Lucero’s wellness app is designed to make the journey of self-discovery easy and fun,  because self-discovery creates confidence, maintains mental health, and leads to lifelong well-being. Here are four key ways self-discovery guides tweens and teens towards confidence:

1. Self-discovery strengthens their capacity for self-care.

Learning how to take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally is a big part of tweens and teens becoming independent young adults. Self-care requires figuring out what they need to maintain their own well-being, manage stress, and find balance. As they come to value their uniqueness, adolescents get more skilled at identifying their own needs and understanding how their needs may differ from those of other people. Increased confidence also helps tweens and teens get comfortable meeting their own needs and asking others for support.

2. Self-discovery supports self-regulation.

Lucero’s model draws from the research of Albert Bandura, who found that people learn to change their behavior, in part, through self-reflection. Reflecting on feelings and how they affect behavior begins with naming emotions, a strategy Dan Siegel calls “Name it to tame it.” Neuroimaging research shows that labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala, an area of the brain responsible for processing emotions. As tweens and teens get better at managing their emotions, they learn that they have control of their emotional state, which leads to more confidence.

3. Self-discovery helps them make better decisions.

The prefrontal cortex – responsible for self-control, impulse regulation, and other executive functioning skills – is still developing in teens. At the same time, increased hormones fire up the brain’s pleasure-seeking mesolimbic system. This Dual Systems Model explains why tweens and teens often struggle with making wise decisions. Self-discovery helps them make decisions based on their own beliefs, values, and goals instead of looking to others for answers. Anchored in self-awareness, a confident adolescent is less likely to just “go along with the crowd” or take a risk that jeopardizes their physical or emotional safety. And practice making decisions expands tweens’ and teens’ capacity for responsibility and confidence.

4. Self-discovery leads to a sense of purpose.

“The biggest problem growing up today is not stress, it’s meaninglessness,” says Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist William Damon. “We all need a purpose, but at that formative period of life, when you don’t even know who you are, you really need it.” Damon defines purpose as a goal that’s both “meaningful to the self and consequential to the world beyond the self.” Thus, self-discovery and purpose are intrinsically linked. When tweens and teens have opportunities to explore their curiosities, talents, and passions, they’re more likely to find activities and connections that give them a sense of purpose and build their confidence.

Lucero helps adolescents engage in self-discovery with gamified, bite-sized tools to explore their inner and outer worlds, created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, growing their confidence with each and every step.

About a year later, the Quest Card concept made its way into the design of Lucero’s Spark wheel. Co-created by licensed therapists and a team of youth advisors, Spark generates real-time, personalized suggestions for emotional regulation. Spark inspires self-reflection, but, like the Quest Cards, it can have an even deeper impact when it’s used as a family. Here’s how you can use Spark to create more authentic connection with your loved ones:

1. Sync up with no pressure.

Instead of feeling pressured to carve out extra time for conversation, start small and keep it simple with Spark. Take advantage of moments when you’re already together, like at the dinner table or in the car on the way to school. First select how you’re feeling as a family: Is everybody on the same page, or are you experiencing different emotions? Spin the Spark wheel and take turns answering the questions that pop up. Sharing feelings and self-care strategies gives you insight into each other\’s perspectives and keeps you close, even when life gets busy.

2. Have more meaningful conversations.

Relationships change in adolescence. Tweens and teens are wired to seek autonomy and privacy, but they also crave belonging and understanding. We often hear from youth, parents and caregivers that they want to have more connected conversations, but they don’t know where to start. Spark makes it easy because it’s gamified: Just spin the wheel and answer the questions! It’s designed to elicit more meaningful connections without either of you feeling awkward.

3. Create a bonding ritual.

It’s obvious, I know, but every human experiences emotions, all the time! It’s one of the few things we all have in common, regardless of age, background, or life experience. That makes our everyday emotions one of the most powerful places to bond with others and build empathy. Using Spark together makes checking in with our own and others’ feelings a personal habit and a family ritual. It’s a stealthy but surefire way to build emotional literacy and teach tweens and teens the superpower of empathizing with others.

4. Support each other with self-care.

Research suggests that social support increases our sense of purpose and self-efficacy. In other words, tweens and teens feel good when they know someone cares about them and has their back, and that increases their motivation to take care of themselves. Spark contains over 600 different research-backed emotional regulation activities co-created by certified clinical therapists and our youth advisory team. So each time families spin Spark, they’re gaining new tools to practice self-care together.

