Because tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to the effects of loneliness and isolation, parents and caregivers need to know what’s causing the epidemic, how to recognize signs and symptoms, and what to do to help adolescents thrive through meaningful connection to others.

Why does loneliness matter for tweens and teens?

The Surgeon General’s advisory presents evidence that a lack of social connection is literally life-threatening. Loneliness and isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. They increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and are associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and increased risk of depression, anxiety and suicide. Tweens and teens suffering from loneliness are of special concern because belonging and connection are foundational to their identity, self-esteem, and lifelong achievement. Furthermore, having supportive relationships is frequently cited as the most significant contributor to adolescent mental health and overall well-being.

What’s causing loneliness to increase?

The causes of the loneliness epidemic are complex. The COVID-19 pandemic accelerated many contributing factors, but research shows that these patterns have been in place for years and even decades. The Surgeon General’s report notes that among 15-24 year olds, “time spent in-person with friends has reduced by nearly 70% over almost two decades, from roughly 150 minutes per day in 2003 to 40 minutes per day in 2020.” Other trends include historically low levels of trust and community involvement, increasing levels of social isolation, and increased use of digital devices and social media over in-person connection.

What are the signs and symptoms of loneliness?

Loneliness isn’t always easy to identify. Like adults, adolescents often attribute their negative feelings to other problems, and sometimes suffer from loneliness even when they have a busy schedule and social life. Symptoms can include:

• Feeling anxious, sad or depressed
• Appearing withdrawn or moody
• Changes in sleep or appetite
• Low self-esteem and self-doubt
• Increased social media use
• Increased aggression, anger or risky behavior
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness; suicidal thoughts

How to help:

The statistics are scary, but these steps can help tweens and teens stay connected to others and break patterns that lead to loneliness:

• Learn emotional regulation skills. Practice “naming and claiming” feelings. Learn strategies to manage difficult emotions. Know when to reach out for help. Lucero, for instance, offers a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-care that supports emotional regulation and nurtures real-world relationships.
• Cultivate IRL community. A framily is any combination of youth and adults who radically support each other. Tweens and teens benefit from a network of relationships of all kinds, including family, friends, mentors, teachers, and community members. Peers and elders provide different kinds of supportive relationships, and in-person connections are best for learning critical social skills and establishing a steady source of support.
• Reach out to others. It’s normal to look for connection online, so tweens and teens may need encouragement to take the risk and step outside their comfort zone. School and community clubs, team sports, volunteering, and after-school or summer jobs are all ways adolescents can overcome isolation, find meaningful relationships and be proactive about growing their support system.

1. Get more comfortable being alone.

Paradoxically, the answer to loneliness isn’t always found in the company of others. Tweens and teens with high self esteem know how to find fulfillment alone, and everyone needs some solo-time for rest and self-care. How much time alone is healthy? There’s no one-size-fits-all formula. It depends on the individual and what feels right to them. Tweens and teens can practice doing activities they enjoy by themselves, like making art, journaling or cooking. Reframe time alone as a chance to deepen your relationship with yourself and practice being your own best friend.

2. Look around for others who are lonely, too.

According to the Surgeon General, the U.S. is currently experiencing an epidemic of loneliness that affects all ages, genders, and other demographics. That means a lot of people are craving connection, so encourage tweens and teens to take the initiative and reach out to others. Is there someone at school who seems interesting but shy? A neighbor who lives alone and could use a hand with errands? Teach tweens and teens the power of giving what you want to receive. Each time they help someone else feel less lonely, they’ll build confidence and connection.

3. Tackle loneliness as a family.

Loneliness is not just an individual issue. Families these days tend to be smaller and live further apart from each other than in previous generations, which can leave everyone feeling isolated. Talk to your tween or teen about how you can build a stronger network of support that benefits the whole family. That might mean starting a neighborhood block party, inviting your crew for regular dinners or game nights, or volunteering together for a cause you care about. Make it a family goal to expand your circle of relationships so everyone can experience more meaningful connections.

