Caregivers of tweens and teens need to know that connection can be cultivated. How? Start with these five simple strategies to strengthen relationships:

1. Remember, your teen wants to connect.

American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day, according to a recent survey. Why so little? Busy schedules make it a real challenge to carve out quality time. But while parents often perceive that their teens have lost interest in spending time together, teens say parents are the ones who are too busy. Remember, even as teens seek greater independence and spend more time with friends, quality time with parents continues to be critical for their overall well-being. Teens want to connect with you even when they don’t say so, so go ahead and make the first move.

2. Be more present in the time you already spend together.

When it comes to connection, quality matters more than quantity. Quality time means being present: you’re not letting distractions, worries, or feelings of overwhelm intrude. You’re really there for each other, listening, sharing, having fun, or just being. Ask yourself how you might be more present during the time you and your teen already spend together. Do you drive them to school most mornings or eat dinner together a few nights a week? Consider declaring a phone-free zone, playing a conversation card game, or creating a family ritual to check in with each other. And be sure to ask your teen what would make it most meaningful for them.

3. Don’t leave connection up to chance.

When families see each other often, it’s easy to make time together a low priority or leave it entirely up to chance. But that means you’re hanging out when you’re stressed, tired and distracted. To foster deeper connection, make family time sacred and spend time together when everyone can be energized and engaged. Block off regular time in all your calendars and make a plan together. Create a few simple rituals, like cooking dinner one night a week or going for a hike once a month. Keep it simple with easy, everyday moments of connection, then mix it up by trying new things or planning an adventure once in a while. Teens benefit from regular routines and opportunities to get out of their comfort zone, so aim for a balance of both.

4. Support teens’ friendships with peers.

Connection with parents or caregivers is key, but it doesn’t replace the need for close, supportive peer friendships. Studies show that connection with peers decreases stress, increases teens’ sense of self-worth and protects their mental health well into early adulthood. Caregivers can help teens nurture these critical friendships with a little background support and structure. Teaching your teen to prioritize authenticity, getting to know their friends, and encouraging extracurricular activities are all ways you can help teens build a network of supportive connections. Read our post on nurturing teen friendships for more ideas.

5. Help them create their Crew.

Connection supports adolescent mental health, and healthy habits like connection are easier to build when tweens and teens have a support system. That’s why we designed Lucero to be a place where friends and families can radically support each other. Teens can invite up to seven “framily” members to join their Crew. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and always apologize if their actions or words hurt someone’s feelings. With the support of their Crew, teens discover themselves, strengthen their relationships, and deepen their capacity to connect.

1. Can you share why you\’re so invested in teen and adolescent mental health?

My drive to invest my time in teen and tween mental health comes from personal life experiences combined with the realization that the need for more accessible and effective resources is greater now than ever before. We have a youth mental health epidemic happening right now. Along with the crisis resources being developed and deployed, we need effective upstream solutions to help diminish the possibility of a mental health crisis for youth.

On a more personal level, I was the queer kid who navigated coming out at 16, triggering a process of navigating my own self-acceptance and self-love for several years.

I have also spent countless days trying to find and access mental health resources for youth in my care as a foster mom. One of the hardest days of my entire life was walking my foster daughter through the doors of a mental health hospital because we hadn’t been able to find the right resources in time. Nothing prepares you for the reality of realizing that as a mom, you can’t fix everything. It breaks you.

As a mother, I’d do anything to go back in time years before our crisis, years before my foster daughter even showed up at my house, to give her, I, and the other foster parents in her life the skills, language, and tools to better navigate what the next five years of her life would throw her way.

Since time travel isn’t possible, I’m committed to doing everything I can to help other youth and families be more prepared through Lucero.

1. What are you most excited about in terms of how people are now understanding that teens need more emotional support and proactive interventions to help them in daily lives?

I am most excited about inviting youth to design these resources together. Instead of retrofitting what has worked with adults, we have the opportunity to really listen, meet youth where they are, and design solutions with and for them.

In interviews with tweens and teens, one consistent theme is they don’t want to be told what to do. We can probably all agree that we were that teen/tween at one point or another. With clinical experts as part of the team to provide guardrails and share evidence-based tools, together we have the opportunity to really transform the youth experience– making self-care and radical support the norm.

1. What is one key to good parent/teen communication around mental health wellness?

Normalize talking about mental health.

It’s not something “other families deal with”. It’s something we all deal with. It’s part of the human experience.

As a mom who has gone through potty training twice, my kids and I have read countless books that normalize pooping. Including the book, “Everyone Poops” by Taro Gomi– which is a family favorite!

Right along with that book, families should be reading “Everyone has Mental Health”. This is the level of normalizing that I feel mental health needs.

A friend recently shared that she’s started taking her daughter (age 3) to a therapist every 6-months for a check-up as a way to normalize the experience. You go to your pediatrician and dentist for regular check-ups, and we understand that preventative care keeps us healthy. I think this is an absolute genius way to help your kids always know from a very young age that there’s someone there when/if things get out of their control. There’s no shame in asking for help. Mental health is health, and I love the idea of normalizing it as such. 

1. What is valuable in regard to teens having access to mental health mobile apps?

Youth 8-12 spend an average of 4-6 hours per day in front of a screen. With this number skyrocketing to up to 9 hours per day for teens. I think the most valuable impact of mental health apps is accessibility. It’s a resource youth can access 24/7 when they are out-and-about or in the privacy of their room at 3 am when they can’t fall asleep.

The second most valuable part of youth having access to mental health mobile apps on their phone is it starts to allow them to make a choice for where they spend their time. They become more consciously aware of options and the way certain apps make them feel vs. others.

1. If you could give one piece of insight for practitioners working with teens and mental health what would that be?

Actively listen to youth. Even in small moments where you can give them their own agency to choose the questions they want to ask (or answer) can have great impact. Many youth we interview sound like either ships adrift at sea with no direction at all or like they are on a ship pulled by a rope in a direction they have no control over and aren’t too sure about. Actively listening to youth will start helping youth adjust their own sail or paddle their own oars–skills that can help them navigate all the future waves that life will inevitably bring.