Whether used alone or with loved ones, Spark makes a big impact on emotional regulation. According to a 2023 pilot study, 60% of adolescent users reported feeling better after using Spark to address negative emotions. At Lucero, we believe that families can use simple tools like Spark to build closer, more authentic relationships and become each other’s radical support system. By celebrating self-care, building connection, and practicing emotional regulation skills together, you and your tween or teen can spark new healthy habits that lead to lifelong well-being.

Making friends with vulnerability is a lifelong lesson, and it’s never too early to start. Here are our five top tips for helping teens develop this secret strength:

1. Acknowledge that teens are already brave just for being where they are.

Feeling vulnerable is tough at any age, but it\’s extra challenging for teens. Parents sometimes forget that teens are still in the early stages of building their neurological, psychological, and social foundations. All of a sudden, they’re figuring out their identities, navigating more complex relationships, and feeling a wider range of emotions than ever before. All those inner and outer changes mean that adolescence is already a vulnerable time. When parents acknowledge that, the support helps teens feel a bit braver trying new things, making mistakes, and opening up.

2. Teach them that their worth and worthiness are innate. 

A sense of belonging is incredibly important to teens, and that includes feelings of safely belonging with their family, friends, peers, and community. Since vulnerability often brings the possibility of judgment from others, stepping out of their comfort zone in any of these relationships can feel scary. Emphasize to your teen that their worth – and their worthiness to belong – can’t be taken away, no matter what they do, think, or say. If they know what unconditional love and acceptance feels at home, they’re more likely to form healthy relationships with people who embrace their whole selves.

3. Make emotional vulnerability a family value.

All teens can struggle with vulnerability, but studies show that boys have an especially hard time. In a recent survey from Plan International, a third of boys said they think society expects them to hide or suppress their feelings when they feel sad or scared. Another third said society expects them “to be strong, tough, ‘be a man,’ and ‘suck it up.’” Perhaps more alarmingly, 41% of boys said that when they feel angry, they are expected to be aggressive or react violently. Parents play a huge role in modeling and welcoming emotional openness. Helping teens learn to “name and claim” their emotions can teach them that all emotions are valuable, even the uncomfortable ones. Let them know that you appreciate it when they express their feelings, and build trust by sharing your feelings with them, too.

4. Praise and reward teens more for effort than for winning.

Naturally, parents feel a special sweetness when their hardworking teen aces an essay contest or crosses the finish line first. It’s great to celebrate their victories, but a lot of teens’ courage to be vulnerable comes from less triumphant moments. Acknowledge them for working hard, taking risks, making wise choices, being a team player, and helping others, too. Be especially aware of times when they put themselves out there and don’t meet with success, since that’s when they’re likely to feel vulnerable. One dad takes his two daughters out to “celebrate courage” whenever they’ve stretched themselves, whether or not there’s a win involved. See our post on Growth-Mindset Parenting for more ideas.

5. Teach them about the perils of perfectionism.

High-achieving teens often demonstrate perfectionist tendencies, but studies show that perfectionism harms much more than it helps. Dr. Brown’s research found perfectionism to be “correlated with depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis or missed opportunities.” The more teens measure their identity and worth by their achievements, the more they’ll struggle with vulnerability. If you notice your teen holding themselves to an unattainable standard, remind them that they are worth far more than their accomplishments. Help them figure out what goals matter most to them and why they are motivated to work hard. According to Brown, “healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think?”

Vulnerability is all about the soft side of being human. Sometimes that feels like fear or shame, but it can also feel like love, compassion, and courage. Learning to lean into their uncomfortable emotions helps teens make an ally of vulnerability. Then they begin to see themselves as imperfect but whole and deserving of belonging – just like everyone else.

Why Being More Present is Key

Presence is another word for mindfulness: “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” Being more present is a practice made up of small daily habits, like focusing on your breath, taking pauses throughout the day, and reflecting on your thoughts and feelings. Each of these habits helps train the brain to stay focused on what’s happening now, instead of getting lost in past or future worries. Among adults, mindfulness is proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress-related medical conditions like high blood pressure.

Teens need the stress-busting, health-boosting benefits of presence, too. Adolescent stress levels now rival those of adults, and nearly one in three teens will experience an anxiety disorder. Teens also report more difficulty with focus and emotional regulation than other age groups. While the reasons for these struggles are complex and individual, researchers agree they’re due to a unique combination of external stresses – like academic and social pressures – and internal changes that take place as teens’ brains mature. One major factor is that the prefrontal cortex– the part of the brain that’s responsible for reasoning, attention and impulse control– isn’t fully developed until about age 25. \”It\’s not the fault of teenagers that they can\’t concentrate and are easily distracted. It\’s to do with the structure of their brains,” says Dr. Iroise Dumontheil of University College London\’s Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience.