4. Don’t compare yourself to others.

It’s normal for teens and tweens to compare their social lives to others’, but remember that we don’t see the whole truth from the outside. It may seem like everyone else is living their best life while you’re home alone, bored and scrolling through TikTok. But social media allows people to share only what they want to about themselves, so a lot of what we see is an illusion. If social media is increasing feelings of loneliness, take a break. Make in-person plans with a friend or family member, or do something that makes you feel good in the moment, like going for a walk in nature.

5. Pick a social goal and stick with it.

Because the adolescent brain is still developing, it’s harder for tweens and teens to put things into perspective. It really does feel like they’ll never make friends, or that they’ll always feel alone and awkward. To combat the tendency to catastrophize, pick one connection-related goal– like making a new friend, joining a club, or finding a volunteer opportunity– and stick with it. Break it down into micro-goals, figure out where they need your support, and celebrate every step. Each time tweens and teens take action to care for themselves, reach out to others, and strengthen relationships, they create a personalized blueprint for dealing with loneliness. Instead of fearing being alone, they learn how to proactively cultivate connection to themselves and others.

To stay connected to themselves and others, tweens and teens need healthy habits that build self-awareness, authenticity and empathy. Lucero makes these habits easy with a gamified, bite-sized approach and radical support for tweens, teens and the adults who care for them. Here’s how we do it:

1. Lucero supports self-awareness. Tweens’ and teens’ self-concept is rooted in the strength of their relationships with others. Positive relationships give them self-confidence, and self-confidence boosts their capacity to connect with others. In other words, to connect with others, teens need to connect with themselves, too. Here are a few of the ways Lucero supports self-awareness:

• Lucero takes tweens and teens on an adventure of self-discovery that renews with new challenges each day. As they make their way through Journey, teens learn emotional literacy, explore self-regulation, and build self-confidence. And every discovery is logged, so teens can reflect on how they have grown.
• Lucero checks in with teens’ moods, then provides a toolkit of over 600 self-care habits for every emotion. Each time they spin the wheel in Spark, they take care of their minds, bodies and hearts.

2. Lucero makes authenticity accessible. To feel good about themselves, teens need to know that their whole self is accepted, including all their quirks, challenges, and imperfections. Here’s how Lucero makes authenticity accessible:

• Teens get a daily dose of self-celebration in Sanctuary. It’s a place where they can express themselves by evolving their Avatars, tracking their progress and earning Badges.
• Teens can choose personal quests like “Be kinder to myself” in Missions. They complete their mission with fun, personalized support that’s all about developing healthy habits and achieving goals one step at a time.
• Teens can share their self-discovery with up to seven “framily” members who make up their Crew… that’s anyone who radically supports them in being the most authentic version of themselves!

3. Lucero evolves empathy. The teen years are prime time for developing empathy. Studies show that adolescents score significantly lower than adults in measurements of both cognitive and affective empathy. That’s because the teenage brain is still developing, and empathy is a learned skill. Here’s how Lucero evolves empathy:

• Friends and family members can join teens on their self-care journey to cheer each other on and support each other. Staying connected to their Crew reminds teens that they’re part of a network of care.
• Lucero encourages teens to share what they discover about themselves with their Crew. That sparks curiosity and conversations, helps them see things from other perspectives and deepens their concern for others.

4. Lucero checks in consistently. Lucero is backed by leading-edge research that says the key to developing healthy habits like connection is keeping it simple and providing repetition and reward. To keep teens connected, Lucero checks in consistently with ways to share, reach out to others, and strengthen their support system. Every activity is co-created by youth and backed by licensed therapists. It’s fun, engaging, and consistent, helping tweens, teens and their caregivers cultivate connections that protect their mental health and lead to lifelong well-being.

• Trauma Stress

Teens are more vulnerable to stress because of brain changes that take place during adolescence. A study published in the journal Neuroscience found that exposure to stress in the teen years is linked to increased likelihood of anxiety, depression and other mental health disorders, and the effects can last well into adulthood. Researchers think that’s because stress changes how the limbic and cortical regions of teens’ brains develop. Intense stress in adolescence may have a more lasting effect on mental health than stress experienced in adulthood, and teens may need more support getting back to their baseline.

