Caregivers of tweens and teens need to know that connection can be cultivated. How? Start with these five simple strategies to strengthen relationships:

1. Remember, your teen wants to connect.

American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day, according to a recent survey. Why so little? Busy schedules make it a real challenge to carve out quality time. But while parents often perceive that their teens have lost interest in spending time together, teens say parents are the ones who are too busy. Remember, even as teens seek greater independence and spend more time with friends, quality time with parents continues to be critical for their overall well-being. Teens want to connect with you even when they don’t say so, so go ahead and make the first move.

2. Be more present in the time you already spend together.

When it comes to connection, quality matters more than quantity. Quality time means being present: you’re not letting distractions, worries, or feelings of overwhelm intrude. You’re really there for each other, listening, sharing, having fun, or just being. Ask yourself how you might be more present during the time you and your teen already spend together. Do you drive them to school most mornings or eat dinner together a few nights a week? Consider declaring a phone-free zone, playing a conversation card game, or creating a family ritual to check in with each other. And be sure to ask your teen what would make it most meaningful for them.

3. Don’t leave connection up to chance.

When families see each other often, it’s easy to make time together a low priority or leave it entirely up to chance. But that means you’re hanging out when you’re stressed, tired and distracted. To foster deeper connection, make family time sacred and spend time together when everyone can be energized and engaged. Block off regular time in all your calendars and make a plan together. Create a few simple rituals, like cooking dinner one night a week or going for a hike once a month. Keep it simple with easy, everyday moments of connection, then mix it up by trying new things or planning an adventure once in a while. Teens benefit from regular routines and opportunities to get out of their comfort zone, so aim for a balance of both.

4. Support teens’ friendships with peers.

Connection with parents or caregivers is key, but it doesn’t replace the need for close, supportive peer friendships. Studies show that connection with peers decreases stress, increases teens’ sense of self-worth and protects their mental health well into early adulthood. Caregivers can help teens nurture these critical friendships with a little background support and structure. Teaching your teen to prioritize authenticity, getting to know their friends, and encouraging extracurricular activities are all ways you can help teens build a network of supportive connections. Read our post on nurturing teen friendships for more ideas.

5. Help them create their Crew.

Connection supports adolescent mental health, and healthy habits like connection are easier to build when tweens and teens have a support system. That’s why we designed Lucero to be a place where friends and families can radically support each other. Teens can invite up to seven “framily” members to join their Crew. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and always apologize if their actions or words hurt someone’s feelings. With the support of their Crew, teens discover themselves, strengthen their relationships, and deepen their capacity to connect.

Here are four things you need to know about helping teens build strong connections:

1. Parents and caregivers are at the heart of it…

Even as they become more independent, teens need the adults in their lives to provide love, security and stability. Caring for a teenager isn’t always easy, but researchers at Penn State found that keeping a strong connection through adolescence makes parent-child relationships even closer when children reach adulthood. “Our research showed that parenting can change a lot during the teenage years: parents often express less warmth and affection, spend less time with their teens, and become more harsh in their discipline,” says Greg Fosco, PhD, professor of human development and family studies and co-principal investigator on the study. “Parents that were able to maintain positive parenting and involvement laid the foundation for a close relationship when their teens became adults.”

2. …but you may need to connect differently than before.

Researchers also agree that since teens are wired to seek more independence and autonomy, they may push back against some of the ways you connected with them when they were younger. Fosco suggests doing things together like playing sports, going out for a meal, gaming or cooking: activities you both enjoy and that you can build into your family’s routines. He also stresses the importance of warmth and affection: “This is a great reminder to say the important things in life, such as ‘I love you’ or ‘I care about you,’ or physical expressions such as a hug or a pat on the back.” Regardless of what you do together or how busy you are, make sure your teen knows they always come first and that family time is sacred. When you set that example, they’re more likely to follow your lead.

3. Friendships with peers set the stage for success.

There’s a good reason tweens and teens are so focused on friendships: They’re wired to connect with their peers because those relationships have historically ensured humans’ survival. “…Young people are learning how to manage relationships that are going to ultimately determine how they fare for the rest of their lives, and they sense that in their bones,” says Joseph Allen, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia. So rather than being silly, teen friendships set the stage for success. Teens are figuring out necessary social skills like caring for others, cooperating, compromising and resolving conflict. The more practice they get connecting with others as teens, the better at it they’ll be in adulthood.

4. Online connections can provide safe spaces, too.

Lots of attention goes to the negative effects of social media and digital devices, but it’s important to remember that there are safe spaces for teens to connect online, too. Online communities are havens for LGBTQIA+ teens, teens with a disability and teens with social anxiety, among many others. In a recent Pew Research Center survey, 80% of teens said social media helps them stay more connected to what’s going on in their friends’ lives, 67% percent said it makes them feel like they have people who can support them through tough times, and 58% said it makes them feel more accepted.

