1. Foster a spirit of adventure.

Self-discovery is a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Tweens and teens experiment by trying on identities, interests, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow: One mom we know bought her 13-year-old a ukulele that she’d begged for for months, only to find it two weeks later under a pile of laundry. If you have a tween or teen in your life, you’re probably not surprised. Just remember that new experiences are how adolescents gather information about themselves and the world. When the adults who love them celebrate exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, tweens and teens feel safe expressing themselves.

2. Dial down the pressure.

Adolescents today face unprecedented pressure, according to a 2021 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, and it’s a contributing factor in skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety and self-harm. Parents and caregivers should know that self-discovery can’t be rushed. Tweens and teens need time to master different developmental milestones, and everyone matures at their own pace. Keep the focus on providing opportunities balanced by safety and clear expectations, and ensuring that they have plenty of freedom to explore within age-appropriate limits.

3. Keep brain development in mind.

Tweens and teens are neurologically wired to take risks and seek out novel experiences, and they’re still learning critical self-regulation skills. Adolescence lasts until the mid-twenties when the prefrontal cortex reaches maturity, according to Sarah Jayne Blakemore, PhD. That part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. Lucero’s approach is to gamify the journey of self-discovery and integrate self-regulation skills at every step. It keeps self-discovery fun and engaging, while making it easy to build lasting healthy habits for self-care.

4. Encourage them to ask questions and be curious.

We live in a world where opinions are often presented as facts, especially on social media. Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to such influences because their identities are shaped as they process new information, experiences, feelings and beliefs. Relationships with friends and family help them stay grounded and make sense of all the incoming information. Encourage self-reflection by inviting them to ask questions and be curious, talking with them about their feelings and thoughts, and sharing reflective practices like journaling and mindfulness.

5. Make it safe to say “no.”

One often-neglected aspect of self-discovery is the skill of setting boundaries. “Personal boundaries are important because you set basic guidelines of how you want to be treated,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson. “It is your job to teach (others) about your boundaries for your own mental health and wellness.” Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens get comfortable saying “no” and protecting their developing sense of self. As adolescents explore the world, knowing that they’re in charge of their boundaries helps them advocate for themselves with confidence.

Want more self-discovery support for your tween or teen? Lucero helps adolescents  build a strong sense of self with fun, engaging tools to explore their inner and outer worlds. All our content is created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, all while strengthening their network of real-life relationships.

Volunteering increases teens’ self-esteem.

Teens who spend time helping strangers get a big boost in self-esteem and self-confidence, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Teens who agreed with statements like \”I help people I don\’t know, even if it\’s not easy for me,\” and \”I voluntarily help my neighbors,\” also scored higher on questions related to self-esteem. Researchers say when teens go outside their comfort zone to help someone they don’t know, it boosts both altruism and self-assuredness. The study’s author Laura Padilla-Walker says, “Helping a stranger is more challenging than assisting a friend, and when teens take this risk, they feel more competent.”

Volunteering strengthens college applications.

Does volunteering really make a difference on college applications? In a recent survey, 58% of college admissions personnel said Yes. They agreed that “a student’s community service experience has a positive impact on his or her acceptance to our higher education institution.” Fifty-three percent said community service is a deciding factor between equally qualified students. But admissions officers aren’t just interested in what teens have done– they also want to know what teens have learned and how volunteering has impacted their worldview. The most valued volunteer experiences are those that showcase a teen’s initiative, leadership skills, capacity for teamwork, and personal growth.

Volunteering helps teens discover their purpose.

Having a sense of purpose, and even searching for purpose, protects teens’ mental health by helping them feel more hopeful, positive and satisfied with their lives. Researcher Kendall Cotton Bronk says teens most often start to develop a sense of purpose when at least one of three ingredients is present: an important life event, serving others in a meaningful way, or changes in life circumstances. Volunteering can open up all these opportunities and more. It encourages exploration, introduces teens to unfamiliar places, people, and viewpoints, and empowers them to take action. Teens who are making a difference are also developing their personal values and beliefs and figuring out what motivates them: all factors that help them discover their purpose.

Volunteering teaches teens real-world skills.

Leadership. Time management. Critical thinking. Problem solving. Volunteering teaches teens transferable skills that prepare them for college, jobs and other adult-level responsibilities. Teens can try out different careers, volunteer with organizations and individuals in a variety of fields, and get to know their own interests, likes and dislikes. Volunteering is also a great way for teens to meet potential mentors, start building their networks and make connections in the community. And as teens learn practical skills and acquire experience, they grow in both competence and confidence.

Volunteering increases empathy.

Ever heard of Selfie Syndrome? According to Michele Borba, researcher and author of Unselfie, teens today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Too much virtual reality can lead teens to become more isolated and self-focused. Borba says empathy is the antidote, and it can be taught and nurtured through volunteering. Teens who volunteer learn critical prosocial skills like helping, sharing, and resolving conflict. Immersed in realities that may be very different from their own, they learn to look at the world through the eyes of others. And Dr. Borba says that increasing empathy isn’t just beneficial to society: “A healthy sense of empathy is a key predictor of which kids will thrive and succeed in the future.”