1. Get more comfortable being alone.

Paradoxically, the answer to loneliness isn’t always found in the company of others. Tweens and teens with high self esteem know how to find fulfillment alone, and everyone needs some solo-time for rest and self-care. How much time alone is healthy? There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. It depends on the individual and what feels right to them. Tweens and teens can practice doing activities they enjoy by themselves, like making art, journaling or cooking. Reframe time alone as a chance to deepen your relationship with yourself and practice being your own best friend.

2. Look around for others who are lonely, too.

According to the Surgeon General, the U.S. is currently experiencing an epidemic of loneliness that affects all ages, genders, and other demographics. That means a lot of people are craving connection, so encourage tweens and teens to take the initiative and reach out to others. Is there someone at school who seems interesting but shy? A neighbor who lives alone and could use a hand with errands? Teach tweens and teens the power of giving what you want to receive. Each time they help someone else feel less lonely, they’ll build confidence and connection.

3. Tackle loneliness as a family.

Loneliness is not just an individual issue. Families these days tend to be smaller and live further apart from each other than in previous generations, which can leave everyone feeling isolated. Talk to your tween or teen about how you can build a stronger network of support that benefits the whole family. That might mean starting a neighborhood block party, inviting your crew for regular dinners or game nights, or volunteering together for a cause you care about. Make it a family goal to expand your circle of relationships so everyone can experience more meaningful connections.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others.

It’s normal for teens and tweens to compare their social lives to others’, but remember that we don’t see the whole truth from the outside. It may seem like everyone else is living their best life while you’re home alone, bored and scrolling through TikTok. But social media allows people to share only what they want to about themselves, so a lot of what we see is an illusion. If social media is increasing feelings of loneliness, take a break. Make in-person plans with a friend or family member, or do something that makes you feel good in the moment, like going for a walk in nature.

5. Pick a social goal and stick with it.

Because the adolescent brain is still developing, it’s harder for tweens and teens to put things into perspective. It really does feel like they’ll never make friends, or that they’ll always feel alone and awkward. To combat the tendency to catastrophize, pick one connection-related goal– like making a new friend, joining a club, or finding a volunteer opportunity– and stick with it. Break it down into micro-goals, figure out where they need your support, and celebrate every step. Each time tweens and teens take action to care for themselves, reach out to others, and strengthen relationships, they create a personalized blueprint for dealing with loneliness. Instead of fearing being alone, they learn how to proactively cultivate connection to themselves and others.

Making friends with vulnerability is a lifelong lesson, and it’s never too early to start. Here are our five top tips for helping teens develop this secret strength:

1. Acknowledge that teens are already brave just for being where they are.

Feeling vulnerable is tough at any age, but it\’s extra challenging for teens. Parents sometimes forget that teens are still in the early stages of building their neurological, psychological, and social foundations. All of a sudden, they’re figuring out their identities, navigating more complex relationships, and feeling a wider range of emotions than ever before. All those inner and outer changes mean that adolescence is already a vulnerable time. When parents acknowledge that, the support helps teens feel a bit braver trying new things, making mistakes, and opening up.

2. Teach them that their worth and worthiness are innate. 

A sense of belonging is incredibly important to teens, and that includes feelings of safely belonging with their family, friends, peers, and community. Since vulnerability often brings the possibility of judgment from others, stepping out of their comfort zone in any of these relationships can feel scary. Emphasize to your teen that their worth – and their worthiness to belong – can’t be taken away, no matter what they do, think, or say. If they know what unconditional love and acceptance feels at home, they’re more likely to form healthy relationships with people who embrace their whole selves.

3. Make emotional vulnerability a family value.

All teens can struggle with vulnerability, but studies show that boys have an especially hard time. In a recent survey from Plan International, a third of boys said they think society expects them to hide or suppress their feelings when they feel sad or scared. Another third said society expects them “to be strong, tough, ‘be a man,’ and ‘suck it up.’” Perhaps more alarmingly, 41% of boys said that when they feel angry, they are expected to be aggressive or react violently. Parents play a huge role in modeling and welcoming emotional openness. Helping teens learn to “name and claim” their emotions can teach them that all emotions are valuable, even the uncomfortable ones. Let them know that you appreciate it when they express their feelings, and build trust by sharing your feelings with them, too.

