Purpose – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com A wellness app for you and your crew Mon, 10 Mar 2025 21:25:01 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://lucerospeaks.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/cropped-favicon-32x32.png Purpose – Lucero Speaks https://lucerospeaks.com 32 32 218056427 Building Confidence Through Self-Discovery https://lucerospeaks.com/building-confidence-through-self-discovery-2/ Thu, 24 Aug 2023 16:31:48 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/building-confidence-through-self-discovery-2/ Where does self-confidence come from? According to researchers, confidence is built from both external elements, like a positive family environment, and internal elements, like a strong sense of self. To develop a strong sense of self, tweens and teens need opportunities for self-discovery: learning about their unique character, beliefs, abilities, and feelings. By exploring themselves, tweens and teens craft and refine the core elements of their identities. “Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and identity formation,” says Tanya Stephenson, PhD. “Building a powerful self-identity is essential for adolescents to establish a strong foundation for personal and social growth, which is in turn crucial for success and wellbeing.”

Lucero’s wellness app is designed to make the journey of self-discovery easy and fun,  because self-discovery creates confidence, maintains mental health, and leads to lifelong well-being. Here are four key ways self-discovery guides tweens and teens towards confidence:

1. Self-discovery strengthens their capacity for self-care.

Learning how to take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally is a big part of tweens and teens becoming independent young adults. Self-care requires figuring out what they need to maintain their own well-being, manage stress, and find balance. As they come to value their uniqueness, adolescents get more skilled at identifying their own needs and understanding how their needs may differ from those of other people. Increased confidence also helps tweens and teens get comfortable meeting their own needs and asking others for support.

2. Self-discovery supports self-regulation.

Lucero’s model draws from the research of Albert Bandura, who found that people learn to change their behavior, in part, through self-reflection. Reflecting on feelings and how they affect behavior begins with naming emotions, a strategy Dan Siegel calls “Name it to tame it.” Neuroimaging research shows that labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala, an area of the brain responsible for processing emotions. As tweens and teens get better at managing their emotions, they learn that they have control of their emotional state, which leads to more confidence.

3. Self-discovery helps them make better decisions.

The prefrontal cortex– responsible for self-control, impulse regulation, and other executive functioning skills– is still developing in teens. At the same time, increased hormones fire up the brain’s pleasure-seeking mesolimbic system. This Dual Systems Model explains why tweens and teens often struggle with making wise decisions. Self-discovery helps them make decisions based on their own beliefs, values, and goals instead of looking to others for answers. Anchored in self-awareness, a confident adolescent is less likely to just “go along with the crowd” or take a risk that jeopardizes their physical or emotional safety. And practice making decisions expands tweens’ and teens’ capacity for responsibility and confidence.

4. Self-discovery leads to a sense of purpose.

“The biggest problem growing up today is not stress, it’s meaninglessness,” says Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist William Damon. “We all need a purpose, but at that formative period of life, when you don’t even know who you are, you really need it.” Damon defines purpose as a goal that’s both “meaningful to the self and consequential to the world beyond the self.” Thus, self-discovery and purpose are intrinsically linked. When tweens and teens have opportunities to explore their curiosities, talents, and passions, they’re more likely to find activities and connections that give them a sense of purpose and build their confidence.

Lucero helps adolescents engage in self-discovery with gamified, bite-sized tools to explore their inner and outer worlds, created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, growing their confidence with each and every step.

]]> 5446 Building Confidence Through Self-Discovery https://lucerospeaks.com/building-confidence-through-self-discovery/ Tue, 15 Aug 2023 23:25:14 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/building-confidence-through-self-discovery/ Where does self-confidence come from? According to researchers, confidence is built from both external elements, like a positive family environment, and internal elements, like a strong sense of self. To develop a strong sense of self, tweens and teens need opportunities for self-discovery: learning about their unique character, beliefs, abilities, and feelings. By exploring themselves, tweens and teens craft and refine the core elements of their identities. “Adolescence is a time of self-discovery and identity formation,” says Tanya Stephenson, PhD. “Building a powerful self-identity is essential for adolescents to establish a strong foundation for personal and social growth, which is in turn crucial for success and wellbeing.”

