1. Focus on feelings.

Emotional intelligence is shut down when teens learn to pretend their own or other peoples’ feelings don’t matter. Instead, they should be able to feel all of their feelings, talk openly about them, and learn how to navigate their emotional highs and lows. Help your teen develop a rich vocabulary to describe emotions. Ask clarifying questions like, “It sounds like after she said that, you felt angry and maybe a little sad… is that right?” And make sure they know that feelings are never right or wrong. Emotions are information, and all of them are valid.

2. Try on someone else’s shoes.

To develop empathy, teens need to be able to imagine how others feel. Sometimes– especially if they’re angry or hurt –that’s really hard to do. Give your teen low-pressure practice by asking them about how others might feel when their own feelings aren’t as intensely involved: “What do you think your friend was feeling in that situation? Can you imagine why they felt that way?” That helps teens get used to multiple perspectives.

3. Keep a journal.

Journaling can help teens clarify their thoughts and feelings, relieve stress and even brainstorm solutions to problems. Help your teen get started with a simple spiral notebook, a journaling app like Journey, or the self-discovery journal True You. Psychologist Alexandra Solomon suggests creating ground rules to protect teens’ privacy; for example, “Let them know that you will not read it unless you are worried about the risk of serious harm to themselves or someone else, (or) that you will never read it without asking them first.”

4. Practice active listening.

Active listening may be the single most powerful way to show your teen how much you care. And when they know what it feels like to be listened to with your full attention, they’re more likely to stay present and listen to others. Active listening is simple but not easy: Try it by putting down your devices, turning off the TV or car radio, focusing all your attention on what your teen is saying, and waiting a few seconds longer than usual to respond.

5. Take responsibility for your feelings.

Conflict is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be hurtful. In fact, conflict can lead to closer relationships by helping us understand each others’ perspectives and solve problems together. Teach teens to take responsibility for their own feelings by using “I” statements (“I feel hurt when…”) and calling out behaviors instead of people (“When I’m yelled at I…” instead of “When you yell at me…”)

6. Cultivate curiosity.

Being curious about the lives and perspectives of others helps teens develop empathy. Model friendly curiosity when you’re out in the world with your teen, for example, by chatting with cashiers or catching up with neighbors. Make sure your teen has opportunities to meet and form meaningful connections with people who are different from them. Find ways to nurture IRL relationships and help your teen learn conversation skills so they feel confident talking with others.

Journi combines her passions for creativity and mental health awareness by crafting content for Lucero on Instagram. She also helps our team of licensed therapists ensure that all the activities in the Lucero app are teen-tested and approved. We love her creative spark and infectious enthusiasm! We’re lucky to have Journi on our team and wanted to share a little about what makes her so special:

1. What grade are you in? 

11th

2. What’s one passion or interest that you are excited to share with others?

My love of art is one passion I am eager to share with others! While I am definitely at a beginner level, I enjoy drawing and painting and try to incorporate it into the things I do.

3. Do you have an avatar in the Lucero app? If so, how does it reflect your personality?

My Lucero avatar is a flamingo. I chose it because it represents being silly, friendly, and sassy. I am always joking around and I love making new friends, so I thought the flamingo would best represent who I am!

4. What is one of your goals for the future?

One of my goals is to work as a therapist or psychologist, helping people with their mental health and making a difference.

5. What’s one thing that people are surprised to learn about you?

One thing people are surprised to learn about me is that I am very talkative. I am usually very quiet when I first meet people, but once they get to know me, I will talk their ear off!

6. What’s one of your favorite self-care practices?

Journaling is my favorite self-care practice. I love having a safe place to write down my feelings, and it\’s a great coping mechanism to just let everything out.

7. If you could plan an adventure with any three people, who would you choose, where would you go, and why? 

It would be my mother, father, and sister, and we would travel throughout Italy! It has always been a dream of mine to visit Italy, and I would love to do so with my three most favorite people in the world.

8. If you could share one important message with every tween and teen, what would it be?

If I could give every tween and teen one piece of advice, it would be to be themselves! Be yourself and do things to please yourself, not others.

Adolescence is the perfect time to develop conscious living skills because tweens and teens undergo brain changes that make them better at metacognition. Sometimes called “thinking about your thinking,” metacognition allows teens to be more aware of their thoughts, feelings, habits and behaviors and their power to change them. It can help teens make good decisions, choose healthy habits and live with greater self-awareness. Here are just a few of the ways conscious living benefits teens:

1. They know what matters most.

As teens begin to invest more in relationships with peers, they may feel pressured to go along with others over staying true to their own values and beliefs. Living consciously reminds teens that external approval doesn’t matter as much as feeling good about themselves. Above all, conscious living keeps teens aware that they always have a choice: they can consider all their options and make decisions based on what matters most to them.

1. They get goal-oriented.

The opposite of conscious living is going through life on autopilot, feeling lost or powerless to direct the course of your own life. It’s natural for teens to feel like they lack power at times, and many struggle to find a sense of direction and purpose. Conscious living empowers teens with tools to set goals and become more independent, responsible and self-motivated. They can define what success and fulfillment look like to them and chart their own course, one step at a time.

1. They can take charge, and let go.

Living consciously means taking charge of the things you have control over and letting go of the things you don’t. Teens learn that they are in charge of their own thoughts, words, behavior, choices and mistakes, and that they can’t control the thoughts, words, behavior, choices or mistakes of others. That helps them recognize when to take action and where they can change things. Then they respond to challenges by acting on what they can control, instead of getting frustrated by the things they can’t.

1. They grow their social-emotional intelligence. 

Being self-aware helps teens become more aware of others, too. Teens who practice conscious living are more likely to develop compassion, empathy and the ability to regulate emotions. Strong interpersonal skills help teens build healthy relationships and find a sense of belonging. Research shows that these solid connections with others provide powerful protection from depression, anxiety and other mental health disorders in teens.

1. They find an inner sanctuary.

Living consciously teaches healthy habits that help teens stay grounded in themselves, no matter what is going on in their outside lives or the world around them. From mindful breathing and positive self-talk to exercise and spending quality time with friends, teens learn to prioritize self-care and return to stabilizing routines whenever life gets tough. Having an inner sanctuary builds emotional resilience, protects teens’ mental health, and locks in positive practices they’ll take with them into adulthood.

…and here are some self-care tools we include in Lucero to help

To make living consciously a daily habit, teens need self-care reminders just like the rest of us. That’s why we built Lucero, a gamified wellness app built for teens and tweens. It includes personalized, teen-focused, therapist-approved suggestions for self-care, like:

• watching calming ASMR videos
• taking breaks to be active or go outside
• writing about a stressful situation and turning it into confetti

Each time teens try out a new self-care suggestion, they add more tools to their conscious living toolkit and build lasting healthy habits.