… and here are ways to engage with your Crew

Lucero has created a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens captain a Crew by inviting up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days and always apologize if their actions or words hurt someone’s feelings. It’s a great way to spark meaningful conversations, check in with each other and give your teen a positive place to strengthen their capacity to connect.

1. Encourage extracurriculars. 

Extracurricular activities are the perfect place for teens to make friends because the structure they provide can strengthen friendships. It’s easier, for example, for shy teens to start conversations with others who have similar interests and schedules. Working towards shared goals helps teens bond and learn to support each other. Extracurricular activities also include built-in support from parents, coaches, or teachers– helpful for things like dealing with conflict. And friends who are passionate about the same things are more likely to motivate your teen to do their best. In short, when your teen finds their niche, they’re also likely to grow great friendships.

2. Advocate for authenticity.

Authenticity means being true to your own identity and values: not always easy when teens are still figuring that stuff out for themselves. But parents can remind teens the importance of being their whole selves and the difference between fitting in and belonging. According to researcher Dr. Brené Brown, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” Teach your teen to do a gut-check whenever they’re uncertain: “Do I feel safe being my whole self around this person? Is there any part of me that’s not welcome or supported?” Encourage your teen to reserve their inner circle for friends who have earned their trust and with whom they can be authentic.

3. Teach them how to handle conflict.

Because friendships form such an important part of their identity, conflict feels like a major crisis when teens aren’t prepared to deal with it. But when relationships are strong, conflict can actually make them even better. Nothing builds trust and helps us understand each other like resolving a disagreement. First, equip your teen to feel, talk about, and take responsibility for their own emotions. Share tools like mindful breathing for self-care and self-regulation. And when conflict comes up at home, practice basic skills like active listening, using “I” statements, and offering honest apologies. This helps teens manage the stress of conflict and feel empowered to deal with it in a proactive way.

4. Prioritize positivity.

Sometimes teens pick friends who cause concern. Maybe they behave disrespectfully, use language you’re not comfortable with, or just seem a little too mature for your teen. In cases like these, immediately forbidding a friendship will probably cause your teen to respond with anger and resistance. Instead, stay engaged by asking questions, like what they admire about that person and what they enjoy doing together. Invite their friends to join in family gatherings, and get to know them by asking genuinely curious questions. Often, teens who are a little rough around the edges just aren’t used to interacting with a caring adult. Your presence might be enough to bring out the best in them. And if there’s a real reason for concern, you’ll see it sooner.

5. Support their style of socializing.

Some teens are social butterflies; others prefer quiet hangouts with their best friend or a small group. Some sign up for every after-school activity, others find their tribe in online communities. Just remember that teen friendship is about quality, not quantity. Researchers say having just one or two close friendships can be as good or better than having a large group of friends And while online friendships are fine, teens do need IRL relationships to develop social skills. Whatever their socializing style, make sure your teen knows their friendships matter to you. Let them know you’re happy to host, drive, or help plan things they think would be fun. Get to know their friends and what matters most to them. Give them opportunities to make their own choices while knowing you always have their back.

1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.

We don’t have a time machine on hand, but we have the next best thing for the young people in your life right now. Lucero is a gamified wellness app that helps tweens and teens build healthy habits for self-care and emotional resilience in just a few minutes a day. It’s designed by licensed therapists and tweens and teens themselves, and – best of all – it’s fun! Lucero gives young people a mental health mentor, right in their pockets. Here are four ways our approach is unique and tailored for today\’s tweens and teens:

1. Lucero is youth-driven.

It’s time to get serious about solving the youth mental health crisis. The number of high school students reporting persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness increased by 40% between 2009 and 2019, and from 2007-2018, suicide rates among youth ages 10-24 increased by 57%. To create solutions, we need all the experts on board, and Lucero believes that includes tweens and teens themselves. After all, who knows better how young people are thinking and feeling right now? We asked our youth advisors, “If you had a magic app that could solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then we built the safe space they asked for. All of our content is created by trauma-informed licensed therapists who work closely with tweens and teens to get it right.

2. Lucero is accessible.

In 2016 only about half of children with a treatable mental health disorder actually received treatment, and the pandemic made it even harder for young people to access mental health care. Many face accessibility and affordability barriers, and most families lack the skills, language and tools to talk about mental health with confidence. Lucero makes emotional regulation and self-care skills accessible to anyone with a smartphone. It learns which activities improve teens’ mood and well-being, and provides a customized experience that includes families as part of the care team. Lucero also gives parents and pros insight into topics that resonate with teens, as well as streamlined access to support and resources.

3. Lucero is gamified.

Lucero’s approach is to gamify healthy habits like positive self-talk, emotional regulation and connection with others. The 12-week adventure of World 1 helps teens develop self-awareness and build confidence while evolving their Avatars, tracking their progress and earning badges. The Crew feature lets them invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on the journey, so they can have fun learning together. Why gamify? Studies show that making learning fun increases motivation, so tweens and teens stay engaged longer and lock in those healthy habits. 