• Broken Connections

A sense of belonging and connection is crucial during the teen years, so school closures, isolation and everyday disruptions to their social lives have had a lasting impact on teens’ mental health. \”They\’ve been cut off from their peers, which is critical for youth to develop that sense of identity, which this stage is really all about,\” says Sandra DeJong, MD, MSc, a child-and-adolescent psychiatrist. The impact of broken connections is felt in different ways: Teens may worry about their safety or the safety of family members, fear future threats to their friendships, or experience increased loneliness or social anxiety. 

• Limits on Their Identity

The teen years are when young people start to craft their identity by figuring out their values, interests and the qualities that make them who they are. Almost everything teens do becomes part of that exploration, from school and friendships to hobbies and after-school jobs. Milestones are also important for identity-formation because they validate teens as they take steps toward adulthood. The pandemic made it harder for teens to explore who they are by turning everyday life upside down and taking away events like graduations, team sports and other extracurricular activities. When teens grieve these losses, they feel they’ve missed out on a piece of who they were meant to become.

How to Help

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to dealing with long-term effects of the pandemic, these four steps offer strategic support for teens’ mental health:

1. Acknowledge when your teen is struggling. Let them know it’s not their fault and they are not alone. Teens went through a major global crisis when their brains were developmentally vulnerable, and they don’t have adult-level perspectives or coping skills yet. It’s totally normal for them to feel lasting effects and to need help addressing them.
2. Normalize talking about mental health and seeking support. Make sure neither you nor your teen feel like you have to fix things alone. Whether they’re dealing with anxiety, depression, grief or other pandemic-related stresses, a teen-focused licensed therapist can give your teen tools to understand their emotions and work towards realistic goals for well-being.
3. Make self-care a priority. According to the Mt. Sinai Adolescent Health Center, “Self-care refers to intentionally engaging in practices and activities that reduce stress.” It looks different for everybody, but here’s a hint: hours spent scrolling on social media or playing video games are not self-care. Instead, think about mindful breathing, moving your body, being creative, having in-person fun with friends and family, and anything else that helps your teen stay grounded.
4. Help them see their resilience. While we acknowledge the impact of the pandemic, let’s also celebrate teens for being resilient. Surviving hard things teaches us how to be tough, capable and compassionate. By overcoming challenges, we learn how to solve problems and realize what really matters. Remind your teen that even if they’re still struggling, they are also strong. Point out how much they’ve learned and all the positive ways their experiences have shaped who they’re becoming. Resilience helps teens cultivate hope and look forward to a brighter future.

1. Change your definition of success.

Lots of teens excel academically and shine in extracurricular activities but feel stressed all the time. According to the nonprofit organization Challenge Success, 56% of teens say their stress about school has increased since the pandemic. The five major stressors they cited are grades, tests and other assessments, overall workload, lack of sleep, and time management. These teens are on track to experience burnout, characterized by irritability, sleep-deprivation, exhaustion, near-constant anxiety, and loss of motivation. In other words, without self-care teens eventually won’t be able to maintain their level of success. To protect your teen from burnout, uplevel your own understanding of success to include well-being that’s sustainable over the long-term. Then make sure your teen knows that’s what matters most to you.

2. Teach them a variety of techniques.

Each teen’s nervous system, stress-triggers, schedule and circumstances are different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care. Support your teen by teaching them a variety of techniques that can be used whenever and wherever they are needed. To start, try equipping your teen with these meditation and mindfulness apps, stress strategies and time management tools. Help them stick to healthy routines for mealtimes and bedtimes and get plenty of exercise. Challenge Success emphasizes the importance of playtime, downtime and family time for kids of all ages. The more tools teens have, the more likely they’ll be to remember and reach for the right one.

3. Schedule self-care.

To learn how to manage stress, teens need to be proactive in their self-care. That means not waiting until they’re super-stressed to do something nourishing for themselves. Teens are just as busy as their parents, and as we all know, it’s easy to leave self-care as the last thing on the to-do list. The best way to ensure a regular self-care practice is to schedule it. A good goal is to schedule at least one self-care commitment each day. It can change based on how your teen is feeling, and may include everything from going for a run, calling a friend, watching funny videos, taking a karate class or reading a book for fun. The important thing is that it alleviates stress and makes your teen feel good.