Lucero’s wellness app is designed to make the journey of self-discovery easy and fun,  because self-discovery creates confidence, maintains mental health, and leads to lifelong well-being. Here are four key ways self-discovery guides tweens and teens towards confidence:

1. Self-discovery strengthens their capacity for self-care.

Learning how to take care of themselves mentally, physically and emotionally is a big part of tweens and teens becoming independent young adults. Self-care requires figuring out what they need to maintain their own well-being, manage stress, and find balance. As they come to value their uniqueness, adolescents get more skilled at identifying their own needs and understanding how their needs may differ from those of other people. Increased confidence also helps tweens and teens get comfortable meeting their own needs and asking others for support.

2. Self-discovery supports self-regulation.

Lucero’s model draws from the research of Albert Bandura, who found that people learn to change their behavior, in part, through self-reflection. Reflecting on feelings and how they affect behavior begins with naming emotions, a strategy Dan Siegel calls “Name it to tame it.” Neuroimaging research shows that labeling an emotion reduces activity in the amygdala, an area of the brain responsible for processing emotions. As tweens and teens get better at managing their emotions, they learn that they have control of their emotional state, which leads to more confidence.

3. Self-discovery helps them make better decisions.

The prefrontal cortex – responsible for self-control, impulse regulation, and other executive functioning skills – is still developing in teens. At the same time, increased hormones fire up the brain’s pleasure-seeking mesolimbic system. This Dual Systems Model explains why tweens and teens often struggle with making wise decisions. Self-discovery helps them make decisions based on their own beliefs, values, and goals instead of looking to others for answers. Anchored in self-awareness, a confident adolescent is less likely to just “go along with the crowd” or take a risk that jeopardizes their physical or emotional safety. And practice making decisions expands tweens’ and teens’ capacity for responsibility and confidence.

4. Self-discovery leads to a sense of purpose.

“The biggest problem growing up today is not stress, it’s meaninglessness,” says Stanford School of Education professor and psychologist William Damon. “We all need a purpose, but at that formative period of life, when you don’t even know who you are, you really need it.” Damon defines purpose as a goal that’s both “meaningful to the self and consequential to the world beyond the self.” Thus, self-discovery and purpose are intrinsically linked. When tweens and teens have opportunities to explore their curiosities, talents, and passions, they’re more likely to find activities and connections that give them a sense of purpose and build their confidence.

Lucero helps adolescents engage in self-discovery with gamified, bite-sized tools to explore their inner and outer worlds, created by licensed clinical therapists and a team of youth advisors. Our approach to self-discovery makes it easy for tweens and teens to develop self-awareness and learn emotional regulation skills, growing their confidence with each and every step.

]]> 5402 What’s the Science Behind Self-Discovery? https://lucerospeaks.com/whats-the-science-behind-self-discovery/ Thu, 27 Jul 2023 23:52:25 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/whats-the-science-behind-self-discovery/ Imagine the average adolescent. What qualities come to mind? You might think about big emotions, sensitivity, defiance, impulsivity, and maybe, just maybe, a hint of self-absorption. While there’s no such thing as a “typical” teen, research tells us that these traits show up for a good reason: they’re part of the process of individuation, or the creation of a sense of self that helps us navigate adulthood. According to Lisa Miller, PhD, “The self is the teen’s instrument for knowing the world – Who I am, what I feel and perceive, what I want and value.”

Self-awareness is a critical developmental milestone, so Lucero creates opportunities for tweens and teens to have fun discovering who they are, what matters most to them, and how to practice self-care and self-regulation. Here’s more about the science behind self-discovery:

1. Tweens and teens are wired for self-discovery.

Beginning at puberty, tweens get a big boost in neuroplasticity, and plasticity means potential. Research shows that brain processing and memory-forming power peak at age 18. Tweens and teens naturally become more curious, impulsive, sensitive, and self-conscious: qualities that encourage self-reflection and self-awareness. New ideas, people, and experiences are filtered through their emerging sense of self to be integrated or rejected. “It’s important for kids to be challenged and exposed to novelty in order to facilitate healthy development of brain systems that are important for things like self-regulation,” says Lawrence Steinberg, PhD.

