1. Foster a spirit of adventure.

Self-discovery is a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Tweens and teens experiment by trying on identities, interests, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow: One mom we know bought her 13-year-old a ukulele that she’d begged for for months, only to find it two weeks later under a pile of laundry. If you have a tween or teen in your life, you’re probably not surprised. Just remember that new experiences are how adolescents gather information about themselves and the world. When the adults who love them celebrate exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, tweens and teens feel safe expressing themselves.

2. Dial down the pressure.

Adolescents today face unprecedented pressure, according to a 2021 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, and it’s a contributing factor in skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety and self-harm. Parents and caregivers should know that self-discovery can’t be rushed. Tweens and teens need time to master different developmental milestones, and everyone matures at their own pace. Keep the focus on providing opportunities balanced by safety and clear expectations, and ensuring that they have plenty of freedom to explore within age-appropriate limits.

3. Keep brain development in mind.

Tweens and teens are neurologically wired to take risks and seek out novel experiences, and they’re still learning critical self-regulation skills. Adolescence lasts until the mid-twenties when the prefrontal cortex reaches maturity, according to Sarah Jayne Blakemore, PhD. That part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. Lucero’s approach is to gamify the journey of self-discovery and integrate self-regulation skills at every step. It keeps self-discovery fun and engaging, while making it easy to build lasting healthy habits for self-care.

4. Encourage them to ask questions and be curious.

We live in a world where opinions are often presented as facts, especially on social media. Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to such influences because their identities are shaped as they process new information, experiences, feelings and beliefs. Relationships with friends and family help them stay grounded and make sense of all the incoming information. Encourage self-reflection by inviting them to ask questions and be curious, talking with them about their feelings and thoughts, and sharing reflective practices like journaling and mindfulness.

5. Make it safe to say “no.”

One often-neglected aspect of self-discovery is the skill of setting boundaries. “Personal boundaries are important because you set basic guidelines of how you want to be treated,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson. “It is your job to teach (others) about your boundaries for your own mental health and wellness.” Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens get comfortable saying “no” and protecting their developing sense of self. As adolescents explore the world, knowing that they’re in charge of their boundaries helps them advocate for themselves with confidence.

Want more self-discovery support for your tween or teen? Lucero helps adolescents  build a strong sense of self with fun, engaging tools to explore their inner and outer worlds. All our content is created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, all while strengthening their network of real-life relationships.

Lucero is a gamified wellness app for tweens, teens and their crew. It works like a digital daily self-care vitamin, making it easy and fun for adolescents to practice emotional regulation, boost self-confidence and connect with others who radically support them. Instead of a crisis-intervention approach, Lucero builds daily habits over time: a science-backed strategy that protects teens’ mental health and helps them grow into self-care savvy, purpose-driven adults. Here’s how we do it:

1. Give youth and families the tools to talk about hard topics.

Research shows that tweens, teens and their caregivers want to talk about mental health but lack skills, language and resources. Lucero ensures that all our content is co-created and approved by trauma-informed licensed therapists and grounded in evidence-based methods like Solutions-focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. Whether you’re a teen or a caregiver, Lucero puts simple solutions in hand and makes it easy to talk about hard topics and reach out for support.

2. Make it youth-driven, fun and engaging.

We asked teens, “If you had a magic app to solve the problems you face, what would it do?” Then we built the safe space they asked for. We believe there’s no better source of data about the support teens need than young people themselves. That’s why we recruited a panel of 27 tweens and teens to create, review and approve all our content. And everything inside Lucero’s world makes emotional regulation fun and engaging, including evolving avatars, 84+ gamified micro-lessons on topics like confidence and self-awareness, 600+ self-care ideas, and badges to track progress.

3. Make it affordable and accessible. 

Two of the biggest barriers to mental healthcare are accessibility and cost. Licensed community therapists often have a 5- to 8-month waitlist and cost between $75-150 per session and school counselors serve an average of 464 students each. There’s a clear need for solutions that streamline support for youth and families regardless of income or location. To use Lucero, all teens need is access to a smartphone. The app will always have a free individual account version available, and Crew subscriptions are just $10/month.

4. Cultivate connection.

Strong relationships with peers and caregivers protect teens’ mental health more than any other factor. Connection with others boosts teens’ confidence and helps them develop social skills, emotional resilience and self-awareness. Lucero makes it easy to strengthen relationships by giving teens the option to connect with up to 7 family members as part of their Crew. Family is inclusive of any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other.

5. Build healthy habits by making it bite-sized.

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain responsible for planning, prioritizing and impulse-control. Since it’s still developing in teens, adolescence is the perfect time to lock in healthy habits for self-care and emotional regulation. Behavior scientists say the best way to build those habits is to start small and reward progress, so that’s just what Lucero does. It’s a safe space where teens can just be themselves and gain tools for a lifetime of healthy habits… all in just a few minutes a day.

Myth # 1: It’s all bad news.

While negative trends get most of the attention, it’s important to know there is also good news about teens’ well-being. Remembering that helps parents put things in perspective and focus on the actual potential problems their teen may be facing. According to Candice Odgers, a psychologist at the University of California, Irvine, “Young people are more educated; less likely to get pregnant, use drugs; less likely to die of accident or injury. By many markers, kids are doing fantastic and thriving. But… these really important trends in anxiety, depression and suicide that stop us in our tracks.”

Myth # 2: It’s just a phase.

Occasional sadness, worry and moodiness are normal for teens, but parents shouldn’t dismiss ongoing symptoms as something their teen will grow out of. In fact, periods of depression, anxiety or other mood disorders can disrupt teens’ development, causing them to miss out on important milestones and leading to lasting harmful behaviors and habits. For depression to be diagnosed, individuals must have symptoms for at least two weeks. If you or your teen are in doubt about whether they need help, reach out to a licensed mental health professional. Getting treatment early helps teens prioritize healthy habits and gain tools to stay stable.

Myth # 3: Kids these days have nothing to feel bad about. 

It’s true that many of today’s teens have more material abundance and often fewer responsibilities than previous generations, but they also face unprecedented challenges. On average, teens now reach puberty a year or two younger than their parents did, leading to physical, neurological and social stress. They experience more pressure to perform in academics and extracurricular activities, while college has become exponentially more expensive and less of a sure path to success. They deal with the nonstop challenges of social media and digital devices and have higher rates of anxiety about gun violence, climate change and other important issues. In short, being a teenager today really can be tough.

Myth #4: It’s all because of social media.

It’s common for adults who grew up before the era of Instagram and TikTok to blame social media for the decline in teen mental health, but researchers say it’s not that simple. Rising rates of teen depression, anxiety and self-harm do correlate with the rise in social media and increased use of digital devices. But these technologies aren’t inherently evil, and they often help teens find connection and support that’s lacking in their off-line lives. Recent research suggests the problem may be more about what teens are missing out on when they overindulge in screen time, like sleep, time in nature, and in-person connection with caregivers, friends and family.

Myth #5: Poor parenting is to blame. 

Lots of parents whose teens experience depression or other disorders ask, “What did I do wrong?” The truth is that many teens with mental health conditions have supportive and engaged parents. Remember that these disorders are biologically-based illnesses that can be triggered by environmental factors, but environmental factors aren’t necessarily or solely to blame. And remember that teens are developmentally wired to push back against their parents so, even if they blame you for their feelings, it may have nothing to do with you. Don’t take it personally, but DO do everything you can to get a licensed professional on board to help.