Caregivers of tweens and teens need to know that connection can be cultivated. How? Start with these five simple strategies to strengthen relationships:

1. Remember, your teen wants to connect.

American families spend just 37 minutes of quality time together per day, according to a recent survey. Why so little? Busy schedules make it a real challenge to carve out quality time. But while parents often perceive that their teens have lost interest in spending time together, teens say parents are the ones who are too busy. Remember, even as teens seek greater independence and spend more time with friends, quality time with parents continues to be critical for their overall well-being. Teens want to connect with you even when they don’t say so, so go ahead and make the first move.

2. Be more present in the time you already spend together.

When it comes to connection, quality matters more than quantity. Quality time means being present: you’re not letting distractions, worries, or feelings of overwhelm intrude. You’re really there for each other, listening, sharing, having fun, or just being. Ask yourself how you might be more present during the time you and your teen already spend together. Do you drive them to school most mornings or eat dinner together a few nights a week? Consider declaring a phone-free zone, playing a conversation card game, or creating a family ritual to check in with each other. And be sure to ask your teen what would make it most meaningful for them.

3. Don’t leave connection up to chance.

When families see each other often, it’s easy to make time together a low priority or leave it entirely up to chance. But that means you’re hanging out when you’re stressed, tired and distracted. To foster deeper connection, make family time sacred and spend time together when everyone can be energized and engaged. Block off regular time in all your calendars and make a plan together. Create a few simple rituals, like cooking dinner one night a week or going for a hike once a month. Keep it simple with easy, everyday moments of connection, then mix it up by trying new things or planning an adventure once in a while. Teens benefit from regular routines and opportunities to get out of their comfort zone, so aim for a balance of both.

4. Support teens’ friendships with peers.

Connection with parents or caregivers is key, but it doesn’t replace the need for close, supportive peer friendships. Studies show that connection with peers decreases stress, increases teens’ sense of self-worth and protects their mental health well into early adulthood. Caregivers can help teens nurture these critical friendships with a little background support and structure. Teaching your teen to prioritize authenticity, getting to know their friends, and encouraging extracurricular activities are all ways you can help teens build a network of supportive connections. Read our post on nurturing teen friendships for more ideas.

5. Help them create their Crew.

Connection supports adolescent mental health, and healthy habits like connection are easier to build when tweens and teens have a support system. That’s why we designed Lucero to be a place where friends and families can radically support each other. Teens can invite up to seven “framily” members to join their Crew. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and always apologize if their actions or words hurt someone’s feelings. With the support of their Crew, teens discover themselves, strengthen their relationships, and deepen their capacity to connect.

1. Build a strong relationship with themselves.

Teens with high self-esteem have more positive relationships, and positive relationships lead to better self-esteem. Self-esteem often takes a hit during adolescence when physical, neurological, psychological and social changes combine with increased stress and responsibility. Healthy habits that boost teens’ connection with themselves include self-reflection, self-care, journaling, positive self-talk, and getting clear about personal values and goals. Encourage your teen to think about what it means to be their own best friend– how do you talk to someone you love and care about? What would you do if that person were having a hard time? Teens who love themselves have a built-in model of a supportive relationship, so they know they deserve a high level of care and respect from others.

2. Ramp up resilience.

Healthy habits help teens build a tool-kit of coping skills to deal with stress and regulate their emotions. Each tool increases their resilience, or the ability to bounce back from and overcome adversity. According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, the five most common factors of resilient people include:

• They are resourceful and have skills to solve problems.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They believe that they can do something to manage their feelings and cope.
• They have social support.
• They are connected with others.

3. Define their \”Framily.\”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a framily includes “friends or blood relatives to whom we would actually choose to be related, because the relationship is mutually respectful, close, supporting and affectionate.” Defining their framily helps teens reframe their support systems to include all the important relationships that don’t necessarily fit into traditional roles, like their mom’s best friend who’s more like an aunt, or a youth group leader or neighbor who always looks out for them. Take some time with your teen to map out your own framily members and highlight any relationships you want to strengthen. Let those people know that they’re a part of your teen’s tribe, then plan ways that you and your teen can deepen the most important connections.