4. Say “no” and set boundaries.

Sometimes self-care is not about doing more – it’s about doing less. When they feel stressed, teach your teen to ask themselves if there’s something they could do less of, let go of, or say “no” to. Setting boundaries takes practice, so help your teen think through their priorities and the pros and cons of each situation. Remind them that boundaries aren’t so much about keeping people or experiences out; they’re more about protecting and prioritizing their own well-being so they can keep showing up as their best self. Boundaries are an important part of self-care because they teach teens how to care for and respect  themselves and others, meet expectations, and create physical and emotional safety. And there’s no better formula for success.

You can find Maddie creating content for Lucero over on Instagram. She also helps our team of licensed therapists ensure that all the activities in the Lucero app are teen-tested and approved. Maddie brings drive, creativity and a playful spirit to the team, and we’re lucky to have her! Here’s a little about Maddie in her own words:

1. What grade are you in?

I am a junior in high school, an 11th grader.

2. What’s one passion or interest that you are excited to share with others?

I really enjoy writing! I like to share my works with my friends and show passion and beauty through words.

3. Do you have an Avatar in the Lucero app? If so, how does it reflect your personality?

I choose the dog avatar because, like dogs, I\’m very loyal to the ones I love. And I am very energetic at times!

4. What is one of your goals for the future?

To publish the book I am writing!

5. What’s one thing that people are surprised to learn about you?

Probably that I am writing a book! People tend to have a shocked face when I mention it.

6. What’s one of your favorite self-care practices?

I recently have really enjoyed going on walks after school and listening to music. I don\’t have to worry and can just focus on the good vibes!

7. If you could plan an adventure with any three people, who would you choose, where would you go, and why?

I would go to Greece or a beautiful island, because I love the beach, with Florence Pugh, Yeonjun, and Zendaya. They are all people whom I find amazing and talented, and whom I admire. It would be very nice to just spend time talking and hanging out and understanding everyone\’s different experiences in their life.

8. If you could share one important message with every tween and teen, what would it be?

You are still young. You don’t have to try to grow up so fast, but also don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young!

1. Build a strong relationship with themselves.

Teens with high self-esteem have more positive relationships, and positive relationships lead to better self-esteem. Self-esteem often takes a hit during adolescence when physical, neurological, psychological and social changes combine with increased stress and responsibility. Healthy habits that boost teens’ connection with themselves include self-reflection, self-care, journaling, positive self-talk, and getting clear about personal values and goals. Encourage your teen to think about what it means to be their own best friend– how do you talk to someone you love and care about? What would you do if that person were having a hard time? Teens who love themselves have a built-in model of a supportive relationship, so they know they deserve a high level of care and respect from others.

2. Ramp up resilience.

Healthy habits help teens build a tool-kit of coping skills to deal with stress and regulate their emotions. Each tool increases their resilience, or the ability to bounce back from and overcome adversity. According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, the five most common factors of resilient people include:

• They are resourceful and have skills to solve problems.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They believe that they can do something to manage their feelings and cope.
• They have social support.
• They are connected with others.

3. Define their \”Framily.\”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a framily includes “friends or blood relatives to whom we would actually choose to be related, because the relationship is mutually respectful, close, supporting and affectionate.” Defining their framily helps teens reframe their support systems to include all the important relationships that don’t necessarily fit into traditional roles, like their mom’s best friend who’s more like an aunt, or a youth group leader or neighbor who always looks out for them. Take some time with your teen to map out your own framily members and highlight any relationships you want to strengthen. Let those people know that they’re a part of your teen’s tribe, then plan ways that you and your teen can deepen the most important connections.

4. Get serious about radical support.

At Lucero, we define framily as any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other. Who are the people your teen can rely on for radical support? Those are the relationships that belong in your teen’s inner circle. Radical support means different things to different people, but some key questions your teen can ask themselves include:

• Can I be my most authentic self around this person? Do they like and love me even when I’m feeling sad, silly, vulnerable, etc.?
• Can I trust this person? Do I know they will respect my boundaries and keep what I say confidential? Are they honest with me?
• Would I feel comfortable asking this person for help or support?
• How does this person handle conflict when it comes up? Can we get along even when we disagree?
• Is our relationship equally important to both of us?