2. Risks and mistakes are part of the process.

As curiosity, sensitivity, and attraction to adventure grow in teens, “these developmental aptitudes for discovery also bring elevated risk,” says Dr. Miller. Take a deep breath, parents and caregivers: Mistakes are part of self-discovery. “The way that the adolescent brain responds to the world has a lot to do with the impulsive, irrational, and wrongheaded decisions teens seem to make so frequently,” says Frances Jensen, PhD. Adolescence brings both increased independence and the need for guidance and guardrails. Tools like Lucero help tweens and teens make decisions based on self-awareness and learn from those inevitable mistakes.

3. Self-discovery helps them find their “Why.”

As tweens and teens set out on the adventure of self-discovery, they’re also on a quest for purpose. This is the perfect time to engage about what matters most to them and what motivates their choices. Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan says, “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity… Embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” Remember, though, that pressure to find purpose can backfire by feeling overwhelming to tweens and teens. Keep the emphasis on exploration, not the destination.

4. Self-discovery supports mental health and overall well-being. In the teenage brain, research finds increased communication between the reward-seeking striatum and the memory-storing hippocampus. That means that tweens and teens are more sensitive and impressionable to learning that provides rewarding outcomes. Lucero’s approach to self-care and self-regulation harnesses this science through gamification. When self-discovery is fun and accessible, tweens and teens are more likely to embrace the tools and store them in their long-term memory, thus building a foundation for lifelong well-being.

Want to share the adventure of self-discovery with the tweens and teens in your life? Lucero’s wellness app is a gamified, bite-sized approach to self-discovery with content that’s co-created by licensed therapists and a team of youth collaborators. The Journey feature invites users on a voyage to Mente Island. Along the way, they develop social-emotional learning skills, build self-awareness, and shape their emerging identity every step of the way.

]]> 5380 5 Keys to Your Teen Finding Their Purpose https://lucerospeaks.com/5-keys-to-your-teen-finding-their-purpose/ Mon, 19 Dec 2022 09:45:47 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/5-keys-to-your-teen-finding-their-purpose/ Not so long ago, researchers thought a sense of purpose was only important for adults. Now they agree that purpose is critical for teens, too. Recent studies show that teens with a sense of purpose benefit from better mental and physical health, a more positive self-image, and an easier transition to adulthood.

“Purpose is not just the domain of older adults,” says Anthony L. Burrow of Cornell University. “Purpose is a developmental asset, and the earlier we start to cultivate it, the better off we are.” But while teens are developmentally wired to seek purpose, embracing a purpose-driven mindset takes tools and support. Here are our top five key concepts to help you instill a sense of purpose in your teen:

  • Purpose is an intention, not a goal. 

Burrow says purpose is better defined as a long-range intention rather than a goal that can be accomplished. “Wanting to be a father is a goal because it is achievable. But to be a great father is more of an intention than an achievement. On some days, one might come closer to the ideal than others, but it is never a completed task.” Teens who understand their purpose as a journey learn that lots of different paths can lead them there, and even mistakes and failures contribute valuable lessons. This outlook reminds teens that it’s not about what they accomplish; it’s about becoming the kind of person they want to be. Purpose is always a work in progress.

  • Purpose is part of their identity. 

The teenage years are the perfect time to set out in search of purpose, says Project Wayfinder founder Patrick Cook-Deegan, because “the development of purpose is intricately woven with the development of identity. Thus embarking on a voyage of discovering one’s purpose is critical during the adolescent years.” But too much pressure to discover their purpose can backfire by making teens feel like they’re falling short. Parents can help teens see their adolescence as an adventure, with each new experience contributing to their understanding of what makes life most meaningful and who they are becoming along the way.

  • Purpose is not just personal. 

Researchers agree that a sense of purpose is most motivating when it includes being of service to others. \”People don\’t worry about the right things,\” says Stanford psychologist William Damon. \”The biggest problem growing up today is not actually stress; it\’s meaninglessness.\” Teens can find meaning by getting involved in causes that matter to them, volunteering, joining clubs, sharing their creative gifts, and lending a hand at home or in the community. These acts serve as an antidote to stress and anxiety by teaching teens how to take action, solve problems, build empathy, and feel gratitude for their own abilities and circumstances. And teens who volunteer often discover lifelong passions that lead them to their purpose.