4. Get serious about radical support.

At Lucero, we define framily as any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other. Who are the people your teen can rely on for radical support? Those are the relationships that belong in your teen’s inner circle. Radical support means different things to different people, but some key questions your teen can ask themselves include:

• Can I be my most authentic self around this person? Do they like and love me even when I’m feeling sad, silly, vulnerable, etc.?
• Can I trust this person? Do I know they will respect my boundaries and keep what I say confidential? Are they honest with me?
• Would I feel comfortable asking this person for help or support?
• How does this person handle conflict when it comes up? Can we get along even when we disagree?
• Is our relationship equally important to both of us?

To help your teen learn connection-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

2019

The idea for Lucero was born in 2019 when three friends decided to combine their philanthropy, business and education technology expertise to address the youth mental health crisis. Founders Tom Murphy, Jim Hoover and Jeff Eastman envisioned a holistic, scalable solution that would bring mind-body-spirit well-being to the 1.2 billion adolescents around the world. The Personal Excellence Foundation was created to research the problem, identify potential solutions, and raise funds. Fun fact: the name Lucero was chosen because it means “light-bringer,” and to honor one of our founders’ former teachers!

2020 

From the very beginning, Lucero’s goal has been to make sure all the experts are involved, including mental health professionals, parents and other caregivers, and – most importantly – tweens and teens themselves. In early 2020, a pilot group of adolescents, parents, teachers and therapists at KIPP Austin College Prep Middle School and Samaritan Center helped develop our core curricula in the form of Quest Kits. The paper kits contained many of the self-care activities and self-reflection questions you’ll now find in the app.

2021

In 2021, over 200 Quest Kits were distributed to Boys & Girls Clubs throughout Austin to use for a 10-week period. The Boys & Girls Club pilot proved that tweens and teens who used the kit at least once per week showed an average of 20% growth in self-confidence and sense of purpose. We knew we were onto something, because multiple studies show that a sense of purpose is one of the most powerful protectors of mental health. That’s when we knew we needed to get Lucero in the hands of more tweens and teens.

2022

2022 was a big year for Lucero… we went digital! We started by asking tweens and teens, “If you had a magic app that could solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then we built the safe space they asked for: an app that supports mental health by helping young people build healthy habits, gain tools for emotional resilience and connect with others who radically support them. We’re proud of the fact that all of Lucero’s content is co-created by trauma-informed therapists from Ensemble Therapy and Austin ISD who work hand-in-hand with our Youth Advisory Board. In fact, over 50+ youth, therapists, game designers and developers worked together to bring Lucero to life.

2023

So what’s next? 2023 will bring the launch of individual and family subscriptions and a pro dashboard for schools, community programs, and therapist networks. You can look forward to new features and more worlds to discover, all created with our uniquely youth-driven, gamified approach. We’re continuing our mission to become the go-to resource where tweens, teens and caregivers can find the skills, language and tools to navigate hard topics. We’re growing our community and supporting youth mental health with positive, proactive solutions that are fun, engaging, and take just a few minutes a day. So stay tuned and grow with us! The best is yet to come.

1. Practice positive thinking.

Confident people are almost always optimists, and optimism starts with positive thinking. Optimism is “a state of hopefulness and confidence about the future,” says Positivity Project founder Mike Erwin. “It\’s also a state we can train ourselves to adopt. We can resist pessimism, assert control, and learn to appreciate setbacks as what they really are–opportunities.” To help your teen think positively, make it a goal for the whole family to look at the bright side. That doesn’t mean ignoring problems; instead, it’s about keeping the focus on what you can control instead of what you can’t and proactively seeking solutions. Empower your teen to think creatively, solve problems and find opportunities, and their confidence will increase exponentially.

2. Get out of your comfort zone.

Confidence doesn’t mean you never feel fear, but it does mean you’re less likely to let fear hold you back. “Those who invite discomfort are able to achieve more, take more significant risks and break through barriers, and are open to facing new challenges,” says Angeli Gianchandani, founder of Mobility Girl, a platform designed to empower young people through mentorship. “Discomfort is a form of self-growth, pushing yourself mentally to overcome fear.” To help your teen lean into growth opportunities, encourage them to take risks to pursue their goals and find the lessons in mistakes and set-backs. Each time they get out of their comfort zone, they’re expanding their capacity for confidence.