All teens benefit from tools to build daily habits that help them stay calm, focused and grounded. Here are three simple ways you and your teen can practice being more present each day:

1. Focus on your breath.

Mindful breathing is proven to reduce anxiety, improve focus and regulate intense emotions. When your teen is worried, distracted or struggling with difficult emotions, teach them to take a few slow, deep breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations of breathing. This activates the calming effects of the parasympathetic nervous system and connects the mind and body in the present moment.

2. Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk.

Emotions are closely linked to thoughts and self-talk. A thought like “I’m so stupid; I didn’t understand anything in that class,” leads to feelings of shame, anxiety and fear. Reframing teaches teens to notice their negative thoughts and self-talk and switch to a more positive, self-compassionate and empowering perspective: “I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s struggling. I know I can get this. I’ll ask my teacher for help tomorrow.”

3. Use Spark!

Spark is one of our favorite features of the Lucero wellness app. It makes it easy and fun for teens to check in with themselves and learn simple strategies for being more present. They just tap the emotion they’re feeling, spin the wheel and get personalized ideas for self-awareness and self-care. Best of all, teens can use Spark alone or with their Crew (any friends and family who radically support each other) to make practicing presence a part of their daily routine.

1. Build a strong relationship with themselves.

Teens with high self-esteem have more positive relationships, and positive relationships lead to better self-esteem. Self-esteem often takes a hit during adolescence when physical, neurological, psychological and social changes combine with increased stress and responsibility. Healthy habits that boost teens’ connection with themselves include self-reflection, self-care, journaling, positive self-talk, and getting clear about personal values and goals. Encourage your teen to think about what it means to be their own best friend– how do you talk to someone you love and care about? What would you do if that person were having a hard time? Teens who love themselves have a built-in model of a supportive relationship, so they know they deserve a high level of care and respect from others.

2. Ramp up resilience.

Healthy habits help teens build a tool-kit of coping skills to deal with stress and regulate their emotions. Each tool increases their resilience, or the ability to bounce back from and overcome adversity. According to researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown, the five most common factors of resilient people include:

• They are resourceful and have skills to solve problems.
• They are more likely to seek help.
• They believe that they can do something to manage their feelings and cope.
• They have social support.
• They are connected with others.

3. Define their \”Framily.\”

According to the Urban Dictionary, a framily includes “friends or blood relatives to whom we would actually choose to be related, because the relationship is mutually respectful, close, supporting and affectionate.” Defining their framily helps teens reframe their support systems to include all the important relationships that don’t necessarily fit into traditional roles, like their mom’s best friend who’s more like an aunt, or a youth group leader or neighbor who always looks out for them. Take some time with your teen to map out your own framily members and highlight any relationships you want to strengthen. Let those people know that they’re a part of your teen’s tribe, then plan ways that you and your teen can deepen the most important connections.

4. Get serious about radical support.

At Lucero, we define framily as any combination of youth and adults who want to radically support each other. Who are the people your teen can rely on for radical support? Those are the relationships that belong in your teen’s inner circle. Radical support means different things to different people, but some key questions your teen can ask themselves include:

• Can I be my most authentic self around this person? Do they like and love me even when I’m feeling sad, silly, vulnerable, etc.?
• Can I trust this person? Do I know they will respect my boundaries and keep what I say confidential? Are they honest with me?
• Would I feel comfortable asking this person for help or support?
• How does this person handle conflict when it comes up? Can we get along even when we disagree?
• Is our relationship equally important to both of us?

To help your teen learn connection-boosting healthy habits like these, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

Self-care can be physical, like getting enough sleep and moving your body, mental, like practicing gratitude and self-reflection, or emotional, like learning to self-regulate big feelings and strengthening relationships. Psychologists and behavior scientists say the best way to make self-care a habit is to start small: set a goal, find an action that supports it, and practice that action for just a few minutes each day until it becomes a part of your routine. The more practice teens have, the more easily they’ll be able to navigate transitions. Here’s how those healthy habits help:

1. Healthy habits keep teens on track. 

For millennia, explorers searched the skies for the guiding light of Polaris, the North Star, which identified true north. When they spotted the star, they knew if they were drifting off course. Teens in transition need a North Star, too – habits that remind them who they are when they’re at their best. A recent study from the University of Georgia found that teens with healthy habits like regular mealtimes, consistent bedtimes and after-school schedules reported greater self-control and emotional well-being, among other benefits. The study’s authors say that all teens experience dramatic neurological, biological and social changes during adolescence, and healthy habits provide a foundation of stability that makes it easier for them to deal with change.