  • Mentors matter. 

Teens benefit by being surrounded by purpose-driven adults. Parents, teachers, community leaders, and others with a strong sense of purpose model what a meaningful life looks like and show teens that there are lots of different ways to achieve and thrive. Parents can help by talking about personal values, making time for their own passions, and starting conversations about what makes life fulfilling and joyful. Talk to your teen about your own path to purpose, including mistakes you made and lessons you learned. And, if your teen has a particular passion, introduce them to adults who share it and can provide mentorship.

  • Every moment is an opportunity. 

When teens talk about discovering purpose, some moments stand out. Patrick Cook-Deegan says purpose is often crystalized for young people when they’re traveling abroad, spending extended time in nature, getting involved in a social change project, or establishing a contemplative practice like mindfulness. Parents can ensure that their teens have diverse opportunities to explore and engage with the world, then help them reflect on what they’ve learned about themselves. As researcher Cortland Dahl says, living with purpose “is actually what happens in between these memorable moments. It happens in the countless small steps we take every day. As we see in the lives of the most inspiring figures of human history… every moment is an opportunity.”

]]> 3531 Cultivating Teen Resilience https://lucerospeaks.com/cultivating-teen-resilience/ Wed, 23 Nov 2022 18:57:27 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/cultivating-teen-resilience/ \"\"The teen years are a time of nonstop changes and challenges for both teens and their parents. Resilience helps teens navigate the ups and downs of adolescence and bounce back from adversity. Lucky for parents, it’s a skill that can be learned, and researchers have identified the seven strengths that lead to teen resilience. Here, we offer some ideas to consider for cultivating teen resilience.

Social skills

One of the most critical aspects of teen resilience is social support: the feeling that they are loved, cared for, and belong with others. As teens navigate new levels of independence and responsibility, social skills empower them to take care of the relationships that matter most. Such skills include communicating clearly, listening with empathy, and resolving conflict. Parents can help by modeling emotional openness and clear, compassionate communication. Put feelings first– ask your teen, for example, what they think another person might have been feeling during a difficult moment. Practice active listening, and when conflict comes up, stay calm and solution-focused.

Optimism 

Optimistic teens expect positive outcomes and feel hopeful about the future, giving them a big boost in resilience. Some teens are naturally more likely to look on the sunny side, but all teens can learn how to think more positively. Help your teen develop an optimistic attitude by practicing positivity together. Gratitude is one of the most powerful pathways to optimism, so share what you feel grateful for when you sit down to a meal together or keep a daily gratitude list. Reframing negative self-talk also helps teens retrain their brains to prioritize positive thoughts and emotions.

Purpose 

A 2018 study found that teens who scored high for having a sense of purpose “were resilient enough to look past the present challenges and envision a positive future.” Teens can find purpose in relationships, their spiritual life, causes they care about, or working towards future goals. You can help your teen discover what makes life meaningful for them by talking about their personal values and supporting them in finding their passions. Make sure they know that purpose is a process; in fact, part of their purpose can be enjoying the adventure of learning about themselves, trying new things, and discovering unexpected gifts, strengths, and sources of inspiration.

An attachment to family, to school and learning 

Resilient teens feel supported by their families and schools, which helps them embrace learning even when it’s tough. Many of the qualities included in resilience are also associated with a growth mindset: the belief that skills and intelligence improve with effort and that persistence pays off. Teens who think this way tend to embrace challenges and bounce back quickly from perceived failures. You can support your teen in developing a growth mindset by praising them for effort and courage, giving them the tools to practice self-compassion, and encouraging them to step outside their comfort zone and take risks that help them grow.

Problem-solving skills 

A big part of resilience is dealing with problems proactively. Resilient teens are creative and capable when faced with a setback, and don’t expect others to solve their problems for them. Sometimes the best way to help your teen solve problems is by taking a step back: support them in making decisions and taking action, but let them take the lead. Help them think through their options and understand what they can and can’t control. And consider asking for their advice when you’re facing a problem of your own. That helps teens understand how to make tough decisions and take responsibility.

