For parents and caregivers of tweens and teens, it’s especially important to understand the causes of the loneliness epidemic and how to address it. According to a 2018 global study, young people reported the highest levels of loneliness of any age group, and having supportive relationships is the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being. Why are loneliness rates going up? Here’s what we discovered and what it means for tweens, teens and families:

1. Social isolation is increasing.

Over the two decades between 2003 and 2020, time spent alone increased by about 24 hours per month for all age groups. For people between the ages of  15-24, time spent with friends decreased by nearly 70 percent, from 30 hours a month to just 10 hours. Today’s adolescents are spending a lot more time alone than their parents did, and feeling more lonely as a result.

2. Social networks are shrinking.

Compared to a generation or two ago, families are smaller, busier, move from place to place more often, and live further apart. That means less time spent with extended family, friends, neighbors, and people we interact with around the communities we live in. Studies also show that participation in civic, service, recreational, and religious organizations is in decline. That means less interaction with people who share common interests, values, and goals.

3. We have fewer close friends. Among people who don’t report feelings of loneliness, 90% have three or more confidants. Research shows that close friendships protect tweens and teens’ mental and physical health and increase resilience well into adulthood. But in 2021, 49% of Americans said they have three or fewer close friends, a number that’s nearly doubled since 1990.

4. Trust levels are lower. In 1975, 45% of Americans felt they could reliably trust each other. In 2016, that percentage had shrunk to 30%. Lower levels of trust correspond to near-historic rates of polarization. Polarization and mistrust may  affect tweens and teens even more than adults, because the adolescent brain is not yet adept at processing trauma and anxiety.

What can we do about loneliness? 

It can be helpful to remember that we’re all in this together: The issues leading to loneliness affect everyone in our society to some degree. Understanding that you’re not the only one dealing with loneliness can make it easier to reach out. And families can take steps to alleviate loneliness, like practicing emotional self-care, cultivating social connections, and building meaningful relationships. Here are three key places to start:

1. Learn emotional regulation skills.

Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions like loneliness. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero’s wellness app offers a gamified approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships, with content that’s co-created by licensed therapists and youth.

2. Cultivate community together.

Tweens and teens benefit from a diverse network of relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and community members. And guess what? So do you! Every supportive relationship makes your family’s sense of belonging more resilient. How can you and your teen grow supportive relationships as a family? Brainstorm easy, fun ways to connect with others, like starting a block party, volunteering, or joining an intramural sports team together.

3. Take it offline.

While it’s normal to seek connection online, social media is no substitute for IRL relationships. In fact, some studies show that increased social media use correlates with higher rates of loneliness. In-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support, so encourage your teen to put down their device and reach out for real-world connection, too.

Because tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to the effects of loneliness and isolation, parents and caregivers need to know what’s causing the epidemic, how to recognize signs and symptoms, and what to do to help adolescents thrive through meaningful connection to others.

Why does loneliness matter for tweens and teens?

The Surgeon General’s advisory presents evidence that a lack of social connection is literally life-threatening. Loneliness and isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. They increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and are associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and increased risk of depression, anxiety and suicide. Tweens and teens suffering from loneliness are of special concern because belonging and connection are foundational to their identity, self-esteem, and lifelong achievement. Furthermore, having supportive relationships is frequently cited as the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being.

What’s causing loneliness to increase?

The causes of the loneliness epidemic are complex. The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many contributing factors, but research shows that these patterns have been in place for years and even decades. The Surgeon General’s report notes that among 15-24 year olds, “time spent in-person with friends has reduced by nearly 70% over almost two decades, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020.” Other trends include historically low levels of trust and community involvement, increasing levels of social isolation, and increased use of digital devices and social media over in-person connection.

What are the signs and symptoms of loneliness?

Loneliness isn’t always easy to identify. Like adults, adolescents often attribute their negative feelings to other problems, and sometimes suffer from loneliness even when they have a busy schedule and social life. Symptoms can include:

• Feeling anxious, sad or depressed
• Appearing withdrawn or moody
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Low self-esteem and self-doubt
• Increased social media use
• Increased aggression, anger or risky behavior
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness; suicidal thoughts

How to help:

The statistics are scary, but these steps can help tweens and teens stay connected to others and break patterns that lead to loneliness:

• Learn emotional regulation skills. Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero, for instance, offers a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships.
• Cultivate IRL community. A framily is any combination of youth and adults who radically support each other. Tweens and teens benefit from a network of relationships of all kinds, including family, friends, mentors, teachers, and community members. Peers and elders provide different kinds of supportive relationships, and in-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support.
• Reach out to others. It’s normal to look for connection online, so tweens and teens may need encouragement to take the risk and step outside their comfort zone. School and community clubs, team sports, volunteering, and after-school or summer jobs are all ways adolescents can overcome isolation, find meaningful relationships and be proactive about growing their support system.

To protect your teen from the harmful effects of loneliness, try these four evidence-based tips:

1. Understand their neurology.

Teens are more susceptible to feeling lonely because their prefrontal cortexes – the part of the brain that helps regulate emotion and impulse control – are still developing, and their limbic brains – the part that responds to stress – are more active. The teenage brain is wired to seek social and emotional rewards and to feel everything more intensely. That’s why a seemingly small slight from peers can feel literally life-or-death to teens. Remind teens that their brains are works-in-progress and that everyone, no matter their age or level of popularity, struggles with uncomfortable emotions like loneliness at times. To help them develop emotional resilience, teach teens healthy habits for self-regulation like mindful breathing and positive self-talk.

2. Limit their alone-time.

Too much solitude can be scary for teens and leave them vulnerable. Before adolescence, children are rarely alone. Increased independence is something many teens crave but aren’t completely comfortable with. They likely haven’t developed coping strategies for loneliness, and they tend to seek connection and distraction from difficult emotions through social media and digital devices. Study after study shows that teens need real-world connection with friends and family. If you’re concerned about your teen’s level of loneliness, start tracking how much time they’re spending on their own and find ways to increase opportunities for meaningful interaction with others, like family dinners and game nights, in-person hangouts with friends, or volunteering for a cause they care about.

3. Ensure they get enough sleep.

A 2018 study published in the journal Nature Communications found that sleep loss causes social withdrawal and loneliness. That’s probably because lack of sleep leads to mood changes, decreased energy and a lack of interest in social engagement. And \”almost all teenagers, as they reach puberty, become walking zombies because they are getting far too little sleep,\” says sleep expert and Cornell University psychologist James B. Maas. Teens need more sleep than adults to support brain development: about 8-10 hours per night. Teens’ unique circadian rhythms make it natural for them to stay up and sleep later than most school schedules allow. To make sure your teen gets enough sleep, stick to a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up, and get the whole family on board to shut down all devices together before bedtime.

4. Tackle FOMO.

Social media’s endless parade of filtered photos and fantasies makes it easy to feel like everyone else is out there living their best life while you sit home alone. Everybody experiences Fear Of Missing Out sometimes, but because teens are more socially- and emotionally-driven than other age groups, they’re especially vulnerable. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that college students who limited social media use to 10 minutes per platform, per day experienced significant reductions in depression, loneliness, anxiety and FOMO. If your teen is struggling with loneliness, have an honest conversation about how their social media habits make them feel. You might experiment with cutting back on social media use together, or curate a feed that boosts confidence, connection and self-love instead of leading to loneliness.