Lucero’s wellness app is designed to make the journey of self-discovery easy and fun,  because self-discovery creates confidence, maintains mental health, and leads to lifelong well-being. Here are four key ways self-discovery guides tweens and teens towards confidence:

1. Self-discovery strengthens their capacity for self-care.

Learning how to take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally is a big part of tweens and teens becoming independent young adults. Self-care requires figuring out what they need to maintain their own well-being, manage stress, and find balance. As they come to value their uniqueness, adolescents get more skilled at identifying their own needs and understanding how their needs may differ from those of other people. Increased confidence also helps tweens and teens get comfortable meeting their own needs and asking others for support.

2. Self-discovery supports self-regulation.

Lucero’s model draws from the research of Albert Bandura, who found that people learn to change their behavior, in part, through self-reflection. Reflecting on feelings and how they affect behavior begins with naming emotions, a strategy Dan Siegel calls “Name it to tame it.” Neuroimaging research shows that labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala, an area of the brain responsible for processing emotions. As tweens and teens get better at managing their emotions, they learn that they have control of their emotional state, which leads to more confidence.

3. Self-discovery helps them make better decisions.

The prefrontal cortex– responsible for self-control, impulse regulation, and other executive functioning skills– is still developing in teens. At the same time, increased hormones fire up the brain’s pleasure-seeking mesolimbic system. This Dual Systems Model explains why tweens and teens often struggle with making wise decisions. Self-discovery helps them make decisions based on their own beliefs, values, and goals instead of looking to others for answers. Anchored in self-awareness, a confident adolescent is less likely to just “go along with the crowd” or take a risk that jeopardizes their physical or emotional safety. And practice making decisions expands tweens’ and teens’ capacity for responsibility and confidence.

4. Self-discovery leads to a sense of purpose.

“The biggest problem growing up today is not stress, it’s meaninglessness,” says Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist William Damon. “We all need a purpose, but at that formative period of life, when you don’t even know who you are, you really need it.” Damon defines purpose as a goal that’s both “meaningful to the self and consequential to the world beyond the self.” Thus, self-discovery and purpose are intrinsically linked. When tweens and teens have opportunities to explore their curiosities, talents, and passions, they’re more likely to find activities and connections that give them a sense of purpose and build their confidence.

Lucero helps adolescents engage in self-discovery with gamified, bite-sized tools to explore their inner and outer worlds, created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, growing their confidence with each and every step.

Lucero’s wellness app is designed to make the journey of self-discovery easy and fun,  because self-discovery creates confidence, maintains mental health, and leads to lifelong well-being. Here are four key ways self-discovery guides tweens and teens towards confidence:

1. Self-discovery strengthens their capacity for self-care.

Learning how to take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally is a big part of tweens and teens becoming independent young adults. Self-care requires figuring out what they need to maintain their own well-being, manage stress, and find balance. As they come to value their uniqueness, adolescents get more skilled at identifying their own needs and understanding how their needs may differ from those of other people. Increased confidence also helps tweens and teens get comfortable meeting their own needs and asking others for support.

2. Self-discovery supports self-regulation.

Lucero’s model draws from the research of Albert Bandura, who found that people learn to change their behavior, in part, through self-reflection. Reflecting on feelings and how they affect behavior begins with naming emotions, a strategy Dan Siegel calls “Name it to tame it.” Neuroimaging research shows that labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala, an area of the brain responsible for processing emotions. As tweens and teens get better at managing their emotions, they learn that they have control of their emotional state, which leads to more confidence.

3. Self-discovery helps them make better decisions.

The prefrontal cortex – responsible for self-control, impulse regulation, and other executive functioning skills – is still developing in teens. At the same time, increased hormones fire up the brain’s pleasure-seeking mesolimbic system. This Dual Systems Model explains why tweens and teens often struggle with making wise decisions. Self-discovery helps them make decisions based on their own beliefs, values, and goals instead of looking to others for answers. Anchored in self-awareness, a confident adolescent is less likely to just “go along with the crowd” or take a risk that jeopardizes their physical or emotional safety. And practice making decisions expands tweens’ and teens’ capacity for responsibility and confidence.

4. Self-discovery leads to a sense of purpose.

“The biggest problem growing up today is not stress, it’s meaninglessness,” says Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist William Damon. “We all need a purpose, but at that formative period of life, when you don’t even know who you are, you really need it.” Damon defines purpose as a goal that’s both “meaningful to the self and consequential to the world beyond the self.” Thus, self-discovery and purpose are intrinsically linked. When tweens and teens have opportunities to explore their curiosities, talents, and passions, they’re more likely to find activities and connections that give them a sense of purpose and build their confidence.

