You also probably know that we’re big on self-discovery. That’s because developmental psychologists say that establishing a unique, individual identity is what adolescence is all about. Research shows that a strong sense of self benefits tweens and teens by:

• increasing self-awareness and self-confidence
• building self-regulation skills
• guiding them to make healthier choices
• protecting their mental health, and
• helping them grow into resilient adults.

Emphasizing self-discovery during adolescence should be a given, right? But here’s what we’ve learned from talking with tweens and teens: When asked to define self-discovery, they either don’t have an answer or they equate it with determining sexuality and gender identity. While that is certainly an important part of self-discovery, there is so much more that makes you… well, YOU! We need to do a better job of teaching young people how to explore their unique skills, values, and strengths, and how to use those qualities to build a happy, healthy life. That’s where Lucero comes in.

Lucero’s Journey feature gamifies the inner work of self-discovery to make it fun and engaging. Based on personality traits, users create an Avatar who grows and transforms with them. They advance on their voyage by answering questions crafted to build self-awareness and provide individualized emotional regulation skills. Prompts might, for example, help them discover healthy habits to deal with stress or other difficult emotions. New insights and tools are added to each user’s personal Log for easy, anytime access.

Here are three ways Lucero’s playful, bite-sized approach to self-discovery supports the development of a strong sense of self:

1. Tweens and teens learn to look inside for answers.

Adolescents are growing up in a world of constant comparison and pressure to look to others for answers. Whether scrolling on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat or going down YouTube rabbit holes, they’re bombarded with external opinions and judgments. One therapist who advises Lucero says, “When asked questions, they often route it to what other people say, think or do. It is very challenging to turn that question around for youth to really reflect on their own opinions about various topics.” Lucero encourages users to explore their own values, quirks, and strengths, and boosts their confidence to just be themselves.

2. Lucero models the importance of self-care.

Self-discovery isn’t just about learning what makes you special; it’s also about learning how to take good care of yourself. Each of Lucero’s features is designed to give tweens and teens practical, developmentally-appropriate tools and practices to care for their minds, bodies, and hearts. Users learn how to identify, name and regulate their emotions, develop healthy habits that are proven to protect mental health, and reach out for support from others. Strengthening emotional regulation skills teaches them that they can control their emotional state, which builds self-efficacy.

3. Lucero embeds the journey of self-discovery in the support of real-life relationships.

One critical piece of a youth’s self-discovery journey is finding a sense of belonging with others. Researchers tell us that acceptance, inclusion, and feeling valued by others helps strengthen an adolescent’s identity and self-confidence. That’s why Lucero makes real-life relationships part of the self-discovery equation. Tweens and teens can invite any combination of friends and family members to join their Crew. Crew members share insights, offer support, and help each other reach their goals. By strengthening tweens’ and teens’ relationship with themselves and with others, Lucero helps them discover and grow into the healthiest, happiest version of themselves.

1. Foster a spirit of adventure.

Self-discovery is a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Tweens and teens experiment by trying on identities, interests, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow: One mom we know bought her 13-year-old a ukulele that she’d begged for for months, only to find it two weeks later under a pile of laundry. If you have a tween or teen in your life, you’re probably not surprised. Just remember that new experiences are how adolescents gather information about themselves and the world. When the adults who love them celebrate exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, tweens and teens feel safe expressing themselves.

2. Dial down the pressure.

Adolescents today face unprecedented pressure, according to a 2021 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, and it’s a contributing factor in skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety and self-harm. Parents and caregivers should know that self-discovery can’t be rushed. Tweens and teens need time to master different developmental milestones, and everyone matures at their own pace. Keep the focus on providing opportunities balanced by safety and clear expectations, and ensuring that they have plenty of freedom to explore within age-appropriate limits.

3. Keep brain development in mind.

Tweens and teens are neurologically wired to take risks and seek out novel experiences, and they’re still learning critical self-regulation skills. Adolescence lasts until the mid-twenties when the prefrontal cortex reaches maturity, according to Sarah Jayne Blakemore, PhD. That part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. Lucero’s approach is to gamify the journey of self-discovery and integrate self-regulation skills at every step. It keeps self-discovery fun and engaging, while making it easy to build lasting healthy habits for self-care.

4. Encourage them to ask questions and be curious.

We live in a world where opinions are often presented as facts, especially on social media. Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to such influences because their identities are shaped as they process new information, experiences, feelings and beliefs. Relationships with friends and family help them stay grounded and make sense of all the incoming information. Encourage self-reflection by inviting them to ask questions and be curious, talking with them about their feelings and thoughts, and sharing reflective practices like journaling and mindfulness.

5. Make it safe to say “no.”

One often-neglected aspect of self-discovery is the skill of setting boundaries. “Personal boundaries are important because you set basic guidelines of how you want to be treated,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson. “It is your job to teach (others) about your boundaries for your own mental health and wellness.” Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens get comfortable saying “no” and protecting their developing sense of self. As adolescents explore the world, knowing that they’re in charge of their boundaries helps them advocate for themselves with confidence.

Want more self-discovery support for your tween or teen? Lucero helps adolescents  build a strong sense of self with fun, engaging tools to explore their inner and outer worlds. All our content is created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, all while strengthening their network of real-life relationships.

Self-awareness is a critical developmental milestone, so Lucero creates opportunities for tweens and teens to have fun discovering who they are, what matters most to them, and how to practice self-care and self-regulation. Here’s more about the science behind self-discovery:

1. Tweens and teens are wired for self-discovery.

Beginning at puberty, tweens get a big boost in neuroplasticity, and plasticity means potential. Research shows that brain processing and memory-forming power peak at age 18. Tweens and teens naturally become more curious, impulsive, sensitive, and self-conscious: qualities that encourage self-reflection and self-awareness. New ideas, people, and experiences are filtered through their emerging sense of self to be integrated or rejected. “It’s important for kids to be challenged and exposed to novelty in order to facilitate healthy development of brain systems that are important for things like self-regulation,” says Lawrence Steinberg, PhD.