3. Embrace self-care. 

Truly confident people practice self-compassion and self-care to stay strong. “Recent research has shown self-compassion was associated with self-worth,” says Michele Patterson Ford, Ph.D., a psychologist and senior lecturer in psychology at Dickinson College. “Knowing your value is an important component of feeling confident in oneself.” Self-care habits start with self-awareness, so teach your teen to check in with themselves mentally, physically and emotionally. When they know what they need, they can take steps to provide it for themselves or ask others for help. Self-care includes everything from exercising to getting enough sleep to making time to do the things you love to do. Whatever it means for your teen, make sure they know they’re worth it and support them when they take time to nurture themselves.

4. Connect with others.

Positive psychology pioneer and University of Michigan professor Christopher Peterson was famous for saying, \”I can sum up positive psychology in just three words: Other people matter.\” Numerous studies show a powerful reciprocal relationship between feeling connected to others and feeling good about ourselves. To help your teen gain confidence through connection, make sure they prioritize IRL time with friends and family. Encourage them to express gratitude and give them tools to resolve conflict. You can also make connections together by volunteering in the community. “One of the most practical ways to be more hopeful about the future is to realize that you can and do make a difference in people\’s lives,” says writer Bill Murphy, Jr. “By focusing on helping others, we gain the added benefit of increasing our own levels of happiness and optimism.”

To help your teen learn confidence-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for tweens and teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and teens themselves.

Lucero is a gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their crew. It works like a digital daily self-care vitamin, making it easy and fun for adolescents to practice emotional regulation, boost self-confidence and connect with others who radically support them. Instead of a crisis-intervention approach, Lucero builds daily habits over time: a science-backed strategy that protects teens’ mental health and helps them grow into self-care savvy, purpose-driven adults. Here’s how we do it:

1. Give youth and families the tools to talk about hard topics.

Research shows that tweens, teens and their caregivers want to talk about mental health but lack skills, language and resources. Lucero ensures that all our content is co-created and approved by trauma-informed licensed therapists and grounded in evidence-based methods like Solutions-focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. Whether you’re a teen or a caregiver, Lucero puts simple solutions in hand and makes it easy to talk about hard topics and reach out for support.

2. Make it youth-driven, fun and engaging.

We asked teens, “If you had a magic app to solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then we built the safe space they asked for. We believe there’s no better source of data about the support teens need than young people themselves. That’s why we recruited a panel of 27 tweens and teens to create, review and approve all our content. And everything inside Lucero’s world makes emotional regulation fun and engaging, including evolving avatars, 84+ gamified micro-lessons on topics like confidence and self-awareness, 600+ self-care ideas, and badges to track progress.

3. Make it affordable and accessible. 

Two of the biggest barriers to mental healthcare are accessibility and cost. Licensed community therapists often have a 5- to 8-month waitlist and cost between $75-150 per session and school counselors serve an average of 464 students each. There’s a clear need for solutions that streamline support for youth and families regardless of income or location. To use Lucero, all teens need is access to a smartphone. The app will always have a free individual account version available, and Crew subscriptions are just $10/month.

4. Cultivate connection.

Strong relationships with peers and caregivers protect teens’ mental health more than any other factor. Connection with others boosts teens’ confidence and helps them develop social skills, emotional resilience and self-awareness. Lucero makes it easy to strengthen relationships by giving teens the option to connect with up to 7 family members as part of their Crew. Family is inclusive of any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other.

5. Build healthy habits by making it bite-sized.

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for planning, prioritizing and impulse-control. Since it’s still developing in teens, adolescence is the perfect time to lock in healthy habits for self-care and emotional regulation. Behavior scientists say the best way to build those habits is to start small and reward progress, so that’s just what Lucero does. It’s a safe space where teens can just be themselves and gain tools for a lifetime of healthy habits… all in just a few minutes a day.

1. Befriend your brain.

To turn an action into a habit, the brain needs repetition and reward. Repetition means doing an action enough times that it’s easily done without thinking, like brushing your teeth. But to really make a new habit take hold, we need to feel a sense of satisfaction, too. When we expect something good to happen, the brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical that makes us want more. That’s why rewarding ourselves – even with something as simple as a fist bump or five-minute break – helps us lock in healthy new habits. Make it easy to repeat your new habit and be sure to reward yourself each time. Your brain will associate the new behavior with feelings of satisfaction, motivating you to keep up the good work.