Lucero helps adolescents engage in self-discovery with gamified, bite-sized tools to explore their inner and outer worlds, created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, growing their confidence with each and every step.

You also probably know that we’re big on self-discovery. That’s because developmental psychologists say that establishing a unique, individual identity is what adolescence is all about. Research shows that a strong sense of self benefits tweens and teens by:

• increasing self-awareness and self-confidence
• building self-regulation skills
• guiding them to make healthier choices
• protecting their mental health, and
• helping them grow into resilient adults.

Emphasizing self-discovery during adolescence should be a given, right? But here’s what we’ve learned from talking with tweens and teens: When asked to define self-discovery, they either don’t have an answer or they equate it with determining sexuality and gender identity. While that is certainly an important part of self-discovery, there is so much more that makes you… well, YOU! We need to do a better job of teaching young people how to explore their unique skills, values, and strengths, and how to use those qualities to build a happy, healthy life. That’s where Lucero comes in.

Lucero’s Journey feature gamifies the inner work of self-discovery to make it fun and engaging. Based on personality traits, users create an Avatar who grows and transforms with them. They advance on their voyage by answering questions crafted to build self-awareness and provide individualized emotional regulation skills. Prompts might, for example, help them discover healthy habits to deal with stress or other difficult emotions. New insights and tools are added to each user’s personal Log for easy, anytime access.

Here are three ways Lucero’s playful, bite-sized approach to self-discovery supports the development of a strong sense of self:

1. Tweens and teens learn to look inside for answers.

Adolescents are growing up in a world of constant comparison and pressure to look to others for answers. Whether scrolling on Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat or going down YouTube rabbit holes, they’re bombarded with external opinions and judgments. One therapist who advises Lucero says, “When asked questions, they often route it to what other people say, think or do. It is very challenging to turn that question around for youth to really reflect on their own opinions about various topics.” Lucero encourages users to explore their own values, quirks, and strengths, and boosts their confidence to just be themselves.

2. Lucero models the importance of self-care.

Self-discovery isn’t just about learning what makes you special; it’s also about learning how to take good care of yourself. Each of Lucero’s features is designed to give tweens and teens practical, developmentally-appropriate tools and practices to care for their minds, bodies, and hearts. Users learn how to identify, name and regulate their emotions, develop healthy habits that are proven to protect mental health, and reach out for support from others. Strengthening emotional regulation skills teaches them that they can control their emotional state, which builds self-efficacy.

3. Lucero embeds the journey of self-discovery in the support of real-life relationships.

One critical piece of a youth’s self-discovery journey is finding a sense of belonging with others. Researchers tell us that acceptance, inclusion, and feeling valued by others helps strengthen an adolescent’s identity and self-confidence. That’s why Lucero makes real-life relationships part of the self-discovery equation. Tweens and teens can invite any combination of friends and family members to join their Crew. Crew members share insights, offer support, and help each other reach their goals. By strengthening tweens’ and teens’ relationship with themselves and with others, Lucero helps them discover and grow into the healthiest, happiest version of themselves.

About a year later, the Quest Card concept made its way into the design of Lucero’s Spark wheel. Co-created by licensed therapists and a team of youth advisors, Spark generates real-time, personalized suggestions for emotional regulation. Spark inspires self-reflection, but, like the Quest Cards, it can have an even deeper impact when it’s used as a family. Here’s how you can use Spark to create more authentic connection with your loved ones:

1. Sync up with no pressure.

Instead of feeling pressured to carve out extra time for conversation, start small and keep it simple with Spark. Take advantage of moments when you’re already together, like at the dinner table or in the car on the way to school. First select how you’re feeling as a family: Is everybody on the same page, or are you experiencing different emotions? Spin the Spark wheel and take turns answering the questions that pop up. Sharing feelings and self-care strategies gives you insight into each other\’s perspectives and keeps you close, even when life gets busy.

2. Have more meaningful conversations.

Relationships change in adolescence. Tweens and teens are wired to seek autonomy and privacy, but they also crave belonging and understanding. We often hear from youth, parents and caregivers that they want to have more connected conversations, but they don’t know where to start. Spark makes it easy because it’s gamified: Just spin the wheel and answer the questions! It’s designed to elicit more meaningful connections without either of you feeling awkward.