2. Risks and mistakes are part of the process.

As curiosity, sensitivity, and attraction to adventure grow in teens, “these developmental aptitudes for discovery also bring elevated risk,” says Dr. Miller. Take a deep breath, parents and caregivers: Mistakes are part of self-discovery. “The way that the adolescent brain responds to the world has a lot to do with the impulsive, irrational, and wrongheaded decisions teens seem to make so frequently,” says Frances Jensen, PhD. Adolescence brings both increased independence and the need for guidance and guardrails. Tools like Lucero help tweens and teens make decisions based on self-awareness and learn from those inevitable mistakes.

3. Self-discovery helps them find their “Why.”

As tweens and teens set out on the adventure of self-discovery, they’re also on a quest for purpose. This is the perfect time to engage about what matters most to them and what motivates their choices. Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan says, “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity… Embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” Remember, though, that pressure to find purpose can backfire by feeling overwhelming to tweens and teens. Keep the emphasis on exploration, not the destination.

4. Self-discovery supports mental health and overall well-being. In the teenage brain, research finds increased communication between the reward-seeking striatum and the memory-storing hippocampus. That means that tweens and teens are more sensitive and impressionable to learning that provides rewarding outcomes. Lucero’s approach to self-care and self-regulation harnesses this science through gamification. When self-discovery is fun and accessible, tweens and teens are more likely to embrace the tools and store them in their long-term memory, thus building a foundation for lifelong well-being.

Want to share the adventure of self-discovery with the tweens and teens in your life? Lucero’s wellness app is a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery with content that’s co-created by licensed therapists and a team of youth collaborators. The Journey feature invites users on a voyage to Mente Island. Along the way, they develop social-emotional learning skills, build self-awareness, and shape their emerging identity every step of the way.

Our youngest son then makes a statement that we recently revisited while on vacation; he stated, “I am not afraid of the dark, I am afraid of what’s in the dark.” This was his explanation for why he previously kept a night light on in his room. There is so much substance in this way of thinking because fear prompted him to take action – an action that assured comfort of sleep and mental wellness through potential struggle.

When it comes to parenting, fear can often stifle our children, as opposed to being a motivating growth factor for building resilience. On our most recent family vacation we were exploring The Continental Divide and taking in the beautiful sites that encompassed us. The same son appeared restless and repeatedly asked if “this was all that we are going to do?” I responded with “Yes and if there is something more you want to do, speak up and let us know.” He responded with, “I was just asking,” while peering at the mountain in front of us.

As his father, I believe I know him well and understand that he has an adventurous spirit. Everything in me said that climb was too dangerous, we did not have the appropriate gear, and I know that is exactly what he wanted to do. We began the descent to return to our car and I asked, “Son would you like to climb the mountain?” His eyes lit up, my heart was racing, and the rest of the family wasn’t having it. We assessed our approach, took a deep breath, and with great intentions we began to scale the mountain.

Thankfully there was an established path that guided us toward our destination. We could see there were areas where snow remained from the most recent snow and blanketed multiple portions of the path. With guidance from a couple of park rangers and some patience, we traversed three of the four snow obstacles. My son followed as I guided him to step in places where I stepped; he followed as I instructed him to lean back so that if he were to slip, he would land on his bottom and not tumble forward. I held his hand at times and pulled him toward me when he appeared anxious and afraid, assuring him that I was with him, and we would do this together.

As we approached our final 20 yards to the top of the mountain, there was one more patch of snow covering the pathway. It was very steep; the snow was quite thick, and the risks were great. I had to make a decision, looking in his eyes I said, “We have come very far, son, but we are not equipped to finish this climb.” I had led him through many fears to this point and yet one obstacle lay before us that almost crippled me.

I wanted him to know the joy of reaching the top and overcoming fear yet, listening to my fear and caution, we were ill-equipped and the consequences of moving forward could have been great. I turned to him and said, “We must turn back; it is too dangerous.” He looked at me and with total trust, agreed. As we descended the mountain, we revisited the conversation about fear and he reminded me of what he had said months earlier; “Dad, I am not afraid of the dark, but what is in the dark.”

I was immediately reminded of my role as a father. My initial fears could have robbed me of the experience with him and possibly hindered his given ambition. However, the steps taken to scale the mountain reinforced how we are to lead our children through fear and possibly how fear can be a healthy motivator. Here are some suggestions for parents as they navigate fear, your own and those of your children:

1. Share your concerns and fears with your children – it reminds them of your humanity.
2. Assess the danger but don’t let fear stifle the opportunities – sometimes we as parents try to protect to such a degree, they don’t experience lif
3. Climb through the trenches with them – a major part of building resilience is climbing the mountain and at times slipping on the path.
4. Know when to stop – we have been entrusted as parents for a reason. Fear can be a motivator that either stifles or wisely informs progress.

Michael S. Cox MA, LPC is a Level 2 Certified Restoration Therapist and seeks to utilize this training in assisting individuals, marriages and families to discover their God-given potential and to see it actualized. He had been in private practice and consulting since January of 2020 and utilizes a holistic approach in providing treatment. Together with his wife they conduct marriage seminars, coach couples in preparation for marriage and walk with families seeking to live healthy lives. Additionally, he utilizes his 20+ years of working with young people to inform and drive his work with adolescent development and emotional regulation. He is the proud husband of wife Coloma and father to their three young boys.

Lucero is developing a gamified app to help teens begin their adventure to self-discovery. Sign up here to get early access to this innovative youth-driven, spirit-infused technology.