2. Start small.

“Creating tiny positive habits is the path to developing much bigger ones,” says Stanford behavior scientist B.J. Fogg. “…If you want to create long-term change, start small.” We often don’t stick to healthy habits simply because we take on too much. Fogg suggests starting with actions so small they might seem insignificant at first, like 30 seconds of a new activity. That helps you quickly wire the new habit into your brain. “The more stressed you are and the less time you have, the more appropriate this method is for you,” Fogg says. Make your new habit bite-sized and let it grow from there.

3. Stay motivated by loving yourself. 

If feeling good motivates us to stay with a healthy habit, it makes sense that feeling bad has the opposite effect. Writer Carina Wolff says, “As part of cultivating a healthy mind and body, we need to start… participating in habits that encourage self-love.” What do self-love habits look like? You can find lots of ideas in Lucero, a gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their Crew (that means you!) It’s like a daily vitamin for self-care habits like mindfulness, positive self-talk and connecting with yourself and others. Loving yourself makes you happier and inspires you to go for your goals.

4. Design systems for success.

In the book Atomic Habits, author James Clear says we can set ourselves up for success by designing systems that support our goals. “Goals are about the results you want to achieve. Systems are about the processes that lead to those results,” says Clear. If your goal is to exercise daily, how can you make it easier and more fun to get your workout in? Keep your gym bag in the car. Download an upbeat playlist. Invite friends and family members to join you for hikes or pickleball. Think about how you will deal with setbacks, too: What are your backup plans and motivators for down days? How will you handle competing commitments? Simplify success by planning in advance.

5. Know your ABCs. B.J. Fogg provides a simple recipe for successful habits: Anchor–Behavior–Celebration. An anchor is an existing routine that serves as a reminder for the behavior (your new habit):

• After I sit down at my desk, I will take three slow, deep breaths.
• After I brush my teeth, I will do two push ups.

Celebration is any action that gives you a sense of completion and satisfaction, like giving yourself a pat on the back or saying, “I’m awesome!” Fogg’s formula is all about making new habits sustainable, so our brains get better at adapting to change. And science says that’s the best way to build healthy habits: one tiny step at a time.

You could say that to be confident is to trust yourself. Confidence gives teens faith in their own abilities and a secure sense of self-reliance. It’s the cornerstone quality that helps them navigate the changes of adolescence, make good choices and thrive in a rapidly-changing world.

Why Confidence is Key

Teens who lack confidence miss out on critical growth opportunities because they are less likely to take risks, join in activities and speak up for themselves. They may expect to fail or become overly perfectionistic. They’re also more susceptible to depression, anxiety, substance-use, self-harm and being negatively influenced by peers.

High levels of confidence, in contrast, are proven to protect teens’ mental health. Confident teens are more emotionally resilient, optimistic, persistent and self-compassionate. They have more social support and lower levels of common mental health problems like depression and anxiety. And confident teens are more likely to get the most out of opportunities for growth and self-discovery, like challenging classes and team sports. In short, teens who lack confidence struggle, and teens who have confidence thrive.

The Perfect Storm

Adolescence challenges kids’ confidence in multiple, intersecting ways. In the span of a few years, teens undergo seismic shifts in their bodies, brain chemistry, and emotional and social landscapes. In the midst of all that change, they are tasked with crafting their identities and taking on new levels of independence and responsibility. And because they\’re neurologically wired to seek belonging with peers, the opinions of others suddenly matter much more.

These rapid-fire changes test even the most well-adjusted teens. In a study of 1,300 tween and teen girls, authors Claire Shipman, Katty Kay, and JillEllyn Riley discovered that, between the ages of 8 and 14, confidence levels dropped by 30%. “The change can be baffling to many parents,” they write in The Atlantic. “Their young girls are masters of the universe, full of gutsy fire. But as puberty sets in, their confidence nose-dives, and those same daughters can transform into unrecognizably timid, cautious, risk-averse versions of their former self.”