4. Praise and reward teens more for effort than for winning.

Naturally, parents feel a special sweetness when their hardworking teen aces an essay contest or crosses the finish line first. It’s great to celebrate their victories, but a lot of teens’ courage to be vulnerable comes from less triumphant moments. Acknowledge them for working hard, taking risks, making wise choices, being a team player, and helping others, too. Be especially aware of times when they put themselves out there and don’t meet with success, since that’s when they’re likely to feel vulnerable. One dad takes his two daughters out to “celebrate courage” whenever they’ve stretched themselves, whether or not there’s a win involved. See our post on Growth-Mindset Parenting for more ideas.

5. Teach them about the perils of perfectionism.

High-achieving teens often demonstrate perfectionist tendencies, but studies show that perfectionism harms much more than it helps. Dr. Brown’s research found perfectionism to be “correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities.” The more teens measure their identity and worth by their achievements, the more they’ll struggle with vulnerability. If you notice your teen holding themselves to an unattainable standard, remind them that they are worth far more than their accomplishments. Help them figure out what goals matter most to them and why they are motivated to work hard. According to Brown, “healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think?”

Vulnerability is all about the soft side of being human. Sometimes that feels like fear or shame, but it can also feel like love, compassion, and courage. Learning to lean into their uncomfortable emotions helps teens make an ally of vulnerability. Then they begin to see themselves as imperfect but whole and deserving of belonging – just like everyone else.

1. What is your professional background?

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Registered Play Therapist, National Certified Counselor, and Institute of Play Therapy Certified Sandtray Therapist. I received my master’s degree in counseling from the University of North Texas through their nationally known play therapy program and my bachelor’s degree in child development. I currently serve as a senior therapist and DEI coordinator at Ensemble Therapy, where I work with children and adolescents. I specialize in working with children with developmental disabilities, grief and loss, and emotional, relational, and behavior concerns.

2. What is your role with Lucero?

I support content creation and review, specifically for the Spark and Missions app features.

3. What led you to become a youth-focused therapist?

I have always enjoyed working with youth. I believe that if youth feel heard and seen, it can provide lasting positive impacts on how they view and accept themselves. 

4. What’s one area of expertise or a passion that you are excited to share with others?

I’m very passionate about my work as a play therapist. Play therapy uses the therapeutic powers of play to support children in making sense of their experiences and providing a safe space to grow, develop coping strategies, learn to navigate challenges, increase confidence, and so so much more. Play truly heals!

5. Do you have an avatar in the Lucero app? If so, describe it and how it reflects your personality.

My avatar is a turtle, which represents being hard-working, steady and careful. This is true to my personality, as I value hard work and view myself as loyal and consistent in my relationships and my passions.

6. What about your personal life and interests? What makes you unique?

I take time to really get to know people. I love asking questions and hearing people\’s stories. I’m usually the one in my family and group of friends to know the random stories or facts about others that most people don’t know about.

7. What’s one thing that people are surprised to learn about you?

I spent time living in Romania in a small village. It was such an amazing experience immersing into the culture, building relationships, and supporting youth. 

8. What’s one of your favorite emotional regulation techniques?

I love doing the five senses technique. It helps me focus on the present and silence any other worries or stressors so that I can feel more grounded. 

Here’s how to do it:

• 5 (sight): Look around you. What do you see? Say five things out loud.
• 4 (touch): Feel your body and what’s around you and say four things you can feel (like your hair or clothes, the breeze on your skin, etc.)
• 3 (listen): What do you hear? Listen and say three things out loud.
• 2 (smell): Breathe in through your nose. What are two things you can smell? If you can’t smell anything, say two of your favorite smells.
• 1 (taste): Name one thing you can taste, like your toothpaste. If you can’t taste anything, say one of your favorite tastes.
• Take a deep breath and notice if you feel more calm.

9. If you could take a cross-country road trip with any three people, who would you choose and why?

My partner, my son, and my grandmother. When I’m with them my cup always feels full, adventures are abundant, and smiles never cease.

10. If you could share one important message with every tween and teen, what would it be?

You are not alone. You are seen and you are loved. I know from personal experience that sometimes things feel really challenging, but it does get better. Reach out for help if you need it.