3. Create a bonding ritual.

It’s obvious, I know, but every human experiences emotions, all the time! It’s one of the few things we all have in common, regardless of age, background, or life experience. That makes our everyday emotions one of the most powerful places to bond with others and build empathy. Using Spark together makes checking in with our own and others’ feelings a personal habit and a family ritual. It’s a stealthy but surefire way to build emotional literacy and teach tweens and teens the superpower of empathizing with others.

4. Support each other with self-care.

Research suggests that social support increases our sense of purpose and self-efficacy. In other words, tweens and teens feel good when they know someone cares about them and has their back, and that increases their motivation to take care of themselves. Spark contains over 600 different research-backed emotional regulation activities co-created by certified clinical therapists and our youth advisory team. So each time families spin Spark, they’re gaining new tools to practice self-care together.

Whether used alone or with loved ones, Spark makes a big impact on emotional regulation. According to a 2023 pilot study, 60% of adolescent users reported feeling better after using Spark to address negative emotions. At Lucero, we believe that families can use simple tools like Spark to build closer, more authentic relationships and become each other’s radical support system. By celebrating self-care, building connection, and practicing emotional regulation skills together, you and your tween or teen can spark new healthy habits that lead to lifelong well-being.

1. Foster a spirit of adventure.

Self-discovery is a creative process, and, like all creative work, it can be messy. Tweens and teens experiment by trying on identities, interests, and groups until they figure out what fits. They may proclaim that they’re passionate about something today and hate it tomorrow: One mom we know bought her 13-year-old a ukulele that she’d begged for for months, only to find it two weeks later under a pile of laundry. If you have a tween or teen in your life, you’re probably not surprised. Just remember that new experiences are how adolescents gather information about themselves and the world. When the adults who love them celebrate exploration as part of the adventure of growing up, tweens and teens feel safe expressing themselves.

2. Dial down the pressure.

Adolescents today face unprecedented pressure, according to a 2021 report by the U.S. Surgeon General, and it’s a contributing factor in skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety and self-harm. Parents and caregivers should know that self-discovery can’t be rushed. Tweens and teens need time to master different developmental milestones, and everyone matures at their own pace. Keep the focus on providing opportunities balanced by safety and clear expectations, and ensuring that they have plenty of freedom to explore within age-appropriate limits.

3. Keep brain development in mind.

Tweens and teens are neurologically wired to take risks and seek out novel experiences, and they’re still learning critical self-regulation skills. Adolescence lasts until the mid-twenties when the prefrontal cortex reaches maturity, according to Sarah Jayne Blakemore, PhD. That part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, planning, prioritizing, and impulse control. Lucero’s approach is to gamify the journey of self-discovery and integrate self-regulation skills at every step. It keeps self-discovery fun and engaging, while making it easy to build lasting healthy habits for self-care.

4. Encourage them to ask questions and be curious.

We live in a world where opinions are often presented as facts, especially on social media. Tweens and teens are especially vulnerable to such influences because their identities are shaped as they process new information, experiences, feelings and beliefs. Relationships with friends and family help them stay grounded and make sense of all the incoming information. Encourage self-reflection by inviting them to ask questions and be curious, talking with them about their feelings and thoughts, and sharing reflective practices like journaling and mindfulness.

5. Make it safe to say “no.”

One often-neglected aspect of self-discovery is the skill of setting boundaries. “Personal boundaries are important because you set basic guidelines of how you want to be treated,” says Dr. Tracy Hutchinson. “It is your job to teach (others) about your boundaries for your own mental health and wellness.” Parents and caregivers can help tweens and teens get comfortable saying “no” and protecting their developing sense of self. As adolescents explore the world, knowing that they’re in charge of their boundaries helps them advocate for themselves with confidence.

Want more self-discovery support for your tween or teen? Lucero helps adolescents  build a strong sense of self with fun, engaging tools to explore their inner and outer worlds. All our content is created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, all while strengthening their network of real-life relationships.

1. Be on the lookout for symptoms.

Teens are not always up front about feeling stressed, and sometimes they don’t recognize the symptoms in themselves. Parents can keep an eye out for any changes in teens’ behavior that might signal stress. Common signs include getting angry or upset more quickly, expressing worry or negative thoughts, difficulty concentrating, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and complaints about headaches, stomachaches, or other physical symptoms. Knowing the symptoms can help you identify stress and tend to them before they escalate.