To help your teen learn connection-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

To protect your teen from the harmful effects of loneliness, try these four evidence-based tips:

1. Understand their neurology.

Teens are more susceptible to feeling lonely because their prefrontal cortexes – the part of the brain that helps regulate emotion and impulse control – are still developing, and their limbic brains – the part that responds to stress – are more active. The teenage brain is wired to seek social and emotional rewards and to feel everything more intensely. That’s why a seemingly small slight from peers can feel literally life-or-death to teens. Remind teens that their brains are works-in-progress and that everyone, no matter their age or level of popularity, struggles with uncomfortable emotions like loneliness at times. To help them develop emotional resilience, teach teens healthy habits for self-regulation like mindful breathing and positive self-talk.

2. Limit their alone-time.

Too much solitude can be scary for teens and leave them vulnerable. Before adolescence, children are rarely alone. Increased independence is something many teens crave but aren’t completely comfortable with. They likely haven’t developed coping strategies for loneliness, and they tend to seek connection and distraction from difficult emotions through social media and digital devices. Study after study shows that teens need real-world connection with friends and family. If you’re concerned about your teen’s level of loneliness, start tracking how much time they’re spending on their own and find ways to increase opportunities for meaningful interaction with others, like family dinners and game nights, in-person hangouts with friends, or volunteering for a cause they care about.

3. Ensure they get enough sleep.

A 2018 study published in the journal Nature Communications found that sleep loss causes social withdrawal and loneliness. That’s probably because lack of sleep leads to mood changes, decreased energy and a lack of interest in social engagement. And \”almost all teenagers, as they reach puberty, become walking zombies because they are getting far too little sleep,\” says sleep expert and Cornell University psychologist James B. Maas. Teens need more sleep than adults to support brain development: about 8-10 hours per night. Teens’ unique circadian rhythms make it natural for them to stay up and sleep later than most school schedules allow. To make sure your teen gets enough sleep, stick to a regular schedule for going to bed and waking up, and get the whole family on board to shut down all devices together before bedtime.

4. Tackle FOMO.

Social media’s endless parade of filtered photos and fantasies makes it easy to feel like everyone else is out there living their best life while you sit home alone. Everybody experiences Fear Of Missing Out sometimes, but because teens are more socially- and emotionally-driven than other age groups, they’re especially vulnerable. A 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that college students who limited social media use to 10 minutes per platform, per day experienced significant reductions in depression, loneliness, anxiety and FOMO. If your teen is struggling with loneliness, have an honest conversation about how their social media habits make them feel. You might experiment with cutting back on social media use together, or curate a feed that boosts confidence, connection and self-love instead of leading to loneliness.

1. Upgrade your own conversations.

Your teen will follow your lead, so set a good example of active listening, practicing empathy, paying attention to nonverbal cues, and asking thoughtful questions. It’s not just how you interact with them that matters– they’re also paying attention to how you talk to family, friends and complete strangers. Think about one or two small ways you could make conversations feel more meaningful to you. Is eye contact important? Authenticity? Finding common ground? Slowing down and really listening? Try a few small, intentional upgrades in your own interactions, and notice how your teen’s conversation skills grow, too.

2. Make daily check-ins a ritual.

Asking “How was your day?” is likely to get the same rote response: “Fine.” But with a little effort, daily check-ins can spark deeper connection between you and your tween or teen. Vashti is a mom of three who stumbled onto an easy afternoon ritual: after school, she makes tea for any of her teens who are home and they sit at the kitchen table and chat. She says, “The tea makes it feel special. It’s simple, but it makes us all slow down. The kids say they want a cup of tea, but I know it’s more about being together.” Rose, Bud, Thorn is another activity to encourage connection: each person shares a rose (something positive), a bud (something they’re looking forward to), and a thorn (something they need support for or feel stuck with). Or keep a deck of conversation cards in the glove box or on the dinner table to make it easy to ask more interesting questions each time you’re together.