1. Build a strong relationship with themselves.

Teens with high self-esteem have more positive relationships, and positive relationships lead to better self-esteem. Self-esteem often takes a hit during adolescence when physical, neurological, psychological and social changes combine with increased stress and responsibility. Healthy habits that boost teens’ connection with themselves include self-reflection, self-care, journaling, positive self-talk, and getting clear about personal values and goals. Encourage your teen to think about what it means to be their own best friend– how do you talk to someone you love and care about? What would you do if that person were having a hard time? Teens who love themselves have a built-in model of a supportive relationship, so they know they deserve a high level of care and respect from others.

2. Ramp up resilience.

Healthy habits help teens build a tool-kit of coping skills to deal with stress and regulate their emotions. Each tool increases their resilience, or the ability to bounce back from and overcome adversity. According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, the five most common factors of resilient people include:

• They are resourceful and have skills to solve problems.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They believe that they can do something to manage their feelings and cope.
• They have social support.
• They are connected with others.

3. Define their \”Framily.\”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a framily includes “friends or blood relatives to whom we would actually choose to be related, because the relationship is mutually respectful, close, supporting and affectionate.” Defining their framily helps teens reframe their support systems to include all the important relationships that don’t necessarily fit into traditional roles, like their mom’s best friend who’s more like an aunt, or a youth group leader or neighbor who always looks out for them. Take some time with your teen to map out your own framily members and highlight any relationships you want to strengthen. Let those people know that they’re a part of your teen’s tribe, then plan ways that you and your teen can deepen the most important connections.

4. Get serious about radical support.

At Lucero, we define framily as any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other. Who are the people your teen can rely on for radical support? Those are the relationships that belong in your teen’s inner circle. Radical support means different things to different people, but some key questions your teen can ask themselves include:

• Can I be my most authentic self around this person? Do they like and love me even when I’m feeling sad, silly, vulnerable, etc.?
• Can I trust this person? Do I know they will respect my boundaries and keep what I say confidential? Are they honest with me?
• Would I feel comfortable asking this person for help or support?
• How does this person handle conflict when it comes up? Can we get along even when we disagree?
• Is our relationship equally important to both of us?

To help your teen learn connection-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

1. Encourage them to express emotions.

Grief causes a wide range of emotions– some of them unexpected and uncomfortable. Teens may feel anger, sadness, shock, denial, guilt, blame, numbness, cynicism, relief, fear, and more. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief provide a helpful framework, but experts agree there’s no set path for emotions to follow. Let your teen know that we all grieve differently and in our own time; it’s normal to feel a lot, to feel nothing at all, or for emotions to be all over the place. It’s also common to have good days and bad ones. Accept it all. Don’t judge yourself for feeling how you feel. Instead of holding it all inside, find healthy ways to express emotions, like talking to a trusted friend or therapist, joining a teen support group, or journaling.

2. Know what’s normal.

Grief makes teens’ mental health more vulnerable. While all emotions are normal, some of the ways teens experience or express their feelings may be cause for concern. Grief can lead to impulsive behavior and recklessness, and may increase the risk of substance abuse, self-harm, depression, and anxiety. Some teens may withdraw from family and friends and isolate themselves in their attempts to cope. If you’re worried about your teen’s mental health, reach out to a licensed therapist who specializes in grief and loss. They can assess your teen’s needs and provide tools and practices to support you both.

3. Keep routines consistent. 

An experience of loss shakes up teens’ sense of stability, so routines are important to keep them feeling grounded. Try to make daily life as predictable as possible, for example, by going to bed around the same time every night and eating breakfast every morning. If your teen takes time off from school or other activities, talk to them about any challenges they might face in going back, then come up with a plan together. Make sure your teen doesn’t have to be alone unless they want to be; call on friends, family members, neighbors, and anyone else your teen trusts to check in and spend extra time with them. Schedule small, special things you can do together, like watching a movie or going for a hike. Prioritize self-care, relationships and wellness. Each of these practices keeps teens from feeling lost in chaos and steers them towards healing one day at a time.

