the part that responds to stress – are more active. The teenage brain is wired to seek social and emotional rewards and to feel everything more intensely. That’s why a seemingly small slight from peers can feel literally life-or-death to teens. Remind teens that their brains are works-in-progress and that everyone, no matter their age or level of popularity, struggles with uncomfortable emotions like loneliness at times. To help them develop emotional resilience, teach teens healthy habits for self-regulation like mindful breathing and positive self-talk.

2. Limit their alone-time.

Too much solitude can be scary for teens and leave them vulnerable. Before adolescence, children are rarely alone. Increased independence is something many teens crave but aren’t completely comfortable with. They likely haven’t developed coping strategies for loneliness, and they tend to seek connection and distraction from difficult emotions through social media and digital devices. Study after study shows that teens need real-world connection with friends and family. If you’re concerned about your teen’s level of loneliness, start tracking how much time they’re spending on their own and find ways to increase opportunities for meaningful interaction with others, like family dinners and game nights, in-person hangouts with friends, or volunteering for a cause they care about.

3. Ensure they get enough sleep.

A 2018 study published in the journal Nature Communications found that sleep loss causes social withdrawal and loneliness. That’s probably because lack of sleep leads to mood changes, decreased energy and a lack of interest in social engagement. And \”almost all teenagers, as they reach puberty, become walking zombies because they are getting far too little sleep,\” says sleep expert and Cornell University psychologist James B. Maas. Teens need more sleep than adults to support brain development: about 8-10 hours per night. Teens’ unique circadian rhythms make it natural for them to stay up and sleep later than most school schedules allow. To make sure your teen gets enough sleep, stick to a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up, and get the whole family on board to shut down all devices together before bedtime.

4. Tackle FOMO.

Social media’s endless parade of filtered photos and fantasies makes it easy to feel like everyone else is out there living their best life while you sit home alone. Everybody experiences Fear Of Missing Out sometimes, but because teens are more socially- and emotionally-driven than other age groups, they’re especially vulnerable. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that college students who limited social media use to 10 minutes per platform, per day experienced significant reductions in depression, loneliness, anxiety and FOMO. If your teen is struggling with loneliness, have an honest conversation about how their social media habits make them feel. You might experiment with cutting back on social media use together, or curate a feed that boosts confidence, connection and self-love instead of leading to loneliness.