An effective coping style

Resilient teens know how to manage feelings of distress, frustration, and disappointment. Help your teen understand what their go-to coping style is. Some healthy ways of coping include humor, seeking support, relaxation, physical activity, and adjusting expectations. Less-healthy coping involves denial, self-blame, or venting. Teens can evaluate the effectiveness of different techniques and develop positive methods of coping, like learning to check in with their emotions, practicing self-care, and asking for help when they need it.

A positive self-image

Teens with poor self-esteem may feel like the world is out to get them. Teens with a positive self-image are likely to understand that everyone faces difficulties at times, and that whatever they’re going through doesn’t reflect their value as a person. Help your teen maintain their self-worth by letting them know you love, accept, and support them unconditionally.

And know that all the previous resilience-building tools – like learning social, problem-solving, and coping skills – also grow their self-esteem by helping them feel prepared. Resilient teens know that they can bounce back no matter what happens. When they see themselves as strong, they’re truly ready to take on the world!

]]> 3250 The Benefits of Volunteering for Teens https://lucerospeaks.com/the-benefits-of-volunteering-for-teens/ Thu, 17 Nov 2022 21:45:19 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/the-benefits-of-volunteering-for-teens/ Volunteering is on the decline among teens, according to a recent study by the University of Maryland’s Do Good Institute. Researchers say many factors contribute, including busier school and extracurricular schedules, families relocating more frequently and the rise in social media and online communities. It may be hard to find time to get involved, but teens who volunteer get big benefits like transferable life and job skills, increases in empathy and self-esteem, and a sense of purpose that protects their mental health. Here are five ways volunteering can make your teen’s life more meaningful:

Volunteering increases teens’ self-esteem.

Teens who spend time helping strangers get a big boost in self-esteem and self-confidence, according to a study published in the Journal of Adolescence. Teens who agreed with statements like \”I help people I don\’t know, even if it\’s not easy for me,\” and \”I voluntarily help my neighbors,\” also scored higher on questions related to self-esteem. Researchers say when teens go outside their comfort zone to help someone they don’t know, it boosts both altruism and self-assuredness. The study’s author Laura Padilla-Walker says, “Helping a stranger is more challenging than assisting a friend, and when teens take this risk, they feel more competent.”

Volunteering strengthens college applications.

Does volunteering really make a difference on college applications? In a recent survey, 58% of college admissions personnel said Yes. They agreed that “a student’s community service experience has a positive impact on his or her acceptance to our higher education institution.” Fifty-three percent said community service is a deciding factor between equally qualified students. But admissions officers aren’t just interested in what teens have done– they also want to know what teens have learned and how volunteering has impacted their worldview. The most valued volunteer experiences are those that showcase a teen’s initiative, leadership skills, capacity for teamwork, and personal growth.

Volunteering helps teens discover their purpose.

Having a sense of purpose, and even searching for purpose, protects teens’ mental health by helping them feel more hopeful, positive and satisfied with their lives. Researcher Kendall Cotton Bronk says teens most often start to develop a sense of purpose when at least one of three ingredients is present: an important life event, serving others in a meaningful way, or changes in life circumstances. Volunteering can open up all these opportunities and more. It encourages exploration, introduces teens to unfamiliar places, people, and viewpoints, and empowers them to take action. Teens who are making a difference are also developing their personal values and beliefs and figuring out what motivates them: all factors that help them discover their purpose.

Volunteering teaches teens real-world skills.

Leadership. Time management. Critical thinking. Problem solving. Volunteering teaches teens transferable skills that prepare them for college, jobs and other adult-level responsibilities. Teens can try out different careers, volunteer with organizations and individuals in a variety of fields, and get to know their own interests, likes and dislikes. Volunteering is also a great way for teens to meet potential mentors, start building their networks and make connections in the community. And as teens learn practical skills and acquire experience, they grow in both competence and confidence.

Volunteering increases empathy.

Ever heard of Selfie Syndrome? According to Michele Borba, researcher and author of Unselfie, teens today are 40% less empathetic than they were thirty years ago. Too much virtual reality can lead teens to become more isolated and self-focused. Borba says empathy is the antidote, and it can be taught and nurtured through volunteering. Teens who volunteer learn critical prosocial skills like helping, sharing, and resolving conflict. Immersed in realities that may be very different from their own, they learn to look at the world through the eyes of others. And Dr. Borba says that increasing empathy isn’t just beneficial to society: “A healthy sense of empathy is a key predictor of which kids will thrive and succeed in the future.”