2. Encourage them to talk it out. 

Like adults, teens sometimes ignore their stress and hope it will just go away, but stress has a way of intensifying when we keep it inside. Whether they talk to a parent, friend, or therapist, just sharing what’s on their minds can help teens feel better and more in control. Before the school year starts, investigate potential sources of stress with no-pressure questions like, “What are you most excited about this year?” and “What are you least excited about?” A few weeks after the start date, check in again to see how they’re acclimating and offer your support.

3. Clear physical and mental clutter.

A new school year can be a fresh start, so it’s a great time for your teen to get rid of anything they no longer need. And, as author Eleanor Brownn says, “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships, and bad habits. Clutter is anything that doesn’t support your better self.” Make the end of summer a time for the whole family to do a little conscious clutter clearing. For the physical stuff, give teens three boxes labeled Donate, Storage, and Trash/Recycle and ask them to assess what they’ve outgrown. For the rest of it, brainstorm any attitudes or habits you and your teen can let go of to support a stress-free school year.

4. Set intentions.

Setting intentions keeps teens focused on the positive and can help them feel proactive and empowered. Take some time to talk about their hopes and goals for the year ahead and how you can support them. Include goals for specific achievements (like “make the honor roll” or “try out for the dance team”) and how they want to think, feel, and act (like “stay open to new experiences” or “be kind to myself and others every day”). Setting intentions can be as simple as writing down a few powerful statements to post by the mirror, or as elaborate as crafting a vision board. Consider setting intentions together so you can champion each other’s progress and celebrate successes.

5. Get organized.

Teens with consistent schedules report higher levels of self-control and emotional well-being, according to a study by the University of Georgia. Before the school year starts, talk to your teen about what they think will help them stay organized and keep stress in check. Work together to create routines for getting ready for school, mealtimes, study-time, and bedtime. And set up your family’s shared calendar with a few dates for fun and relaxation in addition to their academic and extracurricular activities. Having something to look forward to can take teens’ minds off their worries and remind them that it’s also important to play.

6. Seek specific stress solutions.

Every teen deals with stress a little differently, and you can help them find the right recipe. Most likely, your teen needs a mix of mindfulness, relaxation, good sleep and food habits, unprogrammed time, exercise, nature, and social interaction. But to target specific kinds of stress, look to stress-soothing tools. Meditation and mindfulness apps and fun fidgets help teens calm anxiety. Teens who struggle with sleep could try a weighted blanket or listening to sleep stories on one of the apps shared above. And if your teen needs help getting organized, try a 5-star planner like the Class Tracker. Each of these solutions supports teens in developing healthy habits to manage stress and make the most of the year ahead.

To stay connected to themselves and others, tweens and teens need healthy habits that build self-awareness, authenticity and empathy. Lucero makes these habits easy with a gamified, bite-sized approach and radical support for tweens, teens and the adults who care for them. Here’s how we do it:

1. Lucero supports self-awareness. Tweens’ and teens’ self-concept is rooted in the strength of their relationships with others. Positive relationships give them self-confidence, and self-confidence boosts their capacity to connect with others. In other words, to connect with others, teens need to connect with themselves, too. Here are a few of the ways Lucero supports self-awareness:

• Lucero takes tweens and teens on an adventure of self-discovery that renews with new challenges each day. As they make their way through Journey, teens learn emotional literacy, explore self-regulation, and build self-confidence. And every discovery is logged, so teens can reflect on how they have grown.
• Lucero checks in with teens’ moods, then provides a toolkit of over 600 self-care habits for every emotion. Each time they spin the wheel in Spark, they take care of their minds, bodies and hearts.

2. Lucero makes authenticity accessible. To feel good about themselves, teens need to know that their whole self is accepted, including all their quirks, challenges, and imperfections. Here’s how Lucero makes authenticity accessible:

• Teens get a daily dose of self-celebration in Sanctuary. It’s a place where they can express themselves by evolving their Avatars, tracking their progress and earning Badges.
• Teens can choose personal quests like “Be kinder to myself” in Missions. They complete their mission with fun, personalized support that’s all about developing healthy habits and achieving goals one step at a time.
• Teens can share their self-discovery with up to seven “framily” members who make up their Crew… that’s anyone who radically supports them in being the most authentic version of themselves!