4. Lucero is bite-sized.

Did you know that all it takes to create a healthy habit is just a few minutes a day? Behavior scientists and psychologists say the best way to make big changes is to take it one small step at a time. That means breaking down big goals into micro-habits: tiny habits that are easy to repeat and build over time. Teens who take this approach are more likely to stay inspired. Lucero provides daily reinforcement of resources and healthy habits that support teens in mind, body and spirit. It’s almost as if your older, wiser self showed up to say, “Hang in there! Here are some tools to help you get through this.” No time machine required.

1. Befriend your brain.

To turn an action into a habit, the brain needs repetition and reward. Repetition means doing an action enough times that it’s easily done without thinking, like brushing your teeth. But to really make a new habit take hold, we need to feel a sense of satisfaction, too. When we expect something good to happen, the brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical that makes us want more. That’s why rewarding ourselves – even with something as simple as a fist bump or five-minute break – helps us lock in healthy new habits. Make it easy to repeat your new habit and be sure to reward yourself each time. Your brain will associate the new behavior with feelings of satisfaction, motivating you to keep up the good work.

2. Start small.

“Creating tiny positive habits is the path to developing much bigger ones,” says Stanford behavior scientist B.J. Fogg. “…If you want to create long-term change, start small.” We often don’t stick to healthy habits simply because we take on too much. Fogg suggests starting with actions so small they might seem insignificant at first, like 30 seconds of a new activity. That helps you quickly wire the new habit into your brain. “The more stressed you are and the less time you have, the more appropriate this method is for you,” Fogg says. Make your new habit bite-sized and let it grow from there.

3. Stay motivated by loving yourself. 

If feeling good motivates us to stay with a healthy habit, it makes sense that feeling bad has the opposite effect. Writer Carina Wolff says, “As part of cultivating a healthy mind and body, we need to start… participating in habits that encourage self-love.” What do self-love habits look like? You can find lots of ideas in Lucero, a gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their Crew (that means you!) It’s like a daily vitamin for self-care habits like mindfulness, positive self-talk and connecting with yourself and others. Loving yourself makes you happier and inspires you to go for your goals.

4. Design systems for success.

In the book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says we can set ourselves up for success by designing systems that support our goals. “Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results,” says Clear. If your goal is to exercise daily, how can you make it easier and more fun to get your workout in? Keep your gym bag in the car. Download an upbeat playlist. Invite friends and family members to join you for hikes or pickleball. Think about how you will deal with setbacks, too: What are your backup plans and motivators for down days? How will you handle competing commitments? Simplify success by planning in advance.

5. Know your ABCs. B.J. Fogg provides a simple recipe for successful habits: Anchor–Behavior–Celebration. An anchor is an existing routine that serves as a reminder for the behavior (your new habit):

• After I sit down at my desk, I will take three slow, deep breaths.
• After I brush my teeth, I will do two push ups.

Celebration is any action that gives you a sense of completion and satisfaction, like giving yourself a pat on the back or saying, “I’m awesome!” Fogg’s formula is all about making new habits sustainable, so our brains get better at adapting to change. And science says that’s the best way to build healthy habits: one tiny step at a time.

Teen mental health experts say the data points to multiple problems upstream, including shame and stigma surrounding mental health, a crisis-centered, overburdened care system, and a lack of preventative resources. By looking at what’s missing, we can begin to create solutions to the teen mental health crisis, including:

• giving teens and families the skills, language, and tools to talk about mental health and wellness
• building a more proactive, preventative model of care
• meeting teens where they are and making wellness easy and accessible
• focusing on daily habits for mental and emotional well-being

That’s where Lucero comes in. Lucero is a youth-driven, gamified approach to wellness and self-care. We asked teens, “If you had a magic app to solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then, led by a team of trauma-informed therapists, we built the safe space they asked for. Lucero includes multiple layers of support, including

• Journey: 84+ fun and engaging daily micro-lessons on topics like confidence and self-awareness
• Spark: 600+ self-care ideas designed for 30 different emotions
• Sanctuary: A place where teens can celebrate themselves by evolving their avatars and earning badges
• Crew: Meaningful connection with up to 7 framily members (friends and family who radically support each other)

Our research-backed philosophy is that small daily acts of self-discovery and self-care add up to big changes in the brain, and that makes teens’ mental health more resilient. Instead of waiting for a crisis, Lucero is all about building habits to support long-term wellness in mind, body and spirit. It increases emotional regulation skills through self-awareness, confidence and mindfulness and makes hard topics fun, engaging and bite-sized.

First and foremost, Lucero gives teens a safe space to just be themselves. In just a few minutes a day, they can gain tools to build confidence, deal with difficult emotions, and stay connected to others who radically support them. Lucero also helps parents and pros stay connected to tweens and teens.

Why now? Because when we look at those sobering statistics, we know that every single number is a tween or teen who can thrive with the right tools and support. Because we know that real solutions have to be youth-driven, supported by science and accessible to everyone. And most of all, because teens are telling us it’s time. So let’s do this.