4. Take meaningful action.

Part of the pain of grief and loss is the accompanying feeling of helplessness. It’s scary to realize that we can’t always protect our loved ones or expect the future to unfold in a safe, predictable way. To help teens proactively deal with their fears, find ways to take meaningful action. That might mean creating a memorial, putting together a scrapbook or photo album, or sharing favorite stories and memories. You could volunteer together, raise money for a cause, or commit to a shared goal in honor of a loved one’s memory. Doing something meaningful restores teens’ sense of self-efficacy and gives them a way to pay tribute to whom and what they’ve lost.

5. Lean into their big questions.

Grief can bring up challenging questions about the meaning of life, death, who we are as human beings, and why we are here. It’s normal to feel uncertain and unprepared to answer your teen’s questions, but it’s worth it to lean into that  discomfort. As part of the process of identity-formation, teens undergo what psychologist Lisa Miller calls spiritual individuation: “This is who I am spiritually… this is how I perceive the world as a spiritual place. What is good, worthy, full, or empty? What is life-giving, and how do I join and become a part of what is good? Spiritual individuation is the adolescent’s drive to find deeper personal meaning and purpose.” Support your teen’s exploration first by being willing to listen, then by sharing your own thoughts and feelings as honestly as you can. It’s ok to be vulnerable or to say, “I’m not sure how I feel about that; what do you think?” What matters most to your teen is your willingness to join them on the journey.

• What is your professional background?

I was in educational leadership for 17 years serving as a middle school teacher, school counselor, and central office administrator for all the secondary counselors at Austin Independent School District (ISD). I was the 2015 Austin ISD School Counselor of the Year and helped build a mindfulness trail that year. Now I am a child and adolescent therapist. 

• What is your role at Lucero?

I helped with some of the ideas at the beginning of the app development. Now I am the clinical research lead and one of the therapists who creates content for the app.

• What led you to become a child and adolescent therapist? 

As a teacher, my students always opened up to me and asked me for help, so I went to school to get mental health training so that I could meet more intensive needs. I love working with teens and families because we can do early intervention and prevention. 

• What’s one area of expertise or a passion that you are excited to share with others?

I love neuroscience applied techniques and am trained in the Neurosequential Model in Education by Dr. Bruce Perry. Learning about how the brain functions has changed my life!

• Do you have an avatar in the Lucero app? If so, describe it and how it reflects your personality.

Yes- I am a unicorn! I love their playful and mystical nature!

• What about your personal life and interests? What makes you unique?

I am from a family of educators. My mom taught us math for fun at the dinner table, and my dad always encouraged me to help others. I am an advocate for LGBTQ+ youth and you may see me at pride events. I am an artist and writer. I love traveling. I love nature adventures. 

• What’s one thing that people are surprised to learn about you?

I was born and raised in Austin- people tell us that we are unicorns! 

• What’s one of your favorite mindfulness practices?

I love 5 senses mindfulness! Everytime I walk to and from my car I try to have a mindful moment and check in with my environment. I just slow down and notice the sensory input. I have been doing this for the past 12 years and it has changed my brain!

• If you could take a cross-country road trip with any three people, who would you choose and why?

My spouse, J, and my best friends, Erin and Dre. We have all traveled the world together before, and I know we would have a fun time! 

• If you could share one important message with every tween and teen, what would it be?

You are loved.

1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.

2019

The idea for Lucero was born in 2019 when three friends decided to combine their philanthropy, business and education technology expertise to address the youth mental health crisis. Founders Tom Murphy, Jim Hoover and Jeff Eastman envisioned a holistic, scalable solution that would bring mind-body-spirit well-being to the 1.2 billion adolescents around the world. The Personal Excellence Foundation was created to research the problem, identify potential solutions, and raise funds. Fun fact: the name Lucero was chosen because it means “light-bringer,” and to honor one of our founders’ former teachers!

2020 

From the very beginning, Lucero’s goal has been to make sure all the experts are involved, including mental health professionals, parents and other caregivers, and – most importantly – tweens and teens themselves. In early 2020, a pilot group of adolescents, parents, teachers and therapists at KIPP Austin College Prep Middle School and Samaritan Center helped develop our core curricula in the form of Quest Kits. The paper kits contained many of the self-care activities and self-reflection questions you’ll now find in the app.