3. Lucero evolves empathy. The teen years are prime time for developing empathy. Studies show that adolescents score significantly lower than adults in measurements of both cognitive and affective empathy. That’s because the teenage brain is still developing, and empathy is a learned skill. Here’s how Lucero evolves empathy:

• Friends and family members can join teens on their self-care journey to cheer each other on and support each other. Staying connected to their Crew reminds teens that they’re part of a network of care.
• Lucero encourages teens to share what they discover about themselves with their Crew. That sparks curiosity and conversations, helps them see things from other perspectives and deepens their concern for others.

4. Lucero checks in consistently. Lucero is backed by leading-edge research that says the key to developing healthy habits like connection is keeping it simple and providing repetition and reward. To keep teens connected, Lucero checks in consistently with ways to share, reach out to others, and strengthen their support system. Every activity is co-created by youth and backed by licensed therapists. It’s fun, engaging, and consistent, helping tweens, teens and their caregivers cultivate connections that protect their mental health and lead to lifelong well-being.

1. What is your professional background?

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Registered Play Therapist, National Certified Counselor, and Institute of Play Therapy Certified Sandtray Therapist. I received my master’s degree in counseling from the University of North Texas through their nationally known play therapy program and my bachelor’s degree in child development. I currently serve as a senior therapist and DEI coordinator at Ensemble Therapy, where I work with children and adolescents. I specialize in working with children with developmental disabilities, grief and loss, and emotional, relational, and behavior concerns.

2. What is your role with Lucero?

I support content creation and review, specifically for the Spark and Missions app features.

3. What led you to become a youth-focused therapist?

I have always enjoyed working with youth. I believe that if youth feel heard and seen, it can provide lasting positive impacts on how they view and accept themselves. 

4. What’s one area of expertise or a passion that you are excited to share with others?

I’m very passionate about my work as a play therapist. Play therapy uses the therapeutic powers of play to support children in making sense of their experiences and providing a safe space to grow, develop coping strategies, learn to navigate challenges, increase confidence, and so so much more. Play truly heals!

5. Do you have an avatar in the Lucero app? If so, describe it and how it reflects your personality.

My avatar is a turtle, which represents being hard-working, steady and careful. This is true to my personality, as I value hard work and view myself as loyal and consistent in my relationships and my passions.

6. What about your personal life and interests? What makes you unique?

I take time to really get to know people. I love asking questions and hearing people\’s stories. I’m usually the one in my family and group of friends to know the random stories or facts about others that most people don’t know about.

7. What’s one thing that people are surprised to learn about you?

I spent time living in Romania in a small village. It was such an amazing experience immersing into the culture, building relationships, and supporting youth. 

8. What’s one of your favorite emotional regulation techniques?

I love doing the five senses technique. It helps me focus on the present and silence any other worries or stressors so that I can feel more grounded. 

Here’s how to do it:

• 5 (sight): Look around you. What do you see? Say five things out loud.
• 4 (touch): Feel your body and what’s around you and say four things you can feel (like your hair or clothes, the breeze on your skin, etc.)
• 3 (listen): What do you hear? Listen and say three things out loud.
• 2 (smell): Breathe in through your nose. What are two things you can smell? If you can’t smell anything, say two of your favorite smells.
• 1 (taste): Name one thing you can taste, like your toothpaste. If you can’t taste anything, say one of your favorite tastes.
• Take a deep breath and notice if you feel more calm.

9. If you could take a cross-country road trip with any three people, who would you choose and why?

My partner, my son, and my grandmother. When I’m with them my cup always feels full, adventures are abundant, and smiles never cease.

10. If you could share one important message with every tween and teen, what would it be?

You are not alone. You are seen and you are loved. I know from personal experience that sometimes things feel really challenging, but it does get better. Reach out for help if you need it.

Why Being More Present is Key

Presence is another word for mindfulness: “the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.” Being more present is a practice made up of small daily habits, like focusing on your breath, taking pauses throughout the day, and reflecting on your thoughts and feelings. Each of these habits helps train the brain to stay focused on what’s happening now, instead of getting lost in past or future worries. Among adults, mindfulness is proven to reduce symptoms of anxiety, depression, and stress-related medical conditions like high blood pressure.