3. Focus on the positive.

We feel safe talking to close family and friends, so that’s when we’re more likely to vent, complain or gossip. While that can feel good in the short-term, negative talk easily becomes a habit that’s hard to break. Teens need to know that it’s ok to talk about hard things and painful emotions, but it’s not helpful to get stuck in negativity. A truly meaningful conversation will help teens become more self-aware and capable of self-regulation and solving problems. Notice if conversations with your teen tend to get gloomy and practice steering them back towards silver linings, lessons learned, challenges overcome and opportunities to take meaningful action or be grateful. Listen and offer support, then empower them to find a positive perspective.

4. Build confidence with diverse connections.

Relationships shape their sense of self, so teens with more diverse connections will naturally become more self-assured communicators. If they’re only interacting with close family members and peers, they’ll be less confident when talking to anyone outside their comfort zone. Help your teen form relationships with people who come from different generations, backgrounds and perspectives. Look for extracurricular activities, service opportunities, internships or after-school jobs that encourage interaction with others and provide safety and structure. Even introverts benefit from making more varied connections; just keep the focus on relationship quality over quantity.

5. Spend quality time with them.

As teens get older, busier and more independent, shared experiences are the glue that keeps your connection close. Scheduling quality time with your teen may be a challenge, but even a little time together helps fuel your relationship. Think of your time together as an opportunity to continue (or start) traditions and make lifelong memories. Try setting aside one evening a week or one weekend day a month just for you and your teen to connect. Aim to mix activities that you both already enjoy with new ones that are a little out-of-the-box. Volunteer for a cause your teen cares about, take turns designing a “perfect” day, or do something you’ve never tried before, like going to a rage room or an improv class. Bonding over new experiences builds connection and trust and gives you and your teen tons to talk about, now and in the years to come.

1. It’s the antidote to an epidemic of loneliness.

Three in five Americans suffer from loneliness, according to a recent survey by the Cigna Group. Even more troubling is that young adults aged 18-24 reported loneliness at twice the levels of older adults. “Chronic loneliness is as destructive to our bodies and health as smoking a pack of cigarettes a day,” says Geoffrey Cohen. High levels of loneliness correlate with deaths of despair– deaths caused by addiction to alcohol, painkillers or other drugs, or by suicide. Ultimately, researchers say these losses are attributable to the social pain of feeling disconnected. The more supportive connections teens have with family, friends and others, the bigger their safety net.

2. It nurtures teens’ sense of identity.

The most important job of the teen years is crafting an identity, or sense of self. Teens are figuring out who they are as individuals and where they fit with their family and society. But while identity is all about defining our individual selves, how we feel about ourselves depends almost entirely on our relationships with others. A recent study found that positive social relationships, social support and social acceptance help shape the development of self-esteem. In short, to feel good about themselves, teens need to know they matter to others.

3. It creates a neurological blueprint for positivity.

All sources of connection, from close relationships to everyday interactions with acquaintances and strangers, contribute to the development of the teenage brain. In the book Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, researcher Daniel Goleman writes, “Even our most routine encounters act as regulators in the brain, priming our emotions, some desirable, others not. The more strongly connected we are with someone emotionally, the greater the mutual force.” When teens have multiple resources for kindness, care and support, their brains develop neural pathways for positive emotions like confidence, security and compassion.

4. It helps them be more authentic.

To feel a sense of belonging, teens need to know they are loved for who they are, including all of their imperfections. Tweens and teens often think that they have to fit in to belong, but as Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging… doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” When teens know they belong no matter what, it gives them the courage to be more authentic in every situation. They can own their strength and vulnerability, their triumphs and struggles, and all the qualities that make them unique.

Want to make sure your teen gets the benefits of belonging and connection? Lucero is a safe space for teens and tweens to just be themselves and connect with others who radically support them. Teens can invite up to seven friends and family members to join them on their self-care journey. Crew members cheer each other on, support each other on the hard days, and grow connections with themselves and each other. Lucero is the most fun and engaging wellness app for emotional regulation, with bite-sized activities that are co-created with youth, backed by clinical therapists, and take just a few minutes each day.