2021

In 2021, over 200 Quest Kits were distributed to Boys & Girls Clubs throughout Austin to use for a 10-week period. The Boys & Girls Club pilot proved that tweens and teens who used the kit at least once per week showed an average of 20% growth in self-confidence and sense of purpose. We knew we were onto something, because multiple studies show that a sense of purpose is one of the most powerful protectors of mental health. That’s when we knew we needed to get Lucero in the hands of more tweens and teens.

2022

2022 was a big year for Lucero… we went digital! We started by asking tweens and teens, “If you had a magic app that could solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then we built the safe space they asked for: an app that supports mental health by helping young people build healthy habits, gain tools for emotional resilience and connect with others who radically support them. We’re proud of the fact that all of Lucero’s content is co-created by trauma-informed therapists from Ensemble Therapy and Austin ISD who work hand-in-hand with our Youth Advisory Board. In fact, over 50+ youth, therapists, game designers and developers worked together to bring Lucero to life.

2023

So what’s next? 2023 will bring the launch of individual and family subscriptions and a pro dashboard for schools, community programs, and therapist networks. You can look forward to new features and more worlds to discover, all created with our uniquely youth-driven, gamified approach. We’re continuing our mission to become the go-to resource where tweens, teens and caregivers can find the skills, language and tools to navigate hard topics. We’re growing our community and supporting youth mental health with positive, proactive solutions that are fun, engaging, and take just a few minutes a day. So stay tuned and grow with us! The best is yet to come.

A habit is automatic, something we don’t have to think about. But habit formation isn’t just about taking the easy way out; it\’s actually a  brilliant neurocognitive strategy that helps our brains manage the vast amounts of information we process every day. Habits free up energy to learn, solve problems and handle daily tasks without overloading our brains.

Understanding the science of building healthy habits is especially important for parents and caregivers of tweens and teens. Habits can either help young people stay healthy or they can stand in the way. “Habits play an important role in our health,” says Dr. Nora Volkow, director of NIH’s National Institute on Drug Abuse. “Understanding the biology of how we develop routines that may be harmful to us, and how to break those routines and embrace new ones, could help us change our lifestyles and adopt healthier behaviors.” Here are four facts you need to know to help your teen build healthy habits:

1. Tiny increments lead to big change. 

In the book Atomic Habits, author James Clear writes, “Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action. Improving by 1 percent isn’t particularly notable… but it can be far more meaningful, especially in the long run.” Clear points out that a 1% improvement each day for a year means you’re 37x better by the end of it. And while dramatic actions can be motivating at first, they disrupt our routines and are difficult to maintain. To make healthy habits stick, teens need to know that small, consistent efforts lead to long-term improvement.

2. Habits add up over time. 

“The effects of your habits multiply as you repeat them,” says Clear. We may not notice the effects of our daily habits as we’re going through our normal routine. But think about a habit’s cumulative impact over time: spending 5 minutes a day for one year meditating, connecting with others or exercising versus the same 5 minutes doom-scrolling on social media. The big picture can be overwhelming, but we can teach teens that success is about pointing themselves in the direction of their goals and taking small steps until they arrive.

3. It should be easy and feel good to practice self-care.

Stanford researcher and behavior scientist BJ Fogg says that a big part of why we don’t embrace healthy habits is that we think change has to be hard. But in his own experiments, Fogg found that simple, fun changes (like doing two push-ups every time he went to the bathroom) were easy to maintain and made him feel good. That led to more positive habits: “As I accumulated dozens of new habits – mostly tiny ones – they combined to create a transformation. Sustaining all this did not feel hard.” Parents and caregivers can set a precedent for making healthy habits easy by doing self-care together with teens and focusing on goals that are both meaningful and fun.

4. Lucero makes daily healthy habits easy for teens.

Lucero is a youth-driven, therapist-approved gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their Crew (yes, that means you!) It’s designed to make daily healthy habits simple and fun, because science shows that’s the best way to support teens’ mental health and overall well-being. Lucero features 84+ gamified micro-lessons on topics like self-confidence, 600+ customized self-care activities, and ways for teens to track their progress and stay connected to people who radically support them. It’s a fun and engaging wellness app for practicing emotional regulation and – best of all – it takes just a few minutes a day to spark a lifetime of healthy habits!