Teens need the stress-busting, health-boosting benefits of presence, too. Adolescent stress levels now rival those of adults, and nearly one in three teens will experience an anxiety disorder. Teens also report more difficulty with focus and emotional regulation than other age groups. While the reasons for these struggles are complex and individual, researchers agree they’re due to a unique combination of external stresses – like academic and social pressures – and internal changes that take place as teens’ brains mature. One major factor is that the prefrontal cortex– the part of the brain that’s responsible for reasoning, attention and impulse control– isn’t fully developed until about age 25. \”It\’s not the fault of teenagers that they can\’t concentrate and are easily distracted. It\’s to do with the structure of their brains,” says Dr. Iroise Dumontheil of University College London\’s Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience.

All teens benefit from tools to build daily habits that help them stay calm, focused and grounded. Here are three simple ways you and your teen can practice being more present each day:

1. Focus on your breath.

Mindful breathing is proven to reduce anxiety, improve focus and regulate intense emotions. When your teen is worried, distracted or struggling with difficult emotions, teach them to take a few slow, deep breaths and pay attention to the physical sensations of breathing. This activates the calming effects of the parasympathetic nervous system and connects the mind and body in the present moment.

2. Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk.

Emotions are closely linked to thoughts and self-talk. A thought like “I’m so stupid; I didn’t understand anything in that class,” leads to feelings of shame, anxiety and fear. Reframing teaches teens to notice their negative thoughts and self-talk and switch to a more positive, self-compassionate and empowering perspective: “I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s struggling. I know I can get this. I’ll ask my teacher for help tomorrow.”

3. Use Spark!

Spark is one of our favorite features of the Lucero wellness app. It makes it easy and fun for teens to check in with themselves and learn simple strategies for being more present. They just tap the emotion they’re feeling, spin the wheel and get personalized ideas for self-awareness and self-care. Best of all, teens can use Spark alone or with their Crew (any friends and family who radically support each other) to make practicing presence a part of their daily routine.

1. Encourage extracurriculars. 

Extracurricular activities are the perfect place for teens to make friends because the structure they provide can strengthen friendships. It’s easier, for example, for shy teens to start conversations with others who have similar interests and schedules. Working towards shared goals helps teens bond and learn to support each other. Extracurricular activities also include built-in support from parents, coaches, or teachers– helpful for things like dealing with conflict. And friends who are passionate about the same things are more likely to motivate your teen to do their best. In short, when your teen finds their niche, they’re also likely to grow great friendships.

2. Advocate for authenticity.

Authenticity means being true to your own identity and values: not always easy when teens are still figuring that stuff out for themselves. But parents can remind teens the importance of being their whole selves and the difference between fitting in and belonging. According to researcher Dr. Brené Brown, “Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.” Teach your teen to do a gut-check whenever they’re uncertain: “Do I feel safe being my whole self around this person? Is there any part of me that’s not welcome or supported?” Encourage your teen to reserve their inner circle for friends who have earned their trust and with whom they can be authentic.

3. Teach them how to handle conflict.

Because friendships form such an important part of their identity, conflict feels like a major crisis when teens aren’t prepared to deal with it. But when relationships are strong, conflict can actually make them even better. Nothing builds trust and helps us understand each other like resolving a disagreement. First, equip your teen to feel, talk about, and take responsibility for their own emotions. Share tools like mindful breathing for self-care and self-regulation. And when conflict comes up at home, practice basic skills like active listening, using “I” statements, and offering honest apologies. This helps teens manage the stress of conflict and feel empowered to deal with it in a proactive way.

4. Prioritize positivity.

Sometimes teens pick friends who cause concern. Maybe they behave disrespectfully, use language you’re not comfortable with, or just seem a little too mature for your teen. In cases like these, immediately forbidding a friendship will probably cause your teen to respond with anger and resistance. Instead, stay engaged by asking questions, like what they admire about that person and what they enjoy doing together. Invite their friends to join in family gatherings, and get to know them by asking genuinely curious questions. Often, teens who are a little rough around the edges just aren’t used to interacting with a caring adult. Your presence might be enough to bring out the best in them. And if there’s a real reason for concern, you’ll see it sooner.

5. Support their style of socializing.

Some teens are social butterflies; others prefer quiet hangouts with their best friend or a small group. Some sign up for every after-school activity, others find their tribe in online communities. Just remember that teen friendship is about quality, not quantity. Researchers say having just one or two close friendships can be as good or better than having a large group of friends And while online friendships are fine, teens do need IRL relationships to develop social skills. Whatever their socializing style, make sure your teen knows their friendships matter to you. Let them know you’re happy to host, drive, or help plan things they think would be fun. Get to know their friends and what matters most to them. Give them opportunities to make their own choices while knowing you always have their back.