2. Healthy habits reduce teens’ stress.

Stress is a major risk factor for mental health disorders like anxiety and depression, and teen stress levels are at an all-time high. According to psychologist Matt Bellace, transitions are especially tough for teens because “the teenage brain is generally more anxious than the adult brain… due to the rapid development of the amygdala, a brain structure involved in emotional expression, compared to the slower development of brain areas involved in decision making and reasoning.” Healthy habits like regular exercise, connection with others, and practices to develop emotional resilience are proven to build a buffer against stress. In the University of Georgia study, for example, researchers found that teens with consistent healthy routines had lower levels of the stress hormone epinephrine.

3. Healthy habits help teens reach their goals. 

Transitions are smoother when teens have a goal to work towards. When a challenge or change comes up, teens can ask, “Where do I want to go from here?” and set micro-goals to get closer to their big goal one step at a time. Healthy habits help teens identify the support they need and give it to themselves. A transition like making new friends can seem scary until teens break it down into simple steps like sitting in a new place at lunch, talking to one new person at school, or joining a club or activity that interests them. As those actions become habitual, teens take baby steps toward their goal until they attain it. Even better, they learn how to use the same process to achieve anything they set their minds to.

To help your teen navigate transitions and turn adolescence into an adventure, download Lucero. It’s a gamified wellness app that builds emotional regulation skills and self-care habits in just a few minutes a day. Lucero is the most fun and engaging way for teens to gain healthy habits with bite-sized content co-created by experts and tweens and teens themselves.

You could say that to be confident is to trust yourself. Confidence gives teens faith in their own abilities and a secure sense of self-reliance. It’s the cornerstone quality that helps them navigate the changes of adolescence, make good choices and thrive in a rapidly-changing world.

Why Confidence is Key

Teens who lack confidence miss out on critical growth opportunities because they are less likely to take risks, join in activities and speak up for themselves. They may expect to fail or become overly perfectionistic. They’re also more susceptible to depression, anxiety, substance-use, self-harm and being negatively influenced by peers.

High levels of confidence, in contrast, are proven to protect teens’ mental health. Confident teens are more emotionally resilient, optimistic, persistent and self-compassionate. They have more social support and lower levels of common mental health problems like depression and anxiety. And confident teens are more likely to get the most out of opportunities for growth and self-discovery, like challenging classes and team sports. In short, teens who lack confidence struggle, and teens who have confidence thrive.

The Perfect Storm

Adolescence challenges kids’ confidence in multiple, intersecting ways. In the span of a few years, teens undergo seismic shifts in their bodies, brain chemistry, and emotional and social landscapes. In the midst of all that change, they are tasked with crafting their identities and taking on new levels of independence and responsibility. And because they\’re neurologically wired to seek belonging with peers, the opinions of others suddenly matter much more.

These rapid-fire changes test even the most well-adjusted teens. In a study of 1,300 tween and teen girls, authors Claire Shipman, Katty Kay, and JillEllyn Riley discovered that, between the ages of 8 and 14, confidence levels dropped by 30%. “The change can be baffling to many parents,” they write in The Atlantic. “Their young girls are masters of the universe, full of gutsy fire. But as puberty sets in, their confidence nose-dives, and those same daughters can transform into unrecognizably timid, cautious, risk-averse versions of their former self.”

Why You Need a Proactive Plan

Because of the multiple factors that can damage teens’ confidence, it\’s not enough to leave it up to chance. Teens need a proactive plan to gain tools, strategies and habits that build their confidence and keep it high. Here are three things parents can do to put a solid plan in place:

1. Keep communicating.

Confident teens know their parents and caregivers are on their team, and they feel comfortable communicating about what matters most to them and any challenges they’re going through. It’s natural, though, for teens to become more guarded and private during adolescence. To keep the lines of communication open, stay curious about your teen’s interests. That’s where they feel most confident and, when they know you care about what’s important to them, they’ll see you as an ally in other areas, too.

