You also probably know that we’re big on self-discovery. That’s because developmental psychologists say that establishing a unique, individual identity is what adolescence is all about. Research shows that a strong sense of self benefits tweens and teens by:

• increasing self-awareness and self-confidence
• building self-regulation skills
• guiding them to make healthier choices
• protecting their mental health, and
• helping them grow into resilient adults.

Emphasizing self-discovery during adolescence should be a given, right? But here’s what we’ve learned from talking with tweens and teens: When asked to define self-discovery, they either don’t have an answer or they equate it with determining sexuality and gender identity. While that is certainly an important part of self-discovery, there is so much more that makes you… well, YOU! We need to do a better job of teaching young people how to explore their unique skills, values, and strengths, and how to use those qualities to build a happy, healthy life. That’s where Lucero comes in.

Lucero’s Journey feature gamifies the inner work of self-discovery to make it fun and engaging. Based on personality traits, users create an Avatar who grows and transforms with them. They advance on their voyage by answering questions crafted to build self-awareness and provide individualized emotional regulation skills. Prompts might, for example, help them discover healthy habits to deal with stress or other difficult emotions. New insights and tools are added to each user’s personal Log for easy, anytime access.

Here are three ways Lucero’s playful, bite-sized approach to self-discovery supports the development of a strong sense of self:

1. Tweens and teens learn to look inside for answers.

Adolescents are growing up in a world of constant comparison and pressure to look to others for answers. Whether scrolling on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat or going down YouTube rabbit holes, they’re bombarded with external opinions and judgments. One therapist who advises Lucero says, “When asked questions, they often route it to what other people say, think or do. It is very challenging to turn that question around for youth to really reflect on their own opinions about various topics.” Lucero encourages users to explore their own values, quirks, and strengths, and boosts their confidence to just be themselves.

2. Lucero models the importance of self-care.

Self-discovery isn’t just about learning what makes you special; it’s also about learning how to take good care of yourself. Each of Lucero’s features is designed to give tweens and teens practical, developmentally-appropriate tools and practices to care for their minds, bodies, and hearts. Users learn how to identify, name and regulate their emotions, develop healthy habits that are proven to protect mental health, and reach out for support from others. Strengthening emotional regulation skills teaches them that they can control their emotional state, which builds self-efficacy.

3. Lucero embeds the journey of self-discovery in the support of real-life relationships.

One critical piece of a youth’s self-discovery journey is finding a sense of belonging with others. Researchers tell us that acceptance, inclusion, and feeling valued by others helps strengthen an adolescent’s identity and self-confidence. That’s why Lucero makes real-life relationships part of the self-discovery equation. Tweens and teens can invite any combination of friends and family members to join their Crew. Crew members share insights, offer support, and help each other reach their goals. By strengthening tweens’ and teens’ relationship with themselves and with others, Lucero helps them discover and grow into the healthiest, happiest version of themselves.

1. Foster a spirit of adventure.

Self-discovery is a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Tweens and teens experiment by trying on identities, interests, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow: One mom we know bought her 13-year-old a ukulele that she’d begged for for months, only to find it two weeks later under a pile of laundry. If you have a tween or teen in your life, you’re probably not surprised. Just remember that new experiences are how adolescents gather information about themselves and the world. When the adults who love them celebrate exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, tweens and teens feel safe expressing themselves.

2. Dial down the pressure.

Adolescents today face unprecedented pressure, according to a 2021 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, and it’s a contributing factor in skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety and self-harm. Parents and caregivers should know that self-discovery can’t be rushed. Tweens and teens need time to master different developmental milestones, and everyone matures at their own pace. Keep the focus on providing opportunities balanced by safety and clear expectations, and ensuring that they have plenty of freedom to explore within age-appropriate limits.

3. Keep brain development in mind.

Tweens and teens are neurologically wired to take risks and seek out novel experiences, and they’re still learning critical self-regulation skills. Adolescence lasts until the mid-twenties when the prefrontal cortex reaches maturity, according to Sarah Jayne Blakemore, PhD. That part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. Lucero’s approach is to gamify the journey of self-discovery and integrate self-regulation skills at every step. It keeps self-discovery fun and engaging, while making it easy to build lasting healthy habits for self-care.