]]> 3001 How to Help Teens Manage Emotions https://lucerospeaks.com/how-to-help-teens-manage-emotions/ Tue, 25 Oct 2022 17:16:51 +0000 https://lucerospeaks.com/how-to-help-teens-manage-emotions/
A day in the life of a teenager can feel like an emotional rollercoaster– for them and for their parents. Teens sometimes shift rapidly from elation to frustration, excitement to anxiety, and joy to despair, and those feelings are often complex and confusing. Emotional intensity is normal during adolescence, says psychologist Erik Nook, and so is “more murkiness in what emotions one is feeling.” But with a few simple tools, teens can learn to self-regulate when their feelings run away with them. Here are our six top techniques to help teens navigate the emotional highs, lows, twists and turns.
1. Practice Bubble Breathing
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, a network of nerves that helps the body relax after periods of stress. Taking deep, slow breaths immediately lowers the heart rate, releases muscle tension, and delivers oxygen to the brain, so teens feel calmer and think more clearly. Teach teens to try bubble breathing as soon as they notice they’re feeling dysregulated: Breathe in slowly through your nose for 4 seconds. Then breathe out slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds, imagining that you’re blowing a big bubble. Repeat as many times as you need to feel more relaxed and in control.
 
2. Label Your Emotions
Emotional differentiation – the ability to separate and identify different emotions – is associated with better mental health and more positive coping strategies. A recent study found that teens demonstrate less emotional differentiation than younger children or adults, probably because our emotions get more complex as we get older but it takes time for the brain to develop the skills of self-regulation. Differentiation starts with “naming and claiming” emotions. Help your teen master this skill by giving them a rich vocabulary to describe their feelings. The Periodic Table of Human Emotions poster is a fun way to help teens articulate exactly what they’re feeling.
 
3. Ask “What’s the Message?”
Emotions are messages, and all emotions – even the difficult ones – are valuable. Remind your teen of all the ways emotions guide us and provide information: They help us understand when a boundary has been crossed or a situation isn’t safe. They allow us to empathize and connect with others, and let us know when we need to have compassion for ourselves. Teach teens that once they know what they’re feeling, they can ask themselves, “What’s the message here?” When the message behind an emotion is clear, teens make decisions about how to act from a more empowered place.
 
4. Remember: You’re Not Your Feelings
Think about how we usually express emotions: “I’m so happy!” or “I’m angry right now.” When feelings run high, it’s easy to feel like we are whatever emotion we’re experiencing. Teens need to know that they are much more than their emotions. To remind them, teach them this mindfulness metaphor: Watch how your feelings come and go like the weather. Some days the sky is sunny and sometimes it’s stormy. But behind the weather, it’s always calm, still, and peaceful. You are like the sky, and your emotions are like the weather.
 
5. Vent the Right Way
Mad, stressed, or anxious teens often want to let it all out, but venting can make the situation worse if it’s not done in the right way. Psychologist Jill Suttie says “encouraging people to act out their anger makes them relive it in their bodies, strengthening the neural pathways for anger and making it easier to get angry the next time around… the same is true of grief or anxiety following trauma… If we simply relive our experience without finding some way to soothe ourselves or find meaning, it could extend our suffering.” Teens need to learn how to calm chaotic emotions, stay focused on solutions, avoid amplifying drama, and talk to someone they trust to help them work it out.
 
6. Affirm Your Strengths, Values and Purpose
When emotions are all over the place, teens need to know they have a solid foundation that doesn\’t shift. Grounding can be found in remembering their positive qualities and all the things that make their lives meaningful. Research shows that writing down affirmations about core values, sense of purpose, and personal strengths improves self-esteem and self-regulation. Encourage your teen to make a list that includes five things that give them purpose, their top five values, and five strengths they appreciate in themselves, then post it where they’ll see it often. When they feel overwhelmed by emotions, reading the list will help them find their footing. 
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