1. Support them in getting out of their comfort zone.

Taking on a challenge can be scary at any age, but it’s one of the best ways to build confidence. Author Alex Malley says, “Take a risk and take action despite your fear of failure, messing up or embarrassment. If things work out, then you now know you can do more than you think. If things don’t work out, you now know that you can handle more than you think. Either way, you’re better off.” Help your teen explore the world around them and get comfortable taking positive risks. When you know they really want to try something new, be their cheerleader.

1. Build healthy habits.

Teens need daily practice to keep their confidence high. Healthy habits like positive self-talk, mindfulness and self-care are essential tools to protect teens’ confidence and boost their self-awareness. Our gamified wellness app, Lucero, was designed with teen confidence in mind; in fact, it’s a key topic in World 1. It’s a fun, no-pressure way for teens to get daily inspiration and encouragement and build healthy habits.

“Purpose is not just the domain of older adults,” says Anthony L. Burrow of Cornell University. “Purpose is a developmental asset, and the earlier we start to cultivate it, the better off we are.” But while teens are developmentally wired to seek purpose, embracing a purpose-driven mindset takes tools and support. Here are our top five key concepts to help you instill a sense of purpose in your teen:

• Purpose is an intention, not a goal. 

Burrow says purpose is better defined as a long-range intention rather than a goal that can be accomplished. “Wanting to be a father is a goal because it is achievable. But to be a great father is more of an intention than an achievement. On some days, one might come closer to the ideal than others, but it is never a completed task.” Teens who understand their purpose as a journey learn that lots of different paths can lead them there, and even mistakes and failures contribute valuable lessons. This outlook reminds teens that it’s not about what they accomplish; it’s about becoming the kind of person they want to be. Purpose is always a work in progress.

• Purpose is part of their identity. 

The teenage years are the perfect time to set out in search of purpose, says Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan, because “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity. Thus embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” But too much pressure to discover their purpose can backfire by making teens feel like they’re falling short. Parents can help teens see their adolescence as an adventure, with each new experience contributing to their understanding of what makes life most meaningful and who they are becoming along the way.

• Purpose is not just personal. 

Researchers agree that a sense of purpose is most motivating when it includes being of service to others. \”People don\’t worry about the right things,\” says Stanford psychologist William Damon. \”The biggest problem growing up today is not actually stress; it\’s meaninglessness.\” Teens can find meaning by getting involved in causes that matter to them, volunteering, joining clubs, sharing their creative gifts, and lending a hand at home or in the community. These acts serve as an antidote to stress and anxiety by teaching teens how to take action, solve problems, build empathy, and feel gratitude for their own abilities and circumstances. And teens who volunteer often discover lifelong passions that lead them to their purpose.

• Mentors matter. 

Teens benefit by being surrounded by purpose-driven adults. Parents, teachers, community leaders, and others with a strong sense of purpose model what a meaningful life looks like and show teens that there are lots of different ways to achieve and thrive. Parents can help by talking about personal values, making time for their own passions, and starting conversations about what makes life fulfilling and joyful. Talk to your teen about your own path to purpose, including mistakes you made and lessons you learned. And, if your teen has a particular passion, introduce them to adults who share it and can provide mentorship.

• Every moment is an opportunity. 

When teens talk about discovering purpose, some moments stand out. Patrick Cook-Deegan says purpose is often crystalized for young people when they’re traveling abroad, spending extended time in nature, getting involved in a social change project, or establishing a contemplative practice like mindfulness. Parents can ensure that their teens have diverse opportunities to explore and engage with the world, then help them reflect on what they’ve learned about themselves. As researcher Cortland Dahl says, living with purpose “is actually what happens in between these memorable moments. It happens in the countless small steps we take every day. As we see in the lives of the most inspiring figures of human history… every moment is an opportunity.”

This is the first proposal for using screening tools to detect children and adolescents who may have anxiety or depression. If implemented, the screening would be done along with regular physical checkups and trends toward anxiety would also be recorded as the child ages.

One of the tools researchers note that work well in reducing anxiety is more open communication between parents and children. There are simple ways to help your adolescent or teen reduce anxiety that simply involve listening, acknowledging feelings, and talking with your child.

By putting these tips in place on a regular basis your child will feel more inclined to share their feelings and their day-to-day anxieties.

1. Take time each day to encourage your teen or adolescent to tell you about their day. Use questions that can be answered beyond a yes or no. For instance, “What was something good that happened today?” or “What was your favorite part of the day today?”