4. Encourage them to ask questions and be curious.

We live in a world where opinions are often presented as facts, especially on social media. Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to such influences because their identities are shaped as they process new information, experiences, feelings and beliefs. Relationships with friends and family help them stay grounded and make sense of all the incoming information. Encourage self-reflection by inviting them to ask questions and be curious, talking with them about their feelings and thoughts, and sharing reflective practices like journaling and mindfulness.

5. Make it safe to say “no.”

One often-neglected aspect of self-discovery is the skill of setting boundaries. “Personal boundaries are important because you set basic guidelines of how you want to be treated,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson. “It is your job to teach (others) about your boundaries for your own mental health and wellness.” Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens get comfortable saying “no” and protecting their developing sense of self. As adolescents explore the world, knowing that they’re in charge of their boundaries helps them advocate for themselves with confidence.

Want more self-discovery support for your tween or teen? Lucero helps adolescents  build a strong sense of self with fun, engaging tools to explore their inner and outer worlds. All our content is created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, all while strengthening their network of real-life relationships.

Self-awareness is a critical developmental milestone, so Lucero creates opportunities for tweens and teens to have fun discovering who they are, what matters most to them, and how to practice self-care and self-regulation. Here’s more about the science behind self-discovery:

1. Tweens and teens are wired for self-discovery.

Beginning at puberty, tweens get a big boost in neuroplasticity, and plasticity means potential. Research shows that brain processing and memory-forming power peak at age 18. Tweens and teens naturally become more curious, impulsive, sensitive, and self-conscious: qualities that encourage self-reflection and self-awareness. New ideas, people, and experiences are filtered through their emerging sense of self to be integrated or rejected. “It’s important for kids to be challenged and exposed to novelty in order to facilitate healthy development of brain systems that are important for things like self-regulation,” says Lawrence Steinberg, PhD.

2. Risks and mistakes are part of the process.

As curiosity, sensitivity, and attraction to adventure grow in teens, “these developmental aptitudes for discovery also bring elevated risk,” says Dr. Miller. Take a deep breath, parents and caregivers: Mistakes are part of self-discovery. “The way that the adolescent brain responds to the world has a lot to do with the impulsive, irrational, and wrongheaded decisions teens seem to make so frequently,” says Frances Jensen, PhD. Adolescence brings both increased independence and the need for guidance and guardrails. Tools like Lucero help tweens and teens make decisions based on self-awareness and learn from those inevitable mistakes.

3. Self-discovery helps them find their “Why.”

As tweens and teens set out on the adventure of self-discovery, they’re also on a quest for purpose. This is the perfect time to engage about what matters most to them and what motivates their choices. Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan says, “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity… Embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” Remember, though, that pressure to find purpose can backfire by feeling overwhelming to tweens and teens. Keep the emphasis on exploration, not the destination.

4. Self-discovery supports mental health and overall well-being. In the teenage brain, research finds increased communication between the reward-seeking striatum and the memory-storing hippocampus. That means that tweens and teens are more sensitive and impressionable to learning that provides rewarding outcomes. Lucero’s approach to self-care and self-regulation harnesses this science through gamification. When self-discovery is fun and accessible, tweens and teens are more likely to embrace the tools and store them in their long-term memory, thus building a foundation for lifelong well-being.

Want to share the adventure of self-discovery with the tweens and teens in your life? Lucero’s wellness app is a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery with content that’s co-created by licensed therapists and a team of youth collaborators. The Journey feature invites users on a voyage to Mente Island. Along the way, they develop social-emotional learning skills, build self-awareness, and shape their emerging identity every step of the way.

1. Focus on feelings.

Emotional intelligence is shut down when teens learn to pretend their own or other peoples’ feelings don’t matter. Instead, they should be able to feel all of their feelings, talk openly about them, and learn how to navigate their emotional highs and lows. Help your teen develop a rich vocabulary to describe emotions. Ask clarifying questions like, “It sounds like after she said that, you felt angry and maybe a little sad… is that right?” And make sure they know that feelings are never right or wrong. Emotions are information, and all of them are valid.

2. Try on someone else’s shoes.

To develop empathy, teens need to be able to imagine how others feel. Sometimes– especially if they’re angry or hurt –that’s really hard to do. Give your teen low-pressure practice by asking them about how others might feel when their own feelings aren’t as intensely involved: “What do you think your friend was feeling in that situation? Can you imagine why they felt that way?” That helps teens get used to multiple perspectives.