Why You Need a Proactive Plan

Because of the multiple factors that can damage teens’ confidence, it\’s not enough to leave it up to chance. Teens need a proactive plan to gain tools, strategies and habits that build their confidence and keep it high. Here are three things parents can do to put a solid plan in place:

1. Keep communicating.

Confident teens know their parents and caregivers are on their team, and they feel comfortable communicating about what matters most to them and any challenges they’re going through. It’s natural, though, for teens to become more guarded and private during adolescence. To keep the lines of communication open, stay curious about your teen’s interests. That’s where they feel most confident and, when they know you care about what’s important to them, they’ll see you as an ally in other areas, too.

1. Support them in getting out of their comfort zone.

Taking on a challenge can be scary at any age, but it’s one of the best ways to build confidence. Author Alex Malley says, “Take a risk and take action despite your fear of failure, messing up or embarrassment. If things work out, then you now know you can do more than you think. If things don’t work out, you now know that you can handle more than you think. Either way, you’re better off.” Help your teen explore the world around them and get comfortable taking positive risks. When you know they really want to try something new, be their cheerleader.

1. Build healthy habits.

Teens need daily practice to keep their confidence high. Healthy habits like positive self-talk, mindfulness and self-care are essential tools to protect teens’ confidence and boost their self-awareness. Our gamified wellness app, Lucero, was designed with teen confidence in mind; in fact, it’s a key topic in World 1. It’s a fun, no-pressure way for teens to get daily inspiration and encouragement and build healthy habits.

Adolescence is the perfect time to develop conscious living skills because tweens and teens undergo brain changes that make them better at metacognition. Sometimes called “thinking about your thinking,” metacognition allows teens to be more aware of their thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviors and their power to change them. It can help teens make good decisions, choose healthy habits and live with greater self-awareness. Here are just a few of the ways conscious living benefits teens:

1. They know what matters most.

As teens begin to invest more in relationships with peers, they may feel pressured to go along with others over staying true to their own values and beliefs. Living consciously reminds teens that external approval doesn’t matter as much as feeling good about themselves. Above all, conscious living keeps teens aware that they always have a choice: they can consider all their options and make decisions based on what matters most to them.

1. They get goal-oriented.

The opposite of conscious living is going through life on autopilot, feeling lost or powerless to direct the course of your own life. It’s natural for teens to feel like they lack power at times, and many struggle to find a sense of direction and purpose. Conscious living empowers teens with tools to set goals and become more independent, responsible and self-motivated. They can define what success and fulfillment look like to them and chart their own course, one step at a time.

1. They can take charge, and let go.

Living consciously means taking charge of the things you have control over and letting go of the things you don’t. Teens learn that they are in charge of their own thoughts, words, behavior, choices and mistakes, and that they can’t control the thoughts, words, behavior, choices or mistakes of others. That helps them recognize when to take action and where they can change things. Then they respond to challenges by acting on what they can control, instead of getting frustrated by the things they can’t.

1. They grow their social-emotional intelligence. 

Being self-aware helps teens become more aware of others, too. Teens who practice conscious living are more likely to develop compassion, empathy and the ability to regulate emotions. Strong interpersonal skills help teens build healthy relationships and find a sense of belonging. Research shows that these solid connections with others provide powerful protection from depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders in teens.

1. They find an inner sanctuary.

Living consciously teaches healthy habits that help teens stay grounded in themselves, no matter what is going on in their outside lives or the world around them. From mindful breathing and positive self-talk to exercise and spending quality time with friends, teens learn to prioritize self-care and return to stabilizing routines whenever life gets tough. Having an inner sanctuary builds emotional resilience, protects teens’ mental health, and locks in positive practices they’ll take with them into adulthood.

…and here are some self-care tools we include in Lucero to help

To make living consciously a daily habit, teens need self-care reminders just like the rest of us. That’s why we built Lucero, a gamified wellness app built for teens and tweens. It includes personalized, teen-focused, therapist-approved suggestions for self-care, like:

• watching calming ASMR videos
• taking breaks to be active or go outside
• writing about a stressful situation and turning it into confetti

Each time teens try out a new self-care suggestion, they add more tools to their conscious living toolkit and build lasting healthy habits.