You can also ask them if they had a difficult day or a sad time at school? Make sure you’re listening with empathy, and they understand they have time to talk freely. These conversations can happen each day without a rigorous schedule, in fact, if you integrate them easily into the day your child will feel more at ease with the conversation. Some parents find that asking these questions on the ride home from school are valuable, or while the child is doing daily chores or dishes or helping with dinnertime. During these conversations focus on hearing what the child is saying and not how you might fix it. Let them share freely, listen, and make sure they know you are there to support them.

2. Help underscore their coping skills and what they are doing to help themselves.

If your child is experiencing or expressing anxiety help them remember to use coping techniques, like deep breathing, or taking a walk to help lessen anxiousness (even on the playground). Talk to them about counting their breaths from 1 to 10, for a small break from the anxiety. Reassure your child or teen that anxiety is common and a normal part of life and using small interventions can help lessen the anxiety. Reflect back to your child the coping skills they are already using and underscore how powerful and kind those are to continue using.

3. Art, Sleep and Exercise

Encouraging your adolescent to explore their anxiety through art is also an optimal way to reduce their anxiety. Doing art with your child at home is also helpful as it can provide another time for ease in communicating about feelings. Music, dance, and exercise are all good methods for relieving anxiety. According to the American Art Therapy Association, artistic expression may decrease anxiety, feelings of anger and depression. This creative process can also enhance cognitive abilities, foster greater self-awareness, and help students regulate their emotions.

More Resources:

https://commons.emich.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1162&context=mcnair – Art Therapy as an as an Intervention and Its Effects on Anxiety and Depression

https://www.psychreg.org/attentive-listening-teens/ – Active Listening Helps Reduce Anxiety in Teens 

Empathy is the ability to identify with and understand the emotions of others. When we see someone in pain, we can imagine their pain in a vivid, personal way, and we feel compassion. Psychologists Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman have identified three types of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate.

• Cognitive empathy is the ability to see another person’s perspective.
• Emotional empathy is the ability to understand another person’s feelings.
• Compassionate empathy is the capacity to both feel the feelings and take action to help, if needed.

Each of these types of empathy is foundational to teens’ self-control, problem-solving skills, and overall social and emotional well-being.

Researchers once believed that cognitive and emotional empathy formed in childhood. More recent research, however, confirms that empathy skills are still developing during the teen years. Cognitive empathy begins rising in girls at about age 13, but boys don’t demonstrate an increase until around age 15. Boys also undergo a temporary drop in emotional empathy between the ages of 13 and 16. And regardless of gender, all teens are doing the hard work of individuation – developing a distinct, individual identity – which can temporarily lead to more self-focused attitudes and behavior. In short, teens are still figuring empathy out, and are bound to make a few mistakes.

When dealing with teenage turbulence, parents can encourage empathy with strategies that both accept kids where they are and help them establish healthy perspectives. Here are five of our favorite empathy amplifiers:

Talk about feelings. It sounds simple, but just reminding teens that feelings matter can help them develop greater empathy. This means talking about their feelings, your feelings, and the feelings of others. Personal experiences as well as current events offer plenty of opportunities for perspective-taking. Ask teens what they notice about others’ body language, tone of voice, and behavior. This encourages them to consider the feelings of others and develop a rich emotional vocabulary.

Describe different points of view. Ask your teen what they think other people are feeling in different situations. It helps to start the conversation when they’re observers rather than participants so they’re less emotionally involved; this builds their capacity to understand another’s perspective when they’re in the middle of a conflict.

Identify unmet needs. Most negative behavior, including bullying, is an attempt to get needs met. When teens understand different points of view, they can take a step back and ask themselves, “if this person is behaving in this way, what needs are they trying to meet?” In time, teens can become more adept at understanding their own needs and expressing them in words rather than acting out.

Model connection and compassion. As always, teens are paying attention to the example set by their parents. Simple gestures, like putting away your phone when having a conversation, asking genuinely curious questions when talking to your teen’s friends, lending a hand in your community, and doing random acts of kindness say a lot about the importance of empathy.

Volunteer together. Family volunteering has many benefits, one of which is helping teens develop empathy. Volunteering is an opportunity for teens to experience differences in perspectives and life experience, as well as to find common ground and become part of a team. It also introduces them to the empowering, heartwarming emotions we experience when helping others.

When confronted with teenage moodiness, eye-rolling, or door-slamming, parents sometimes just have to take a deep breath and remember it’s all a part of normal neurological development. With a little patience and the above empathy-building strategies, we can steer teens towards kindness and compassion and trust that they will continue to grow in their ability to express and extend empathy. 

Originally published at Personalexcellence.org.