3. Keep a journal.

Journaling can help teens clarify their thoughts and feelings, relieve stress and even brainstorm solutions to problems. Help your teen get started with a simple spiral notebook, a journaling app like Journey, or the self-discovery journal True You. Psychologist Alexandra Solomon suggests creating ground rules to protect teens’ privacy; for example, “Let them know that you will not read it unless you are worried about the risk of serious harm to themselves or someone else, (or) that you will never read it without asking them first.”

4. Practice active listening.

Active listening may be the single most powerful way to show your teen how much you care. And when they know what it feels like to be listened to with your full attention, they’re more likely to stay present and listen to others. Active listening is simple but not easy: Try it by putting down your devices, turning off the TV or car radio, focusing all your attention on what your teen is saying, and waiting a few seconds longer than usual to respond.

5. Take responsibility for your feelings.

Conflict is uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be hurtful. In fact, conflict can lead to closer relationships by helping us understand each others’ perspectives and solve problems together. Teach teens to take responsibility for their own feelings by using “I” statements (“I feel hurt when…”) and calling out behaviors instead of people (“When I’m yelled at I…” instead of “When you yell at me…”)

6. Cultivate curiosity.

Being curious about the lives and perspectives of others helps teens develop empathy. Model friendly curiosity when you’re out in the world with your teen, for example, by chatting with cashiers or catching up with neighbors. Make sure your teen has opportunities to meet and form meaningful connections with people who are different from them. Find ways to nurture IRL relationships and help your teen learn conversation skills so they feel confident talking with others.

What makes these visionary kids so capable? Neuroscience says that teens have a creative edge: brains that are developmentally primed for learning new skills and abilities, making connections, and divergent thinking. Teens are also more inclined than adults to take risks. When it comes to creative problem solving, that’s a very good thing. As a parent, you can play a powerful role in sparking and protecting kids’ creativity. Here’s how you can help them do it.

1. Prioritize passion. Creativity researcher E. Paul Torrence says, “One of the most powerful wellsprings of creative energy, outstanding accomplishment, and self-fulfillment seems to be falling in love with something.” Many highly creative people describe having experienced a moment of discovery that felt like love at first sight: a combination of fascination and the feeling of “this is what I am here to do.” Help your teen find their flow by giving them lots of opportunities to explore and develop their interests.

2. Don’t underestimate curiosity. Many teens have a bunch of interests or jump constantly from one activity to another. Passion fuels creativity, but so does curiosity. Think of your teen as an explorer. It’s not your job to tell them where to go, but you can equip them for the journey and celebrate their discoveries. The more exploring they do, the more likely they are to find their own path to purpose.

3. Ensure unstructured time. Kids today are as over-scheduled as their parents. But creativity researcher Scott Kaufman insists that daydreaming is not a waste of time. He suggests that daydreaming is a kind of “incubator” for creativity and that all of us should allow our minds to wander from time to time. Encourage unstructured time first by making sure your teen knows it\’s ok to be unproductive. Then help them build boundaries to protect against over-scheduling.

4. Let them be weird. Highly creative teens tend to be more individualistic than most, and that can be worrying for some parents. “It’s my job to protect my daughter, and I was afraid she was going to be bullied,” says one mom whose 13-year-old suddenly started wearing anime-inspired outfits and making her own clothes and jewelry. “But she’s completely confident in her choices, so I support her.” As parents, we want to spare our kids from the adolescent awkwardness we remember all too well – but stepping back and letting them experiment will build their creative courage.

5. Help them take creative risks. Whether your teen is cautious or bold, you can help them recognize that taking a risk is a choice and they’re ultimately in charge of their decision. Asking simple questions like, “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” and “What’s the best thing that could happen?” and talking through options helps kids learn to trust themselves in taking that creative leap.

6. Create together. When was the last time you got to do something creative? As always, your teen’s most powerful example is the one you set. Make sure you’re exploring your own curiosities and nurturing your own passions while taking time to create with your teen. We know one family who turned a corner of their garage into an art studio, and now it’s their favorite place to hang out together. Ask your teen what they’re curious about and let them take the lead in figuring out a creative experience to share.

Scott Kaufman says it best: “When we embrace our own messiness–engaging with the world with our own unique imagination and artistry–we give others permission to do the same. We help create a world that is more welcoming of the creative spirit and…make it possible to find a greater connection with ourselves and others in the process.” 

Originally published on Personalexcellence.org.